I could only stare at Twilight in disbelief for what seemed to be an eternity. Ice was in my belly, a frozen claw tightening its grip around my heart. I redirected my growing fear into anger.
I looked to my strength, my sky-blue angel, but her eyes were pleading. I steadied myself, ‘Stay focused old man.’ I turned my attention to Twilight, my expression colder than I would have liked, “Are you sure, Twilight Sparkle? Because while I acknowledge that we are all doomed to die eventually, thus is the fate of man and pony alike, I do not feel my health is impaired. So, are we talking hours, days, weeks, years, what?”
Twilight, taken aback by my verbal assault, hesitantly opened her mouth to answer, but before she could speak, I tersely interrupted her, “Also, are you a physician? Are you an expert in xenobiology? Heck, are you even a biologist? No, to the best of my knowledge, you’re a very intelligent physicist who dabbles in other disciplines. In fact, you are the most brilliant person I have ever met anywhere.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Twilight, I trust you, but you have a bit of a track record for not looking at all the facts, jumping to conclusions, taking stuff out of context, and making mountains out of molehills.” Poor Twilight looked so crestfallen. I softened my expression, “But, to be fair, you also have a track record of being right when everyone around you doubted, even the Princesses. But, assuming you’re right, and I’m not saying you are, can you leave me alone just for tonight? One night will not make a difference in this case, will it? If I only have one day left to live, I want it to be with Dash.” Dash nuzzled against me, and I stroked her mane and smiled, “She’s my everything, and if this is true, I want to hold her in my arms one last time.”
Dash looked at Twilight with a peeved expression, “You’ve got awful timing, Sparkle. But I also know you. You probably knew about this for a while. It probably took you this long to build up the guts to say anything. I could tell there was something bugging you since we left Ponyville. I thought you had some prudish problem with me and Alex. Well, I know for sure you don’t, now.” She looked up at me, a tender smile growing. “But I want to spend some quality time with him. Will one night really make any difference?”
Twilight, her eyes still full of tears, simply nodded. “You still have plenty of time left for that. I’m sorry for interrupting.”
I took a deep breath. I could tell Twilight was suffering. She had been so preoccupied I don’t think she’s had a shower in a few days. I dropped to a knee and hugged her. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Thank you for caring so much about me, about Dash and I, to do this. I know the social sciences are not your strength, but I want you to know you did the right thing by telling us. I appreciate what you’ve done and what I know you will do. But for right now, Dash and I would like some alone time as a couple.”
Her usual baby powder scent was faded, and there was a noticeable, to me at any rate, edge of dried sweat. I pulled away and wiped a tear away from under her eye with my thumb. I then gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you from the both of us. You are a truly wonderful friend.”
Dash beamed at us both, “Aw, when he puts it that way, I guess I can’t stay mad at you, egghead.” Dash, with that new glowing smile, hugged her friend.
Twilight looked at both of us, “Alex, I promise I’ll start researching a solution tonight. I’ll work twice, no, three times as hard. I’ll ask the Princesses for help, I’ll—”
I smiled kindly because she was such a kind pony in her own way and warmly interrupted her, “No, Twilight Sparkle. Tonight, you will pay a surprise visit to your brother, your parents, or someone you love. And you will hold them tight, and you will remember why you love them. You will then get a good sleep tonight, and you, me and Dash will discuss this over a late breakfast in the morning.”
Twilight seemed to calm down and smiled a little. “I think I can see what Dash sees in you.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “O-Okay. I’ll, I’ll go and see my parents and bring Miss Smartypants.” She did a sad little chuckle, “After my brother, she was my best friend for so long. I know it’s silly; she’s just a doll, but she is.” She paused, seemingly staring into space, “Thanks, Alex. I’ll see you two in the morning.”
I leaned forward and whispered to Twilight, softly enough that Dash couldn't hear, “You may want to take a shower first. You’re a little ripe.”
I gestured to Dash, “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s spend some quality time together.” I opened the door to Dash’s room and entered, Dash following behind me.
Dash spoke softly, “Wow, Alex, I'm impressed. I don't know if I could have kept my calm like that after hearing that kind of news.”
I didn't change the kindly expression I had kept for Twilight. “Is the door closed?”
A now worried Dash replied, “Ya, it is now.”
