//------------------------------// // L is for Lithium // Story: The ABCs of Harmonic Death // by Vertigo22 //------------------------------// On a cloudy, Autumn afternoon in central Idahoof, a unicorn stallion with a yellow coat and a battery for a cutie mark stood inside a shed. And in front of him was a giant battery. “Okay, Lyndon, we need to do one more thing!” The stallion said as he turned around. Lyndon, a unicorn stallion with a coconut colored coat and a power drill for a cutie mark, stared blankly at the giant battery. “Cherin,” he said as he shook his head, “what more could you possibly add to this eyesore?” “We need”- Cherin narrowed his eyes dramatically- “electrical things.” “Uhhh… what?” Lyndon asked. “It's already a battery, why do we need electrical things?” “This battery,” Cherin began, his voice unnecessarily dramatic, “is going to… umm… wait, why'd I make this thing again?” “You got sick of running out of batteries,” Lyndon said, “so you decided to make a giant one to charge things.” “Oh, right!” Cherin exclaimed. “Anyways, we need electrical things so it may be even stronger!” “I don't think that's how batteries work,” Lyndon said. “Wouldn't that just create needless clutter?” “Nonsense,” Cherin said. “I’ve done this many times before.” “Right, and I've flown with the Wonderbolts many times before.” “You have?!” “Yes,” Lyndon deadpanned. “Yes I have.” “That's amazing!” Cherin said with a giant grin. “What’s amazing is that you actually think I'm serious.” Cherin’s grin quickly faded. “Oh… well, anyways,” he said awkwardly, “we need to get things like flashlights, light bulbs, and batteries!” “Wait, batteries?” Lyndon asked. “Why do you want batteries if you just built one?” “Silly Lyndon,” Cherin said as he pointed to the electronic abomination in front of the duo. “I'm going to attach those various things to my beautiful creation and turn it on!” Cherin said with a wicked grin. “For when I do, I will have unlimited energy!” Lyndon pulled Cherin closely and pressed his muzzle against his “That makes no fucking sense, what is wrong with you, you imbecile?! Cherin pushed Lyndon away. “Why the anger?” Lyndon paced around the shed and took a deep breath. “I swore you were making this to act as a charger.” “Well, you see,” Cherin said, “I don't know the difference.” “I can't believe we're related.” Lyndon walked towards the shed door and opened it. “I need a moment to contemplate how I've gotten here.” “Have fun!” “Screw you!” --- Inside Cherin's small condo, Lyndon flopped onto a couch and stared blankly at the wall. I loathe when my brother visits, he thought. Maybe if I just talk to myself in my head, I can drown out- “Lyndon, did you find anything in there?” I hate my life. “Hey, little bro, did you find anything?” “I think I'm going to eat my hoof now,” Lyndon said, “in hopes that the blood loss makes it so I don't have to endure your nonsensical bull crap!” “Somepony’s really grumpy,” Cherin said as he entered the house. “Maybe it's because I wasted my entire morning building a worthless battery in my shed!” Lyndon yelled. “Think that might have something to do with it?” “Nope.” Lyndon grabbed a pillow and slammed it against his head. “Oh, come the fuck on, Cherin!” He growled. “You may be naive and oblivious, but this is too much!” “I think I know just how to fix this,” Cherin said as he teleported to his little brother's side. “A hug always cheers you up!” “I swear if you lay a hoof on me, I’ll mail your head on a pike to Princess Celestia with a declaration of war in one of your eye sockets!” “No you won't.” “Yes I will.” “No, you won't.” “Yes, I fucking will!” Cherin laughed. “I know you won't,” He said with a smirk. “How do you know?” Lyndon growled. “Because you're too much of a coward.” Lyndon's eye twitched. “You're… right,” he grumbled. “I told you,” Cherin said as he hugged his little brother. Lyndon hugged his brother. “I hate you so much,” he muttered under his breath. “I love you too,” Cherin said with a smile. “Now, let's go find those electronic things!” “Whoa now,” Lyndon said. “I'm not helping you!” “But you promised!” “When did I promise you?” “This morning, remember?” Lyndon put a hoof up to his chin and thought. ~~~ “Come on!” Cherin said as he bounced around the living room. “Let's go build a battery!” Lyndon threw a book against a wall. “If I help you, do you promise to leave the second we find out it works instead of next week?” “I swear on my life!” Cherin beamed. “Fine, let's go.” ~~~ “Son of a bitch,” Lyndon said under his breath. “Fine, fine, let's go—again.” “Woo-hoo!” Cherin said with a large smile. “This is going to be awesome!’ “Yeah, sure, whatever you say,” Lyndon mumbled. “Just tell me what the first thing on your dumb list is.” “Silly Lyndon,” Cherin said. “All of the things we need are in this house!” “Then why can't you get them yourself?” “Because you promised to-” Lyndon shoved his hoof into his brother's mouth. “Okay, okay, fine,” He said as he removed his hoof from Cherin’s mouth. “Since I won't get the answer I want, why don't we split up?” “Nope!” Cherin said. “We're going to do this together!” “Ah, fuck,” Lyndon grumbled. “Okay, let's get… let's get the batteries first.” “Yay!” Cherin said with a large smile. “Okay, if I'm not mistaken, the batteries are in your kitchen closet.” Lyndon rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Okay, question,” he said. “Which closet?” “Well, what was that big door near the entrance to the dining room?” “That's called a pantry door.” Cherin smiled. “Okay, check that one.” “I thought we were doing this together,” Lyndon said. “Why am I checking it?” “I'm hungry, and want to get something to eat.” “You're unbelievable,” Lyndon muttered under his breath. “I don't care—just come with me so we can finish this stupid battery-” “Charger,” Cherin interrupted. “I don't care if it's a life support machine!” Lyndon snapped. “Now, if you correct me on that again, I swear I will use your spine to hold a pendulum for a clock!” In a huff, Lyndon stormed into his kitchen. “Hmph.” Cherin folded his forelegs. “You're no fun.” Lyndon stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and slowly turned around. “Thanks, neither are you,” He said. With that, Lyndon turned around and walked into the kitchen. --- Lyndon looked around his kitchen. Alright, the batteries should be here, he thought as he approached a pantry door. A light brown glow surrounded the door as it opened up. “I’ve got your batte- Oh sweet Celestia!” Cherin teleported to the entrance of the kitchen. “What is it?” He asked. “Are you hurt?” “Even worse!” Lyndon said as he took several shaky steps back. “It's… it's an Earwig!” Cherin looked down at the batteries and chuckled. “So?” “It's horrifying!” “No it isn't,” Cherin said. “It's harmless you big baby.” “Kill it!” Lyndon yelled before he teleported into his dining room, and ran into a corner. Cherin levitated the insect off of the battery and walked to the backdoor. “Here you go, little guy,” he said as he let the Earwig onto the ground. “Have fun!” The Earwig looked up at the unicorn and wandered off—where, only a few hours later, it would get eaten by a larger animal. With a smile, and a lack of knowledge as to what would happen to the insect he just saved, Cherin walked back to the kitchen. “You can come out how!” He said. “I saved the bug!” “I told you to kill it!” Lyndon yelled. “Not set it free!” “It's just a harmless bug,” Cherin said. “Besides, we got the batteries.” “Fine, but you're carrying them around,” Lyndon said. “So, what's next?” “Lightbulbs!” Cherin said. “Got any laying around?” “Sure,” Lyndon said, “I just need a bright idea.” Cherin smiled. “Okay, tell me when you get one.” Lyndon's right eye twitched. “Just go grab a few from the lamps I have around my house,” he growled. “Before I shove one through your ears.” Cherin frowned. “Ask nicely.” “Damn it, Cherin, just go do it or I'll send you to the moon faster than Celestia sent her no-good sister!” “Hey, I like Luna!” “And I still don't trust her!” “Why not?” “Her hair makes me want to vomit!” “Why?” “Keep asking questions and you'll be eating through a tube! Cherin grimaced. “Okay, okay,” He said. “Where are your lamps?” “That's a question, genius!” Lyndon yelled. “Besides, aren't we suppose do to find these things together?” Cherin teleported into the living room. “Not if you keep acting mean.” Lyndon teleported into the living