A/N: This is a rough draft of the story "Playing Hard to Get"
I yawned and opened my eyes, relishing the start of another day. Even if I faced this one with a headache. Wait, a headache meant a hangover, and a hangover meant I'd been out drinking!
With relief, I noticed I was in my own bed for once, and I had plenty of time until work. “Oh, thank Luna.” Far too often, I'd woken up in some unfamiliar place to some all-too-familiar surprises. It got tiring after a while, because while some amount of fun was... well, fun, I knew that it was a quick fix to a continuing problem.
A hoof reached around me and brushed my mane. “Well, that's funny... didn't you say you work as one of Princess Celestia's guards? I'd think you'd thank her.”
I froze and roll over to see a soft-eyed, white-coated unicorn colt sharing my bed with me. “Oh, and this week was going so well!” I moaned. Did my latest straight streak count if I couldn't remember breaking it?
“What's wrong?” He started giving my horn a gentle massage with his hooves, gently stroking its length. I went cross-eyed trying to focus on him. He was actually pretty good; it took a skilled pony to make hard hooves feel good on skin or horn.
“I, uh... I have to get to, uh... work,” I stammered, rolling away from the massage and slamming into my dresser, making my flank scream in pain. Great, now I'd be sore all day. Stupid tiny room. I scrambled up, found my Guard armor, and started getting dressed, working slower than I would have liked as I gently lowered the shined metal onto my flank. With any luck, my little “visitor” would just raid my fridge and leave.
“Eagle Eye... come on, can't they have another guard fill in?” Suddenly, I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck. “You fell asleep before we could finish our fun.” I never asked for this.
I gulped and tried not to turn, although I knew that left me vulnerable, depending on this colt's tastes. Why did I have to go out drinking last night? Traumatic flashes of a pink alicorn looming over me answered my mental query, and I shuddered. That wasn't helping any: that much was for sure. As if I didn't have my own problems.
“Sorry. And I hate to kick you out, even if you are cu—“ No! Damn it, be strong! Can't rely on him. I don't even know him.
He slid up next to me, rubbing his coat against mine. His intoxicating musk filled my nostrils. “Oh, so what you said last night wasn't just the alcohol talking?”
“I-I-I... er... that is. You see. That was... that was...” I had my Guard armor on by now, and the door was so close; then again, so was he. I felt compelled to tear my armor off and forget about heading to the castle today, even despite my “one and done” rule.
He walked the short distance back to my bed and flopped on it. “Come on. You don't look quite right. Call in sick, and I'll make sure you get plenty of... bed rest.” He licked his lips hungrily.
I gulped. Stupid sexy gay ponies. “W-w-well... I...” I shook my head. My comrades were depending on me, and I knew it was bad to get too attached to anypony. “No. I'm sorry... whoever you are... but I have to go in to work today. It's my duty to Equestria! Nopony can do quite what I do for the guards.”
“So hardworking. I like that.” He lounged on the bed further, his eyes half-lidded, and rested his head on his hooves. “What is it you do, exactly? Even when you were flinging yourself at every colt in sight last night, you wouldn't tell anypony anything beyond that you were a Royal Guard.”
Had I been that drunk? I was never going to drink again. “Well, you see, what I do for the Guards is...” I could feel myself faltering, distracted by his unguarded pose. “I-it's a state secret! And you have to leave!” I picked him up with my magic and shoved him through the door, my living room, and the door leading out of my tiny apartment. To my surprise, he didn't resist being manhandled at all. In fact, his smile seemed to indicate he liked it. Disturbed, I dumped him without any ceremony, which did catch him off-guard.
“Wait! I'm sorry. I came on too strong, didn't I?” He wrapped his forelegs around me and looked up with hopeful eyes. “I'm sorry, I just moved here from Appleoosa and I thought this was how the ponies who were like me operated and I've never been with a colt before and please don't leave, I need this!”
I stepped out of his grasp and locked the door, ignoring his pleading, outstretched hoof. As I galloped away, it was hard to avoid feeling guilty for the colt who had pinned his hopes for something stable on me.
I was too broken to be of any use there.
Much as I had enjoyed my vacation far away from castle intrigue, it was good to be back doing what I did best.
“Those horseshoes clean yet, Eagle?” Empty Glass rumbled as he balanced a pencil on his nose from boredom.