I began hyperventilating. “Oh god, I don’t want to die. Dash, dear god, I don’t want to die.” Dash was by my side, holding me. “Twilight’s never wrong. She never makes mistakes. I just, I just didn’t want to break down in front of someone I didn’t completely trust. I know you won’t be ashamed of me. I know you won’t pity me.” I sighed, “This isn’t what you had in mind for tonight, is it.”
She gently cooed and stroked my hair, “It doesn’t matter what I wanted for tonight. I’m here for you.”
“Dash, you are the first person since this nightmare began all those years ago that I’ve even considered being,” I gulped, tripping over the phrase, “physically close to.” I hit my thigh, “It’s just not fair, Dash. I’ve been alone for so long, and just when I find a perfect angel to share my life with, I’ve got a noose around my neck.”
I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing her in deeply, running my hand between her wings, my fingers stroking the soft feathers. I hear her gasp, and her wings expand, and then she just holds me tighter. I whispered in her ear, “I need to be close to you, to hold you, to know you're here, to drink you in. You make me feel alive.” I kissed her neck and whispered again, “I need you, Dash. I need you.”
I revelled in the cool night air brushing against my body as we lay on the cloud bed. We were both exhausted and happy, holding each other, simply being. We had discovered many surprises, some good, some bad, some funny, but all joyous in their own way.
Dash nuzzled my chin as she ran her hoof on my chest. Her cracking voice was soft and calm, “So, what are we going to do now? That was fun and all, but it doesn’t change the facts. Are we going back to Ponyville, spend what time we have left together?”
I sighed happily and gave her a quick kiss, “As much as spending the rest of my life in bed with you is tempting, I’m going to carry on. I’ll do everything I planned on doing here in Canterlot.” I gave a single mirthless chuckle, “Anyway, lots of people are depending on me doing my job. I have promises to keep, even if they’re only to myself.”
Dash propped herself up and looked down at me with only a slight smile, “Make me a promise?”
“Yes, Ms Rainbow Dash?”
“Tell me the truth, when you know it, about what’s happening.”
I put my hand on her cheek, “It never occurred to do anything else. I need you. You are my strength. I can fake it in front of others, but not you. It would feel too much like being deceitful. But I also have one request: that we don’t tell Scootaloo until we know for sure. I don’t want to freak her out. She’s a tough kid with a strong heart, but...”
“But you don’t want to burden our daughter any more than we have to. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”
It took my mind a moment to catch up with what she said. I smiled a slow, broad smile, “Our daughter. Our daughter is one of a kind. Just like her mom.”
She lay on my chest, her cheek slowly nuzzling against mine. Her warmth, her weight on my chest, her beating heart, her vibrant mane tickling my nose, the scent of lilacs. They were the things I treasured. These things were what reminded me I had to live more than ever.
I exhaled slowly, “Dash, I’ve lived far longer than most have the right to. I’ve seen things that would make most people weep with joy or break down in despair. But, of all the things I’ve seen, of all the people I’ve met, you are the only one that has made me want to live, not just survive. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much I trust you. I mean deeply and with absolutely no doubts. If you told me to jump off the balcony right now, I would do it without hesitation.”
Dash raised her head and looked down at me with that smirk that so defined her. “That much, huh? Okay, jump off the balcony.”
I kissed her tenderly, swung my legs off the bed, stood, and cracked my back.
Dash started snickering nervously, “Okay, that’s enough. I believe you."
I walked towards the balcony, "Don't worry. Come on, Dash. Join me. I want to share some fresh air with my beautiful fiance."
She snickered, "I thought you were going to jump for a second." As I strode to the edge, Dash warned me. "Careful, that ledge is a little thin."
I wanted to get a good look at the stunning cityscape. "I'll be caref—Shiiiit!" I had stepped too close to the edge, my foot slipping through the balcony lip. I tumbled.
I was in mid-air before I realized what was happening. I managed to make out a panicked Dash yelling out, “Alex!” The cold evening air whipped past my ears as I gained speed. While I don't have a phobia of falling, I was scared out of my mind. I still had a little presence of mind and quickly assumed a spread-eagle position to slow my fall, to give my angel a chance.
If anyone were looking out their windows, they would have seen a naked human, arms and legs spread wide, falling straight down. I could see the ground rushing up at me.