and fired a magic bolt at his ceiling. “Here, lightbulbs!” He said as he levitated down two lamps. “Ta-da!” Lyndon's eye twitched as he stared soullessly at his brother. “Are you okay?” Cherin asked. “Never better!” “Um, well, you don't sound okay,” Cherin said as he backed away. “In fact, you're terrifying me.” “I always act this way!” Lyndon proclaimed. “You're just over thinking things!” “How am I doing that?” “Well, you think I'm being mean, but this is how I show affection.” Lyndon tossed the lamps aside and threw his forelegs into the air. “La-dee-da!” He said as he spun around. Cherin shook his head. He trotted up to his brother and shook him violently. “Snap out of it, Lyndon!” “Never!” Lyndon yelled. “It's the only place I'm safe from you! “Fine, you made me do this,” Cherin said as he raised a hoof. POW Lyndon fell backwards, unconscious. Cherin looked down at his brother. No different than when he goes drinking, he thought as he hopped onto a couch. --- A few hours —and a few nightmares about his brother living with him due to his house being crushed by a giant Princess Luna— later, Lyndon’s eyes slowly opened. “Oh, my head,” he groaned as he sat up. “What happened?” Cherin looked down at his brother and laughed. “Well, you had a complete nervous breakdown,” he said. “I thought you were going to go crazy!” “I know that,” Lyndon said as he stood up. “I want to know why my head feels like it got hit by a train.” “Oh, I punched you.” “You what?” “I punched you.” “Dick.” “Oh, by the way,” Cherin said, “are you going to pay to get that repaired?” Lyndon cocked an eyebrow. “Pay for what?” Cherin pointed at the ceiling. “That.” Lyndon looked up at the hole. “Oh.” “Good going, Lyndon!” Cherin exclaimed. “By the way, what are we going to do about the lamps you threw?” “Just take the light bulbs,” Lyndon said. “But if you break one, I'm going to bash one against your chest until I can play xylophone on your ribcage.” Cherin levitated a lamp over and held it in front of his brother. “Oooh, I'm going to drop it,” he said with a smirk. “Cherin, do you want to end up looking like a Picasso painting?” Without a word, Cherin placed the lamp on the floor and unscrewed the light bulb. “Thought so,” Lyndon said with a smug grin. “Oh, I don't mind if I end up looking like one on principle,” Cherin said, “I just don't trust you to make me look like one of his good paintings.” Lyndon, without a word, levitated a lamp over and unscrewed the bulb. Don't bash him upside the head, don't bash him upside the head. “Of course, you could always make me look like graffiti!” Don't bash him upside the head. “Oh! Or you can make me look like macaroni art!” “That isn't art, you numbskull! Lyndon yelled as he hurled a lamp at the wall. Cherin looked at the shattered lamp, then back at his brother. “That's entirely on you.” “Shut up.” “I think macaroni art is real art.” “I said 'shut up'!” “You're not my mom!” Cherin said as he held back laughter. Lyndon took a deep breath, stood up, and walked to the back door. “We have the same mom, moron!” He yelled before he bucked down the door. “And I think the same dad!” --- Outside, Lyndon paced in a circle. I thought it was supposed to be the young sibling who annoyed the older one, he thought. Why am I the one pony who has an older sibling whose brain is probably burnt hay and a dead star? Lyndon sighed. It's amazing that that screw up built that stupid battery in his own—and never needed me to guide him through the process. Lyndon walked over to a large Maple Tree and sat under it. If only he wasn't so immature. Lyndon rubbed his temples and sighed. If only that moron would just go- “I got all of the light bulbs I need!” Cherin yelled. “Also, I'm not paying for your new door!” -away. Lyndon shot a glare towards Cherin, who stood in the doorway. “Do you even have a single bit to your name?” Lyndon asked as his brother approached him. “I’d like to think I have a fair amount,” Cherin said. “Of course, I doubt I can make you agree.” “You'd be right,” Lyndon said. “Now, what do you want?” “We've got to finish the battery!” I know that, Sherlock,” Lyndon replied. “I mean, why are you out here, disturbing me?” “Well, I was kind of concerned about