“Not yet, sir! Working on it, sir!” I continued licking the captain's spare horseshoes clean. I had gotten a promotion—straight from Celestia, no less—but zero plus one was still only one. Besides, Captain Glass needed me. I was valuable.
“Good.” He maintained his solid, manly gaze on his office door, waiting for someone to come in. Much as we all loved being Royal Guards, it could get awfully boring sometimes. Our unit, for example, had the singular “honor” of watching over the dungeons. Which were never used, except for storage. At least, I assumed they were used for storage. We weren't allowed to enter most of them anyway, but I occasionally did hear some suspicious whinnies of pain coming from deeper in, which I preferred not to think about.
I paused mid-lick. Had they been of pain, or pleasure? “Keep licking, Eagle!”
“Oh, yessir! Sorry sir!” By Luna, I'd give those horseshoes the most thorough licking they'd ever been given, although I wished I were licking—no, I couldn't think like that. Couldn't think like that. Don't think about his strong jawline. Don't think about his long, powerful, thick... horn. I began to sweat and very pointedly avoided looking at the captain's well-toned body. I couldn't afford to be tempted by him. Why bother? It would only end badly.
Just then, somepony burst in. The newcomer was Hair Trigger, so she wasn't bothered by my activities. Everypony in the unit knew me licking Captain Glass' horseshoes clean or something similar was a daily occurrence. “S-sir, s-something to report!”
The captain didn't even glance her way, instead choosing to focus on the pencil on his muzzle. “Yes?”
“Hay fries are the lunch special in the cafeteria today!” My ears perked up and I looked on with hunger. Amazing as it might seem, that actually did qualify as news. When there wasn't some emergency going on, we more or less sat around and occasionally helped patrol the castle when not called upon by Celestia or Princess Luna to make sure they weren't disturbed. Our tax bits at work, everypony.
He nodded in a sleek, powerful motion that barely disturbed the pencil he had balanced on his muzzle. Somehow. Was there anything he couldn't do? “Good work, Trigger. Pass the word along to the others.”
She gave a quick salute and left the office. We were a small unit, and although at first Captain Glass had been enraged over having such a “worthless” command, raving something about “that upstart Shining Armor would get his someday”, his attitude had changed into dull-eyed acceptance after a while. His spirits always brightened when I was around, though. I liked to think that was because of my cheery nature, good work ethic, and adorable fla—er, my valuable skills. I knew I was probably kidding myself on every point.
“Eagle! Licking!”
“Yessir, so sorry sir!” I shouted, running my words together. As I applied more tongue to the already very clean horseshoes, I couldn't help but think how it good it was to be promoted.
I waited.
Anypony who was a Royal Guard was used to doing a lot of that: waiting. Equestria was a peaceful country, so it was rare for us to actually be needed for anything other than standing around and looking imposing. Even though my posting today was in front of Princess Celestia's personal chambers and I had duty with somepony who wasn't bad-looking, I couldn't help but be a little bored.
All that changed in a second.
Twilight Sparkle walked in, and my blood ran cold. My mind flashed back to the events of a month ago, and I couldn't help but wonder: What exactly was Twilight in for today at Celestia's hooves? True, I doubted she was just going to get her alone and take advantage of her, but I had to do something.
Then again, irritating Celestia was probably not a wise career move. I was sure I had a fair amount of flexibility in that regard, but somehow, I didn't think it would be a good idea to run up and blabber some insane-sounding story about Celestia calling her here just to molest her. Cursing my cowardice, I decided to remain where I was and try to come up with something a little less direct.
Twilight Sparkle's walk slowed, and she stopped right in front of me. Our eyes met for a moment, and I felt like she was cataloging everything about me into neat little categories in moments. I could practically hear her thought processes: “That eye twitch of his at close female scrutiny screams 'Mommy issues', his cutie mark says 'scout', his jawline says 'girly colt', his shuffling and avoiding of eye contact says 'self-confidence issues'...”
After a few moments of regarding me, she turned her head and said, “Hey, Princess! This guard of yours kind of looks like me!”
Oh, hell. As Celestia rounded the corner, Twilight stood directly next to me and attempted to match what most Equestrians called “The Royal Guard glare”. She failed, of course. A good fourth of our training was how to keep up that impressive, impassive stare at all times. However, she looked like she had the potential to glare with the best of us, or at least with me. Then again, if half the stories I had heard about this mare were true, she could more or less make the impossible possible. If only I could do the same, I wouldn't be as much of a wreck.