About twenty meters from the ground, I felt Dash grab me under my arms. I never felt such relief at being grabbed. Of course, the thought that Dash couldn't carry me crossed my mind. A gradual change in the direction of my fall into a parabolic arc stopped my doubts. I could hear her struggling to change our course. The bottom of the arc levelled out, my feet almost touching the ground.
The hundreds of ponies in the plaza were shocked and surprised at seeing a cyan-coated, rainbow-maned pegasus pony carrying such a large, bulky creature. Even I was surprised at how strong a flier she was.
She carried me back up to the room in silence and unceremoniously dumped me on the cloud balcony, away from the ledge. She landed in front of me, incredulously looking at my goofy smile. I started to get up, grateful for her rescue. “I told you I tru—”
Dash slapped me.
Not hard enough to spin me around or hurt me, but just enough to make me fall on my butt again. She was in tears, and her bottom lip was quivering, “Alex Roberts, what in the hay was going through your stupid head to get so close to the ledge like that? It’s bad enough it looks like your ticket is getting punched, but there you go, trying to speed up the process.” She sniffed loudly, “And now you won’t have anything else to do with me because I clobbered you again, and even you will run out of patience with me, and you’ll die alone, and I’ll be alone, and I'll die alone too, and-”
I did the only thing I could do: I got up to my knees and put my hands on her cheeks. She trailed off, fear in her eyes. She didn’t resist me aligning her face to mine. I smiled at her, knowing the little bruise on my cheek was starting to show. It stung, but I knew she was hurting more. She kissed my palm, then I drew her close and kissed her as passionately as I could.
When I ended it, I could only look into those perfect eyes, “I would have died happy, knowing you loved me. That you, my beautiful, strong, spirited, passionate angel, loved a flawed me.”
We held each other like that for an eternity that passed far too quickly. I pulled away, losing myself in her perfect eyes, “I don't care how short my time is. I want to be with you. I want you to be part of me. I don't know how it's done. I don't have a ring, necklace, bracelet, or whatever I'm supposed to have, but I have you.” I took her hoof in my hand, kissed it, and then looked up at her. “Rainbow Dash, will you be my wife? Will you take the flawed creature before you as your husband?”
Her expression became serious, “On one condition.”
I kissed her hoof again, “Name it.”
She gently pulled her hoof from my hand and rested it on my cheek, “Stay away from ledges.”
I woke slowly, my fiance snoring softly in my arms, a blissful expression on her face. It was a wonderfully tiring night, and we slept well. I knew I could face anything the universe threw at me, knowing I had my strength.
I lay there, enjoying her steady breathing for a while. When my stomach growled, I decided it was time to get out of this very happy bed. Anyway, I suspected the cloud-walking spell was starting to fade as my butt was beginning to sink. I smiled and blew on her ear. She twitched as an irritated smile grew on her lovely face. Dash protested weakly, her smile growing until finally, she fully awoke and assaulted me with kisses.
“Good morning to you, too, Ms Rainbow Dash. How about a shower, clothes for me, then breakfast with our good friend.”
“That sounds like a great plan.” She suddenly stood on the bed, pushing me down, “Race you to the bathroom.” I chased after her, laughing my fool head off. I noticed each step was a little bit lower until I was hip deep in the floor and my feet were touching concrete. I called out, still giggling, “We had better go to my room for that. I think we used this one up.” I ducked down, feeling around for my hastily discarded clothing. Unlike me, it did not float on the cloud floor.
I popped up for a second and could see Dash’s head at the bathroom door, a sultry grin softening when she saw me stand, “They have hard floors in the bathroom, remember?”
“Oh yeah,” as I fondly remembered the night before, “Yeah...” I tossed my pants over my shoulder and strode boldly on.
Dash and I finally left the room and stood in front of Twilight’s door. I knocked a jaunty shave-and-a-haircut while calling out, “Breakfast is on me.”
To my surprise, I heard Twilight reply with two knocks and, “I’m starved” in time to the knocks.
She opened the door and looked rested and happy. I could smell she was freshly showered. She then blushed and looked down, moving her hoof in a little circle, “Did you, did you two, did—”
Dash rolled her eyes a little and smiled, stepping forward and hugged her friend, “Yes. We had a really good time. Thanks.”