you,” Cherin said. “I know you're prone to meltdowns when I get too goofy, but I've never seen you so… unstable.” “Cherin, I love you,” Lyndon said. “I really do.” Cherin smiled. “Thanks! I love you too!” “Yeah, that's nice,” Lyndon said. “But you're also the most obnoxious and stupid pony I've ever met. One second, you're aware that you act like the dumbest son of a bitch on Equus. The next, you'll put a light bulb over your head in hopes you get a 'great’ idea!” “Well, I'm sorry that I occasionally do dumb things,” Cherin said. “But they can lead to fun adventures!” “Cherin, hiking and skiing are fun,” Lyndon said. “Trying to get a rubber glove to be a conductor of electricity isn't fun. It's stupid.” “Yeah, but I learned something that day!” Cherin said. “Doesn't that count as something fun?” “Cherin, you're a thirty-nine year old stallion who has a cutie mark in something that involves electricity,” Lyndon said. “How in Celestia's name did you not know rubber doesn't conduct electricity?!” “Well, I… I might’ve fallen asleep on class a lot as a colt,” Cherin said sheepishly. “Then how did you ever get your cutie mark?” “I built a battery.” “Out of what?” “Lithium.” “Wait, was this the day I asked why the house smelled of burnt wire, but you and mom wouldn't tell me why?” Cherin remained silent. “Well?” “Um… yes.” “I fucking knew you somehow managed to make something that blew up!” Lyndon exclaimed. “And go figure that she had a hoof in it! Tell me, did she also have a hoof in helping you get your stupid cutie mark?” Cherin glared at his brother. “Hey, she isn't dumb!” He said. She's the entire reason I have my cutie mark.” “And there you go again! You say stupid shit, but aren't fucking aware of it!” Lyndon yelled. “She isn't dumb, yet she helped get you one of the least fitting cutie marks imaginable!” He yelled. “Cherin, I swear, you could make styrofoam somehow detonate simply by touching it, you're that stupid and incompetent.” “You're such a mean, bitter pony,” Cherin said. “Can't you just accept that maybe, just maybe, I got my cutie mark because I was meant to have it?” He asked. “Even if I had a bit of extra help?” “No! Lyndon snapped. “Something went wrong, and you should have a dunce cap for a cutie mark!” Cherin frowned. “Screw you,” he said. Lyndon's eyes shot open. “Did… did you just swear? To me no less?” “You're being too mean, and it's making me feel bad!” Lyndon felt a swarm of emotions course through him. Apathy, annoyance, irritation, and, most surprising to him, a slight hint of sadness... For a whole four seconds. “Yeah, I don't care.” “Figures,” Cherin said. “You never do.” “Hey, you actually know something about your little brother that isn't what my favorite color is!” “Blue, right?” “Never mind.” “What is it?” “Yellow, you dipstick.” “Oh.” Cherin looked at the ground and frowned. “Well, are you going to get the remaining things I want to attach to my beautiful creation?” “First of all, I'd like a few minutes to myself,” Lyndon said. “Second of all, that abomination isn't beautiful.” “Why isn't it beautiful?” Cherin asked. “It looks like somepony took a bunch of wires and trains, threw them into a vortex, then put more wires on it, and as a finishing touch, attached a giant blue bar to measure its electrical output, which makes it look like someone put a giant glue stick on it.” Cherin stared blankly at his brother. “Well, I think I still think it's beautiful,” he said. “Anyways, next up, I need flashlights!’ “Go into the basement.” “Aren't you going to come?” “I said I wanted to have some alone time!” Lyndon yelled. “Well, then I'll wait.” Lyndon groaned. “Screw it, let's go,” he said as he stormed back into his house. Cherin clapped his hooves together. “Woo! We're almost done!” He said happily as he followed his brother. “This is so exciting!” “As exciting as having a tooth yanked out,” Lyndon mumbled. “Would it kill you to be positive for even a second?” Cherin asked. Lyndon approached the basement door and opened it. “My doctor says if I try to be positive, I might explode and destroy everything within two hundred yards.” Cherin jumped back a few feet in shock. “Really?!” He asked “No you idiot, I'm just pessimistic!” Lyndon snapped before he descended the stairs. “Though, I wouldn't be shocked if that did happen.” Cherin let out a sigh. “I'm so gullible,” he said as followed his brother. “Since when did you become Captain Obvious?” “The same day you became General Sarcasm.” “Ha. Ha. Ha.” Lyndon reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to face his brother. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he said. “Ha!” “What's so funny?” Cherin asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “Do I have something on my face?” “Are you for real!?” Lyndon asked as he rested his head against the wall. “No,” Cherin said. “Now, where do you have the flashlights?” Lyndon turned a light on. Dozens of boxes, stacked on top of one another, filled the room. “Somewhere,” he said. “Oh, it's like a scavenger hunt!” Cherin said. “Time to get to work!” “Yippee,” Lyndon deadpanned as he levitated a box down to himself. “Maybe I'll find your common sense down here.” Cherin levitated an empty box over Lyndon's head. “Well, I found your optimism,” he said as he dropped the box onto his brothers head “Have it back.” Lyndon threw the box aside. “Tell me when you find the one fuck I give, along with my sense of humor.” Cherin threw another box at his brother and chuckled. “Come on, Lyndon!” Lyndon levitated the box towards him and hurled it at his brother's head. “Knock it off, dickweed!” “Keep acting like that and you'll get health problems,” Cherin said in an overly serious manner. “Right,” Lyndon said. “And if I eat a battery, I'll become battery powered.” “Hey, who's to say you won't?” “Logic.” “Where’s the fun in that?” “Suddenly, your stupidity makes complete sense!” “Hey, you got scared of a little bug!” Cherin said. “What does that have to do with logic?” “It's a completely harmless insect, yet you treated it as though it would kill you from looking at you funny!” “Just shut up and find the flashlights.” --- Fifty minutes, several arguments, and one spider-induced panic attack later “Is it still there?” Lyndon asked from behind a box fort. “It's been gone for thirty minutes now,” Cherin said as he put a flashlight into a box. “I even made sure to put it over the fence, and into the neighbor's yard.” “How do I know you didn't leave it upstairs?” Lyndon asked. “I didn't hear the door open!” “And who's the genius who destroyed his backdoor?” “Uhhh…” “Exactly.” Lyndon cursed under his breath as he left the comfort—and safety—of his box fort. “Okay, so we got all the things you wanted,” he said. “Are we set to go?” “Nope!” Cherin said cheerfully. “We need Hearth's Warming lights!” Lyndon facehoofed. And facehoofed. And facehoofed a third time for good measure. “Why in Celestia's, Luna's, Cadence’s, that Sparkle bitch’s, and whatever that foals name is do you want to put lights on your battery?!” “Well, I think pull give it more pizazz,” Cherin said. “Wouldn't you agree?” Lyndon stared at his brother. His left eye twitched as he attempted to comprehend what he'd just heard. “I… what… why?!” “It'll look pretty!” “No!” London snapped. “It'll look tackier!” “How would you know?” “I'm good at making mental images.” “Since when?” “Since… just now!” Lyndon said. “That’s besides the point though!” “No it isn't” Cherin said. “Now, if you don't get those lights, I'll stay for another week.” “Fine, let's get your lights.” “Woo!” “Do that again, and I'm going to strangle you with them.” “Buzz kill.” “And proud of it.” “Okay, serious question,” Cherin said. “Where do you keep the lights?” “I think the attic,” Lyndon said. “I haven't bothered to put any up in years though. So for all I know, they're in Saddle Arabia.” “Why there?” “Are you really questioning that, of all things?!” “Yep.” “Moron.” “My name’s-” Lyndon shoved his hoof into his brother's mouth. “Finish that sentence, and I will make you look like a Rorschach test.” “How can you possibly make me look like so many different things?” Cherin asked. “I'll find a way,” Lyndon said. “Believe me.” Cherin gave his brother an uneasy look. “Let's just go get the lights.” “Good idea!” Lyndon said in an uncharacteristically happy tone. “Maybe I can find my autographed hoofball cards up there too.” “Since when do you have hoofball cards?” Cherin