“Hey, Pinkie?” Starlight Glimmer called out as she trotted into Sugarcube Corner. “I heard you were sick, so I…” Her voice trailed off when Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared less than two inches away from her nose.
“Don’t say a word!” Pinkie said in a loud whisper. “Not here. Upstairs!” She wrapped a foreleg around Starlight’s neck and pulled her toward the stairs, up to her loft.
Once upstairs, Starlight finally got a good look at Pinkie Pie. She noticed her coat was an unusually muted shade of pink, and her mouth was rainbow colored. That alone would have been cause for alarm. However, Pinkie was standing on all fours.
“Wait a minute,” Starlight said. “Rainbow told me you were bed-ridden, that you could barely stand up. How are you…?”
“Well, duh!” Pinkie interrupted. “I was faking it. That’s what I need to talk to you about.” Pinkie opened a green box nearby and pulled out a cookie. “Here, eat this.” She put the cookie in Starlight’s hoof.
“What’s going on here?” Starlight asked flatly. “Why is your mouth rainbow colored? Why did you lie to Rainbow about being sick?”
“Just eat the cookie,” Pinkie insisted, “and I’ll tell you while you chew.”
Starlight huffed, but did as she was told.
“Okay, remember the other day, when the rest of us told Rainbow Dash that she shouldn’t pull pranks on ponies who might not appreciate the joke?”
Starlight nodded, still chewing on the cookie.
“Well, she didn’t exactly listen, and she’s been on a pranking streak for a while now.”
Starlight already knew about that. She was still chewing her cookie, so she spun her hoof, signaling Pinkie Pie to tell her something she didn’t know.
“Anyway, Rainbow just told me about her plan to prank everypony in Ponyville. She’s switched the Filly Guide’s cookies with these prank cookies that turn your mouth rainbow colored.”
At this, Starlight swallowed. “Wait, was that…did you just feed me one of those cookies?”
“Uh-huh. I tried to talk her out of it, but she was determined to make this happen. So I decided it was time to turn the tables on Rainbow Dash. Now, everypony who eats these cookies is going to pretend that they were contaminated, turning them into cookie-craving zombie-ponies!”
“What?” Starlight screamed. “The cookies are contaminated?”
“Of course not!” Pinkie said. “That’s the joke! We’re going to trick Rainbow into believing that her prank made everypony sick, to teach her a lesson about taking a joke too far. Now, let me hear your zombie voice, Starlight.”
“Huh?”
“Come on, if you’re going to be a part of my prank on Rainbow Dash, you need to act like a zombie.”
“What if I don’t want to?” Starlight asked.
“You might as well,” Pinkie said. “Your mouth is already rainbow-ized.”
Starlight ran to the bathroom in Pinkie’s loft and looked in the mirror. Pinkie spoke the truth, her mouth was indeed dyed with six different bands of color. When she saw it, her eyes narrowed. Her legs tensed up, and she could feel blood rushing to her face. She whipped her head in Pinkie’s direction and marched toward her.
“I look hideous!” Starlight moaned. “Pinkie, how could you do this to me?”
“Well, Rainbow Dash will never believe you ate her ‘contaminated’ joke cookies if you don’t have a rainbow mouth, silly,” Pinkie Pie said matter-of-factly.
“You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to be a part of your joke!” Starlight shot back. “You just force-fed me the cookie and expected me to join your ridiculous plan!”
Pinkie Pie said nothing at first. “Ohhhhh!” she said when she realized her mistake. “Oops, my bad!”
Starlight snarled at Pinkie Pie. “Oops, my bad? Is that all you have to say? You willfully forced me to eat a rigged cookie, discolored my coat, humiliated me in public, and all you have to say in return is ‘Oops, my bad?’” Pinkie cowered while the other pink mare ranted.
“Oh, no. Starlight, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you’d take it this hard. I never meant to hurt your feelings, honest. Can you ever forgive me?”
Starlight relaxed a little bit. She could see the concern on Pinkie’s face, and she knew Pinkie meant no harm. Starlight released the breath she had been holding in a heavy sigh. “It’ll be okay, I guess. This dye isn’t permanent, is it?”
“Dunno,” Pinkie said with a shrug. “But even if it is, permanent dye doesn’t really stay on your coat forever. Not forever forever, anyway.”
“I don’t really feel like waiting for my fur to grow back,” Starlight said. “Anyway, I think scaring Rainbow Dash like this is a terrible idea. You should call it off.”
“It’s too late to do that,” Pinkie said. “As we speak, Rainbow and the CMCs are selling the rainbow joke cookies to every house in town. Each and every pony they visit is in on my prank. My plan is already in motion; I can’t just tell hundreds of ponies to abort now.”
Starlight’s face collapsed. She brought her hooves to her mouth and started to breathe through them. Her head started to tremble with fear. “No,” she whispered. “No, we have to stop this. There has to be some way to stop this!”
“Weren’t you listening?” Pinkie said. “I just told you, it’s too late. Besides, Rainbow needs to learn her lesson, and this is the only way to get through to her.”
