//------------------------------// // Interference (The fabled Molestia draft) // Story: Unimpressive Scraps // by An Unimpressive //------------------------------// This was the second draft of the story "Interference" Interference by Vimbert the Unimpressive This was bad.         I paced around the library, trying to rationalize what I'd just read. Why would the princess want to see me alone? Was there some crisis in Canterlot? I took a panicked glance around the library's bookshelves, seeing if I had a reference guide that might help me on the subject. Come on, I had to have a copy of something! I knocked a few books off the shelves, searching for something I’d be able to use. Nothing! Nothing in D, nothing in P, nothing in R—books, how could you fail me?         “Aw, come on, Twilight, I don't see what's so bad,” Spike said. “Princess Celestia just wants to see you!”         “Not bad? Are you kidding me, Spike?! This can only be bad. What if...” I paused for a moment, trying to come up with a possible explanation. “What if she's disappointed because I've been having my friends write all the friendship reports? What if she thinks I haven't been making enough friends? What if she...”         Spike interrupted, “Twilight, you'll be fine! Just relax; remember when you thought she was going to send you back to Magic Kindergarten?”         I shivered. The horrors I'd suffered in Magic Kindergarten were things I never wanted to repeat. I'd never forget how Moon Dancer humiliated me when she had set a whoopee cushion on my desk's seat. Nopony had believed me when I'd said it wasn't me, not even that nice colt Emerald Sky.         “Twilight!”         “Hm? What, Spike?”         “Still with me? You were spacing out there.”         “Oh. Sorry, Spike.” I grabbed the letter with my magic and read it again, trying to determine what horrible fate awaited me.         To my faithful student,         I realize that I already sent a reply to Fluttershy's latest report on the magic of friendship, but I wanted to write to you. Would you mind coming to Canterlot some time soon? I need to speak to you.         Your teacher,         Princess Celestia         “Oooh, this can't be good. Princess Celestia is never this... well... short!”         “Uh, well, maybe she just didn’t have much time to write it!” Spike reasoned. He looked a little worried now.         “And this writing doesn’t really look like hers either.”         “W-well, maybe she was dictating! I mean, you’ve got me, she’s probably got... someone to help write letters! Maybe Philomena does it! Yeah! That’s it.”         I gave him a skeptical glance. “A phoenix writing a letter, Spike?”  He folded his arms. “Hey, it could happen.”         After rolling my eyes, I sat at a desk, wondering what could have happened in Canterlot. What did the princess have to tell me that she couldn't write in a letter? Was it urgent? Should I take my friends, too? What if some emergency came up? No, wait, she'd said “some time soon”. But did that mean “soon” or “soon soon”?         “Twilight?”         “Huh? Um... yes, Spike?” I turned my head to see a very worried dragon staring at me.         “Were you... talking to yourself?”         I blinked. “No! No, of course not.” I turned away. “Had I been talking to myself? I wouldn't talk to myself. I'm just worried about whatever I did to concern Princess Celestia, that's all. I mean, it's not like a word from her could ruin my future forever!” I laughed nervously. My right eye twitched involuntarily.         “It's late, okay? Get some sleep.”         “But I can't sleep now, Spike!” I cried, scampering up the stairs and holding onto one of the railings for dear life. “Even if I tried, I'd just ask myself, 'What did I do, Princess? What did I do? Am I not a good student any more?' over and over and over again!”         Spike smacked a claw into his face in frustration. He didn’t seem to have any reply, so my mind started to wander. Was she just calling me to Canterlot to say that she was taking somepony else as her student? Was I worrying too much? I was worrying too much. I had to be worrying too much. Was I worrying too much about worrying too much?         Suddenly, Spike's unamused face filled my vision.         “Gahhh!” I shrieked, quickly backing up into my bedroom.         “Twilight, I'm worried about you. Just get some sleep, okay? Your two best assistants can hold down the fort!” He struck what he probably thought was a heroic pose as my favorite owl landed on the railing next to him.         I smiled. “Okay, Spike. Don't go getting tired yourself, now. That goes for you, too,” I added with a look at my number two assistant. With a yawn that I hadn't realized I'd been suppressing, I snuggled into bed.         