//------------------------------// // The Snuggly Hypothesis // Story: Rarity Snuggles Everypony (Whether They Like It Or Not) // by PropMaster //------------------------------// “All right, everypony, we’re reaching capacity for the room, so if you’ve been snuggling for longer than twenty minutes, switch out with somepony that’s waiting and take a break. Fluttershy has water and Pinkie Pie has refreshments,” Twilight said from her balcony position overlooking the mass of hugging ponies. She had all of her scientific and thaumic monitors set up and was watching the readouts carefully. Rarity sat in the middle of town hall, her forelegs wrapped around Mrs. Cake, who was chuckling as she minded Pound and Pumpkin, both of whom had attached themselves to Rarity’s rear hooves and were snuggling up a storm. Behind Rarity was Mr. Cake, who was being extra careful of Rarity’s mane as he hugged her. Lyra and Bon Bon were to Rarity’s right and left, respectively, and while their forelegs were wrapped around Rarity, they only had eyes for each other, giggling and winking and chatting as they snuggled the mare between them. Rarity stood still, leaning slightly into Mrs. Cake, her eyes half-lidded and a growing frown on her face. More hooves of other ponies touched her coat, legs, and tail, attempting to maximize the snuggles. The ponies around her alternated between speaking in concerned breaths about the tentacles being held at bay outside the town hall, and complimenting Rarity on the state of her coat or coif of her mane. “Really fantastic, Mrs. Rarity. You’ve been snuggling for over two hours, and your coat is still so smooth! You gotta tell me what product you use,” stated Mrs. Cake, smiling anxiously at the over-cuddled mare. “Mane And Tail Conditioner, darling,” Rarity droned, yawning demurely. “Ooh, fancy!” “My daily brushing regimen certainly helps, of course,” added Rarity, before she turned to gaze up at Twilight. “Twilight, darling, I could really use a break.” “No breaks! We have to find somepony that works!” Twilight said, her hoof flying across a series of ledgers and a massive chart labeled ‘compatibility’. “I’ve been measuring the energies and changes in the tentacles as you’ve been snuggling, and I think I’m on the verge of determining a relationship between your state of snuggle-ability and the number of tentacles extruding from the Cuddleverse!” “Any insights?” Rarity asked, frowning and shifting uncomfortably as the Cake family left and Minuette and Sparkler took their place. “Well, nothing conclusive, but I’m noting a slow increase of tentacle extrusion over time spent cuddling.” Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “You mean to tell me that all this snuggling is making things worse?” “Causation doesn’t imply correlation!” Twilight retorted, before staring down at the assembled snuggling ponies. “Maybe… um… we should snuggle harder?” Rarity scowled, gesturing to the four ponies currently hugging her tightly with an air of one who has endured far more close personal contact with ponies than she’d intended that day. “How, pray tell, could we possibly snuggle harder? Anything beyond this public display of affection would be breaching into lewd and lascivious territory, and we’re all in agreement that Snuggoth or Yog-Cuddoth or Cuddlethulu or whatever this blasted beast is called is not remotely interested in that sort of thing. It’s an elder snugglegod from the edge of the cuddleverse, not… er…” Rarity hesitated, at a loss for words. “An elder kissygod from the edge of the makeout-verse?” Pinkie supplied from across the room, grinning. “Precisely,” Rarity said with a nod. “Well, we’ve got to think of something! These snuggly tentacles are getting out of control. I rounded up half the pegasus ponies in Cloudsdale, and even with all the extra fliers, we’re having trouble keeping them away from here!” Rainbow Dash rasped. “Keep them focused, Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia said she’s rounding up the guard. They’ll be here soon!” Twilight said, returning to her measurements and studies. Rarity sighed as Lyra and Bon Bon left and two ponies she didn’t know arrived. “Ah, hello.” “Nice to meet you, Miss Rarity,” said a cream coated, red-maned pegasus pony wearing a wonderbolts hoodie. “Yes, indeed. Come on, don’t be shy. Nopony else certainly has been,” Rarity said exasperatedly, reaching out and grabbing the stallion into a hug. “I don’t think my husband is going to be your special somepony,” muttered the white coated, orange-maned unicorn mare on Rarity’s other side. Rarity rolled her eyes. “For all we know, it could be you, darling,” she said as she grabbed the mare with a free hoof and pulled her in tight. The front doors to the town hall burst open with a flash of shining, golden