//------------------------------// // 6 – Communication // Story: In Pieces // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Six Communication ⠀ ⠀ The awkward thing about the wedding being hosted at the castle was that the brides had no way to get away from everypony once the reception was over. Most of the guests knew better than to overstay their welcome, but as always there were a few who just couldn’t tell when the party was over, and Twilight and Fluttershy were far too polite to say anything. Sunset probably would have, but she clearly wasn’t willing to risk having the two of them upset with her for kicking out their guests on their wedding night. In the end, Amber wound up dropping some pretty big hints to the last of the stragglers before just outright suggesting that the newlyweds must be tired after their big day. Twilight almost blew it by not getting the hint, but Sunset and Fluttershy definitely caught it. It was hard to tell whether or not Twilight ever caught on, but she wound up following them up to bed all the same. It was well into the night by the time the final guests left, but at least they had the decency to help with the cleanup. Amber herself was staying a few more nights at the castle, leaving the same morning that Sunset, Twilight, and Fluttershy left for their honeymoon. Since Twilight Velvet and Night Light had sent Spike to bed – a wedding was not a good enough reason for a growing dragon to stay up too late, it seemed – it was just the three of them remaining downstairs. “So are you off to bed then, Amber?” Night Light asked. “Eh, soon enough.” Amber shrugged. “I kinda like being up at night.” Night Light gestured towards the kitchen. “In that case, would you care to join us for tea then?” Twilight Velvet chuckled at Amber’s confused expression. “Our jobs wound up giving us pretty strange sleep schedules.” Amber smirked. “A trait that rubbed off on Twilight.” Twilight Velvet sighed. “And Spike too, although at least now he has Fluttershy to try and keep him on a better schedule.” “Bah, being up during the day is overrated,” Amber said. “And I’d love to join you for tea, thanks.” She followed them into the kitchen, then sat at a table next to Twilight Velvet while Night Light worked on making tea for the three of them. “Some day, huh?” Amber asked, grinning. “Must’ve been pretty interesting for you two.” Twilight Velvet closed her eyes and smiled. “Simply put, it’s amazing.” She turned to her husband and they lovingly looked into one another’s eyes for a moment. “Three weddings now. The three happiest days of my life.” Night Light nodded. “Of course Sunset’s been part of the family for years, wedding or not. But I for one am glad that they decided to go through with the ceremony, even if it’s not legally binding.” Twilight was lucky. It had to be nice, having parents who were so supportive of her. Amber just hoped she understood how lucky she was. “Wonder what everypony will make of that one.” Twilight Velvet’s blissful smile faded a little. “Yes, I’m worried about that as well.” Night Light sighed. “To be honest, I’m more concerned about what they’ll say about Sunset’s crown. I can’t help but think she’d be better off without that on her plate.” “It’ll be tough,” Amber said, frowning. “There’s already too many ponies who don’t even acknowledge Fluttershy as a princess. I mean, I’m thrilled about Princess Sunset, but you’re right. I don’t think Luna did her any favors with that.” Twilight Velvet chuckled. “Oh, they’ll be alright. All three of them are strong, and together they’re unstoppable. I think Princess Luna knew what she was doing.” “She usually does,” Night Light said. He took a seat while waiting for the tea. “Kind of miss working under her. Not that we saw each other too much, but it was always interesting when she came into the office.” Amber grinned sheepishly. “It’s… really weird to think of her as your boss.” Night Light laughed. “Yeah, I can see why. Actually, when I first heard about you I was pretty shocked. She’s somepony I look up to as many years my senior, and you can’t be much older than Twilight.” “Uh…” Amber glanced downward and traced a hoof around the table. “I’m… actually younger than her. I was nineteen when I met Luna.” Night Light seemed surprised by the news, but Twilight Velvet laughed. “I guess once you’re as old as her, age difference doesn’t mean quite as much. What’s another twenty years on top of two thousand?” It was actually over three, but Amber didn’t point that out. Nopony knew exactly how old the Sisters were except for themselves and Amber. “That’s pretty much how I see it.” “Yes, of course,” Night Light said. “Sorry, you’d probably rather talk about something else.” “Oh, no, it’s okay,” Amber insisted. “There’s no hard feelings between us or anything.” “That’s good to hear,” Night Light said. “I guess I should’ve figured as much. You two seemed pretty close at the wedding.” “Yeah, that’s us whenever we get