//------------------------------// // Reflection // Story: Earning Freedom // by Daxisle //------------------------------// Reflections Sin limped through the rain. Cold, soaked, sore, and drained in more ways than one, with only a single thought on his mind. Keep putting one hoof in front of the other. Keep walking forwards, well, limping forwards. Soarin was behind him, a good mile or two away and still very much alive. The cloaked pony hadn't killed him, he was in the perfect position for it, yet even with the Nightmare reminding him of the danger Soarin posed, Sin didn't raise his leg and bring it down onto his enemy's throat. He wanted to deny the small reason for his mercy, to say that it wasn't the thing that had stopped him, that Soarin's continued existence would serve him for his own interests later down the line. That the death of Sombra's partner would make the unicorn act in unpredictable ways, that he'd rather fight the devils he knew rather than the devil he didn't. But the fact that Scootaloo and Krystal wouldn't want him to do it was the real reason. Sin couldn't understand how the idea had stopped him. How the guilt from it had made him so timid to doing one of the things he was best at... He'd threatened to kill Scootaloo directly, and Krystal indirectly. He'd said it bluntly, no plausible deniability to it. He'd tried to maintain his calm in it, to say it simply as the fact he wanted them to perceive it to be. He knew they'd hate him for it, yet he still did it, and now he was a massive hypocrite. So why? Why did he give such a shit about what they wouldn't approve of now, after the fact? This was supposed to be the part where Critic spoke up and gave him some kind of introspective view into his subconscious, to answer the questions Sin couldn't -or wouldn't- dare to answer for himself, but his voice of reason had yet to utter a word to the pony ever since he'd threatened his companions. The stallion continued walking through the wood work, not caring about where he was going. He was too tired and confused to care now. Well, long term anyways, what he wanted now was to find a nice, dry, safe place to sleep the past few hour of his life off like a bad hang over. He turned his warry eyes up and beheld a cave in his line of travel. He sighed in relief and made way directly for it. Once inside, he removed his cloak and gave a futile look around for anything that could be a potential danger. The cave was deep, too deep for him to see what was inside. Though, he was too tired to care now. Sin settled down against one of the walls of the cavern and began to settle himself down. He saw something red and moving out of the corner of his eye, a red foreleg. He didn't want to look up and see what he knew to be there. He was too tired for any phantom delusions today... As expected, Sin found himself in the blackroom of his inner mind. He anticipated to be verbally lambasted and harassed by both Critic and the Kid upon his arrival, but the eiry and deafening silence persisted. Sin looked forward, knowing that they were behind him. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to talk to them, either of them. What good would it do? He speculated why he felt as guilty as he did, it wasn't all that hard to figure out. He'd grown attached to the girls, he'd grown attached to them and then hurt them. Now, he was hurting as a result. There, mystery fucking solved. "And yet, you still struggle." Sin heard the Nightmare's mocking voice from behind him. "For what reason you torture yourself, I shall never understand." Sin slowly turned around to see the demoness in all of her smug and self satisfied glory. Critic and the Kid were present, but both sat a good distance away, their backs firmly placed to him. "It was a bad situation all around with a hard choice that needed to be made." Sin intoned, finding looking the Alicorn in the eye surprisingly difficult. "I take no pride in what I did." The Nightmare made a small sound of approval. "You did what you needed to do, Sinbad. To protect your friends and yourself, surely there is no shame in that." Sin's eyes dropped to the floor for a moment then came up passed Nightmare Moon to look at Critic, silently begging the construct to answer her question. He wanted to hear it from Critic, to hear that what he did was for the best, that it was the right thing. It was the most pragmatic option available, it saved everyone's life who mattered to him. So why did he feel like he'd done the wrong thing? "Poor Sin." The Alicorn of Insanity cooed, now behind him and wrapping her forelegs around his neck as she usually did when feigning compassion. "You work so hard, put so much thought into everything you do, and yet you just can't figure out what the right thing to do is." Sin felt himself lean back on her a little, finding the pressure oddly comforting, if a little cold. He knew she was a manipulative