You in Equestria: Let's Save a Kingdom

by RatherHomely


92

You know what? So far, you've been doing all this grunt work, and what thanks have you gotten? Nothing. Nada. Zip. You'd think Celestia or somebody would, at the very least, give you a medal or something! As a matter of fact, why isn't Celestia helping you? It's her bloody kingdom, after all! Why doesn't she get off her lazy rump and do something?
As a matter of fact, she's a god, isn't she? At least, you think she's a god. Maybe a minor deity. She can move the sun, that's got to count for something.
The brilliant idea crosses your mind that, maybe, if you concentrate hard enough, Celestia will hear your pleas for help. She could make this a whole lot easier for you.
Standing on the roof, you shout to the skies, "Oh mighty Celestia, Raiser of the Suns, and Part-Time Caretaker of the Moon! Heed my call! I ask for your assistance in incapacitating Applejack so I can force her to wear a small hunk of jewelry! Granted, it's a bit of an odd request, but the fate of your kingdom depends on it!"
You feel an apple bounce off your forehead. "Keep it quiet up there! I'm tryin' to do somethin'!" Applejack shouts up at you.
You wait for Celestia to make an appearance. You know, descend from the clouds bathed in light. Something flashy. You begin to tap your foot impatiently. "Well?!" you cry out, "You gonna do something or what, you lazy bum!?"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning forks down from the sky and strikes you dead on, and you can feel the energy surge through your body. When it stops, you sniff the air. Something smells funny, and you can see smoke lazily rising from your body. A letter materializes out of nowhere and lands gently in your hand. It reads; 'Next time you try to call upon my powers, send a letter addressed to 45 Bite My Ass Avenue. -Celestia.' It looks like Discord's managed to do something you'd thought only occurred in the MLP fandom; he's turned Celestia into an asshole!
You gaze angrily back up at the sky. "Oh yeah, Celestia?! Well fu-" Another bolt of lightning hits you right between the eyes, and the pain causes you to black out. When you awaken, you find yourself at the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres in a trash can. You can only assume that Applejack decided to get rid of the singed lump that fell off her roof.

>You wince as you touch your burnt skin, and decide it'd be best to cut your losses and move on to the next pony.