together.” Amber grinned and laughed, but she didn’t really feel it. Who knew when the next time she’d get to see Luna would be? When Luna had said she wanted to remain friends, Amber thought she would return to some level of normalcy. She was still trying to get used to life with a coltfriend, and desperately wanted to keep Luna involved in her life in whatever way she could. But things never went back to normal. Luna was often too busy to spend time with her, and okay, she was a princess. But that wasn’t a problem they’d often run into before. They had the journals, but if Amber didn’t write first, they never used them. When she told all her other friends that she wasn’t traveling anymore, they’d all tried to convince her to change her mind, or at least had shown some kind of unhappiness. Luna had nodded and said it was understandable. All in all, it made Amber wonder what Luna had really wanted out of their friendship. The whistle of the tea kettle shook Amber from her thoughts. Rising from his seat, Night Light poured them each a cup then lowered the heat so it was just enough to keep the remaining tea warm. He levitated each of their cups over, and Amber smiled at Twilight Velvet’s motherly reminder not to burn herself. “So what are you up to these days?” Twilight Velvet asked while they all let their tea cool. “Fluttershy said you live in Fillydelphia.” “Yeah, I uh, I moved to be closer to my family. Mostly my little brother.” As awkward as bringing up her family was, it was still preferable to telling them she was unemployed. “That’s sweet,” Twilight Velvet said. She was the first brave enough to test her tea, although she then set it aside to cool further. “How old is he?” “Thirteen.” Amber smiled. “Thankfully he’s not all super moody. Or does that just come later? What do you think, should I be worried?” They both chuckled. “Well, none of our kids did anything too out there,” Night Light said. “I think everypony gets a little emotional at that age, but I certainly wouldn’t say there’s anything to be worried about. Most teenagers just want a little space and to not be treated like a kid.” Well that was certainly not a concern. If anything, Amber always worried she treated her brother too much like an adult. “Yeah, I can’t imagine Twilight, Spike, or Shining ever being anything but perfect little angels.” “Well, I wouldn’t say they never got into trouble,” Twilight Velvet said, smiling. “But yes, for the most part they’ve always been any parent’s dream.” “I bet. That actually sounds like Fox Glove. I went through the whole rebellious phase, but he’s a good kid.” Twilight Velvet tapped her chin. “You know, I remember seeing you and Princess Luna together at Twilight and Fluttershy’s wedding. You had a colt with you, didn’t you?” Amber nodded. “Yup, that was Foxy. He really wanted to come to this one too, but it would’ve been impossible to get my parents to agree to it.” “I see.” Twilight Velvet blew on her tea one last time before beginning to take small sips of it. “I take it they’re not big fans of polyamory?” “That’s… a bit of an understatement.” Amber tested her own tea. Still quite hot, but cool enough for small sips. “Or same-sex marriage, gay ponies in general, and any princesses besides Celestia.” Although Amber expected Twilight’s parents to be upset that her parents had a whole list of reasons to look down on their daughter and her wives, they didn’t seem concerned with that part in the slightest. “Oh you poor dear,” Twilight Velvet said, placing her hoof atop Amber’s. Night Light frowned, and his voice was also full of concern. “I suppose it goes without saying that they know about you and Luna, considering all the gossip magazines.” Amber set her tea down and folded her forelegs. “You know, they’ve actually never even mentioned them. I know they don’t really read those types of magazines, but they must have seen them somewhere over the two years we were… whatever we were together.” Although she knew that should be a good thing, it always bothered her. It was as if they simply didn’t care enough to bring up the obvious issue, so long as she played the part they wanted her to. They both looked at each other, seemingly trying to figure out which part of Amber’s statement they wanted to address. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Night Light said. “You’ve talked with them about it?” Amber sighed. “Yeah, came out to them at seventeen. Didn’t go so well. Kicked out of the house until I came back and told them it was just a phase.” At that Twilight Velvet’s demeanor changed completely. Her eyes went wide for a moment, then narrowed as her jaw clenched. “Seventeen? That is far too young. There’s no excuse for something like that, it’s –” She stopped as Night Light placed a hoof on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and softened her expression. “I’m sorry, dear. Of course you don’t need to hear all that. It’s just so frustrating to imagine…” Night Light rested his chin on his hooves. “I’m sure you know, but we had… a bit of a disagreement when Twilight told us about Sunset. It took some time, but we realized we were wrong. I can only hope your parents do the same some day, for their sake as well as yours. It would be a pity if they missed out on having you in their lives.” Amber had to smile at that. “Aww, thanks. And I hope so. The whole time I was living on my own, I mostly just thought about Fox Glove. But now that I’m back, I realize how much I missed them too.” “Hmm.” Night Light smiled encouragingly. “You know, if you ever decide you do want to try and be open with them again, that sounds like exactly the type of thing you should tell them. Could be that they realized how much they missed you, too.” Had things been different in the three years since she moved back than they were before she left home? Amber couldn’t tell. They definitely felt different, but that could just be because of her own emotions and how much she’d grown up during the time in between. “Maybe.” As much as it wasn’t a particularly pleasant conversation, she was glad they had got onto the subject of her parents. Of the few ponies she trusted enough to be open with, most just parroted the same advice about how she should move out, and even ponies like Sunset who understood why she wouldn’t always took it as a given that she’d hate her parents. But Twilight Velvet and Night Light were nothing if not worldly. They genuinely understood how difficult the situation was, and Amber appreciated it more than she could say. It made her wonder if they could help her with her other problem too. “So, uh… did Luna ever mention me?” She tried to sound casual, but knew it was anything but a casual question. From the look he gave her, Night Light knew it as well. “No, but our relationship was always purely professional. And even at that, she usually was too busy to come into the office herself. I saw more of her aides than I did of her.” “Yeah, that makes sense.” Something must have shown on her face, or maybe it was just obvious in general, because Twilight Velvet smiled sadly and said, “You still love her, don’t you.” Normally this was where Amber would deny that she ever actually loved Luna. Love was a strong word, after all, and who needed to be tied down by labels like that? “I… I don’t know.” “You should talk to her about it,” Twilight Velvet said. “It definitely looked like she’s still in love with you.” Amber sighed. “I know how we looked at the wedding, but most ponies don’t realize that’s just how Luna is. Maybe not with everypony, but I’m not the only one, and she definitely doesn’t have feelings for everypony she’s affectionate with.” Twilight Velvet smiled and inclined her head. “Oh, I don’t think that was all there was to it.” “She fell asleep cuddling Fluttershy once,” Amber said. Twilight Velvet and Night Light exchanged surprised looks. “They woke up to find Sunset had joined them. Apparently Twilight took one look and just kept walking.” She tactfully left out that the only reason she knew this story was because Luna had been venting that out of the three, Twilight had to be the one who couldn’t enjoy some platonic cuddling. “Well, that’s… not actually as surprising as it should be,” Twilight Velvet said. “But in any event it’s clear she cares about you a lot.” “Yeah, I guess.” Amber drank some of her tea, finding it was finally cool enough to not worry about burning herself. She set down her cup to see both of them were looking at her skeptically, and realized she would be better off giving a full explanation. “Okay, so here’s the thing. Me and Luna weren’t ever dating, we were just friends who were a little overly friendly with one another. At first that was cool, but then I did kind of wind up falling for her. And by kind of, I mean totally head over hooves. So then I find out she’s still sleeping with other ponies, which is totally in line with our agreement at the time, but I felt super weird so I ended things. “But nowadays, it’s like… sometimes she still acts exactly the way she did back then, but other times she’s just so distant. I stopped sleeping with her, so she stopped being as friendly to me? Except not always, because sometimes she still acts like I’m somepony super important to her. How am I supposed to interpret that, you know?” Twilight Velvet took hold of Night Light’s hoof and smiled at him, so he smiled back at her. “Amber dear, we just celebrated our thirty-fifth anniversary.” Although she didn’t know where that came from, Amber grinned excitedly all the same. “Holy smokes, that’s amazing. Congratulations!” “Thank you.” Twilight Velvet nodded. “Do you know what the secret to staying together for as long as we have is?” “Smiling and saying ‘of course, honey’ a lot?” “Communication,” Twilight Velvet answered. “That was gonna be my next guess.” “She’s right, of course,” Night Light said. “It sounds like you and Princess Luna need to have a