bitch who was just saying what he wanted to hear, but... it did feel good to be acknowledged. For his sacrifices, his pain, his suffering. Even if it was a ploy, it felt good to feel some manner of sympathy and support. Sin basked in the feeling for a time, not noticing that his eyes were slowly beginning to droop in the Nightmare's embrace. It felt so easy now, to relax. "Let go." She whispered into his ear sweetly. "You have suffered enough. You are tired, and you need rest. Ease your mind and surrender." Sin gulped, a small sense of urgency telling him to disobey, to stop relaxing and push the Nightmare away. But the stallion didn't want to listen to that small sense of urgency anymore. Every day of every hour of every minute that sense of emergent need had run his life. It had driven him to do so much. From curiously examining his first scrap of money, all the way to threatening Scootaloo's life, that sense of urgency was there; pushing him and wearing the stallion to exhaustion. Sin didn't want it now, not anymore. It ruled him for so long, ruined any chance at relaxation and enjoyment as much as his own psyche did. Always looking for the next problem that needed to be solved, the next precaution to be taken, the next threat to be evaluated and mitigated. It was his ultimate drive, always making him think, giving Sin no reprieve nor rest. And just as quickly as she was there, she was gone, the small sense of urgency returned to him, along with his faculties. Sin looked to see the Kid standing in front of him now, the young colt's eyes glaring daggers at the Nightmare behind him. "Leave." The Kid said. His voice calm and smooth, somehow a harsh bark at the same time. The Alicorn bowed her head slightly and disappeared. Sin looked down at his younger self, unsure of what to expect. "You just couldn't help yourself, could you?" He asked. Sin pressed his lips. "What would you have had me do?" The Kid didn't reply, he just continued to glare at the pony with a hateful glare. "In the options I had, which one would you have taken had you been in my position? I want an answer." It took a moment, but eventually the Kid just shook his head. "'I don't know' isn't a good enough answer." Sin replied calmly. "'I don't know' means that you'd have made no decision, and allowed things to continue as they were. 'I don't know' means that, when I did confront the Trotski, Scootaloo and Krystal would have done there what was they did here. They'd have been capture, used as hostages, and likely killed.' I don't know' would get them killed, along with me, and likely Macintosh in the end." The Kid trembled with rage now, and Sin prepared himself for be tossed around like a rag doll again. "Now, perhaps I'm mistaken, but I consider the deaths of all four of us to be the worst possible outcome, don't you?" The Kid didn't answer, nor could he. He knew Sin was right, that he'd made the best decision that could be made in such a situation. He didn't like it, Critic didn't like it, and Sin himself didn't like it, but that was the way of things. "You broke our agreement." The Kid stated matter of factly. "You broke your word to me." Sin suppressed a snarl. He had broken his word only in the sense that he wasn't looking after the two. He'd protected both fillies as best he could, and he considered that more important. Kid shook his head, his bright eyes never breaking contact. "You should have stopped. You should have stopped chasing the Trotski the second those two had put themselves in danger." Sin quirked a brow at the implication. "You find their lives worth more than-" "NO!" Kid shouted, his eyes shifting teal. "No, no, no! Those weren't the only options! Those weren't even the best options! You could negotiate something with Luna! Give up the Nightmare in exchange for a pardon, and go back to Ponyville to protect Macintosh yourself! You could have just stopped chasing them and gone off to do something else! You could have just gone back to Bliss and lived life there. You still can!" "And let Macintosh die in the process?" Sin flinched away as Kid let out a primordial scream of frustration. "Tapio dammit! He's being protected! Luna gave her word he'd be fine! Why can't you trust her to do that?! The Trotski think he's dead, the chances they'll find him again are small. Too small. You're acting like it's a for sure thing he'll be killed when it's not!" "Out of all of us, he's the most safe! You've hurt Krystal and Scootaloo to protect a pony who doesn't need it! You've done real damage where it didn't need to be done because you're so focused on revenge that you'll make a mountain out of a molehill! You'll ignore every single mitigation and precautionary measure that can be taken because it doesn't solve every problem outright! It's not good enough to you! Nothing ever will be short of brutal absolution for the sake of sating your Milikki damned ego and paranoia!" Sin growled and tensed his leg, ready to smack the little shit for his petulance. This was partially the Kid's fault, had he not divulged as much information as he had, Sin wouldn't have felt pressured to gain such an iron grip on the situation in the first place. He was about to tell the kid off, until Critic finally stood from his place and turned to join them. 