Joe and Tiff had to leave earlier than expected. The drugstore refused to fill out her prescription due to state laws, and not having this medicine could have killed her. That's another nail on our nation's healthcare coffin. Before they left, Rose and I assured them that we'd come back for them and our parents once Rose and I had the wedding all planned out.
Before we left, I loaded up my eight gigabyte MP3 player with various tunes. Rose had a field day with the Pandora and Shoutcast services, not to mention SiriusXM while we went out.
I managed to convince my dad to take us to the grocery store so Rose and I can figure out what kinds of drinks to get for our friends in Equestria. She became a master with the masking spell while she was here, so it was easy for her to blend in. It wasn't cheap, but we got some good stuff to take with us. I assumed Twilight and Rarity weren't big on hard liquor, so we got them bottles of red and white wines respectively; whiskey for Applejack; cake flavored vodka for Pinkie; crème de banana for Fluttershy, as it had a low alcohol content; and some spiced rum for Rainbow Dash.
With the liquor paid for, we went back home and we packed it all into a couple of paper bags with a bunch of plastic bags to prevent any damage done to the bottles.
With the last bottle in the bag, I looked to Rose with a smile on my face. “So. Are you ready to head out?” She nodded excitedly and I cleared my throat. “Discord, Discord, Discord!”
The draconequus appeared in a blinding light and laughed. “Did somebody call?”
“Discord.” I said, smiling as I walked up to him.
As I stood in front of him, he gave me a crushing hug. “It's certainly good to see you're alright. I'll never let those amateurs send you back again.”
With a grunt, I turned my head to face my parents. “Mom… dad… this is Discord.”
He let me go and turned to them. “So you're his parents.” With a flash, he teleported behind them and gave them a hug too. “You certainly raised a fine young man.”
My dad groaned. “Thanks.”
Discord teleported back next to me and leaned in next to my ear. “My my… you're dad's certainly the baldy, isn't he.” He whispered. “Balder than Cranky Doodle.” I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
I cleared my throat and picked up the liquor bags. “Alrighty… we're off to Canterlot. I'll come back after Rose and I get settled back in.”
My mom walked to me and gave me a hug. “You be careful.” She turned to face my dad. “Could you get his pills?”
I laughed as I raised a hand. “No, I'll be fine without them. The unicorn doctors there know a thing or two about seizures.”
My dad nodded understandingly. “Okay then. I guess we'll see you later.”
Discord snapped his fingers, and in a flash, we left Earth.
Rose, Discord and I blinked into Canterlot castle, in the very same room I was in when I went back to Earth. The only difference between then and now is it was pretty much empty. One of the maids panicked and took off. She must have been new.
I shrugged the bags and chuckled. “Let's get these to Twilight and her friends.”
Out of curiosity, Discord peered over my shoulder at the bags. “What's inside? And nothing for me?”
“It's alcohol from my world.” I said, shrugging again and started walking. “I'm not sure if there's enough of it in existence to get you drunk. Besides, I don't think they'd mind sharing.”
Discord nodded as he floated next to me. “Fair enough. I've been thinking about giving your pony appearance a revision. That look was awful, even by my standards.”
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? What were you thinking?”
He tapped a claw on his chin. “Well, first off, I did hear that you were afraid of heights, so no pegasus this time.”
I scoffed. “Nah, being a pegasus was fine. Thanks to being one, I got over my acrophobia.”
Discord nodded. “I'm glad to hear that. I was thinking of giving you a coat color from the cool side of the spectrum.”
I heard Rose laugh. “Well, black was about as cool as you can get and he was still pretty conspicuous.”
“Yes...” Discord deadpanned. “I'll definitely keep your natural eye color. I'll have to ponder the coat color.” He spun and floated in front of us. “Well, I promise I won't take too long. In the meantime, I'll have Twilight round up her friends and come here for their gifts. Ta!”