talk. Really, it sounds like you two should have talked years ago.” Easier said than done. “But… what do I even say to her? She’s seriously wicked good at saying exactly the right thing at the right time. She could probably dodge any question I throw at her.” “Tell her that you want an honest answer,” Night Light said. “If you ask a direct question you’re much more likely to get a direct answer. Tell her you want to know what you mean to her, and what she wants from your friendship. If talking one on one doesn’t work, you can always bring in another pony. Like you said, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Sunset are all close with her, and if anypony can match Princess Luna in directing a conversation, it’s Sunset.” “You could also write to her,” Twilight Velvet suggested. “It may not be as personal as a face-to-face conversation, but you’ll be on more equal ground. It can be a lot easier to figure out a response, or to say something that would be hard to say out loud.” Parental advice was truly a wonderful thing, even if she had to borrow somepony else’s parents. “You know, I’m not surprised to hear you two have been together for thirty-five years. You definitely know your stuff.” “We’re more than happy to help, dear,” Twilight Velvet said, smiling contentedly. Amber took a deep breath. “Too bad I blew a perfectly good chance to talk to her today. I probably won’t get another chance for like another year, based on how things have been going.” “Well, there’s always the journal,” Twilight Velvet reminded her, “but don’t you have a few days before going back to Fillydelphia? You could try and arrange something before you leave.” “I do, but with her schedule it’d be pretty much impossible. Maybe if a train left right now I could get to Canterlot by the time she got off work in the morning, but it’s way too late for trains to still be departing.” Night Light smirked. “You do realize there’s another way to get to Canterlot, right?” “There is?” Amber asked, which caused them both to grin. “You could fly there,” Twilight Velvet said. “If you really want to talk to her, I mean.” Did she really want to talk to her? That was a silly question; she wanted to talk with Luna more than anything. But flying all the way to Canterlot? She’d never travelled any way other than train before. Ponyville and Canterlot weren’t far, relatively speaking, but she would be alone, in the middle of nowhere, without her security blanket on wheels to comfort her. Forget making it there in time, she’d be happy if she made it there alive. She couldn’t go, but what if she stayed? She’d never know what might have been. She desperately wanted Luna’s comfort, and not just as a love interest. She wanted her best friend, the one pony whom she could always count on for support and guidance. Not somepony whom she only talked to once every four months. She couldn’t go, and she couldn’t stay. Time to choose. “Thank you both so much, you have no idea how great you two are.” Amber drank the last of her tea quickly, then stood up. “Tell the others I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, and that I’ll be sure to write to them ASAP.” “Will do,” Night Light said. “And be careful out there.” “Wait.” Twilight Velvet stood up and filled a bottle with water for her. “It’s not too far to Canterlot, but you should be prepared.” Amber grinned. “Thanks, again.” Twilight Velvet pulled her into a hug. “Now remember, you can fly from the castle straight to Canterlot, right over the Unicorn Range. There’s no need to do anything foalish like fly over the forest, and even at night the lights of Canterlot are visible the whole way.” After hugging Night Light as well and assuring them both that she’d be careful, Amber gathered the few things she’d brought with her and walked out onto a balcony. Sure enough, Canterlot was dimly visible in the distance. She took a deep breath, spread her wings, and flew into the night. Amber had barely left Ponyville before she started wondering if she had lost her damn mind. By the time she had to take a break from flying for the second time, she was sure she was going to die. And by the time she finally flew into Canterlot, she was debating what the first thing she was going to do when she saw Luna was. She narrowed it down to either uncontrollable sobbing or assault. This was Luna’s fault, after all, because of reasons she would decide while waiting for her to be finished with her work. She didn’t land so much as fall onto Luna’s balcony. She was lying on the ground, trying to catch her breath, when she noticed four grey legs clad in purple gaiters. “Amber Glow,” Nocturn said, by way of greeting. It was as friendly as he ever was with anypony. “Nocturn,” she replied. She had planned to say more, but was still having trouble breathing. “Just… give me a minute…” He waited around a moment before sighing and flying to another balcony. Amber was baffled, but she didn’t have the energy to think