"Fluttershy? Fluttershy? Are you okay?" Rarity sighed and put her hoof on Fluttershy's back, something that elicited no response from her friend. She merely continued to stare at the ground, her ears and wings drooped. Rarity scooted forward and wrapped Fluttershy in a tight hug. "I know there are no words of comfort I can possibly give you that will take the pain away. Just know that she's not suffering anymore. She's happy now."
Fluttershy whispered a barely audible response. Rarity swiveled her ear closer to her and leaned in. "What's that, darling?"
Fluttershy sniffled and wiped her eyes with her hoof. "Should have done something," she muttered.
"Oh darling..." Rarity gently nuzzled Fluttershy. "We all wish we could have. I know you would have given anything to save her. This hurts. I know it does."
Fluttershy took a shaky breath in. "Just wanted her to stop suffering," Fluttershy whispered almost inaudibly. "Could have done something."
"I understand, darling," Rarity said. "Just know that she's not suffering now. I have no doubts in my mind that she is enduring no pain, nor will she ever again. She's happy."
Fluttershy sniffled and gently leaned her head against Rarity's shoulder. She couldn't deny the truth of Rarity's words. Starshine was happier now. There was no doubt.
"Selfish," Fluttershy whispered. "I was selfish."
Rarity frowned and broke the hug. "How? How in Equestria were you selfish?"
Fluttershy wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof. "Wanted to spend more time with her. Meant she just kept suffering."
"Oh darling..." Rarity wrapped her friend in another hug. "It's hardly selfish of you to want to spend more time with somepony you love, even if they are sick. I'm positive that Starshine cherished each and every moment she spend with you and her parents, regardless of how she was feeling physically. You and her parents cherished every moment as well. You wildly improved her final days. How is that selfish at all?"
"I could have--"
"Fluttershy, there was nothing you could have done other than what you did. You made her happy! You helped her in ways no medicine ever could." Rarity gently nuzzled Fluttershy.
"Maybe. Just..." Fluttershy pulled away from Rarity's hug. "Just wanna be alone right now."
"Oh." Rarity blinked in confusion before slowly getting to her hooves. "Y-yes. Of course. You just let me know if you need anything, anything at all, and I'll do everything in my power to help." She gently smiled and put a hoof on Fluttershy's back. "You don't have to go through this alone, darling." Fluttershy didn't respond. She merely stared at the ground and poked at a loose splinter in her floor. Rarity's smile slowly faded, and she let out a nearly inaudible sigh.
"I will see you later, dear."
Rarity quietly walked out of Fluttershy's home, leaving her friend alone to stare at the floor. Fluttershy's ear flicked when she heard the door to her cottage close. As she sat there, none of her animals came up to her to comfort their friend. They seemed to sense that it wouldn't help. They merely stayed in their holes and small houses.
After ten minutes, Fluttershy took a deep, shaky breath and slowly got to her hooves. She trudged over to her kitchen and opened one of the cabinets to gently take out the box. That wonderful, horrible box. She set it down on her table, covering up the small stain of Angel's blood. Fluttershy paused for a moment to work up the nerve, then slid the lid off of the box and peered inside.
She could have helped Starshine with what was in the box.
"Selfish," Fluttershy whispered as she took out one of the ingredients. How could she be so selfish as to want Starshine to keep suffering just so she could see her for a few more months? She had the power to help her, but she didn't. Starshine's last few days were spent in misery the likes of which Fluttershy couldn't comprehend. By the end the nearly skeletal filly could barely even open her eyes.
What kind of Element of Kindness was she? She didn't deserve that title. She was sure of that. It would have been kind to let Starshine go. Instead she watched her suffer for months.
"I wish I could go back and help you," Fluttershy moaned. "I w-would have fixed you! I would have made you happy."
Fluttershy let out a single sob and put her hoof on the box. She would never again let a pony suffer like Starshine had. She would never again be selfish and let them waste away just so she could see them for a little while longer. Doubtlessly there were ponies all over Equestria that she could help. Maybe even some in Ponyville. Maybe, just maybe, if she helped enough ponies, she could become worthy of the title of Element of Kindness again. Slowly Fluttershy began taking the rest of the ingredients out of the box. She'd need more if she wanted to truly help ponies.