Shortly after Discord disappeared, Celestia rounded a corner. She saw me, smiled and galloped up to me. “Scott! Rose! I'm glad to see you've returned safely. I can't imagine what you've gone through.”
I groaned. “Yeah… spending about six months thinking being in another world was part of a coma, then finding out you were in another world can really mess with your psyche.” I chuckled. “But I'm back and nothing else matters.”
She smiled and nodded. “I'm sure you'd like to get settled back in. Your room is still available if you want it.”
I was taken aback. I have not been in that room for… oh screw it. “Thanks, Celestia. If Twilight shows up, send her that way.”
She nodded, acknowledging the request. “I'll spread the word among the guards. Welcome back, Scott.”
Within a couple of hours, someone started knocking on the door. “Come in!” I yelled. The door opened and Twilight and her friends filed into the room. They weren't alone, either. The Crusaders bounded in the room also. Spike was the last to enter.
“Now girls, while you're inside the castle, I insist that you behave yourselves.” Rarity said.
The girls looked at me and were freaked out. Sweetie Belle poked at her sister. “R...Rarity? Who's that?” She asked with a hint of fear in her voice.
Twilight giggled. “I forgot you never saw him in his original form. This is Scott Bloom.”
Pinkie bounced toward me and gave me a Pinkie Pie hug. “Welcome back, Scotty.” She looked toward the bag behind me. “Ooh! Are our gifts in there?!”
I nodded and moved the bag closer to me. “Yes they are.” The first bottle I pulled out was the cake vodka. “This is for you, Pinkie.”
Pinkie's eyes widened in excitement and, being true to herself, she used the front part of her mane to open the bottle. She sniffed the contents and giggled. “Wowsers! It does smell like cake!”
I chuckled as I pulled out another bottle. It was the red wine. “This is for you, Twilight.”
She took the bottle with her magic and floated it closer to her. “Thanks, Scott. You didn't have to do this. It must've been expensive.”
I shrugged as I pulled out the white wine. “Kinda. I didn't get too crazy. The wines were pretty cheap. This one's for you, Rarity.”
The fashionista took her gift and examined it. “White wine. I must say it looks nice, but...” She opened the bottle with her magic and smelled it. “It certainly smells good, too.” She looked to Spike. “Oh Spikey, would you be a dear and bring us some glasses from the kitchen?” She requested, re-corking the bottle.
Spike saluted the white unicorn. “Yes, ma'am!” He said before leaving the room.
I laughed. Poor Spike. I reached into the other bag and pulled out another bottle. It was the crème de banana. “Fluttershy?” I heard a quiet squeak. “Don't worry, this is some weak stuff.”
Twilight took the bottle with her magic and floated it to the timid pegasus. Fluttershy looked at me and blushed. “Sorry… and thank you.”
I nodded. “You're welcome.” I said before reaching for another bottle. It was the spiced rum. “Yo, Dash!” She flew up to me. “This is yours.” She took the bottle and squeed before taking off. “You're welcome.” I whispered to myself. “And finally, Applejack.” I reached into the bag and pulled out the last bottle. “A bottle of fine whiskey.”
Spike returned with a tray loaded with several glasses and set it on the dresser. I stood up and walked toward it. “Thanks, Spike. I'll take care of it from here.” I reached the dresser and a thought occurred to me as I looked toward Twilight. “I don't suppose you can conjure ice.” She nodded. Her horn lit up and a bucket of ice cubes appeared next to the glasses. Nice. “Okay. Who's first?”
I suppose the only two who didn't get drunk were Rarity and Twilight. I tell you, Fluttershy is a lightweight and a drunk Fluttershy was a boisterous Fluttershy. After two glasses of the crème de banana, she decided to try a glass of Applejack's whiskey. She also went on a drunken tirade over Angel and how abusive he was to her.
Pinkie Pie had her entire bottle down in about twenty minutes. I was surprised it took her that long considering this is Pinkie Pie we're dealing with. A drunk Pinkie Pie is… a more unhinged Pinkie Pie.