about it. Really, she’d be better off entering Luna’s room while she had the chance, because she had no idea how to explain herself if Nocturn returned or any of Luna’s other guards caught her loitering around. She didn’t even make the attempt, and instead she just lay down and clutched her sides. “Drink.” Amber looked up to see Nocturn had returned, and he’d brought a thermos with him. She took it and nodded her appreciation, then drank it all in one go. She’d drunk the water Twilight Velvet had given her on the first stop. “Thanks,” Amber said, finally pushing herself into a sitting position. She gave him back the empty thermos and tried to settle on an explanation for her presence. “Is there anything else I can get for you, Amber Glow?” Or maybe that would happen. “I, uh, I think I’ll be okay,” she said in between pants. He nodded, then started to walk away. Apparently thinking better of it, he stopped and turned back towards her after a few steps. “Will you be okay on your own?” The royal guard were known for being completely impassive, and yet Nocturn was still looking at her with concern. ‘I must look worse than I thought.’ She did her best to level out her expression. “I just need to lie down a bit.” Nocturn bowed his head. “As you say.” Amber stepped towards Luna’s room, but stopped. She knew better, that if Nocturn was going to just let her in then she shouldn’t question it. It was just so strange though, she couldn’t help herself. “Hey, uh, was Luna expecting me or something?” “She made no mention of your arrival to me.” “Oh, uh, okay.” That made sense, in that Luna wouldn’t have any way of knowing she was coming, but it didn’t, in that he should then be stopping her entrance. “So… okay, I probably should just leave this be, but like… you’re just going to let me go into her room?” He looked at her strangely but made no move to do anything. “I can think of no reason not to. Princess Luna has explicitly informed us that you have permission to come and go freely, with or without her presence.” “Really, she – oh! You mean five years ago?” Nocturn nodded. “Yes. She didn’t give a time limit, and has never rescinded the order.” Amber grinned. She might have been getting by on a technicality, but she’d take it. “Right, okay then. Well, thanks for checking on me, and for the water.” Nocturn bowed his head, and flew off as Amber entered the room. It was empty, which wasn’t surprising. Luna would be busy at work for another hour or two. Figuring it was a chance to get at least a little sleep before the encounter, Amber collapsed onto Luna’s bed. She’d barely even noticed how laborious her breathing had become until the weight finally lifted from her chest. She clung tightly to Luna’s pillow and closed her eyes, letting go only to cover herself in Luna’s blanket. Everything smelled like her, and all of Amber’s worries disappeared into the night. There was some sort of scratching noise. Initially, Amber hadn’t even noticed it. But slowly it worked its way further into her perception, and she realized that she was no longer alone. She always hated waking, but even so she was finding it especially hard. There was no way to tell how long she had slept – the curtains on Luna’s windows were never opened during the day, so she couldn’t judge based on the sun’s position – but she could tell it hadn’t been long enough. There was a mild burning sensation in her eyes as they begged her to close them again. She ignored it, and groggily turned her head toward the scratching noise. “Luna?” The only light was a soft glow coming from somewhere Amber couldn’t identify, but Luna’s form was unmistakable. She was sitting at a desk, and the scratching noise had been her writing something. She set the quill down and smiled. “I apologize if I have woken you.” Amber blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes. There was something comforting in the knowledge that she could just show up unannounced and sleep in Luna’s bed without causing enough concern for Luna to wake her up. Still, she had to be wondering why Amber was there. “I… I wanted to talk to you.” Amber pulled aside the blanket and sat on the edge of the bed. “I must admit that I assumed you did,” Luna said playfully. “I am aware my bed is quite comfortable, but this would be the first time that somepony has visited it instead of me.” “Yeah, but… I wanted to talk. Like, not just see you, but to really have a chance to talk.” “Very well.” Luna stood up and walked over to the bed, taking a seat next to Amber. “What would you like to talk about?” “I don’t know,” Amber said, though in fact she knew too many things. How could she possibly pick one, when she knew that Luna probably didn’t have much time? True, she had originally come to talk about their friendship, but there were so many things. “I see,” Luna said. “We talked about Fox Glove at the wedding, unless there’s something else concerning him?” “No, Foxy’s great.” “The rest of your