asked as he walked alongside his brother. “Heck, since when were you ever interested in that sport to begin with?” “Well, I once tried to make friends with some dumb jocks in High School and I somehow ended up with those cards,” Lyndon said. “I'm ninety percent sure I stole them from one of those jocks.” “Think they ever noticed?” “No, they were too busy playing with that stupid ball to ever notice me.” “You going to give them back?” “Cherin, this was about two decades ago,” Lyndon deadpanned. “Of course I'm not.” Cherin rolled his eyes as his brother unlocked the attic door. “Well, what about the other ten percent?” “They gave them to me.” “I'd like to believe you aren't a thief.” “Me too,” Lyndon said as he ascended the creaky, wooden attic stairs. “Then again, I'd also like to believe you're a figment of my imagination, Luna's still on the moon, and Celestia is actually a Chimera.” “Why a Chimera?” Cherin asked. “Why not?” “Fair enough.” “Fantastic!” Lyndon said. “Oh, hey, my hoofball cards,” he said as he looked around. “And they're all burnt… damn it.” “Wah, wah, wah,” Cherin said as he pretended to play the trombone. “You'd make the worst trombone player,” Lyndon said. “Why not play something more suited for you? Like the drums. After all, you do assault my ears everytime you open your mouth.” “I was thinking the trumpet,” Cherin said. “It’s loud, but beautiful.” “Well, at least you're becoming self aware,” Lyndon said as he opened a large trunk. “I've always been self aware,” Cherin said as he shifted through a chest. “Oooh, a comic book.” “I'm also sure that's one of the jocks,” Lyndon said. “Or it could be a royal guardstallion’s, and I took it because I'm an a-hole.” Cherin chuckled. “You think Shining Armor really lets the Royal Guard read comics?” Lyndon tossed a few rolls of yarn off to the side. “How should I know? I've never met him.” “Hey, I'm just curious.” “I'm going to guess he's a nasty, inconsiderate prick who enjoys kicking foals and stealing from homeless ponies.” “Isn't that how you view Luna?” “Pretty much.” “Do you view anypony in a positive light?” Cherin asked levitated a few wires out. “You seem to hate everypony who isn't yourself.” “Well, I like Cadence,” Lyndon said. “I… um… I guess I like Celestia.” “Is that it?” “I like mom?” “So, that makes a whooping three ponies,” Cherin said. “Is that really it?” “Yep.” “Alrighty then.” Cherin levitated another roll of wires out and tossed them aside. “I’ll never understand your disdain for Luna though.” “Look, anypony who was once evil should always be viewed with some distrust.” “Don't you feel that's a bit too cruel?” Cherin asked. “Even by your standards?” “Absolutely not. She wanted to plunge the world into eternal night. Why should we welcome her back with nothing but smiles and love?” “She wasn't always evil!” “And I wasn't always cynical.” “So?” “Should you still view me as a partial optimist?” “Well, I think there's a part of you that's positive.” “And you'd be wrong.” “Can't I at least think that?” “Absolutely.” “Then I will!” “Fantastic.” “And I'll view Luna as a good pony.” “Go crazy.” “If I'm to ever believe you, I already have,” Cherin said. “By the way, have you found any lights over there?” “No, but I found my book on lizard ponies,” Lyndon said. “I don't believe this crap, but I remember Celestia getting pissed that somepony suggested that Luna was a lizard.” “If you don't believe it, why did you buy it?” “It raised a solid point that Luna couldn't have survived on the moon unless she was a lizard.” “But you said you didn't believe it! Why say it raises a good point?” “Oh hey, lights!” “Gimme!” “I sent them to the moon.” “Oh.” Lyndon tossed the lights at his brother, which smacked him on the head. “Luna sent them back.” Cherin rubbed his head. “But she isn't on the moon anymore.” “Luna's lizard friends sent it back then.” “Uh-huh,” Cherin said, “and Princess Twilight is a robot that was engineered by Canterlot scientists in an underground lab.” Lyndon tapped his chin. “You might be onto something…” Cherin shook his head. “Well, I have enough lights now!” He said. “We can uh, go to the shed!” “And it'd explain why ponies describe Twilight as such a perfectionist, and why