'He's right, Sin.' The mirror said resolutely. Sin's jaw dropped. "Et tu, Critic?" Critic nodded. 'I care about Macintosh too, you know I see him as the friend you'd always needed when you lost Zell. But after that? After seeing just how far you're willing to go? I think it would be best to stop chasing the Trotski, turn over the Nightmare, and demand a pardon.' Sin's eyes shifted between the two in disbelief. This... this was really happening right now? They were really choosing Scootaloo and Krystal's feelings over the potential for Macintosh's life? "How can you two say that?" Sin asked indignantly. "You know what they are capable of! Even with Luna's protection, they number in the hundreds or thousands! Not only that, but with only a few of their numbers, they've managed to manipulate a group larger than themselves into helping an attempted overthrow of the government! They could just as easily manipulate someone else to kill him if they found out!" Critic frowned and sighed. 'That's not all. You're... changing, Sin.' Sin groaned in frustration of having is argument ignored. 'Don't dismiss it!' Critic snapped. 'Soarin wasn't all that far off from the truth on the shit you've been pulling lately. Brutally intimidating Scootaloo, that outburst at Krystal back at the ravine along with the jokes at her expense, the growing delight you're taking in suffering...' He gave the stallion a hard look. 'Any of that sounding the least bit familiar?' Sin's eyes narrowed upon his mirror, though he didn't say a word. 'The Nightmare's changing you back to the way you were. The Kid's seen it, I've seen it, and you know it.' Critic closed his eyes and sighed. 'You'd kept her in check well enough, better than I thought you would, but you're losing it. You're losing your resolve to maintain what small moral sense you have left. We had hoped that keeping those two around would help, that they would keep you grounded, but it looks like the two just forced her to work more subtly. I'm sorry, but the Nightmare's become too much of a threat to us.' His mind raced for something, anything to try and argue the point, but it seemed his inner self already had all the arguments and bases covered. Macintosh was in danger, but that danger was mitigated well enough as far as they were concerned. The Nightmare was a constant and growing threat to his person, attacking him in a way he could only resist for so long. He was becoming more irritable, more paranoid and stressed out over Sombra and Soarin, and the thoughts of ending his own life were creeping back in too. He was seeing things now as well. Things he shouldn't be seeing, delusions and hallucinations out of the corner of his periphery... How long until that turned into something more? Maybe these two were right. Maybe... maybe it was time to cut his losses while he was still- A sudden boom erupted, breaking the calmness of the black room as Nightmare Moon burst into existence. "Do not listen to them!" She bellowed, flapping her wings to stay in flight. "They lie! They are just trying to beat you again!" Sin furrowed his brow. "Beat me?" What was that supposed to mean? "Playing dumb does not become you, Sinbad. Surely you may see their obvious ploy against you." The alicorn declared righteously. 'Oh, this'll be good.' Critic smirked looking up at her. Sin sighed. It was already a shit show, might as well let speak her piece. "These two do not speak out of love for Scootaloo or Krystal, nor even love for morality and compassion." She said, giving a cool smile. "They try to dissuade you out of a petty sense of self preservation, and are willing to sacrifice Macintosh in the process. They act in cowardice!" Sin quirked a brow. Cowardice? "No, we're telling him to stop because it's the better option. For everybody involved." Kid said. 'Well, almost everybody.' Critic amended, giving the Nightmare an equally cool smile. 