//------------------------------//
// I Guarantee It 
// Story: Shellstrings 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//




Treehugger's Cabin




"Now..."  Treehugger smiled.  She brushed back her dreadlocks—only for them to cascade over her sleepy eyes again.  "...are we all seated?"

"Uhhhhh..."  Twinkleshine winced, sweating slightly as she forced her equine limbs into a half-hearted attempt at a pretzel.  Her three marefriends were likewise struggling to mimic Treehugger's pose.  "...maybe?"

"Good."  Treehugger smiled some more.  Sitting effortlessly with her lower legs folded, she rested both fetlocks on her knees and proceeded to hum from deep within her chest.  "I want you all to take deep, full breaths."

"Mrmmfff..."  Lyra's nose scrunched as she sat closest to the therapist.  "Must we?"

"Mmmmmm-yessssssssss..."  Treehugger exhaled.  "To fully experience the waves of karmic bliss washing over your body and prepare the chakras for proper harmonic alignment."  She inhaled.  "Full enlightenment breaches the barriers of the mind-walls when one is in full control of her lungs."  She exhaled.  "To that end, I make sure to meditate and take breathing exercises daily."  She inhaled.  "That way... my sensory perception in this corporeal world is increased, so that I may better ascertain the secrets behind the nebulous and spiritual."

"Wow!"  Minuette blinked brightly.  "Really?"

"Mmmmmm—that's riiiight..."  Treehugger sighed melodically.  "For instance... I can tell from your erratic soul-clouds that I'm sitting in the room with four equine beings vexxed by innate bugphobia."

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Well... that's right..."  Lemon Hearts cleared her throat.  "Except for me, that is—"

"Shhhhh!"  Minuette hissed aside.  She leaned towards Lemon Hearts with wide eyes locked on Treehugger.  "If she senses your bugphobia, then you must have it!"

"But..."  Lemon Hearts chewed on her bottom lip.  "I-I wasn't mind controlled or mimicked at the Canterlot invasion."

"Ohmmmmmmmm..."  Treehugger.  "...we carry on the spiritual tribulations of our friends by ethereal extension, especially when our chakras—so misaligned—are nevertheless attuned to one another on a constant basis."

"Huh..."  Twinkleshine blinked.

"Well..."  Lemon Hearts produced a shuddering sigh.  "...I guess when I think about it really hard, accompanying my friends to so many therapy sessions..."  She gulped.  "...has gotten me somewhat rattled over the past year.  No fault of their, of c-course."

"Mmmmmmm... that's right..."  Treehugger breathed, smiled, breathed, smiled.  "Open your heart to your hidden bugphobic wounds."

Lyra's brow furrowed.  "Is 'bugphobia' even a clinical term?"

"Shhh!"  Lemon Hearts insisted.

Lyra sighed, rolling her eyes.  As Treehugger spoke on—with slow and liquid words—the unicorn glanced lethargically across the undeniably decrepit cabin.  Along the fringes of the Saddle Arabian rugs and exotic statues, she spotted crumpled up newspapers.  One in particular—a front page—fluttered in the incensed breeze wafting in through the open window.

Lyra blinked.  She cocked her head aside, squinting hard at the headline.

Below the title "Appleloosan Gazette' she saw a series of bold words on yellowed paper, reading:  "Sudden Buffalo Disappearances Continue to Rattle Natives.  Chief Thunderhooves Asks Sheriff Silver Star's Help In Finding Lost Braves."

Lyra's lips parted.  She leaned further towards the crumpled paper.

She started reading the fine print of the first column.  All she could make out were the words "desert," "green," and "lights."  Before she could read on—

"Green Buds—"

"Uhhhhhh—"  Lyra snapped out of it, glancing over.  "For the last time."

Treehugger smiled sleepily at her.  "You're a little larva waiting to burst from its cocoon."

Lyra's green coat paled and the hairs on the back of her neck bristled up.  "What the buck...?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" Lemon Hearts murmured.

"Like I was saying," Treehugger purred, "The best way to grow accustomed to a disparaging phobia is to be rebirthed as the thing you so absurdly despise.  That's why—in our starter exercise—I want us all to imagine ourselves as tiny larvae about to hatch, so that way we can all experience the true bliss of metaphorical metamorphosis without the needless assault that the totally ungroovy Queen did to you and your friends."

"Uhhhhhh..."  Lyra glanced at Lemon Hearts, the others, then back to Treehugger.  She gulped.  "Okay."

"Now... say it along with me..."  Treehugger closed her sleepy eyes and rocked back and forth.  "I am a little maggot in a silk cocoon, legs wriggling and ready for life and the vomitous nourishment of my progenitor's leftover carbon sack against a green leaf."

As Lyra's friends repeated the mantra, the unicorn quivered... grimacing while the others weren't looking.  "Oh sweet tap-dancing Celestia..."

"That's riiiiiiight..."