family, then?” Amber hesitated. True, that was a lot more complicated, but she didn’t think there was anything Luna could do to help her with there. “Not really. Pretty much the same as always.” Luna nodded. “Is there perhaps something else back in Fillydelphia which has been causing you trouble?” Where to start? More and more she was feeling frustrated with her city and the ponies in it. Although, if she was being fair, she was sure the narrow-minded opinions existed in every city. She almost passed on that topic too, but there was something. Something she hadn’t told anypony but her brother yet. “Caramel proposed to me.” Luna remained unfazed, continuing to watch Amber even though she herself wasn’t meeting Luna’s eyes. “I see. And did you answer?” Why was her tone always so neutral? Why couldn’t she just once show how she felt? “I told him… that I don’t know. That I needed to think about it.” “And have you found an answer?” Amber sighed and shook her head. “There’s only one real answer. He’s a great guy, and he’ll make a great husband.” She looked up to meet Luna’s eyes, determined to see how she reacted to her next comment. “Which is why I’m breaking up with him once I get back. He deserves to be with somepony who really loves him.” As she had been for three years, Luna remained impassive. “I am sorry to see you in this position, but I think this answer is better for the both of you.” Amber turned away. What had she expected? Happiness, excitement even? That Luna would smile and tell her that she had been waiting for three years to hear those words? “Yeah, I guess.” “I think you can rest easy concerning your parents. It has been over three years, surely they are convinced by now.” “Maybe.” They sat quietly for a while. At first, Luna kept her eyes on Amber, but eventually both of them found themselves looking elsewhere. Why had she thought this was a good idea? This was how things were between them now. On the rare occasions that they saw each other, they could have fun and play around like old times. But any conversation more serious? Amber may as well be talking to herself. After a while, Luna sighed. “Amber, would that I could give you my full attention, but I have many calls on my time. You are, as ever, free to stay in the castle as my guest for as long as you wish. Perhaps if you stay we might be able to talk again before you leave.” Perhaps, but they wouldn’t. It was just a way to mitigate her guilt while not actually committing herself to anything. Amber stood up and walked towards the balcony. “I’m sorry I keep wasting your time.” “You have not wasted my time,” Luna said. “And surely you do not mean to leave so soon? Nocturn tells me you flew in less than two hours ago. Surely you are far too exhausted to travel now?” Amber looked back and smiled. “Thanks, but don’t worry about me. I shouldn’t have come here anyway.” She opened the door and shielded her eyes to the bright light. While she waited for her eyes to adjust, Luna walked up behind her and gently closed the door. After the blinding light, the room seemed even darker. “Please, I did not mean to make you feel unwanted.” Not unwanted, just never wanted either. “Luna, it’s fine. I’ll just… maybe in like three months we can talk in the journal or something.” She felt like she was being a little unfair as she said it, and the feeling only worsened once Luna finally showed a reaction. Her ears folded down and she retracted back a step. “I… I am sorry.” “No, I am.” Amber held a hoof to her head and sighed. “That’s not fair, you’re really busy. I’m just… tired, I guess.” “Then stay.” Luna bowed her head, retaking the lost step towards Amber. “You are not expected back until tomorrow; you should rest here.” She was concerned, but she didn’t have time to talk. She never did. “I’d… I think it would be better if I return to Ponyville.” “I… see.” Luna hung her head. Was she upset? Did she want Amber to stay? “Will you at least allow me to arrange transportation for you?” It was too much. Amber was exasperated from trying to figure it all out. “What do you want, Luna?” Luna lifted her head, and looked into Amber’s eyes. “I should think it clear, I would like for you to rest in the castle.” “But just…” Amber took a deep breath. “I don’t understand. We can go months and you’ll barely talk to me, but then out of the blue you’ll spend all night writing to me. You never have time to meet up face to face, except when we do happen to see each other we’re close enough that everypony confuses us for lovers. I can fly all the bucking way to Canterlot to talk to you, and you still don’t have time. But ‘oh, don’t leave or anything, stick around so I can keep not bucking talking to you!’ ” Luna waited a moment to make sure Amber was finished, then held up a hoof as she spoke. “I am sorry if I made you feel underappreciated. You must know I treasure our friendship dearly.” “You can say that all you want, but it doesn’t make it true.” Amber shook her head. She should have taken Luna’s offer to let her arrange transportation. She never should have even come. “So, what? Should I just stop bothering? ‘Cause please, if that’s the case, let me know. I really don’t need somepony who’s only going to be a friend for a few days a year.” Luna bowed her head deeply. “I apologize, I have been unfair to you.” “I don’t want a bucking apology!” What did she want? Why was she doing all this? “I just… I want to know. I need an answer, a real one. Whatever it is, just please don’t keep dodging the question! What are we?” Amber dropped her tone. All the anger left her voice,  and was replaced with pleading. “Because, you know, I get it. You have a really important job, and we… we weren’t ever really a thing anyway. But if that’s what it is, if we’re just not as close as we were and won’t ever be, then… just let me know.” For a moment, Luna was quiet. When she did speak, her voice remained very calm, although she’d lost her impassiveness from before. She spoke not as the ever-ambivalent Princess of the Night, but as Luna. “Amber, I know you don’t want an apology, but I have not been fair to you, and for that I am sorry. The truth is that I would like nothing more than to be as close as we ever were, but I fear it is not the case, nor will it ever be. It has nothing to do with my title, nor with the distance, nor with your decision to hide your feelings towards mares. It simply is because of me, and who I am.” Amber snorted. “So that’s it? ‘It’s not you, it’s me’?” Luna kept her gaze trained on the floor. “I am sorry. I have answered your question directly, although I realize it is probably not the answer you had hoped for.” “Luna…” Looking at Luna’s pathetic expression should have made Amber feel sorry for her, or for herself. Instead she just felt angry again. “You’re so full of shit.” Luna winced at the accusation. She looked like she was about to talk, but Amber cut her off. “So, what about all the times we did talk? Because you sure didn’t feel distant then! How many nights have I stayed up until after the sunrise just because you were actually talking to me? And we’ll write to each other for hours, and I know you neglect your work to do it. So how am I both somepony who you’re not close with anymore, and somepony who you can periodically decide to put aside all your royal duties to talk with?” The muscles in Luna’s face grew tighter, and a harsh edge worked its way into her voice. “I am not perfect, Amber, and I never claimed to be. At times I too feel weak, and it is comforting to talk with somepony.” “So I was just the pony who happened to be awake?” Amber asked skeptically. “You know tons of ponies who are up all night, every night! This is just like when I first told you about Caramel; you just don’t want me to be close to you anymore!” “Yes.” Luna rose to her full height and frowned as she looked down at Amber. “That is what this is. I have chosen to no longer be close with you.” If Luna was trying to make herself look intimidating, it wasn’t working. Nopony could ever intimidate Amber less. “Well why the buck not!? Why do you have to push me away all the time!?” “Because you are going to die!” Luna stamped a hoof and spoke uncharacteristically forcefully. “You are going to die, and I am not! You wish to know what I want? If I were able, I would stop death from taking you. And make no mistake, that is no kindness. I would do this to you, and I would not ask your permission. I would do this, and you would hate me. Still, I would do this, because I know how it would end. Centuries would go by, and all your loved ones would turn to dust. You would watch your family and friends die out, and yet you would remain. You would watch babies enter the world, only to see them wither away. I would give you this life, and I would not spare it a second thought, because I know that in the end, when everyone else leaves you alone, you would return to me. You would be broken, and you would be lonely, and you would accept me if only because I would be the only one who could not abandon you. What do I want, Amber Glow? I want nothing you can ever give me.” They remained staring into each other’s eyes the whole time Luna spoke. When she finished, Amber shook her head and walked closer to Luna, with only one thought on her mind: AJ had been wrong. “You are, without a doubt, the most depressing pony I have ever met.” Whether it was because she was too drained to resist, or because she never would have offered any resistance in the first place, Luna fell onto the bed when Amber pushed her towards it. Neither of them spoke as Amber climbed in with her. She nudged Luna’s forelegs with her head, and Luna conceded, wrapping them around her. She used both forelegs and hindlegs to hold her close, the smaller mare fitting against her body like a puzzle piece, and she blanketed her with a wing, so Amber was completely surrounded by Luna. “Luna?” “Yes, Amber?” “I love you, too.”