Celestia stared at us for a few moments. Most probably wouldn't have been able to notice, but her eye twitched for just a moment. To Twilight, it probably spoke volumes; she knew our co-ruler better than I ever would. It was troubling to see Celestia uneasy enough to give some indication of emotion beyond a calm benevolence.
“I... suppose he does,” Celestia said, scanning the hallway. There was nopony else there except for the three of us and an increasingly confused Empty Glass.
“You know, Princess, they say everypony has a doppelganger somewhere in the world... I never thought mine would be a stallion!” Twilight Sparkle laughed and returned her attention to Celestia.
I cleared my throat. “Erm, Miss Sparkle, isn't that just an old pony's tale?” Captain Glass shot me a dirty look, but I was past caring. He was out of his element here; gruffness wasn't going to help, not that he knew there was even a problem.
She turned to me, surprise evident in her wide eyes and upturned ears. It suddenly occurred to me that there may have been a reason why we were supposed to keep silent most of the time. “Oh, I've learned that there's more truth in 'old pony tales' than most think.” She leaned in a bit closer, and it took much of my willpower to avoid flinching. She smelled of lavender, and she wasn't a bad-looking mare, come to think of it. No. Bad Eagle. Don't ogle Celestia's personal student and two-time savior of the country. “How do you know my name? Have we met before?”
I tried to affect a smile. Judging by the quizzical eyebrow quirk Twilight gave me in return, it didn't go so well. Well, sorry if I still can't be totally comfortable around most mares, Miss National Hero. “Well, everypony in Canterlot knows who you are. You're Celestia's personal student...” I trailed off, realizing my flub. Nopony in the Guard would be caught dead addressing the princess by just her name.
A hoof smacked me in the back of the head, and I turned to see a furious Empty Glass. “Fool!” He bowed to Celestia. “My apologies for my subordinate's lack of respect, Your Majesty.” Now my head hurt too. Couldn't I ever do anything right in his eyes? In anypony's eyes?
Celestia smiled. “That's quite all right. Eagle Eye has... earned the right to do so.”
Twilight and Captain Glass turned and gave me bug-eyed stares. “He what?” they both shouted, making me jump a little.
“It's... I um, that is...” I could come up with no polite way to summarize the events of the day of Discord's return. I looked to Celestia, desperate for help.
She smiled wryly and explained. “You see, Eagle Eye is actually a very special guardpony. He went above and beyond his duty to me and to Equestria itself on the fateful day that Discord returned.”
“D-did he, Your Highness?” Empty Glass sputtered. Evaporating visions of a promotion were clearly flitting through Empty Glass' eyes. Something told me I'd be in for even more abuse in the days to come. Oh well, the joke was on him; I liked it! Wait...
“Yes.” Celestia smiled one of her more enigmatic smiles, and we shared a look of understanding. Her eyes glowed with compassion, and I knew that her motives for having Twilight here could be nothing but innocent. It was funny, really: I had let one incident taint my opinion of a pony that I knew—that everypony knew—was kind and compassionate. She had experienced loss just as much as I had, if not more so. What was twenty years compared to over a thousand? Still, I supposed that was just equine nature; we sometimes focused on the negative too much, overlooking everything wonderful about a pony or a place.
I glanced at Twilight, who was regarding me with an intense curiosity, her ears flattened against her head and her nostrils flared as she no doubt tried to see some heroic qualities in me. Here was a pony who knew exactly what I was thinking about. She studied friendship, as I understood it. Surely, in her studies, she had seen ponies assume the worst and experience the best. If she could find some way to stop that getting in the way of our perceptions of each other, I think the world could be a much better place. I'd certainly be better; that much was sure.
“Oh, I'm nothing special, really.” I chuckled and scratched my forelegs together.
“Well, you must be to get that kind of praise! What did he do, Princess? Save a group of foals from drowning in chocolate? Hold back a swarm of out-of-control mountain creatures by himself? I bet that's what it was.” She turned to me. “You look like you'd have some pretty strong magic.”
“My magic's pretty weak, actually...” I muttered. It was true. The reason I had never gone anywhere in the Guard was because I had no potential, and everypony knew it. Me best of all. Rumors swirled about Empty Glass holding me back from promotions multiple times, but I never believed them. Despite all appearances, Empty Glass was too nice a pony for that.
A shade of shame passed across Celestia's face for an instant while her student's gaze was elsewhere. I'm not even sure Captain Glass noticed it, but I had always been far more observant than the average pony. “I'll tell you some other time, my faithful student. It was good to see you as well... Eagle.”