If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn I saw a hint of jealousy pass over Twilight’s face. I’ve got to be misreading that. I clapped my hands together, “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I could eat a h—huge pile of oats. May I escort my lovely fiance and our amazing friend to the dining room? We have much to discuss.”
Dash, with a smirk, as she had just pulled off the greatest prank, and I, just a simple, confident smile, walked down the hall as I silently counted to myself, ‘Three, two, one...’
Twilight suddenly processed what I had said, “Fiance?” She galloped in front of us, blocking the path to the elevator, looking at us with a huge, toothy grin. She proceeded to grab us both in a huge hug. “When did that happen? Who else knows? Am I the last to know, again.”
“My dear Twilight, you are, in fact, the first to know. I proposed last night, and, heh, Dash accepted.” I smirked at Dash, “You still never told me how ponies do it,” Dash snorted, “I mean how they propose, you goof. Anyway, I want to do it again and do it right this time.”
Dash snickered under her breath and lightly shoulder-checked me, “Practise makes perfect.”
“Look, there will be time enough for that. Right now, I may start gnawing my own arm off, I’m so hungry.”
Twilight tilted her head and levitated a notebook and quill from somewhere, “Is that what humans do if they don’t have enough food?”
“No, just an expression.” My smile grew, “But if you don’t get out of our way, I’ll be forced to tickle you until you move.” I started wiggling my fingers.
“You don’t want him to do that, Twilight.” Dash nuzzled me, “He’s very good at it.”
Twilight laughed nervously, “Moving.”
Once in the elevator, I had to ask, “So, how did it go for you last night, Twilight? Did you visit your parents or your brother or someone special?”
“I dropped in at my parent's house. As it happens, Shining Armour and Cadence were there for dinner. By the way, that was good advice, Alex, excellent advice. When I got there, I guess I was still visibly worried. They asked me why I was upset, and I told them about you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t mind. Why would I? I trust you and, by extension, your family. I know your brother didn’t become the head of the Royal Guard by not being trustworthy. I also realize that he is absolutely loyal to the Princess. Cadence is a princess, too, and that’s good enough for me.”
The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. “Besides, the more minds that touch the problem, the more likely we'll get a good solution, right?”
It was mid-morning, so there was no line to get in. I didn’t have anything to do until this evening, so I planned to spend a lot of today with Dash and Twilight, but mostly Dash.
We were led to a private table at Twilight’s request, and the waiter got our drink orders. I welcomed my mug of coffee, and the girls had their cups of tea. Twilight suggested I order something from the gryphon menu, but she didn’t explain why. I shrugged but was delighted to see bacon, eggs, pork chops, whole chicken, etc. No beef. It's not a problem for me because it kills your appetite for steak when you’ve chatted over coffee with the cow.
So, I got bacon and eggs, Dash got oat cakes, and Twilight got oatmeal. It was simple filling fare, perfect to fuel us for the day. While we were waiting, Dash gave me a sly glance and whispered, “I dare you to ask about, you know, the candy.”
I return her glance with a confident grin, a small nod, and a whispered, “As you wish.” I turn to Twilight, "Hey, Twilight. Is there a candy called ‘Skittles’ here?" Dash snorts and almost spills her tea.
Twilight, with furrowed brow, "No, I don't think so, why?" Dash is now holding back her laughter so hard she is forced to put her mug down.
I smirk and innocently reply, "Nothing, just a joke between me and Dash."
Dash breaks down in laughter and whispers, "You're such a bad colt."
Poor Twilight looks on, confused, “So, what is the joke, Alex? Can you explain it?”
I smile in the purest of beatific innocence, “I think Dash would be best suited to explaining it.”
Dash narrowed her eyes at me, “I’ll get you, Alex Roberts.” She then turns to Twilight, “I’ll explain later, Twi. It’s not a public type of joke.”
Before Twilight could inquire further, our breakfasts arrived. The waiter gave me a bit of a once-over with his eyes, but I ignored it. As he placed our food down, I could see the bacon was a very thick cut, almost a centimetre thick, and half raw. I realized this must be how gryphons eat their meat, basically just seared on the outside. It makes sense, but I asked the waiter to take it back and finish cooking it.