magic, revealing Princess Celestia. “Twilight Sparkle! I have arrived, and the guard is helping the pegasai outside hold the appendages of Snuggoth at bay. What can I do?” Twilight pointed down towards Rarity. “Get snuggling!” Rarity squealed in surprise as a flash of golden magic burst next to her, and Celestia materialized from the teleportation spell in all her majesty. The swanlike princess spread her wings wide and enveloped Rarity, as well as those immediately in snuggling range, in a massive, feathery hug. Rarity giggled nervously. “H-hello, Princess Celestia. Ah… having a good day, I hope?” Celestia smirked at Rarity. “It’s been a busy one.” “But of course it has, dealing with this mess. I am terribly sorry about all this,” Rarity said, leaning in to Princess Celestia’s hug. “Not to worry, my little pony. We will set things right, and find your special somepony.” Rarity blinked and stared up at Princess Celestia. “Y-you don’t think…?” Celestia winked at Rarity, “It could be me? Perhaps. Twilight, any change in the reaction?” “Nothing yet!” Twilight called as she poured over her readings. Princess Celestia scowled playfully at Rarity. “Hmm. Looks like you are off the hook, Miss Rarity.” Rarity giggled. “Well, as much as I’ve dreamed of becoming a princess, it looks like it isn’t to be.” “Oh, don’t worry, Blueblood is coming with Luna. You’ve got at least two more chances,” Celestia said, beaming cheekily at Rarity. Pinkie Pie stuck her head through the crowd, grinning at Rarity. “Heya Rarity! Can I get you a cupcake?” Rarity, acting on reflex by this point, simply grabbed Pinkie Pie and pulled her in for a snuggle. Pinkie giggled and snorted. “Rarityyy! I know I’m a snuggly pudgy Pinkie Pie, but I have a job to do.” Rarity chuckled, “Terribly sorry, Pinkie Pie. I just—” “Hold it!” called Twilight suddenly, “Something just happened! Rarity, who are you snuggling?” Rarity blinked and took in the ponies surrounding her at the moment. “Ah, let’s see, most recent additions are Mister and Missus…?” “Piano,” supplied the cream-coated pegasus. “Mister and Missus Piano, Mister Prose and Miss Lily, Princess Celestia, and Pinkie Pie, purely by accident.” Rarity said as she accounted for the ponies snuggling her. “Pinkie Pie? How’d she get in there?” Twilight asked, peering down through the crowd of snuggling ponies. “That’s a good question!” Pinkie Pie replied, beaming up at Twilight. “What’s happening, Twilight?” asked Rarity, the gathered ponies echoing her question. “The tentacles just dramatically slowed down their rate of manifestation through the portal,” Twilight noted, looking between the sky overhead through a nearby window and the ponies below. “Which means we need to experiment. Rarity, let go of Pinkie Pie.” Twilight watched the portal above with interest, noting that at the exact moment Rarity let Pinkie Pie go, the knit and cuddly tentacles redoubled their protruding, snagging up more ponies from the surrounding countryside as they descended from the rift in reality. “Right, hug Pinkie Pie again!” As soon as Rarity clung to Pinkie Pie, the tentacles slowed down again. Twilight cackled. “Excellent! A breakthrough!” “Neato burrito! I’m a breakthrough!” Pinkie giggled, snuggling Rarity happily. Twilight pointed to Rainbow Dash as she flew by. “Rainbow Dash, grab Applejack from outside!” “On it!” said Rainbow Dash with a jaunty salute, before she zipped away. Twilight turned her gaze to the edge of the room, where Fluttershy was handing out cups of water to tired ponies. “Fluttershy?” “Mm, yes?” Fluttershy struggled to make herself heard over the crowd. “Get in there and snuggle Rarity! I’ve got a hunch!” Fluttershy squeaked as she began gently working her way through the crowd. “O-oh, all right… excuse me… pardon me… sorry, excuse me…” Celestia made room for Fluttershy as the timid pegasus joined the group of snuggling ponies. She smiled at Rarity. “Hello, Rarity.” “Hello, Fluttershy, dear. I hope you don’t mind to terribly, but I’m going to snuggle you now,” Rarity said as she wrapped a hoof around her dear friend’s shoulders and pulled her in close. “Oh! I don’t mind,” Fluttershy said, beaming happily. “The rate of tentacle extrusion is dropping significantly!” Twilight cheered. The rest of the gathered ponies made a hole in the crowd as Rainbow Dash and Applejack raced into the town hall. “I got AJ, Twi! What do you need us for?” “Get snuggling, both of you!” Twilight said, preoccupied with watching the readouts on her scientific equipment. Rainbow Dash halted mid-trot, sweat beading on her face. “Oh, uh, snuggling? I think that, ah, they still need me outside! Helping with the tentacles! Not in here, with—ack!” Applejack bit down on Rainbow Dash’s tail and dragged her along as she approached Rarity. “C’mon, Rnbow