I scuffled about somewhat. Something needed to be said, but I wasn't sure what, so I let a nod suffice as they moved past the captain and I into Celestia's chambers. “Be well,” I murmured as they passed through. I wasn't sure who I was addressing it to, but I caught a minute inclination of the head from Celestia. She knew.
The door closed behind them, and suddenly I was much closer to Empty Glass. Much as I normally wouldn't have minded that, he looked angry. I didn't like it rough. Most of the time. I made exceptions.
“Mind telling me just what that was about?” Bits of spittle from his barely contained rage struck my muzzle, and I resisted the absurd urge to lick myself clean.
“National secret, sir.” His increased fuming made me giggle a little, which of course only made him angrier. The story of our relationship, really, which spoke volumes about me to anypony who saw it, or so I imagined.
“Is that so?” Not bothering to wait for a response, he returned to his post on the other side of the door. His teeth ground together audibly.
Knowing that saying anything else would just make him angrier, I returned to waiting, willing myself not to eavesdrop on whatever was going on in the room beyond. I was at peace. I trusted Celestia, even if being in her presence was still nostalgic in all the wrong ways.
After a long day of performing menial tasks for Captain Glass, it was at last time to go home. I trotted into the locker room, for once ready to leave my armor at work. I had worked up quite a sweat today!
I entered the room, awed as usual by the sheer size of it. I didn't know how many other Guards worked in the castle, but it always amazed me that there was only one locker room for all of us. At any given time, at least a few would be either getting ready for the day or showering off after a long one. I had my suspicions that a few just spent all day in here, taking in its rose-colored walls and other scenery. In fact, perhaps there was a unit just for that: the locker room military police. With a distant smile, I wondered if I could secure a transfer, not that I'd be suited for the job. Stupid wandering eyes appreciating the beauty of ponies, regardless of gender.
As I walked over to my locker, the tile feeling as strange as ever under my hooves, I heard hoofsteps to the side and glanced over to see Hair Trigger exiting the mare's showers, her body still dripping wet.
“Y-you look good with a wet mane...” I stammered, unused to seeing her normally poofy mane slicked down by copious amounts of water.
“Oh, do I?” She spun in a quick circle; her wet tail slapped me in the face. I barely took notice. “Anyway Eagle, you're off for the day? I don't see you come in here too often. Work up quite a sweat licking the captain's head clean?”
“Hey, it was his horseshoes today. You know that!” I couldn't stop staring at her mane. So slick. So smooth.
“Anyway, I'll warn the cute colts not to drop the soap.” She trotted away, leaving me nice and wet.
“Thanks... hey, wait a second!” I realized too late what she had been implying. Lick his head clean indeed. How would that even work; would I have to work around his mane and eyebrows? Besides, I liked mares too. Sheesh. I mean I liked mares. Exclusively. Even though I rarely dated any. And apparently threw myself at handsome stallions like a desperate schoolfilly. And woke up with a sore flank more mornings than I could count.
I shook myself out of my minor crisis of sexual identity and focused on getting out of my armor. My locker was a small thing—bigger now that I had been promoted—with just enough space for my armor and a special set of styling combs for my mane that I had brought from home. They'd cost most of one of my salaries, but it was worth to get my mane just so.
“So, you like wet manes, eh? Wouldn't have expected that.” I turned to see Captain Glass smirking at me.
“S-sir, didn't expect to see you in here. I thought officers had their own locker room?”
He grimaced. “No, or at least, not one I know about.” He eyed me curiously, making my ears droop. Couldn't he ever give me just a nice smile and a “Good job, Eagle”? That was all I wanted. “What are you doing hanging about here? You're right in front of my locker.”
I pulled out some of my special combs and waved them in front of his face with magic. “Actually, I'm right in front of my locker.”
His right eye twitched, and then he muttered something about revenge and Captain Shining Armor. “I see.”
He joined me and rifled through his own locker. An uneasy silence stretched between us. Trying to ignore him taking off his armor mere steps from me, I unbuckled the last clasp of my armor and floated the final piece over to hang it up. As I did, however, I fumbled it, and a clasp came loose and went tumbling down to a small space just underneath the lockers. I cursed under my breath.
“Problems, Eagle?” Captain Glass had finished taking off his armor in record time; I supposed he had had a lot of practice throughout the years.