Dash looked at me questioningly, “What was wrong with that meat, Alex?”
“Nothing, but I like it a lot more cooked.”
“Huh. Gilda used to complain how it was always overcooked.”
“Technology users, remember? We humans developed cooking at the same time we started controlling fire. Our teeth are made for cooked food.”
Twilight’s face brightened, “My goodness, it’s all so clear now.” Her notepad and quill appeared, and she started scribbling furiously. “The front cutting teeth to bite through the hard outer cooked layer, the incisors to tear a piece of food off, the molars to grind the food. Yes, I can see how you evolved to eat cooked food. Very interesting.” She seemed to be peering very intently at my mouth.
“Twilight, we’ll play science later.” To their credit, the bacon was quickly returned. It was like tough ham at this point, too hard to cut, and I had to eat it with my hands, but it was quite edible.
The girls didn’t look at me while I ate, likely millions of years of instincts telling them not to get the predator's attention. I had to admit I was really enjoying the greasy, salty, oh-so-meaty bacon, but I tried very, very hard not to make any nom nom noises. I’m not entirely sure I didn’t.
I glanced at Dash, “I’ll try to eat this stuff in private, okay? I don’t want to disturb anyone doing it.”
“Hey, you big goof, it’s for your health, right?”
Once we had finished our breakfasts, I wiped the grease from my hands and chin and asked the waiter for another cup of coffee. I smiled, “Alright. I have a full stomach, Twilight. Let's talk about my impending doom.”
Twilight seemed to have been taken aback by the flippant tone of my question, but she quickly collected herself. “Alright, Alex. My main concern is the telomeres on the deoxyribonucleic acid chains-” My confusion must have been evident. “The part of your DNA that protects against mutation when cells divide.” I nodded, “This mechanism also controls the ageing process. They break off when the cell splits, and when you no longer have any, the cell stops splitting, and they die.”
“Your cells are losing telomeres at four to six times the normal rate, at least as far as I can tell. I think the cause is the high magic environment of Equestria. Your body can metabolize a small amount naturally, but not enough, and the excess burns out your cells. I have also confirmed that the trans-dimensional events, or ‘jumps’ as you call them, have the side effect of reconstructing your DNA, including the telomeres, to the same state they were when you first jumped. They effectively reset your age, Alex.”
Dash held her hoof up, “Wait, wait, wait, Twilight. Are you saying Alex is ageing faster because he can’t handle his magic?” Dash scurried away from me, a look of horror in her eyes, “Am I killing him? Is my natural magic doing this?”
Twilight smiled hopefully, “No, Rainbow Dash, quite the opposite. With your body absorbing the local magic, it’s actually saving him. As a matter of fact,” Twilight blushed, “until I can get a proper solution to this, we should both spend time physically close to him.”
Dash scooted beside me with a worried expression on her face. “Even, even at night?”
“I’m afraid so, Rainbow Dash. Unicorns are best because we absorb and use magic more readily than the other ponies. Sorry, Dash, but you're second best for this.” Dash flashed a very annoyed look at Twilight, and she quickly added, “But both of us there would be better for Alex. I apologize if it interferes with your se- um, snuggling, but it's for Alex's health.” For the first time since I've known Twilight, she looked positively defiant.
I maybe had a little too much of a smile, “So, how close are we talking? A few tens of meters, a meter or two, touching? I mean, don’t get me wrong, being close to two such lovely ladies will be a very ego-enhancing experience.”
Dash gave me a smirk, “Don’t get too excited, Mr Roberts.”
“That’s right, casanova, it’s just for medical reasons. To answer your question, it needs to be within a few meters. We will have to figure something out for sleeping. But, that is a problem for tonight.”
I snickered, “As long as Dash can chaperone, I don’t foresee any problems.” We all chuckled, and Dash leaned against me.
Twilight continued, “Once we get to Ponyville, you should have two of us by your side at all times, but any two ponies should do. This should reduce the amount of damage over time to a normal level. I would also like you to carry your knife at all times. It will act as an additional magical sink and protect you somewhat when alone.”