"For you, Starshine," Fluttershy muttered to herself. "I'll do it for you."
* * * *
"Thank you so much for coming with my again, Fluttershy!" Pinkie said happily as she hopped down the road to Ponyville General. "I know the foals are just gonna love seeing you again!"
Fluttershy smiled weakly and walked alongside Pinkie, her saddlebag secured to her side. "Oh, of course, Pinkie. Anything to help them feel better."
"Well I'm sure you being there is gonna help a lot!" Pinkie said as the hospital came into view. "We'll tag team it! I can entertain the crowd while you talk to individual foals to see how they're doing!"
"That sounds like a good idea."
"Speaking of making ponies feel better, you're looking a bit better yourself, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy smiled a bit wider and shrugged with her wings. "Well, I guess I figured out that I can't spend all of my time grieving like I did with Angel. Starshine wouldn't want me to spend a month locked in my cottage. She'd want me to go out and start helping ponies again."
"I couldn't agree more!" Pinkie stopped in front of the door to the hospital and held it open for Fluttershy to go in first. Fluttershy nodded in thanks and walked in to hold the second set of doors open for Pinkie. Once Pinkie entered, she followed behind her to the front desk. Nurse Redheart stood there, chatting with the receptionist, but turned and smiled at Pinkie as she approached.
"Ah, here for the foals?" Redheart asked.
"Yes indeeedy do!" Pinkie chirped, setting her bag on the floor and pulling out her top hat. "Pinkie and Fluttershy are here to spread happiness and cheer!"
"Excellent. Well, you know where they are." Redheart motioned down the hallway. "Just head on back."
"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie picked her bag back up and slung it over her back. "Come on, Fluttershy! Let's go spread some smiles!"
With that, Pinkie threw the door of the foals' ward open and hopped inside. The foals all looked to the door and smiled when they saw Pinkie.
"Preeeesenting your favorite party pony!" Pinkie cried. "The one, the only..."
"Pinkie Pie!" the foals cheered.
"Aaaand Fluttershy!" Pinkie said, pointing at Fluttershy, who had quietly walked in behind her. "Now come on, everypony, let's see some smiles!"
The foals cheered again as Pinkie Pie hopped around the ward giving out hugs and small gifts. Fluttershy smiled at the antics of her friend before scanning the room to look for anypony she could help. She sighed in relief when she didn't spot anypony that looked too sick. Not as bad as Starshine had been. A few of the foals had broken legs. One or two had IVs, but she could tell they didn't have any life-threatening issues. They looked as happy and energetic as one could while stuck in a hospital. However, as she continued scanning the room, she did notice one little filly in the corner. She appeared to be about Starshine's age. Unlike the rest, she didn't get out of her bed when Pinkie entered the room. Fluttershy studied her face and saw only one thing on it: pain.
It seemed like there was somepony she could help after all. She draped a wing over her saddlebag and trotted over to the filly.
"Hello there," she said, stopping next to the filly's bed and giving her a comforting smile. "How are you today?"
"Okay, I guess," the filly said weakly. She tried to turn to face Fluttershy, but the movement caused her to flinch in pain. "Hurts."
"Oh, that's too bad." Fluttershy sat next to the filly's bed and put a hoof next to her. "My name is Fluttershy. I'm here with Pinkie."
"I heard that," the filly said. "I'm Green Leaf. I just had surgery a few days ago."
Surgery. Something was obviously wrong if she needed surgery. Perhaps she'd needed a tumor removed. Yes, she could definitely help Green Leaf.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Fluttershy said, gently placing a hoof on her bag. "Are... are you going to be okay?"
"I hope so, but I don't know," the filly whispered fearfully. "It's really scary being in the hospital for surgery, Miss Fluttershy." Green Leaf's jaw wobbled, and a pair of tears streaked down her face. "It's scary to have them cut me open. I hate how I can't move without it hurting!"
"It'll all be better soon," Fluttershy said, gently putting a hoof on one of Green Leaf's. "I promise that very soon you won't feel any more pain."
"The doctors won't give me any more pain killers right now," Green Leaf moaned. "They say they won't give me any more until six!" Green Leaf nuzzled into her pillow. "And I don't even know if they work."