Dsh!” “No!” Rainbow cried, hooves desperately scrabbling on the floor, “I’m too awesome for snuggles! I have an image to keep up!” “Git in there!” Applejack heaved, sending Rainbow Dash careening into the waiting hooves of three of her best friends. “Duaaaah!” Rainbow Dash crashed into Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, all three of whom immediately grabbed her and began snuggling. Applejack guffawed and joined them, grabbing onto Rainbow Dash and giving her a good-natured noogie before letting her go and clinging to Rarity instead. Rainbow Dash contorted herself like a cat trying to escape an unwanted belly rub, to no avail. “Ponyfeathers,” Rainbow Dash grumbled as Rarity nuzzled her. “Oh, Rainbow Dash, don’t be a grumpy pony. It’s perfectly all right to enjoy a hug among friends,” Rarity said, snuggling the petite pegasus. “Hrmf. Says you,” Rainbow Dash said, blushing furiously. “C’mon, Dashie! You gotta snuggle Rarity! It’s for the good of Equestria!” Pinkie said, giggling. “Ain’t so bad, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack added. “It’s nice, really,” Fluttershy said quietly. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Fine. For the good of Equestria.” Turning around, Rainbow Dash grabbed onto Rarity and hugged her ferociously, causing Rarity to squeak as the air was nearly crushed from her lungs. “A little less… fervor, darling!” Rarity gasped. Rainbow Dash’s blush intensified, “S-sorry! It’s not like I wanted to hug you or anything!” “Aw, Rainbow Dash, you’re so tsundere!” Pinkie said. “What?” Rainbow Dash said, blinking at Pinkie Pie incredulously. “Never you mind Pinkie Pie, keep on snugglin’!” Applejack said, grinning happily as she held her best friends close. Twilight watched above as the tentacles slowed significantly, one tentacle descending every few minutes, but the portal did not close. “Well, there’s something to having your friends snuggle you, but the curse hasn’t been stopped.” “Well, this helps, doesn’t it?” Rarity asked. “I suppose, but there are an awful lot of tentacles. They’ll still overwhelm us all in a few hours if we can’t stop the curse,” Twilight said. “There has to be a solution. We can’t keep snuggling forever. I need to take a break and freshen up,” Rarity said, resting in the arms of her friends. “Well, we know that there’s a correlation between the ponies you snuggle and the rate that Snuggoth invades our universe,” Twilight said, pondering the issue. “Does that mean that how close somepony is to Rarity affects the curse in some way?” “So, the closer somepony feels to me, the greater the effect it has?” Rarity asked. “I suppose that’s a valid theory, but I don’t know if there’s any way to test it. We’re your best friends. Who could possibly be closer to you?” Twilight asked, turning to face her instruments. “We need more data. There’s something we’re missing, here, something about all this doesn’t quite make sense. Big Macintosh was romantic, but it had no effect. Thunderlane was certainly enthusiastic, but it also didn’t do much. Poor Mr. Davenport was nervous, but very honest about his feelings, and nothing. We’re all just friends, and you’re close to us, but it’s just not enough. There’s a missing element, here.” “C-can I stop snuggling, now?” Rainbow Dash whined. Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a skeptical look. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, why are you so embarassed? A hug amongst friends isn’t that drastic, and you’ve moved beyond hiding your feminine side.” “Hey! Just because I go to the spa now doesn’t mean I’m okay with… smooshy mushy stuff! This is, uh, demeaning!” Rainbow Dash rasped, sweating slightly. Applejack snorted. “Right. Dash, what’s yer problem? Twice now, Ah’ve caught ya tryin’ to start an ‘impromptu sleepover’ at my house,” Applejack said, making airquotes, “but when things start gettin’ close, you’re more skittish than a cat in a corn silo!” “What does that even mean?” Rainbow Dash said, staring incredulously at Applejack. “Don’t you change th’ subject! What’s goin’ on? We won’t judge ya, Dash, but you’ve gotta open up to us.” Applejack said, setting one hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Ugh. Fine. I’ll tell you, but later, not now. Let’s get this curse broken, and then we’ll have all the time in the world to chat about my problems. Deal?” “Fair enough,” Applejack said with a nod. Meanwhile, Twilight poured over her data and observational notes, grimacing as she tried to comprehend the correlation between Rarity and snuggles. “There’s something to this. We need to test against something obvious. Who else could possibly be more close to Rarity than we all are?” Rarity stared at Twilight, one eyebrow gracefully arching into a portrait of