“My tests have also shown a reduced amount of cobalt-containing vitamer compounds. We usually create our own in our gut, but you need to get them from an external source. Maybe I can synthesize something. But it brings us back to the magic issue. If I use magic to create this compound, it will be infused with it, and when it’s injected or eaten, the problem will get worse. As a stop-gap, some diet modifications, specifically adding non-plant-based proteins, could help. In other words, eat meat. Fish will be the easiest to find in Ponyville. Even some ponies eat the stuff.”
“So fish is safe. Even Fluttershy wouldn’t be too upset with fish.”
“There’s one last thing, probably the more alarming in some ways but not the most pressing. I’ve detected a growing amount of chaos magic infused with your cellular structure. The traces may date back over sixty years when you first started jumping. I have to tell you I’m not sure if this has any relation to Discord or if it’s the naturally occurring magic in humans. I would need a few more tests and maybe a second human to confirm.”
“Isn’t that magic bad for me too? What’s the difference?”
Twilight thought for a moment, no doubt dumbing it down for me. “Normal magic is like an outside energy source generated by the environment. Ponies absorb that energy and use it through our starswirl glands.” I nodded and maybe rolled my eyes a little in irritation. “Sorry. At any rate, chaos magic is an internal source of energy. Ponies might have a tiny trace, but not enough to be useful. On the other hand, you seem to have a notable amount of chaos magic integrally connected to you, and it seems to be slowly growing. I’ll have to do more testing to determine exactly how much and how quickly.”
“Okay, that’s all good to know. But right now, I was hoping to do a little shopping. First, I would like to get Dash a little something to commemorate our engagement. Humans usually use rings, but I don’t know what ponies do. Also, I have an outfit for tonight, but unless I miss my guess, society ladies wear hats and clothes. Dash, I think your Gala dress is a little much, and Twilight, I don’t know what you have. Since you’re both going to be with me, we may as well fit in with the local yokels.” This drew some appreciative snickers from the girls. “So, between now and seven, we should be able to do all that. Maybe grab an early supper?”
Twilight became serious, “Alex, I really need to start researching this problem.”
“Yes, I know you do, but I already said I needed to continue what I was doing.”
“Alex, she wasn’t in the bedroom with us.”
Twilight got that panicked pony look, and her cheeks were bright magenta.
“What? Oh. Right.” I smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. After we, well, you know, I had decided that I would carry on doing what I was planning to do here. It’s important to me. And now that things are rolling, there are people depending on me to do what I need to do.”
She was still blushing slightly, “Oh, alright. I can respect that. And while we're with you, you will not get any worse.” She took a sip of tea and smiled, “So, what will you be doing today?”
In my best Flam impersonation, I started a little sing-song, “Well, you see, my dear Twilight,” the girls started giggling at my antics, “I have found myself recently engaged to marry a very beautiful pegasus, and my traditions require the man, that's me, give a ring to the mare, that's you, Dash, however, I have a problem. You see, I suspect my lovely pegasus bride-to-be has a different tradition, and I want to honour her. So, why this song and dance? This humble homo sapien needs to know what gift I should give to my beloved Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight, still giggling, clapped her hoofs together, “Oh, that's so sweet.”
Dash rolled her eyes, “I'm not exactly big on traditions, but the normal thing is a necklace with gems that match the mare.”
In my normal voice, “Heh, can't do that voice any more, or sing. Well then, we're going necklace shopping.”
We left the hotel and strolled to the nearby jewellery district, discussing possible designs. “So, I was already thinking about getting Dash a necklace before all this. The design I had in mind was an aquamarine gem as the centre and a rainbow of jewels surrounding it.”
“Oh. That's so thoughtful.”
Dash smirked, “You're more excited about this than I am, Twilight.”
Twilight sighed, “It's just so nice to see a special friend who acts special, that's all.”
I bowed, “As a friend and as a special friend, I thank you.”
Dash rolled her eyes, “Twilight, you're giving him a fat head. I mean fatter than usual. He's puffed up enough being engaged to me.” She nuzzled me, “But, I have to admit, that does sound like a pretty design.”
We spent a few hours shopping at the various boutiques. While we didn't see any designs that were exactly what I had in mind, we did speak with a jeweller who said he would have something we could look at tomorrow. With the necklace taken care of, it was time to get some hats and clothes.
Shopping for the outfits the girls would wear that evening was much faster. I already had a suit, and the girls were getting stuff off the rack. It was high-quality stuff, with designer labels, but still off the rack. We didn't have time to get custom outfits made.