“Yeah, Captain... would you mind helping me get that clasp?” I pointed to where it lay, just out of hoof or magic's easy reach. It was a spot of bad luck to have it fall under there; the space was so narrow, I'd need somepony to lift up the lockers to have a chance at getting it back, and I couldn't do that with my weak horn.
He rolled his eyes and sighed. “You're hopeless.” With a flick of his horn, he tilted the lockers up for me. He ignored the loud metallic screech such an action caused, although now the attention of everypony was on us.
I crouched down on the floor, trying to get near eye level so I could see what I was doing. All I saw was grime; there was no hint of my clasp. I reached in with a hoof, groping around blindly. “Er, Captain? Could you come a bit closer? I can't quite see what I'm doing here.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that I could have just lit up my own horn to provide a little light. I was not a clever pony.
Empty Glass sighed, but I heard him moving closer. Encouraged by the little additional bit of light I was getting, I felt around more, pushing my face a little further into the space the lockers had occupied moments before. Where could that thing have gone? As I looked around, I felt my tail brush up against something warm. My heart nearly stopped as I realized Empty Glass, handsome gentlecolt, was standing right behind me when I had my flank high in the air.
I gulped. Come on, me. Keep yourself under control.
“Eagle, lower that tail of yours!” Whoops.
Loud snickering came from behind me. Hair Trigger remarked, “You sure, sir? You sure did move pretty quickly to get right behind him!”
“R-right. S-sorry, sir.” Embarrassed, I lowered my raised tail. My self-control really was that bad, wasn't it? Hopefully, I hadn't displayed any more... obvious signs of being a little excited.
In moments, I found the clasp, plucked it up with my own magic, and got out of the way while he lowered the lockers. His face—as well as my own—were both flushed from embarrassment. Behind the tightly muscled form of Empty Glass, Hair Trigger was grinning broadly, still with her mane dripping wet. “Oooh, Captain! Next you have to say, 'I'm sorry, Eagle. I didn't mean it.' Then, you take him in your strong forelegs, hold him close, gaze deeply into his vulnerable, soft eyes that almost remind you of a mare's, and...”
A pegasus Guard mare I didn't recognize with a whistle cutie mark clamped a hoof over her mouth and said, “Alright Trigger, that's enough.” She started to drag Hair Trigger off, and I relaxed. Maybe the locker room military police really did exist.
From a distance, I heard Trigger call, “No, wait! They were just getting to the best parrrrrrt!”
The curious glances in our direction faded away, so we were left staring at each other. It was normal for me to occasionally not be able to take my eyes off him for reasons completely unrelated to wanting exactly what Trigger had been describing to actually happen, but it was rare to have the Captain's steady, sure gaze centered on me. The moments became minutes, and finally, we both looked away simultaneously.
“S-sorry, sir.” I closed my locker.
“What in blazes are you apologizing for?” he said, sounding like he was trying far too hard to be gruff. Could it all be an act?
“Sorry. I'll just leave you alone.” I walked off to the colt's showers, only to hear steps following me. I stopped; did he have more to say? “Would you come home with me tonight”, maybe? There was no way I'd leap into his embrace, tears streaming from my eyes, and scream “Yes,” of course, but it would have been rude not to humor him. I turned, expecting a romantic Captain Glass. I mean a thoughtful Captain Glass.
Instead, I saw one who was biting back frustration. “Eagle. Why are you heading this way?”
“Because I need to shower after working up a sweat licking those horseshoes of yours clean! Why were you headed this way?”
A few passing mares giggled, and Captain Glass' right eye twitched. “This day just keeps getting worse and worse. Just keep a tight grip on that soap, Eagle.”
One disappointingly awkward shower later, I felt refreshed and ready to head home. To my disappointment, Captain Glass had hightailed it out of the castle, wanting nothing to do with me. He'd come around. I mean I'd come around and cure myself of this silly obsession. I hoped.
I paused just before I left through the south wing of the castle, feeling the cool summer night's air waft over me. My mind drifted back to Celestia and Twilight. It may have been improper of me, but I couldn't help but wonder how things had gone for them. To the confusion of whoever was manning the door, I did a quick about-face and marched for the throne room. I wasn't wearing my armor any longer, so ponies probably wouldn't recognize me for the most part, but I suspected Celestia would know me right away.