As for Applejack and Rainbow Dash… they seemed to hold their liquor quite well. The Apple family must produce hard cider. Dash must have a fast metabolism.
I decided to sneak out of the room while the girls were dealing with their drunkenness. Spike and the Crusaders decided to tag along. Once they recognized my voice, they relaxed around me.
Apple Bloom let out a quiet, thoughtful hum. “So let me get this straight… you've been in Equestria for half a year; ya met Rose Petal while working here; Discord turned ya into a pegasus; the princesses sent ya home, but back in time and you were gone for two weeks?”
I nodded. “Time travel is a funny thing.”
Scootaloo picked up the pace and walked beside me. “So, why are we sneaking around the castle? Think we'll get our cutie marks in castle sneaking?”
I looked down to the nearly flightful pegasus with a raised eyebrow. I was going to say something, but Sweetie Belle interrupted. “We're not sneaking around, not with all the guards patrolling the halls.”
Speaking of which, one of the guards passed us, nodding at us as we passed him. “No, Scootaloo, no sneaking, unless the thought of being a cat burglar is exciting.”
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow of her own. “Why would somepony want to burgle cats?”
I heard an annoyed sigh come from Spike. “A cat burglar is a thief, and it has nothing to do with stealing cats.”
A smile spread across my face when I saw Luna, who was smiling as well. “Did I hear something about stealing?” She said, looking at the fillies. “If you little fillies could break into my sister's room, take her crown, replace it with a slice of cake from the kitchen and bring me the crown without getting caught, I shall reward you.”
Oh god… this was too good. The Crusaders' eyes lit up and they jumped in place. “Cutie Mark Crusaders cat burglars! Yay!” The trio yelled before running off.
I facepalmed and groaned, stifling my laughter. “Did you have to do that?”
Spike groaned in annoyance as well and turned around. “I'm heading back to the room. Hopefully things calmed down in there.”
I looked to Spike as he walked away. “Good idea. Tell Rose I'll be back in a moment.” He waved a claw. Luna gave me an expectant look. “What?”
She shrugged. “Oh nothing. I'm curious as to your wedding plans.”
Luna started walking beside me as I headed back to my room. “Nothing's come up yet. I was thinking about asking Twilight and her friends to help out.”
Luna nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. Another matter I'd like to ask about is your donation to FAMARP. Do you still want to donate the fifty bits every month?” I nodded in affirmation. “Thank you. Not even Blueblood donated that much that frequently. He'd donate twenty-five bits every quarter. It wasn't until you said you wanted to donate fifty when he decided to donate more. Now he's donating one hundred per month.”
I chuckled quietly. “Sounds like he wants to impress someone.”
Luna grunted. “Indeed.” She deadpanned. “But he's not. The organization appreciates his increased donation, but they are not impressed. You, however...”
I tilted my head slightly. “That's good to know. I haven't seen Crim lately. Is he alright?”
Luna nodded. “He will be. He caught the feather flu while you were gone.”
I bobbed my head, thinking about whether or not to pay him a visit. “Is he in the castle?” Luna nodded. “Alright. I'll have to check up on him.”
I went back to my room and, much to my surprise, everyone was still there. The floor was littered with ponies, except for Rarity and Twilight. Spike was at his normal spot at Twilight's side. “Sorry about that. Did I miss anything?”
Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “Other than a wild orgy, nothing.” I turned my head and raised an eyebrow. “I'm kidding, darling.” She let out a grunt as she pointed a hoof to AJ and the others on the floor. “As you can tell, our friends passed out.”
Twilight gave a nervous chuckle as she looked at me. “Sorry about that.” She looked back to Rarity and stood up. “What do you think? Should we take them to their rooms?”
Rarity stood up and nodded in agreement. “Yes. Let's give the two lovebirds some privacy.”