“Dash, I really want to thank you for coming. I know this isn't your thing. Heck, it's not my thing, but adapt and thrive, eh?”
“I need to stick with you so you can stay healthy, right? Anyway, Fancypants is cool. Don't let the outside fool you. He's a good guy.” I gave her neck a little squeeze.
“I am happy to be here too, Alex.”
“Thanks, Twilight. I thought growing up here, you would be used to high society. Princess's personal student and all that.”
“Not really. She shielded me from a lot of that. Still, I know the basics, so I should be okay. Fancypants helped us all with that.”
I felt the white alabaster doors with gold trim looming above us. Despite everything I had been told about Fancypants, I was feeling intimidated. I knocked on the door, and a butler soon answered it, “This way, please.”
We were led through his impressive mansion, room after room of posh furniture, breathtaking paintings, and incredible works of art. We were finally led to a room with large windows overlooking a lovely garden with a crowd of society ponies.
“Ah, you must be the fascinating Alex Roberts Rarity has spoken so highly of. And, of course, who would not know the lovely Rainbow Dash and the brilliant Miss Twilight Sparkle? How wonderful it is to see you both again.”
Much to my surprise Dash leapt forward to give him a quick hug, “Hi ya, Fancypants. Great to see you again too.”
I smile, “I have heard nothing but good things about you, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you.” I offered him my hand. He looked at it curiously for a moment before shaking it.
“I say, those hands of yours seem quite useful. Much handier than the old hooves, eh.”
“That's what I thought at first, but I've learned that hooves have advantages as well.” I could see he was weighing and measuring my response. “In fact, I would say that for some things, the hoof is far superior to this humble appendage.” He raised an eyebrow, “For example, when picking up objects, I need to grip them on a protrusion or the edge. However, you simply place your hoof on the surface and grab with that telekinetic field.” I chuckled, “At the end of the day,” I gave him a gaelic shrug, “both have advantages and disadvantages. Just like anything else.”
This seemed to satisfy him, “Well said, old boy. Well said, indeed. Come, let's go to the garden and meet the other guests. They are simply dying to meet you.”
As we walked through his mansion, “I have to confess, I’m a little nervous. High society always made me feel horribly inadequate. Exposed and out of my depths, as it were. I hope I don’t become a social liability.” I chuckled, “Rarity tried to teach me some social graces, but I still feel kind of hopeless.”
Fancypants politely smiled. “Nonsense, my dear boy. Just be yourself, the same self Rarity was so impressed with. I’m sure everything will all be right as rain.”
Fancypants graciously led us to his grand ballroom and opened the double doors himself. “Friends, I would like to introduce my most important guests for the evening, Miss Twilight Sparkle, Ms Rainbow Dash, and of course, Mr Alex Roberts.”
At his words, the crowd of classy ponies swarmed us. While all three of us were surrounded by ponies, I had the lion’s share. They were all talking to me, and I found it difficult to focus on just one conversation. We were separated by the weight of the crowd, but I figured that as long as I kept a couple of ponies within two or three meters, it was all good.
One stallion pushed his way to the front, a mare trailing behind him. They worked together to push the others back a little, and I was able to understand what he was saying. The stallion had a light grey coat, dark grey mane and tail. Not that I checked out the stallion’s flanks, but I did glance and saw what looked like part of a jet covered by his sweater. It's a very eighties preppy look. She had a pale yellow coat and a mane that was pale blue-violet with white streaks. She was dressed in a similar eighties preppy style.
He spoke with an affected Boston accent, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alex Roberts. My name is Jet Set, and this is my wife, Upper Crust.”
Her voice was icy and unimpressed. I noted she had that same Boston accent, “Charmed, I’m sure.”
Jet Set cut back in, “Fancypants has told us so much about you.” His expression became sly, “I hear tell your species is meat eating. Is that true?”
No point in lying, “Yes, sir. That is correct. Although I am an omnivore, I can exist quite happily on a diet of plants. However, due to the slight differences in biology, I do have to eat a small quantity of meat,” I shrugged, “for health reasons.” I chuckled, “However, I want to assure you that I would never eat anything that would require me to explain myself to their family.”