I marched through the castle, drawing stares from a pony or two. I hadn't exactly been made a national hero after what I'd done—surprise, surprise, the castle had wanted to keep it hush-hush—but word had leaked out that I had had something to do with restoring Celestia back to her old self on the Day of Discord. However, the fantasies of the castle staff tended to be far more grand and dignified than what had actually happened. Luckily, my “fan club” was pretty small, and they didn't get in my way when I worked. Still, the thought that some ponies might have paid eager bits for a picture of the position Captain Glass and I had been in brought a goofy smile to my face before I slapped it away.
Before long, I found myself in the throne room, only to find Princess Luna sitting on the throne, surrounded by her retinue of guards. I shied away. Those ponies creeped me out a little, although I couldn't exactly say why. Princess Luna looked in the mood for conversation, as the throne room was mostly empty—odd, that—but personal contact with one ruler of Equestria was more than enough for me. I slowly backed up out of the room, hoping nopony noticed me. Luckily, a guard was delivering some sort of report to her that had her attention more or less occupied, so the suspicious glances of the Night Guard aside, I was able to leave without incident.
I trotted in a different direction: towards Celestia's personal chambers. If I was being brazen before, I was being insane now, and every instinct told me to just leave. Why not let Celestia handle her own problems? She certainly didn't need a joke of a guard like me checking up on her. Still, my legs continued to move.
I had a very bad feeling about this.
Within moments, my expert knowledge of the castle had led me to the door to Celestia's private chambers. The two guards who had relieved Captain Glass and I were standing at attention, although they both looked rather confused at my approach.
“E-evening,” I said, cursing at myself inwardly. Way to look suspicious, starting to stutter at the first hint of mistrust. Why had I thought this was a good idea again?
“What are you doing back here? And out of uniform, to boot?” one of them asked.
“Well, I'm off-duty, you see, and...”
“So what are you sticking around here for?” the other asked. His eyes narrowed and ears flattened. Oh crap.
“Well, I wanted to talk to—“ Come on, learn from experience, Eagle. Don't call her “Celestia” in public like an idiot. Again. “—Princess Celestia.”
“About what exactly?”
“W-well, it's a, um, you see...”
They closed in on me, apparently deciding that they had had enough of my beating around the bush.
From behind the door, a familiar, musical, yet slightly terrifying—to me, at least—voice called, “What's going on?”
One of the guards poked his head in the door. “Apologies, Your Highness. An off-duty guard is yammering about wanting to talk to you.”
“Purple coat, spyglass cutie mark, sort of looks like Twilight Sparkle?”
The guard regarded me for a moment, only for his eyes to widen. “Er, yes, actually.”
“Send him in, please.”
The two guards returned to the sides of the door and snapped quick salutes. “Our apologies, sir,” one said. “I didn't realize you were so important.”
Sweating, I replied, “Er, I'm not, really...” Before my mouth could make me look like a fool yet again, I hurried through the door and into Celestia's room, ignoring their puzzled stares.
She was sitting in front of an impressive desk, partway through writing a letter. An open window let in a gentle breeze, and a hearth was cold without a fire, although the waxing moon provided ample light. My hooves sunk into the plush carpeting, and I noted that the entire room was set up to function as both bedroom and office. That was interesting; I wouldn't have expected that from her. Pictures of ponies adorned many of the walls, but my attention was focused on the mare in question.
“I, er... hope I'm not interrupting anything.”
She set down her quill, rose, and took a few steps towards me. I fought back flashes of a pink version of her looming over me with a huge... horn. “Not at all, my little pony. In fact, I was hoping you would stop by.”
My heartbeat quickened. Easy, me. She was not affected by Discord any more. I knew I had to be simply assuming too much about her words. Still, being alone with Celestia was something of an experience regardless of context. “R-really?”
“Yes. I was hoping, if you didn't mind, that we could talk about the... incident.” Her unease grew on her face, and she scratched her forelegs together. I supposed that without the need to keep up appearances, she was letting her guard down around me. After all, what could she possibly do to creep me out more after what had already happened? I had already seen the worst of her. “I can't help but feel... responsible for what you endured, and neither of us were exactly in a good place to talk afterward.” She took another step towards me, causing me to take an unconscious one back. “Do I... still unsettle you?”
The ruler of the country wants to talk about the time she nearly molested me and that's the first question she asks? I doubted I even had to answer that. “M-my apologies.” I scrambled for something else to say, but I was struck dumb. What was I supposed to say? Celestia was laying her troubles bare before me, of all ponies. What was I, a hobbyist psychologist or something? If I tried that, I probably would have failed at it, too.
