//------------------------------//
// BONUS CHAPTER: Bug-Infested Bug-Queens 
// Story: MEDIC! : From the Files of Nurse Redheart 
// by AdmiralTigerclaw 
//------------------------------//

I was marenapped today.

I'd like to say it was by some suave, handsome stallion.  Maybe like that Caballeron from my Daring Do collection.  But, no, I don't get that kind of luck.

Instead, I'm woken up in the middle of the night by a sound not unlike that of a swarm of angry bees.  Now, granted most bees don't attempt to chloroform you on the spot, but before I could react, I have a rag stuck in my face.

Idiots.  I don't know what books THEY'VE been reading, but I AM an Earth Pony.  For one, I can hold my breath, and for two, I can kick a wall down if thoroughly panicked.  For three...  

I can't believed they tried chloroform!  It's anesthetic properties are well documented by the medical community and using it to incapacitate somepony in such absurdly diluted doses takes almost five minutes.

Imagine how surprised my assailants were to learn this fact.

Luckily for them, changeling exoskeletons are rather tough.  So aside from being a bit sore the next day, their prognosis was otherwise good.

Now, after granting my polymorphic attackers a little medical knowledge through osmosis, I was able to ask them what possessed them to try such ridiculous marenapping methods in the middle of the night.

As it would turn out, I was being abducted for my medical knowledge.  Their Queen was sick, and they didn't have the knowledge to deal with it.

Oh, Hippocratic Oath.  If I wasn't such a firm believer, I could single-hoofedly end a threat to Equestria today.  But even the most wicked deserve their health.

Granted, they couldn't just let me walk to where the queen was being kept.  That was a secret.  

So guess what?

I got Chloroformed.  This time willingly.  Mind you, teaching a bunch of uneducated bug-ponies how to properly administer slightly hazardous anesthesia can be a bit trying.  However, changelings are actually refreshingly literal in their interpretation of instructions.  If they ever go legit, I want one as an assistant.


When I awoke, it was in a dark cave lit by moss, my tool bag at my side, and the sound of upset moans and scratching.

I was having none of that.  I'm a doctor, not Batmare.  I ordered light, and lots of it.  And light is exactly what they gave me.  And it was go-time.

So the changeling queen, Chrysalis.

I'm not familiar with Changeling anatomy of physiology.  I made this clear when I was 'abducted', and when I prepared to examine their queen.  She wasn't the most patient of patients I've ever dealt with, but she couldn't exactly maintain a threat when she stopped every five seconds to scratch her scalp or whine about her 'beautiful hair' falling out.

Honestly, she needs to reassess her priorities.  Preliminary examination would suggest vitamin deficiencies and general malnutrition both for her, and for her 'subjects'.  Cursory glances around showed me a considerable amount of scars and unhealed injuries.  If my understanding of how Chitin functions is correct, this greatly exaggerated what I saw, and I had to reassess the severity of the symptoms.  Naturally, if they could handle being smashed into a wall, they were probably a lot better off than I wanted to initially claim.  Still...  My diagnosis is 'fewer invasions, more begging for food and medical aid'.

That all being said, the queen definitely had a vitamin deficiency of some kind, and lice.

I itch just thinking about it.  

Like I said, my familiarity with changeling anatomy and physiology is non-existent.  However, there are parts of the queen's body that seem to blend from chitin into 'skin' along the top of her head and neck where her mane grows.  And upon examination of said area up close, I was shocked to find a solid infestation of lice, ticks, and even fleas had come to call her home.  

I wasn't about to give her instructions on standard home pest care, I get the feeling she didn't like taking orders and I doubt we had what I needed for such a treatment on hoof.  So we did it the hard way.

“Off with her hair!” was the order of the day.  And despite a number of vicious threats to my well-being, the queen's nasty, greasy, split-end filled mane was shaved clean off for her own good.   And with her scalp laid bare, it was deceptively easy to remove the remaining parasites that had been plaguing her.  The queen threw a pretty good tantrum at first, but once the itching and irritation eased off, she relaxed like someone who'd just finished getting the best massage in the world.

With the immediate problem removed, my prescription for both the queen AND her subjects was more frequent and thorough bathing (turns out the last time she had a proper bath was when she was impersonating Princess Cadance), and a more well-rounded diet.  Love may be what gives them energy, but their bodies need vitamins and protein all the same.  Fewer evil plots, more days out fishing.  If I have to get marenapped again for this kind of thing, I won't hesitate to repeat my performance on her mane.

From her reaction to that threat, I'd say the queen would be taking my instructions seriously.  She looked kind of comical with her fangs sticking out of a silly, terrified grin and one hoof running along her now bald head.

As payment for services rendered, I was offered some gold (probably looted), but I opted instead to request that she compile notes on changeling anatomy and have them delivered to Ponyville Medical Center discretely.  If myself or another medical specialist had to deal with changelings again, it would be more productive if we actually knew what we were working on going into it.  The queen was lucky her problem was actually simple parasite infestation.  If I had to do anything involving antibiotics or invasive medical treatments...  Well, needless to say I might as well have had leeches for all the good my schooling would have done me.


That being said, I need to take a bath.  I was working around fleas, ticks, and lice.  The last thing I need is to become a new host.  I might take today off too, just to be sure.