I'd take care of everything tomorrow after a good night’s sleep.          My sleep wasn’t so good.         I was suddenly awoken as Spike shook me and yelled, “Twilight! Twilight! You gotta get up!” A panicked look was on his face as I got out of bed.         The room seemed to swim around me as I staggered to my hooves and slurred, “Spike...? What time is it? What's going on?”         “A chariot's here for you to take you to the castle! You gotta go!” He started pushing me towards the stairs as though every second counted.         “Oh, uh... okay,” I mumbled and stumbled down the stairs. For a moment, I thought I saw three sparkling sets of eyes peering out from behind the door to the library's basement, but after I blinked, I saw nothing. Whatever. Just so long as I could go back to sleep. I blinked. What time was it, anyway? I looked around for a clock, blinking several times, but Spike just urged me on.         “Come onnn, Twilight, it’s serious!” For a moment, I thought I saw the eyes again.         “Mnnh... Spike? Is somepony else here?”         “N-no! Now, come on! Princess Celestia needs you!” Spike shoved me out the door into the very bright morning sun, where two of the princess' guards were hitched to a chariot, awaiting my arrival. They had to have been flying since before dawn to arrive in Ponyville, but they didn’t look tired at all. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy them at that moment.         I thought I heard a young filly’s voice whisper from inside the library, “Is it safe now, Spike?” but I was distracted by one of the guards addressing me. “No... baggage, Miss Sparkle?” He looked at me, puzzled.         “Nope, just me,” I murmured. I climbed into the chariot, settling down into a comfortable corner, and yawned. “Go ahead, sirs. I'll just be... relaxing here.”         The guards chuckled. One said, “Isn't it ironic that Princess Celestia's personal student isn't much of a morning pony?”         As they lifted off, his comrade replied, “Yeah, I'll say.”         I heard a strangely familiar, foallike chorus of “Yay!” carried on the wind from the library, but I was rapidly falling asleep again. I ignored the guards’ chatter and relaxed, feeling the wind rush around me as I settled back down to ease my fatigue.         What felt like moments later, a hoof shook me awake. “Miss Sparkle? Miss Sparkle!”         My eyes shot open to see a concerned Royal Guard shaking me. He smiled. “Whenever you're ready, Princess Celestia awaits.”         I blinked and picked myself off the chariot floor. “Wait, the... where am I?” Much brighter sunlight shone into my eyes. I looked around and found myself in a small, familiar garden surrounded by white walls. My eyes shrank in horror as I looked around at the familiar scene. Why was I in Canterlot?!         “Miss Sparkle, are you feeling alright?”         “I'm... I'm in the palace. I'm in Canterlot.”         He raised an eyebrow. “Yes, ma'am.”         I felt anger build within me. I had been hauled out of my warm, comfortable bed at some incredibly early hour, and Spike had just let me go without bringing anything? Without grooming myself? Without even eating breakfast?         “Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!” The guard stared at me, even more puzzled. I took a moment to calm down, and, still panting, considered how I must have looked. My coat hadn’t been groomed, my mane was frazzled, and I had just been screaming at the heavens in anger. “Oh, uh... sorry about that. I, uh... where did the Princess say she’d be?” I asked, trying to look halfway normal. The guard barely batted an eye, which spoke volumes on his professionalism. “In her private chambers.” “I... oh. That’s weird. Well, thanks!” I quickly left the slightly bemused guard and hurried into the palace, trying to avoid odd looks from anypony. In a few moments, I was able to duck into a washroom and make myself look slightly more presentable. I still felt like I needed a nice bath or shower to really start the day, but this would have to do. I looked at myself in a mirror, stared at my trying-way-too-hard-to-be-chipper expression, and sighed. Oh well. It wasn’t as though Princess Celestia hadn’t seen me in worse condition before.         Resigned to looking a little disheveled in front of my mentor, I trotted out of the washroom and up a flight of stairs to her private chambers. Come to think of it, I’d only ever seen Princess Celestia’s private chambers once or twice before; she almost always met me in a more public place. For some reason, this change of venue made me nervous. What was so important that she couldn’t risk anypony overhearing?         