Twilight and Rarity used their magic to lift their unconscious friends and slowly floated them out of the room. Twilight cantered behind them with Spike and Rarity behind her. “See you in the morning, girls.” Rarity nodded and left the room. I closed the door and made my way to my bed, smiling at my fiance the whole way.
She returned the smile and we hugged. “So… where were you this whole time?”
We let go and I took a deep breath. “I kinda wanted to stretch my legs. It's been a while since I walked around the castle. I ran into Luna. She asked if we made any plans for the wedding.”
She nodded. “What about the fillies who went with you?”
Oh boy. “Yeah… Luna's not a very good role model. She said she'd give them something if they replaced Celestia's crown with a slice of cake from the kitchen and brought her the crown.” Rose giggled. “I know.” I crawled into bed and Rose and I held each other. “So… when do you want to get married?”
She smiled. “How about in two weeks?” That seemed a bit soon, but I was okay with that and I nodded. “Good. In two weeks, we'll be married in Canterlot and have our honeymoon in the Crystal Empire.”
I let out a quiet hum. “I'm looking forward to that.” After saying that, I wondered if Rose was a screamer.
She bopped me in the forehead with her free hoof. “Get your mind out of the gutter. There'll be plenty of time for that later.”
Two weeks passed. Twilight organized the reception; Rainbow Dash brought in the Wonderbolts for a show; Applejack and Pinkie were in charge of catering and Rarity was in charge of the wedding clothes. I had Discord bring my parents, my brother and sister in-law to Canterlot and were they impressed.
It was almost time. My groomsmen: Crimson Blade, Shining Armor and Big Macintosh and I were waiting for our cue in one of the side rooms with Rose and her bridesmaids: Honeydew, Princess Cadance and Cheerilee were in the other room. I smiled at each of my boys. “Thanks guys. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.” They each smiled and gave me a silent nod. The door opened and a servant poked his head in and nodded. “Okay, that's our cue. Everyone remember their positions?”
The three nodded. I was, of course, the lead, followed by Crimson, Shining Armor and Mac. We walked single file as we practiced a week ago. Celestia stood tall and proud at the top of the altar. My family sat in the front row looking back. Their faces were covered in smiles and tears.
Celestia cleared her throat. “Mares and gentlecolts, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to celebrate the union of Scott Charles Bloom and Rose Petal. Despite their initial reluctance, they have quickly learned that love knows no species, human, or pony.”
She continued for a few more minutes until it was time for the vows. I cleared my throat and knelt beside Rose. “I forgot to prepare a wedding vow, forgive me.” She giggled. “Rose, I will be there for you no matter what.”
She nodded. “I too will be there for you.”
Celestia's wings spread open to their widest. “If anyone protests this union, may they speak now or forever hold their piece. From this moment on, I declare Scott Bloom and Rose Petal husband and wife!”
Rose leaped at me and planted her lips on mine and the audience erupted in cheers and applause. It was certainly a good time to be alive.
The reception was held at Joe's doughnut shop. Pinkie Pie promised a surprise for Rose and I and she delivered. My family was mingling with Rose's and I never seen my dad smile and laugh so much. Just about everyone was there hanging out with my parents while Rose and I were dancing. Fluttershy had taken a liking to my mother; Rarity to Tiff; Applejack to my father; and Rainbow Dash to my brother. Overall, everyone was getting along better than I expected.
In his usual flair, Discord popped into existence with his arms outstretched. “Okay! I've got the perfect appearance for you.” He snapped his fingers and I felt myself transform again.
I examined what I could and I was once again a pegasus. I also saw I had a light brown coat. Nice. He popped a mirror into existence next to him and I got a better look. I still had the blue eyes. I quickly noticed that I also had a tuft of white on my chest. My mane was a shade darker than my coat and was rounded.
Rarity smiled at me. “You look magnificent, darling!”
Discord chuckled as he floated in the air. “I've added a little something extra.”
I opened my mouth to ask him what it was, but he had already vanished.