“No. It's... hardly your fault.” She sat down heavily on the bed. “This must be rather uncomfortable for you. I apologize. Leave if you wish... I shouldn't expect these things to heal so quickly.”
I took a shaky step forward, gulping down memories of those eyes looking at me as though I were a prime cut of daffodil stem. “Celestia, I don't blame you. Yes, I'm still uneasy around you. Yes, you almost... m-m-m-molested me.” Her face fell further, and I shook off the memory of a sudden, unexpected kiss. “But! I know that wasn't you. That was all Discord. You're Princess Celestia. You'd never do anything like that.” I tried to smile, a single flower of trust struggling to break through a thin frost of distrust, formed over years and years of disappointment that had only been reinforced by the recent past.
When she looked up, her eyes were haunted, screaming of week after week of guilt trips. “Don't you see? I would. That's what makes Discord so insidious. He takes the worst elements of a pony and brings them to the fore, just for a cruel laugh. Even if normally, that part of me doesn't rule me... it's there. How do I... how do I deal with that? How can I even look at you? How can I look at Twilight, for that matter, when I have memories of wanting to use her in horrible, depraved ways?” She punched a pillow. “I can't trust myself, Eagle. All of today, she had just come for an innocent visit, and just like last time, I feared that I wouldn't be able to contain myself.”
“I'm sure it wasn't that bad...”
She looked up at me, and the weariness she wore made me feel like curling up and sleeping for a week. “It was. I don't know how well you know Twilight Sparkle—“
“Not very.” I was quite certain today had seen me talk to her more than I'd ever spoken to her in my lifetime. She always had been nice to look at, though.
“But she actually came for a visit while you were on vacation. It happened by accident, and I had thought that I was handling things well, but something in my words, my bearing, my actions... disturbed her. She was fleeing from me, Eagle Eye, terrified for her innocence. For a moment, she saw that part of me, and it completely terrified her. I don't even know who else I could talk to about this. Luna has her own problems adjusting to Equestria after her long absence, and...” Her voice faltered.
Suddenly, I was faced with a very profound question: Did she really have no one else to turn to? Everypony except for Twilight Sparkle really had either left her or held her at a distance. “Go on. I'll stay.” With great effort, I moved over and sat at the foot of her bed, intent on hearing her out.
The slight quivering of her lips spoke volumes more than words ever could about her gratitude. “The worst part was, after she gave up on trying to escape from me, everything was back to normal... for a while. Then... something came over me. I... it felt just like that day. And Twilight actually seemed like she would not mind it. But... it's madness. I could never put her through that.” She bowed her head.
I struggled with my thoughts. Part of me wanted to run away screaming at the knowledge that part of Celestia really did want something like that, but I suspected she wasn't giving herself enough credit. While on vacation, I'd taken a little trip and done some research on Discord's powers myself. As far as I understood it, he made mountains out of ant hills, judging by the reports on what had happened in Ponyville. Granted, I didn't know any of the ponies except for Twilight, but if somepony who was the bearer of the Element of Honesty had suddenly started lying through her teeth, I sincerely doubted Celestia, if given the chance, would actually be quite as perverse as she seemed to believe herself capable of. I knew perversion, and I was not looking at its face right now.
On top of that, she was just like me. We both had known loss, and it changed a pony forever. Not even Celestia was immune from the trials of time; she just felt them a little differently than a pony of my stature.
“Put her through that or put yourself through that?” Okay. Come on, now. Even tone, no nervousness. I had to project some confidence. After all, I was only giving advice to a pony who had lived for thousands of years more than me, was smarter than me, and was both my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss as well as the co-ruler of the country. Luna above, what in Tartarus' name was I doing?!
“What do you mean?” Her gaze was fully upon me now. My question had apparently been more profound than I had thought.
“My point is that...” What was my point? “My point is that you can't dwell on the past.” I paused, struck with inspiration. “Think back, Celestia. Remember your first faithful student... who you missed so dearly? Sure, I didn't know her... obviously... but if you and she were as close as you said, she wouldn't want you to punish yourself so. You made a mistake then, and you made a mistake now. Well, I make a lot of mistakes. But I just shake the dust off my coat and keep going. If I let the past tie me down, I'd get dragged under in no time. I bear the sore flanks and whip marks of mistakes, but I use my experiences to teach me.