Still, wild speculation would get me nowhere. I’d just have to listen what the princess had to say.         The herds of ponies moving through the halls thinned more and more the closer I got to the Princess’ chambers. To her, she probably barely had to think about the walk between her rooms and most other parts of the palace, thanks to those long legs of hers, but for a normal pony, it was a bit of a walk to go all that way. If I’d known my way around just a little better, I could have teleported. Oh well.         At last, I reached the door to Princess Celestia’s private chambers. Two stern-faced guards stood at attention.         “Um, hello. Is the Princess—”         “Princess Celestia is within, Miss Sparkle. Please proceed.”         I blinked. Her guards always seemed so abrupt. “Uh, thank you.” I opened the doors to Princess Celestia’s breathtaking rooms beyond. My hooves practically sank into the plush carpeting, and on a nearby table, a few aromatic candles were burning, filling the room with a relaxing scent of vanilla. A fireplace burned, filling the room with a soft, inviting light; for some reason, the grand windows that I knew to be on one side of her bedroom were covered with curtains. Curious. Even curiouser was that on a large wall just to the left of where I had entered, there was a wall covered with portraits of ponies. I could have sworn that it had never been there on the few occasions I’d seen this room. Most I recognized, like Star Swirl the Bearded and Clover the Clever, but others were less familiar to me. I turned my gaze away from the collage to see my mentor, sitting as radiantly as ever in the center of the room atop a few very comfy-looking cushions.         “Ah, Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. Please, come in.”         Nodding, I joined her in front of a fireplace. Somehow, I couldn’t find proper words to say, so instead, I let my gaze wander over to the wall of pictures again.         “Noticed that collection of mine, have you?” Her smile was, as ever, patient.         “Yes, Princess. Who are all of these ponies?” With a start, I realized there was a picture of me on the wall. It was a photograph from a few years back, but I hadn’t grown much since then.         “These, Twilight, are all the ponies I’ve known through the years. Some, like Star Swirl the Bearded, left their hoofprints on history.” Her gaze lowered, and she looked almost sorrowful for a moment. Princess Celestia, sad? I blinked, and when I opened my eyes, her expression was back to normal. “Others, like Vanilla Sprinkles, seem to have been forgotten.”         Vanilla Sprinkes. Vanilla Sprinkles? I scoured my memory for the name, but came up empty-hooved. “What did she do, Princess?”         She smiled. “She was a most remarkable earth pony who tried to collect all the knowledge in Equestria into one set of books.”         My eyes widened. “All the knowledge in Equestria? But that would take...”         “Years, yes. Still, she made it her life’s mission to write such a book.”         “I’ve never heard of such a book, Princess. Did she succeed?”         Again, that sorrowful look flashed across her face for just a moment, just long enough to make me wonder if I’d seen anything at all. “No. A fire claimed both her life... and her life’s work.”         My breath caught in my throat. “Oh Princess, how horrible...”         “Indeed... I wish I would have kept a copy on hoof. I myself wrote some entries for her. After all, what better teacher for history than one who has lived it?”         “Well, Princess, I know there’s no better teacher for anything.”         “Why, thank you, Twilight.” She gave me a brief nuzzle, which I happily returned. “Now then, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” I blinked, confused. “Um...” “I must admit, I was rather concerned when you sent that letter. Something must truly be troubling you if you needed to speak to me so urgently.” She smiled reassuringly. “Please, tell me what’s going on.” Confusion plastered across my face like never before, I said, “Well... Now I’m just not sure.” The princess laughed, a beautiful sound that sounded sweeter than most music ponies could ever hope to make. “Oh, don’t be embarrassed, my prize student. I’m here for you.” As happy as I was to hear that the princess supported me so, now I just wasn’t sure what to say. I sent a letter? I needed to talk? What was going on here? “Well, uh, Princess, you...” I trailed off, unsure how to continue. Had she forgotten sending me that letter? “Yes?” “Um... it was you who sent me the letter.” Now it was Princess Celestia’s turn to blink in confusion. “What?” “Yes, Spike got a letter from you that said you needed to see me