skepticism. “Really, darling? As important as you all are to me, there’s an obvious answer. My family.” Twilight blinked twice before smacking her forehead with her hoof. “Of course. I’m sorry, Rarity, I feel like I’m slipping up.” “It’s a high-stress situation, darling. We face certain… erm…” Rarity glanced out at the wooly, fuzzy tentacles falling from the sky around Ponyville, “... snugglocity… if we don’t break this awful curse. Nopony is to blame.” Twilight sighed and gestured outside, “Well, then there’s only one thing to do. We have to get back to your parent’s house.” Applejack held up a hoof, “Hold up, now. I don’t know if you’ve seen how bad it’s gotten out there, but there ain’t no way we’re gettin’ back to Rarity’s house without some of us gettin’ snuggled up. We’d need…” “An army?” Princess Celestia supplied. “Yeah! But where in the hay are we gonna get one?” Applejack said, frowning. Princess Celestia smiled, and gestured to the front doors of the town hall. All heads turned to the doors. There was an extended pause, and Celestia noisily cleared her throat. Applejack chuckled nervously. “Ah, Princess, is there—” The huge portrait window on the grand staircase landing on the second floor shattered explosively as Princess Luna and a dozen Lunar Guard pegasai burst through the glass. Everyone gasped. Luna shook her astral mane and reared up on her hind legs, and shouted, “Sister, I have arrived with reinforcements!It would seem we have arrived just in the nick of time. What does that make us, Captain?” An armored pony cleared his throat beside Luna. “Big damn heros, Princess.” Princess Luna smirked. “Are we not?” Applejack shot a look at Princess Celestia, who simply smiled and shrugged, “Luna likes dramatic entrances. I had a fifty-fifty shot between the doors and the big window.” Twilight Sparkle leapt up from her spot behind her machines. “Princess Luna! Perfect timing. We need to clear a path to Rarity’s house on the other side of Ponyville,” she said, gesturing beyond the broken window to the far side of town. Luna turned to regard the situation outside, frowning at the mass of overly friendly appendages. “I have brought a full company of my guard’s best fliers, while the battalion has been left behind to safeguard Canterlot. The Solar Guard is getting overwhelmed. I fear it is only a matter of time before the populace finds themselves inexorably snuggled by the appendages of this… cuddlegod. Regardless, we should have enough strength to push through these fuzzy abominations and reach Lady Rarity’s family abode.” “So… you can help?” asked Rainbow Dash, nose scrunching as she tried to follow Luna’s rambling statement. “Indeed! My guard is ready!” Luna said, pointing to Rainbow Dash. “We only need a flier familiar with the area to lead us. Are you up to the task, Rainbow Dash?” All the Lunar Guards turned to regard Rainbow Dash. The petite pegasus puffed herself up, trying to look professional, but was unable to hide her growing smile. “Oh, yeah. Yeah! No biggie, I’ll just… ah… lead a military unit on a special mission to save the world. Not like… that hasn’t been a dream of mine or anything!” Her attempt at playing it cool devolved into her leaping into the air and doing a backflip, before landing and trying to regain her composure. “Gosh, this sure seems to be building up to a huge action sequence!” Pinkie Pie said, beaming. “Oh,” Dash said, grinning at Pinkie Pie, “you know it is. Because I’m in charge!” Twilight flew down to Rarity and Celestia, and the rest of the friends gathered together. “That seems to be settled, then. We’ve got a way. Rarity, are you up for this? We could try to bring your parents back here, instead, if you aren’t up for pushing through all the… uh…” “Tacky, knit appendages of an elder snugglegod?” Rarity asked. “Yeah, it doesn’t ever sound any less silly,” Twilight said with a sigh. “It’s gonna be tough, and rough. Not exactly your style, Rares,” Rainbow Dash said. “Ain’t nobody gonna blame ya for wantin’ to stay here. We can bring your family here,” Applejack added. “It’s certainly safer here,” Fluttershy said, glancing nervously towards the windows. “Princess Luna?” asked Rarity. “Lady Rarity?” “Are we going to get… violent… with the horrifically gauche tendrils?” Rarity called. Luna glanced towards the fluffy tentacles. “I’d imagine they won’t let us through without resistance. We will have to destroy many.” Rarity smiled serenely. “Good.” She returned her gaze to Twilight Sparkle, who took a step back at the fierce look in her friend’s eyes. “Yes. I am absolutely up for driving through those awful things like a seam ripper through old cotton. In fact, darling, it will be my pleasure,” She spat vehemently, her voice like steel. Rainbow Dash grinned. “Awesome. Let’s do this thing!”