//------------------------------// // 7. Beguiling My Sad Fancy into Smiling // Story: You Too Will Deteriorate // by cleverpun //------------------------------// Celestia took another sip of wine. It tasted quite nice. It had a hint of Canterlot Ventana 1243 in it, back when they still harvested berries from the east bank of the river rather than the west. Her chair squeaked a bit as she leaned back. Her maids and butlers were always trying to get into her study and clean and oil everything. But occasionally, an errant squeak or smudge or discoloration could be nice. Remind one that not everything lasts forever. She set her glass down on her desk. “Come in, sister. I know you’re out there.” The door creaked open, and Luna walked in. “Hello, sister.” “I needn’t ask what is on your mind.” Luna sat down, a bit farther from Celestia’s desk than she might have otherwise. “Do you hate me?” she asked. Celestia sighed. On the one hoof, the bluntness was refreshing. It meant Luna had become more comfortable with her. Its content, on the other hoof… “That is not the sort of question one asks…unless they already have some inkling of the answer.” “I know it was foolish to think otherwise. After everything I told you, after everything I did, expecting you to forgive me so easily was naive. I hoped that perhaps, eventually, with time, the lie might gradually become truth.” Celestia smiled. “You know me too well. I had hoped I was hiding it better.” “I don’t blame you. How could I? But I suppose seeing the original Celestia threw it into sharper relief.” “I know what you are thinking, Luna. You don’t owe that Celestia anything.” “Of course I do. I owe her everything and more. I owe her my life and the lives of an entire planet.” “Perhaps that was an inelegant way to phrase it.” Celestia slid her glass over to the side of her desk. “You once asked me about the nature of penance. Do you remember?” “I remember all our conversations, down to the syllable.” “I was being sincere. The context doesn’t change my answer. You can perform all the penance you like, to all the Celestias across a hundred worlds, and that doesn’t make it any more meaningful. It doesn’t make it any less self-destructive.” Luna’s gaze fell to the floor. “Do you know what I did on the moon, all those years alone?” Celestia said nothing. Luna knew as well as she that no guess would be accurate. “At first, I did nothing. I sat around, thinking about how wonderful it would feel when I returned to you. ‘All these years alone will be such great penance for what I did,’ I thought.” Luna smiled. “I thought it would be so simple, so easy and cleansing to be alone.” Her smile faded. “But then I thought, ‘What if this isn’t enough?’ I was alone in my Equestria, after everything died. But that took some time. I had some ponies for a while. And then, even when I was alone, I had all the books and things to keep me busy. But then, on the moon, I was truly alone. Nothing but dust and rocks. “What if it wasn’t enough to absolve me?” Luna lifted up a foreleg, traced her hoof across it. “I realized that I had to do something to ensure it would count.” She moved her hoof sharply down. “I cut my foreleg off. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I screamed. I sat there thrashing and writhing for a long time. And then, when I felt better, I used magic to regrow it. And then I did it again. “Eventually, the shock wore off. After a few dozen times, it didn’t feel like a punishment anymore; it just felt like a boring routine.” Luna moved her hoof up to her eye. “I tried every body part, every organ, eventually. Not the crucial ones, not the ones I needed to live or cast magic, but every other one. I kept very careful count of them all. I thought maybe if I did it enough times, it would make my banishment more effective, that I would feel better afterwards. That when I finally returned, it would be easier to forgive me.” Celestia blinked, and she knew her tears were plainly visible. But Luna continued to stare at her foreleg. “And did all that help?” Celestia asked. “Did any of that mean anything?” Luna lowered her hoof. “I suppose not.” “That’s why I don’t believe in penance. It’s arbitrary. The old saying goes that ‘living well is the best revenge.’ But I don’t think that’s quite accurate. Living well is the best medicine.” “Is that why you pretended to forgive me? To soothe yourself?” “One of many reasons, yes.” Celestia stared at her wine glass. “Another reason was to soothe you. I am disappointed that it didn’t work. Another time I misjudged something, to your detriment.” “I am sorry, sister. I should not have told you this. I didn’t want to burden you further.” Celestia smiled. “If you want to unburden me, go convince the other Celestia to go back without you. I asked Discord to do it, but there is no telling how long he will take to ‘prepare’ himself.” “I still don’t know what to say to her.” “None of us do.” Celestia chuckled. “That didn’t stop Twilight from trying.” Luna smiled. “Come now, sister. You can’t hold us all to Twilight’s standard. We would never get anything done.” “Was that an attempt at humor? There may be hope yet.” Luna chuckled. “Thank you, sister. I suppose I need to think, but thank you. I’ll leave you to your wine.” Celestia neglected to finish her wine.