'Speaking of acting in self preservation. Hello, Nightmare.' The Alicorn snorted elegantly in response. Sin found the words too true, of course she'd be against him handing her over. She's the one that gets destroyed here, but still, she might have a point. Question was, did her point really supersede the Critic and Kid's point? Sin didn't much care about his own life, not really. Part of him still had wanted to die, to escape all of the bull shit and stress life had to throw at him, but by the same token, it was all self inflicted. Most everything wrong, everything he hated about life right now could be ended by just doing as Critic said and turning the Nightmare in, not to mention all of the mental stress she herself had caused. It was a pointless question, if her point was greater than theirs. Though, that didn't mean that any hasty decision about giving up needed to be made here today. The Nightmare was dangerous, of that there was no doubt, but even assuming he did go back to Ponyville to watch over Macintosh himself, he'd need her to protect him. Fact was that the Nightmare had pulled his ass out of the fire more times than Sin cared to admit. As dangerous as she may have been, all assets had risks and costs associated with them. Her power was great, beyond anything he'd ever experienced before. Even if it was through her influence, the decision was ultimately his to make. In hindsight, it was a poor decision, but it was his responsibility to take. With a renewed sense of calm and clarity, the stallion was ready to hash out the discussion. "I acted rashly." said Sin, gaining three pairs of eyes to him. "Rash? I think threatening to kill a friend is a little beyond rash." Kid spat. "You're right." Sin admitted. "I saw their interference as a forgone conclusion when I failed to take steps to ensure both of them would be preoccupied." Critic shook his head, already seeing where this was going. Sin cast his eyes to the Nightmare. "You were supposed to keep them safely on the beach while I handled the situation, and you've proven either incompetent or simply unwilling to do so. As of now, you're staying in here until I say otherwise." Nightmare scoffed and looked away. 'This doesn't sound like we're handing her to Luna.' Critic pointed out. Sin wasn't 100% on which course of action he'd be taking as of yet, so submitting the demoness to Luna was still very much on the table. However, when he'd made the decision to threaten both of them, his judgement was impaired in a false dichotomy, and he saw that now. "If I may remind both of you: Luna hasn't exactly proven herself the most capable of leaders. Between her dealings with Triple M, her protection of the Trotski, the fact that this thing exists," he pointed to the Alicorn, earning him another glare "and the fact that Luna's word for a pardon in exchange could easily be withdrawn at her convenience and landing me in prison, I find it more pragmatic to hold off on the decision you're suggesting." Kid's jaw dropped in shock, and Critic shook his head. "That being said." Sin continued. "It was a... failure on my part to plan ahead. I had failed to find a means to distract Krystal and Scootaloo, and acted as if the same situation was inevitable in the future, when it isn't. I underestimated them, a mistake. As long as I am more careful, this will be a mistake made only once." 'I don't believe this!' Critic cried in frustration. Sin closed his eyes and allowed the ensuing tirade to come. Critic could go on and on about how stupid he thought Sin's decision, but the pony had a laundry list of why he couldn't trust Luna, nor her word of Mac's safety. His view hadn't changed, he found more value in the earth farmer's life than he did in either Scootaloo or Krystal, and Critic could suck a dick if he didn't like it. Another fact was that he may have been in too deep for the Trotski to just let him go. Sin had done them damage, alot of damage. Feelings of revenge on their part were no doubt astronomical, and once they'd figured out he wasn't following them anymore, chances were that they'd go after him. Thus putting any and all of his associates in harms way anyways. Seeing nothing come of his longwinded speech, Critic cast a pair of angry glares between the Nightmare and Sin. 'I... I can't even look at you right now.' The mirror disappeared into the blackness, with Kid following close behind him. "Well done, Sinbad." Nightmare praised, slowly lowering herself to the ground and walking to him. "You have made the intelligent deci-" Her words were lost in a sudden gasp, Sin's hoof slamming hard into her face and sending the alicorn to the ground. He didn't wait a tick before he was ontop of her, planting his hoof into her abdominal and pushing up into her rib-cage. The mask of smug calmness the pony usually wore melted into an expression of shock, fear, and excruciating agony as Sin's hoof found the sweet spot he usually irritated when he wanted to inflict pain. It felt good to wipe the that smug smile off her face. "Now, I am not going to say this again." He pressed up, making the alicorn cringe and breath through her teeth. "Quit. Fucking. With. My head." He punctuated each word with a shift of his hoof, sending pain beyond pain into her. Sin was opposed to giving the Alicorn up, but that was only as long as he had his own faculties about him enough to go after the Trotski. If he couldn't find them and end them, having her was nothing but a liability, and before they were done here, he would make sure she understood that.