Rose and I approached our families. My brother shook his head in disbelief before kneeling down and hugged me. “Dude, I am not going to get used to you looking like that. My gift to you might not be too useful since you've got wings.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What'd you get me?” He gave me his smirk as he slid the box next to him in front of me. It was about eight inches wide, thirty-two inches long and five inches tall. My eyes widened. “Is it a skateboard?” He didn't get a chance to answer as I tore the wrapping open.
I heard Rose chuckle and the box was wrapped in her magic aura. “Let me help you with that.” She said as she walked beside me. She lifted it with her magic and opened one of the sides. She pulled out the object and, indeed, it was a skateboard. “I think Scootaloo will be jealous of you, Scotty.”
I looked around. “Speaking of the little squirt… where is she?” I shrugged and walked up to my brother. “Thanks, man.” I said as I reared up and hugged him. “I'm sure it'll get some use.”
I noticed something odd: Princess Celestia was talking with the karaoke operator. I wonder what she requested? I'd find out soon enough as she cantered toward the microphone. The music started playing and within the first second I knew exactly what the song was. “Ah crap...”
Celestia requested “Angel of the Morning”.
Joe patted me on the back. “You alright, dude? You look like you're ready to pass out.”
I let out a nervous chuckle. “She knows exactly what buttons to push. She is such a brat.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Who? Rose?”
I shook my head. “No. Celestia.”
He laughed. “Well, considering her status, I'd say the song is perfect.”
I agreed. “Care to guess which one I picked for Luna?”
He shrugged. “Something to do with space?”
I grunted. “Hint number two: Sinatra.” He shrugged. Right. He couldn't pick out what movies songs were in. Or, hell, even titles of movies. “Fly Me to the Moon.”
He definitely got a laugh out of it though. “Nice.”
Once everyone had their fill of the reception, we all exited the bakery. A carriage had been brought to the front of the doughnut shop and the driver patiently waited for his next passengers.
Rarity gave my sister in-law a hug. “Darling, you must come back soon. You have got to come with me to Manehattan.”
Tiff laughed and nodded in agreement. “I'll have to take you up on that.”
My brother smiled at me. “When do you think you'll make me an uncle?”
Rose and I looked at each other. “What do you think? About a year's time?”
She nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe a year and a half.”
My family looked a bit shocked. “The ponies have a gestation cycle of eleven months.” I explained. “So it'll take a while.”
Joe nodded slowly. “Wow. This isn't going to be easy to get used to.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Thanks for bringing us here.”
I opened up the carriage door and let Rose in. “No problem. Hey, Discord!”
Discord popped into view and looked disappointed. “Are we ready to leave so soon?” We all nodded. “Such a shame, I had such delightful plans for each of you. Should you decide to return, say my name three times.”
I climbed into the carriage and closed the door. “Don’t be strangers, you hear?” I said to my family.
Joe walked up and gave me one more hug. “No promises.”
My dad had a big grin on his face. “You two have fun.”
“But not too much fun!” My mom added.
Rose and I shrugged. “It’s a honeymoon. There’s no such as too much fun!”
Tiff giggled. “That’s right!”
I looked over to Discord, nodded, then looked back to my family. “I’ll see you guys later.”
With a snap of his talons, Discord sent my family back home. I looked to the pegasus and nodded. “Alright, we’re ready.”
He nodded and looked to his partner. “To the Crystal Empire!”
As we took off, I could hear Twilight and her friends cheering us on, with Pinkie being the loudest.
I couldn’t help but laugh. This has been a pretty surreal experience: I started off with nothing, not even thinking that almost seven months later, I’d get married. The thought of what I’d been through brought tears to my eyes.
Rose and I looked at each other and she gave me such a loving look. I couldn’t believe this actually happened. Me, married to a character from a cartoon.
This moment begged the question, a question that should never, ever be asked under any circumstance:
What could possibly go wrong?