//------------------------------// // Three // Story: Crowded // by Jesse Coffey //------------------------------// ''Countess who?'' asks my pa Martin Blazer. I say, ''Countess Coloratura! She's coming to the Grand Palace up in central Manehattan on Thursday! She wants up a lot of ponies showing up to her concert -- '' ''Hold on, hold, on, oy, oy, oy, Joey boy, a lot of ponies? That's too much for us.'' ''C'mon Pa. The theatre she's playing at is only letting in 10 per family and our house is crowded as it is! I'd say, let's have 8 people come with me to the concert.'' ''Son, all we gotta do is talk about family management.'' ''No, you see, Countess Coloratura fought her way through the paper that I work for and the paper guy said that I could bring half my family over. Now pa, what's half of 16?'' ''Uh . . . 8?'' ''Exactly. I want 8 of you to come with me and I want 8 of you to stay in the house for the night.'' ''How much does the concert cost?'' asks one of my kids, Eddie. I say, ''5 bits apiece.'' Pa sighs and says, ''Oh, OK. You win.'' REHEARSAL ROOM 13 GRAND PALACE MANEHATTAN Countess Coloratura cracks her hands and starts playing her prized possession other than her voice: a grand piano. Tentatively, she sings: Arrivederci Roma, Goodbye, goodbye to Rome . . . City of a million moonlit places, City of a million warm embraces, Where I found the one of all the faces, Far from home! In comes a noted fan, Crescendo Hearts. Mrs. Hearts asks the singer, ''What a lovely song you are playing!'' Coloratura smiles and explains, ''Well, it's a favorite of my heritage.'' Mrs. Hearts quips, ''And what would that heritage be?'' Coloratura says, ''Mrs. Hearts, your husband Sunburst is an Italian, right?'' Mrs. Hearts nods, and Coloratura says, ''Well, he happens to have a lot in common with me, because as some of you know, I'm also an Italian.'' Mrs. Hearts says, ''So technically both of you happen to be familiar with that song.'' ''Oh yes we are. Say, your husband isn't busy on Thursday, is he?'' ''No.'' ''Good. I'd like him to sing it at my concert. I can play piano and he can sing. Besides, I heard him sing in his room once and would you like to know what I thought of his voice at the time?'' ''What did you think of it?'' ''I thought it was an amazing voice. He's such a talented singer. In fact, I consider him to have much more of a singing than a magical talent. He admits to not having much of a magical talent after all.'' Crescendo Hearts chuckles, and says, ''Ah yes. That Sunburst. He's just a lovely man to hear isn't he? And that song is SO so perfect for him!'' then states, ''So have you heard the news regarding your concert?'' ''What's the news?'' Coloratura replies. Replies Mrs. Hearts, ''Somebody at The Manehattan Eye Exam says that he's gonna bring 8 ponies, including himself, to your concert that evening. He says that that's half of the 16 ponies that are in his incredibly crowded house. In fact, it's so crowded that I could hear some of his family members at crosstalk over the phone.'' ''Ah yes. He told this to me too. He wrote to me, 'my family lives in a crowded house. I can't just bring myself, with you saying you encourage a lot of ponies to come to this concert of yours. I have decided to bring just half the family to it. Do you agree to this plan?''' Mrs. Hearts says, ''Well, he's just gonna have to sort his whole problem out by himself.''