she's supposedly so kind.” “Lyndon?” “It would also explain why she's so gifted in magic?” “Lyndon!” “And if you carry the four, you'll see that her cutie mark was genetically created from hairs from Celestia's mane.” “LYNDON!” “Huh?” “What the fuck were you going on about?” “I dunno.” “You scare me.” “The feeling's mutual.” Cherin levitated a few lights into his back. “Let's just go.” Lyndon levitated a couple of lights onto his brother's back. “You carry this,” he said as he made his way down the attic steps. “I'll bring the other stuff to the shed.” Cherin struggled to stand up. “Can't you carry a few yourself?” “Nope.” “Please?” “Fine, one,” Lyndon said. “But only one.” Cherin tossed a light to his brother. “Thanks!” Without a word, Lyndon walked away. He better be fast. --- Twenty minutes later ”Cherin, if you don't hurry up, I will use your horn as a Pogo stick!” Lyndon yelled from the living room. “I'm almost down the stairs!” --- Another twenty minutes later, plus an additional ten dedicated to crying from back pain, then an additional five dedicated to arguing about said crying. “Okay, you ready to hook this stuff up?” Cherin asked. “Uhh… I guess.” Lyndon glanced at the collection of stuff he and his brother had collected throughout the day. “Are you sure this crap will do anything.” “Absolutely, one hundred percent, supremely -” Lyndon shoved his hoof into his brother's mouth. “I get it,” he growled. “Let's just get this over with.” Cherin removed the hoof from his mouth. He levitated a battery onto the giant one placed it on there. He then levitated a roll of duct tape over to himself and taped it down. “One down,” he said, “about two dozen to go!” “This is the dumbest thing I've ever done,” Lyndon said as he screwed a light bulb onto the battery. “And I once tried to convince a guard pony that Nightmare Moon would eat his soul while he slept.” “Didn't you also stick a fork in an electrical outlet?” Cherin asked. “We don't talk about that…” Cherin chuckled and levitated a flashlight onto the battery. “Hmmm… does this look good?” He asked as he held the flashlight in place. Lyndon looked over at the flashlight. “Cherin, that looks like you gave the battery a nose.” “Yeah, it looks pretty cool, no?” “It looks stupid—and I don't even think that thing will conduct electricity.” “It has a light bulb inside of it though!” “For somepony who has the cutie mark of a battery, you sure don’t know much about electrical things,” Lyndon deadpanned. “The damn thing is designed to put out light, not create electricity! Come on!” “... what about the batteries inside of it?” Cherin asked sheepishly. “Those also don't count you dipstick!” Lyndon yelled. Cherin opened his mouth to speak, but Lyndon put his hoof back into his mouth. “No, the power switch doesn't count either.” Cherin removed his brother's hoof. “Oh.” Lyndon levitated a battery to himself. “You know, I must finally ask: how exactly will this 'give you unlimited energy'?” He asked as he taped the battery down. “You do realize that isn't how electricity works, right?” “Well, the way I see it,” Cherin began as he taped a flashlight down, “all of these objects will power a huge generator. With our magic, we can charge it to where it'll never-ever run out of power!” “Wait, our magic?” Lyndon asked with a surprised look. “You not going to help?” Cherin asked. "Cherin, I've heard stories about unicorns who have tried to use their magic to power up electronics,” Lyndon said. “Most of them end with the electronic exploding.” “That’s because they did it wrong,” Cherin said. “They recklessly powered it up, and ended up overcharging it!” “Right, and what about the scientist who tried it at a research lab and ended up blowing up the entire facility?” Lyndon asked. “I guess that was just a wee lil mistake?” “Yep!” Cherin exclaimed. “You need to realize mistakes happen, even to the smartest of ponies!” Cherin wrapped a leg around Lyndon. “If you just had an ounce of optimism in you, you'd realize that and so much more!” “Okay, first of all, don't touch me,” Lyndon said as he removed his brother's leg from around the back of his neck. “Second of all, I'm already a good pony. Don't fucking judge me.” Lyndon glared his