in Canterlot right away.” “I... that’s strange.” She rose from her cushions and paced for a few moments. Bemusement played over her face as her mouth drew into a small frown. “I’m certain you had sent me a letter.” “But I—” Princess Celestia raised a hoof, silencing me. “Now, now, there’s a simple way to resolve this. Follow me to my office. I’ll see what I can find of that letter.” Her brow furrowed. “Although I’m certain you sent me the letter. It sounded a little hurried, for you.” “Like something about the wording wasn’t quite right?” Gears began to turn in my head. Somepony—or rather, someone—was about to be in a lot of trouble if I was right. She blinked. “Why yes, exactly! How did you know?” “Something seemed weird about the letter I got from you, too. The writing wasn’t quite right, and it just didn’t seem like how you usually write your letters.” A knowing smile crossed her face. “Curiouser and curiouser.” She trotted over to a large, ornate oak desk, which I suppose counted as her “office”. Just like the princess to mix business and pleasure a little. She floated various scrolls I recognized as my friendship reports and various other letters out from a neatly-ordered drawer. “Ah, here it is,” she remarked as she unrolled a scroll in front of me. Dear Princess Celestia, A really super-big problem has come up, but I don’t feel okay talking about it in a letter. Could I come to Canterlot really soon and talk to you about it? Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle         My brow furrowed. “That... doesn’t sound like me at all.”         “Oh, there was also this.” She floated another letter over.         Dear Princess Celestia,         I really, really need to see you. If it’s not too much to ask, could you have a chariot pick me up tomorrow? I really need to see you alone.         Twilight Sparkle. “Now that one really doesn’t sound like me. Who could have—” I stopped and turned to Princess Celestia with an unamused look on my face.         In contrast, she was pressing a hoof to her mouth, trying to hold in her chuckles. “Spike?”         “Spike. I knew something about the writing on yours looked strange. Well, I’m... sorry that he caused so much trouble for you, Princess. I can’t believe he wrote fake letters to both of us!” I bowed to her.         “Oh, it’s not all bad, Twilight. I do enjoy a good joke, although I can’t say I approve of Spike acting in such a way.” Her tone was somewhat stern.         I gulped as feverish visions of Spike being banished from Equestria danced in my head. “P-please don’t be mad, Princess. I’m sure he didn’t realize how he inconvenienced us both. I-I’ll make sure that he understands that what he did was bad!”         She gave me that knowing smile again. “Twilight, I’m not angry with Spike. Actually, this is something of a happy coincidence. I had planned to come see you soon anyway.”         “O-oh?” Please don’t be mad with me, please don’t be mad with me, please don’t be mad with me... “Whatever for, Princess?”         She leaned in, as though she didn’t want some invisible eavesdropper to overhear. “To tell the truth, I’ve been getting a little tired of all my royal duties. I miss the days when you were in Canterlot, my faithful student. Now, the perfect opportunity is here: Luna is covering for me today, so I thought you could just help me relax.”         That last word hit me like a brick. Relax? Hesitantly, I turned my gaze towards my mentor, whose face had taken on an almost sly look. She arched an eyebrow and her smile widened. Relax? I gulped, hoping I’d just misinterpreted her, and tried to change the subject. “O-oh! Well, that sounds... nice...” Come on, think! “S-say, Princess. Have you ever had any students besides me? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned them...” I rose from the cushions and trotted over to her wall of pony pictures. “And I have to admit, I’m curious.”         Princess Celestia remained seated. “Well, there have been several ponies I’ve taken under my wings in the past like Vanilla Sprinkle... but nopony quite like you, Twilight Sparkle.” My heart skipped a beat. Wow: nopony quite like me.         “Really, Princess?” I turned, my eyes shining.         “Really.” Unable to contain myself at receiving such praise, I dashed over and gave her a deep nuzzle. I heard her chuckle as I buried my face in her coat. “Oh, Twilight...” I felt her hoof stroke my mane, and I felt at peace. Everything felt so right, somehow.         Moments later, my gurgling stomach ruined the moment. I pulled away from Princess Celestia’s sweet-smelling coat and chuckled. “I, uh... didn’t have breakfast this morning.” I rubbed my forelegs together nervously.         “Well, that is easily fixed. Empty Glass!” she called towards the door.         A pegasus guard pony with a particularly dour expression stuck his head in. “Yes, Your Highness?”         “Of course, Your Majesty.” The pony gave her a deep bow and left.         Princess Celestia looked at me and smiled. “Your favorite, right?”         “Oh, well... yes, actually.” I hadn’t realized the princess had known that about me. I walked back over to the very comfy cushions and sat on them. “Although...”         “Yes?” She gave me an expectant look. Did she want me to say something? Something specific?         “I don’t actually like peppermint tea that much.”         “Oh.” She drew back, an amused look on her face. “Well, that’s for me, actually, but I do suggest you give it a try. It’s very good.”         “I see.” Now I wasn’t sure what to think. The thought of Princess Celestia getting bored of her royal duties hung over my head. How was I supposed to approach a topic like that? What could this mean for, well, all of us?         As I sat there in silence, trying to figure out what exactly Princess Celestia wanted me to do to help her relax, I felt her gaze on me. I flushed. Did she just want to chat over tea? Did she want me to tell some kind of joke? Did she want me to—oh no. I looked up. Princess Celestia’s sly smile. Her gentle words. Her talk of “relaxing”. My mind fluttered back to tabloids that had been delivered to the library by mistake a few weeks ago, mentioning something about Princess Celestia having “scandalous rendezvouses” with a few of the castle staff. I had, of course, thought it all just hurtful lies, but seeing how she was looking at me, I couldn’t help but wonder: Was I next? Could it be true? Some of my discomfort must have shown, because Princess Celestia’s expression shifted into one of concern. “Twilight? Are you feeling well? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” “Oh, um, no. I’m fine, I’m fine.” There’s no way that could be it. No way at all. “Oh, that’s good. I’d hate for you to feel bad before our ‘activities’.” She winked. I felt my pupils shrink as my mind went into panic mode. It was true! It was all true! Oh Celes—Luna, what was I going to do now?! My eyes darted around, taking in my surroundings. Only two exits, both of which would have guards directly outside. Teleporting was out of the question: a magic-user as powerful as Princess Celestia would be able to just read the traces of magic left behind and follow me. Maybe I could talk my way out? “W-well, Princess, what did you have in mind? I mean, this is such a rare opportunity that we shouldn’t waste time.” I struggled to hold in a scream. Curse you, mouth: you’ve betrayed me! “My thoughts exactly, Twilight Sparkle. There’s so much I’d like to do to relax.” Why did she keep emphasizing that word? “Well, t-tea is a nice way to relax.” Yes. Good. Try to distract her. Talking is good. Talking keeps her occupied. “Oh, I don’t know, I was thinking something a bit more physical.” Why. “The gardens are lovely this time of year; I would love to show you a few beautiful little crevices that most don’t get to see.” Why? “We could be all alone out there, just you and I. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” Why?! “G-gee, Princess, I don’t know...” “Oh, you’d rather we be in public?” She sounded disappointed, but at the same time, there was almost a note of eagerness in her voice. Why?!         To my relief, my sandwich arrived. A maid pony poured us each a cup of tea, curtsied, and left. Eager to distract myself, I bit into the sandwich. A small moan escaped my throat. The kitchen staff always used the best ingredients! More than a few times after botching a culinary experiment, I’d longed for the food I had eaten as a student. It was good to have the taste of it again; even a simple flower sandwich tasted like heaven when prepared by the hooves of a master chef.         I realized that Princess Celestia was looking at me with an eyebrow arched. “Good sandwich?”         I swallowed the delicious morsel and nodded. “It’s fantastic!” I took a sip of the tea, only to frown.         “What’s wrong, Twilight?” she asked, her voice lilting a bit, as though she knew something I didn’t know.         “This tea... it tastes kind of funny.”         “Oh, does it?” With horror, I noticed Princess Celestia hadn’t touched her cup of tea. Oh no.         “Yeah, kinda...” I yawned. No. No! Stay awake! Stay awake, Twilight! “Kinda like there was something else added to it.”         “Oh, those castle chefs, always experimenting. Does it taste good?”         “Um... yeah.” Even though I was having trouble keeping my eyelids open, I had to admit, the tea was tasty.         “Have some more tea, Twilight...” I was going to be in trouble. “Bye, Spike...” Sweetie Belle muttered as the Cutie Mark Crusaders filed out of the library and into the night. They all looked thoroughly rejected as their heads and ears drooped. I summoned up the energy to wave good-bye as they left. I wasn’t surprised that they hadn’t gotten their “Cutie Mark Crusader Interior Decorator” cutie marks. Their attempts had, of course, left the library a mess. Paint was all over the walls. Books were piled into haphazard mounds in an attempt to give the room “fayng shooway”, as Apple Bloom had called it. The floor was covered with random paint blotches, the result of Scootaloo leaping off bookshelves and dumping paint wherever she landed, in an attempt to make decorating “more awesomer”. I looked over at the still-bulging sack of gemstones Sweetie Belle had rewarded me with. A whole bag of jewels from Rarity! I rolled over, feeling all the gemstones I’d already eaten shift in my stomach as I gave the bag a big hug. I didn’t care what happened. I had presents from Rarity, and so the world was okay. I snuggled against the bag, thinking that I could start cleaning up the library in the morning. I was much too full to start now. With a shudder, I tried to not think about what Twilight would think once she saw the state the library was in. She didn’t exactly have me keep everything perfectly clean, but all the random, knee-high to most ponies paint jobs on the walls would make even her uneasy. I could only imagine my sweet Rarity shrieking in horror at it. I stood up. Even if she wasn’t here, I couldn’t let her see I had somehow been a part of this! I wobbled over, determined to clean the walls, to say nothing of the criss-crossed paint on the floors, and promptly fell over. I groaned. Whatever: the library could wait until tomorrow. I guess Princess Celestia actually had had something for Twilight to do, unfortunately. I had assumed that Twilight would have been back in a few hours, but the whole day had gone by, letting the Crusaders totally ruin the place. A guilty sigh escaped me as I looked at the library; no doubt Twilight would have me cleaning it all up tomorrow. I tried to get up, only to write it off as useless. Meh. Sleep time. I pulled over my bag of delicious, precious, jewels from Rarity and laid my head against it. I wonder: was this how every dragon felt about their horde? True, I only had one bag, but the source meant that it meant more to me than all the riches in the world. Suddenly, a sharp bang from behind me made me roll over. I was just about to fall asleep, t—oh crap. Twilight Sparkle stood, glaring at me with hydra eyes. “Hi, Spike! Mind explaining to me what the hay just happened today?” “U-uh, well, you see, Twilight... it was all a joke! Just a joke!” “Just a joke, Spike?” Twilight walked over and put her own face inches from mine. “Just a joke?! Do you have any idea what I went through today?” Her face looked about as cheerful as a manitcore’s. “Um... no.” “Well... they were... that’s beside the point!” Her cheeks were red, but she looked a little more embarrassed than angry. “I come home to see the library looking like... looking like... well, this!” She waved a hoof, then cut off her own motion with a stomp. “Why would you do something like this, Spike? Why would you lie to me? To the princess?” “I, um, well, you see...” I tried to scoot in front of the bag of gems, but Twilight’s eyes sparkled. “Aha!” she cried, pouncing at the bag, only to grab it with her magic. She floated it over and regarded it with the careful eye of an academic pony. “What is this, Spike?” “I, uh...” Twilight opened it, and a small note fluttered out. I covered my face with my claws; I couldn’t bear to watch. “Spike: thanks so much for letting us be ‘Cutie Mark Crusader Interior Decorators’. Have these gems from my sister that I definitely didn’t borrow from her without asking. Signed, Sweetie Belle.” I heard Twilight walk over to me. “Spike... those three did all this?” “I was gonna clean it up, honest!” I gave her my best pleading look. Twilight sighed and massaged her head with a hoof. “I... fine. Princess Celestia wasn’t too upset anyway, so no real harm done. I’m just glad all the books are okay. It’s been a long day, Spike. Let’s just talk about this in the morning.” I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding in. What luck! “So, Twilight, what did you and the Princess do all day?” She stopped halfway up the stairs, and although I couldn’t see her face, her left ear twitched. “We... played croquet.” “Sounds like fun!” “Well...” A hint of a smile entered her voice. “It was more fun than I’d thought it would be, that’s for sure.”