“'Hey, maybe it's not such a good idea to hit on the mare with something that looks suspiciously like a ball gag for a cutie mark.' 'Eagle Eye, while teasing your boss can be fun, it'll never amount to anything, so find yourself a real colt one day.'” I was on a roll. Embarrassment be damned. “I'm sure you've seen more in your life than I could ever understand. But I think you said it yourself: 'I'm not going to waste any more of our time.' If you think you could make whatever it is you want to have happen with Twilight happen, then by... you, make it happen! And don't tell me about being afraid you'll do to her what you tried to do to me. We both know that wasn't you. Even your actions that day, they were all motivated by your feelings for Twilight. Even if those feelings were distorted into strange actions, the sentiment was there. And if that sentiment is real, you can make of them whatever you want.
“I've learned that love can take many forms. You aren't restricted to one just because that's what you may have done in the past. So, Cel—no, Princess Celestia—I think you owe it to yourself and to your faithful student Twilight Sparkle to try to make this work. Give it a try. I look at you, and I see a pony who's actively denying herself a chance to be happy. And I think that's a damn shame. You can't let yourself be ruled by the past. I should know.”
She sat still for a very long time, absorbing my words. “And why is that, my little pony?”
“Huh?”
“What makes you think we shouldn't let ourselves be ruled by the past?”
“Well, I...” I hesitated. I hadn't spoken about this before. “You were honest with me, so I'll return that trust. Princess Celestia, I never knew my mother.”
She nodded. “I see... a great tragedy. What happened to her?”
“Oh, nothing. She just got up and left my father one day, never coming back from work, leaving him to try and raise me all by myself. In fact, I'm fairly sure she's living it up somewhere with somepony else.” I was whining, and I knew it.
Her expression softened. “Eagle Eye... at least your father was a fine pony.”
“I wish he was.” I shook my head. “I was never good enough for him. No matter what I did, what I said, who I was with, nothing was good enough for him. He'd tell me day in and day out that I was why Mom had left.” Sorrow welled up within me as I recalled his many harsh words.
“Eagle Eye! This report card is pitiful.”
“Eagle Eye! It's your fault your momma left.”
“Eagle Eye! Stop making eyes at colts your age!”
I blinked a few times. Had that last one actually happened?
“That can't be true.” I looked up, my face lined by tears I hadn't even realized I had been shedding. “You're a brave, caring pony, Eagle Eye. I wish I could have done something for you.”
I felt myself drinking the praise in like a cactus absorbed water. “S-so I'm not a disappointment of a guardspony?” My eyes widened. Somepony who appreciated me!
“Not at all. Why, if my guard had twenty more of you, I'd feel that much safer.”
“I...” My throat seized up, and I choked out a few sounds. “I... t-thank you, Princess. That means... so much to me.” I had become all too used to being life's chew toy.
“Think nothing of it, Eagle Eye. If there's ever anything I can do for you, do not hesitate to ask. I owe you a great deal.”
I waved my forehooves in front of my face. “N-no! Not at all! I just did what anypony would have done!”
She closed her eyes. A chuckle escaped her lips, which grew into a full-throated laugh. The sound of her amusement was sweeter than any music I had ever heard—or ever would, I suspected. “Humble as well... you have more than earned your place on the wall, Eagle Eye of the Royal Guard.”
What the hay did that mean? “I would be honored, Your Highness.”
She chuckled again. “It seems Discord did some good after all. Finally, I found a joke he wouldn't find funny.”
“Thank you, Princess Celestia.” I rose. “I... I don't know if I was of any help, but I hope you and Twilight—whatever you settle upon—are happy.”
“I'll certainly have to try.”
“Don't try. Do.” I blushed as I realized what I'd just implied. “Er, not 'do' exactly, but act, at least. Time is precious for us all.”
“Funny, I seem to remember somepony else saying that.”
I smiled, feeling more and more of that frosty distrust of mine felt. “Indeed you did, ma'am. And I know you'll do more.” The weight of what I'd done just hit me. Princesses above, had I just lectured Princess Celestia on life lessons? What right did I have? “Er... sorry for rambling.” I started backing up. What had I been thinking? I gave her a respectful bow and headed for the door.
“Good night, Eagle.”
“Good night, Princess Celestia. And good luck.”
A weary, yet determined, sigh came from behind me. “I may need it.”
I exited Princess Celestia's chambers with a smile on my face. Perhaps it was time to have a drink to celebrate. That always ended well, right?