"I'm sorry." Fluttershy reached out to gently stroke Green Leaf's mane. "Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?" Green Leaf merely shrugged and groaned in pain. "Would... would you like a glass of water?"
"I guess," Green Leaf muttered. Fluttershy smiled and stood up.
"Then I'll be right back. The water will help. You'll see."
Yes, the water would help. Green Leaf would feel better very soon. Fluttershy was certain of that. She exited the foals' ward and quickly found a water cooler. She took a paper cup and quickly filled it with water before looking around. Nopony seemed to be around. She just needed a moment. She took a deep breath and opened up her saddlebag.
"I can do this," she said to herself. "I can do this. Don't be selfish. Don't make the mistake you made with Starshine. You can help her."
Just as she reached into her saddlebag for the wonderful, awful medicine, she heard a door open nearby. She yipped and turned around to see Redheart coming out of the room behind her.
"Oh, hello, Fluttershy," Redheart said as she put the clipboard she carried back in the holder next to the door. "How are things going in there?"
"Oh, j-just fine," Fluttershy replied, giving Redheart a shaky smile. "Y-yes, just fine."
"Good to hear. They all doing okay in there?"
"I think so. Um..." Fluttershy glanced back at the door to the foals' ward. "There is one filly. Green Leaf. I don't know how well she's doing. She seemed to be in a lot of pain from her surgery."
Redheart grimaced and nodded. "Yeah, too bad about that one. Appendicitis is a nasty thing."
Fluttershy frowned and tilted her head. "Appendicitis?"
"Yeah. Had mine out when I was just about her age. Couldn't walk for a week or two after. Never been in that much pain."
"But, um..." Fluttershy glanced at the door again. "Sh-she'll be okay, right?"
Redheart gave Fluttershy a comforting smile. "Of course she will be. We've done that surgery hundreds of times. As you can see it hurts afterward, but she'll be up and about in no time at all, running about like it never even happened."
"But she said she was scared that she wouldn't be okay."
Redheart shrugged. "Well, hospitals can be really scary places for foals, especially when you have to have a surgery like that. She'll be fine."
"Oh." Fluttershy subtly closed her saddlebag. "Um... if you're sure."
"Completely positive. I haven't lost a patient to appendectomy complications yet. Foals are stronger than we give them credit for sometimes. She'll pull through."
"Okay."
"Well, I'll see you later, then," Redheart said. "Thank you again for everything you do here. It really does help a lot."
"Of course. I'm, um, I'm glad to help."
Fluttershy watched Redheart walk away for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and turning her attention back to the small plastic cup of water in her hooves. Perhaps Redheart was right. Green Leaf had gone through a routine surgery and was fine. Nothing to worry about. It hurt, yes, but nothing life-threatening. Right now the best way for her to help Green Leaf wasn't to give her the medicine. It was just to give her kindness and support.
And water. That might help, too.
With a sigh, Fluttershy transferred the glass of water to her wing. She carefully walked back into the foals' ward and over to Green Leaf. She gently moved it over to the bedside table so she could sit down
"I'm back, Green Leaf," Fluttershy said, picking up the glass and hoofing it over to her. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Not really," Green Leaf replied.
"Well, water always helps. You go on and drink up."
"Thanks." Green Leaf took the glass and sipped from it. "I'm already better than I was. I'm not throwing up every time I try to eat or drink something."
"Well there you go. You're going to be fine."
"I guess." Green Leaf drained the rest of the water and allowed Fluttershy to take the cup. She let out a huge yawn and closed her eyes. "Gonna go to sleep now. Hope that's okay."
"Of course it is," Fluttershy said, pulling Green Leaf's blanket over her to tuck her in. "Rest is the best thing for you right now. You'll be just fine." Fluttershy's smile slowly faded. "Just fine."
Yes, Green Leaf would be okay. She didn't need to give her any of the bad medicine. In a few weeks she'd probably see Green Leaf running around town with her friends without a care in the world. The thought warmed Fluttershy's heart. At the same time, she sensed a new feeling in the back of her mind. One that didn't quite match up with the happiness she felt at the knowledge that this foal would be okay. It felt like...
Disappointment.