“You don’t understand!” Starlight shot back. “You can’t stoop to her level! You can’t teach her not to bully other ponies by bullying her! It will never work!”
“I wouldn’t call it bullying,” Pinkie said. “Rainbow wasn’t intentionally hurting anypony’s feelings. She was just having fun by herself, without thinking about how much she’s hurting her victims. All we’re doing is showing her what it’s like to be hurt by a harmless prank.”
“Have you thought about what’s going to happen when Rainbow realizes this was just a joke?” Starlight asked. “She’s going to see that each and every one of her friends was ready, willing, and able to terrorize her for something she considers to be no big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending Rainbow’s pranking streak, because clearly she’s in the wrong. But two wrongs don’t make it right. Getting Dash back will only make her want to get you back, and then you’ll have to get her back, then she’ll get you back, and so on, and so forth, over and over until somepony finally dies.”
“This isn’t about revenge, Starlight. This is about teaching Rainbow a lesson.”
“What lesson?”
“Pranks can be fun when everyone is having fun with it, but you have to realize that not everypony likes being pranked. Dashie has to be sensitive of other’s feelings.”
“You’re not going to teach Dash that lesson by terrorizing her. All you’re going to teach her is that all her friends actually hate her. You’re going to make her feel like she’s all alone in Ponyville, with no one she can trust, because nopony likes her. Do you have any idea how horrible that feels?”
Hearing this reminded Pinkie Pie of her last birthday party. Her friends had all conspired behind her back to throw her a surprise party. But when she caught wind of it, they all closed rank and refused to spoil the surprise. At the time, Pinkie convinced herself that they all hated her, and wanted her out of their inner circle. She was wrong, of course, but for a brief moment, she felt like her whole world was destroyed.
“Yes,” Pinkie said somberly. “Actually, I do.”
“That’s why this prank cannot happen. Rainbow Dash is going to take this to heart, and she’ll withdraw from Ponyville society, maybe even move away altogether. After all, if nopony likes her, why should she stay?”
“I don’t think…”
“Not finished!” Starlight insisted. “The poor pony will wander from town to town, always keeping everypony she meets at foreleg’s length, which will keep her alive, but miserable. Eventually, she’ll find her way into a desolate wasteland, where she’ll build a small village. Then she’ll reach out to other lost and lonely ponies wandering aimlessly through Equestria, bring them to her village, and…” Starlight’s voice trailed off when she finally heard what she was saying. “…and force them to remove their Cutie Marks,” she finished flatly. “I’m not really talking about Rainbow Dash anymore, am I?”
Pinkie Pie said nothing. She walked over to Starlight, and put her hooves around her in a warm hug. “Starlight, I understand how feel about this, and I’m sorry I tried to force you into it. But like I said, this prank is going to happen one way or another. Believe me, if I thought for one second that Rainbow Dash would take this personally, I never would have started it in the first place.”
Starlight huffed, defeated. “Very well. At least I’ve said my piece, so my conscience is clear.”
Just then, there was knock on the door.
“That’s Rainbow Dash with the CMCs!” Pinkie said. “You’ve got to get out of here!”
“Why?”
“Your mouth is still rainbow colored! If she sees you like this, and you’re not acting like a zombie, my plan will be ruined!”
“Oh, really?” Starlight Glimmer said, with a mischievous smirk.
“No, Starlight,” Pinkie Pie said firmly. “I know what you’re thinking. You don’t want to do this.”
“Oh, but I think I do,” Starlight said, walking toward the stairs.
Pinkie rushed to block the stairs. “If you sabotage this plan, Rainbow’s pranking streak will only continue. Possibly forever. Is that what you want?”
Starlight stopped. “Ugh, all right.” She looked away, dejected.
“Go out the window,” Pinkie instructed. “Stay at Twilight’s place until tomorrow morning. And scrub your face with baking soda to get the rainbow out.”
Starlight walked to the window, but turned back briefly. “You know, you’re not the only pink-coated mare who has held sway over an entire town,” Starlight said. “I hope for your sake that you do no harm.” With that, Starlight levitated herself away.
Starlight’s parting words struck Pinkie really hard. Was she doing the right thing? She climbed back into her bed and resumed her act of being sick. Maybe Starlight was right. Maybe Rainbow would take this prank harder than expected. Maybe she was the one who was crossing the line.
She trained her to listen in on the conversation between the Cakes and the CMCs. That’s when she heard Rainbow Dash laughing. That laugh was the laugh of a mad mare. That was the laugh of a pony who cared naught for her friends, so long as she was having a good time. That was selfish laugh, an evil laugh. Pinkie Pie may have once been called the Element of Laughter, but laughter like that was anything but harmonious. Laughter like that had to be stamped out. Pinkie was doing the right thing. Rainbow Dash would understand. With that resolved, Pinkie turned to face the fourth wall.
“And that’s why Starlight Glimmer wasn’t in this episode.”