brother. “Third, I hope this thing blows up, just to prove a point.” “Lyndon, you have serious problems.” “Oh, boy, Captain Obvious is here once again!” Lyndon exclaimed sarcastically. “Cherin, let's just get this stupid going before I attach you to it and use it to roast marshmallows with it, along with you!” “Yay!” Cherin said as he ignored his brothers absurd threat. He leaped into the air with a look of pure joy on his face. I should've moved to New Colt City, Lyndon thought as he placed a few batteries on the larger one. But no, I move a mere two streets away from this bozo. “... and then we can go to a hoofball game!” Cherin exclaimed. He turned to face his brother and cocked an eyebrow. “You okay?” “What do you think?” “You're excited about seeing this thing work?” “For the twenty thousandth time: no!” “Okay,” Cherin said as he levitated another flashlight to himself. “How about now?” Lyndon groaned. “Let's just finish this before I stuff you inside the battery and say a Gryphon did it.” --- After two hours of work, several arguments over the positioning of various objects, dinner, and a debate over whether or not to name the battery Olaf, the duo stood before the electrical monstrosity. “I'm still going to call it Olaf,” Cherin said as he stood before the decorated battery. “And you can't do a thing about it.” “Why do you even want to give it a name?” Lyndon asked as he shook his head. “It has no feelings!” “It's better than calling it 'the battery'!” Cherin snapped. “Now come on, I wanna get this thing going!” Lyndon sighed. “Okay, so at the count of three, we just shoot a beam at it?” Cherin nodded. “One.” The duo's horns both glowed. “Two,” Cherin said as the glow intensified. “Three!” Two bright beams struck the battery, which caused it to hum to life. And subsequently shake. Violently. Sparks flew in all directions, along with pieces of metal batteries, and shards of glass from exploding light bulbs and flashlights. “Ru-” before Lyndon could finish his sentence, several sharp shards of glass struck him in the head, piercing his skin and lodging themselves into his brain. Cherin watched in both awe and horror as his creation slowly came apart in a display of chaos and fury. Maybe Lyndon had a point, he thought. Maybe those decorative lights were a bad idea. Suddenly, the battery sent out several balls of electricity. Cherin's pupils shrunk. “Oh shit,” he said as he took a few steps back. VWOOM! The large battery shot out an enormous pulse of magic and electricity, frying Cherin and vaporizing the shed. --- A few hours later, a unicorn stallion with a blue coat and a badge for a cutie mark and a unicorn mare with a light blue coat and a magnifying glass walked along a sidewalk towards a small purple condo. “This is the worst part of the job,” he said, a slight frown on his face. “Although paperwork is a close second.” “I know, Quincy,” the mare said. “You say that every time we have to break the news to a family that one of their loved ones died.” “I'm sorry, Sharlene,” Quincy said. Sharlene nodded and walked up towards another small, purple condo. “Just be up front and don't hold back,” she said as she and her partner walked up to the front door. Knock, knock “Yes?” A mare asked as she opened the door. “Can I help you, two?” “I regret to inform you,” Quincy said. “But your son's died in an explosion from a battery.” “Oh, so that's what that sound was,” the mare said. “I'm not terribly shocked though.” “Did they have a history of doing this?” Sharlene asked. “Well, truth be told, I taught one of them—Cherin,” the mare said. “I always expected this though. Cherin was reckless, and was always so eager to one-up himself.” “Wait, you taught him?” Quincy asked. “Yes, I taught him everything he needed to know,” the mare said. “Or so I thought.” Quincy stood in disbelief and shook his head. I need a new job, he thought. “Well, thank you for your time,” Sharlene said. “And again, I'm very sorry for your loss.” “Don't worry,” the mare said. “I have two more. I'll teach them better.” The two officers nodded and walked away, both bearing looks of concern. The mare shut the door behind her. As she did, Sharlene turned to Quincy. “So, I guess it runs in the family.”