He looked at me in that usual pony-shocked way with huge eyes and tiny pupils. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t offend you. I was just making a little joke.”
Upper Crust flipped her mane and harrumphed, “Well, I never.”
That distinct voice called out, friendly and cheerful as always, “Jet Set, Upper Crust. May I speak to you privately?” They both looked at me, smug smiles on their faces and happily followed Fancypants.
Most of the other guests stopped talking and started whispering to each other. One stallion, with that Boston accent, said, “Don’t worry, old boy. Those two are always stepping in the muck, even before Rarity came on the scene. And, as far as we’re concerned, your diet is inconsequential. It’s not like you’re going around eating ponies.” Dash snorted and smiled.
I put my hand out, “I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”
He took my hand with his hoof, “Opera Mask, composer and conductor. I’ve heard you plan on building an opera house in Ponyville.” He had a black coat and a stark white mane and tail and was wearing a simple pony tuxedo. His cutie mark was a pair of opera glasses.
“Yes, sir. It's more of a multi-use facility actually, but acoustics will be very important. I’ll be seeing Perfect Home tomorrow and would be very interested in what you have to say about the acoustics of facilities.”
“Perfect Home? The waiting list to see him is years long. According to the gossip, you’ve been here less than a year.”
“Hmmm, about seven months, give or take a month. I will confess I was very lucky to land where I did. Literally in the backyard of one of the Elements of Harmony, Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. If that’s not luck, I don’t know what is.”
“Ah, yes, I remember that party when Rarity introduced us to them. Charmingly rustic, loam of the earth, and all that. Saved Equestria several times. Anyone who saves the world deserves to be respected.”
“That they do.”
“I saw you had two of them as companions with you. Are they both your friends?”
“They’re both friends, but Rainbow Dash is very special to me. Let’s say we saved each other from a fate worse than death.”
He gave me an appraising look, and a smile crept over his face, “I see. Well, good show to you. She’s a vibrant, energetic mare.”
My eyes lingered on Dash for a moment, our eyes met, and she smiled sweetly at me. ‘I never thought I would ever see Rainbow Dash smile at anyone like that, let alone me.’
Opera Mask cleared his throat, “Alex, could you tell me about the operas where you come from.”
“My opera experience is somewhat limited, I’m afraid. The only two I saw were called 'Tommy' and 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Essentially plays, told with song and maybe a little dialogue.” I continued, describing their basic plots.
“I say, those are very different from the operas here. We may have to speak again on this subject.”
“So, what kind of opera do you have here?”
“The form is essentially the same, a play with music to tell the story. But, our operas tend to be historical in nature. And not as violent.”
I shrugged, “I have found that predatory species tend to be more violent, mine included. As one anthropologist from my world put it, when humans are confronted with a problem, the first questions are, ‘Can I run away from it’, 'Can I fight it?', ‘Can I eat it’, and ‘Can I mate with it’, not necessarily in that order.” We both chuckled.
The evening wore on, I became more comfortable with the society ponies. It was easier when I could see they were not much different from me. They just enjoyed the pomp of high society. They were also quite forgiving, especially when they found out I come from a different universe.
I noticed Spitfire was there, too, in her military uniform. Dash was animatedly chatting with her. I found it interesting her dress uniform looked a little like US Airforce uniforms. I'll have to remember to have a hefty discount for service personnel in uniform.
Twilight was having an animated conversation with several older unicorn ponies, all having the air of professors or wizards. In this world, they are usually one and the same.
In the end, many of the guests were artists of some kind or a patron of the arts, most very wealthy. Some even suggested investing in the theatre, and I promised to contact them once it got to that point.
As the evening wound down, Dash and Twilight approached me as guests started to leave. Dash fluttered up and gave me a peck on the cheek, “You did great. I’m proud of you.”
Fancypants smiled and winked at me, “Yes you did. You even handled those two individuals admirably. To be perfectly candid, I always invite them for the antics they provide. They rarely disappoint.”
He chuckled lightly, “However, I must say, for someone who claims to be socially unskilled, you certainly adapted to tonight's situation. I dare say all the guests that mattered were quite impressed by you. Finding investors and artists for the new Ponyville theatre will be much easier. You may have to come to Canterlot more often now that you’ve made a name for yourself.”
I felt relieved, “My big worry was causing you grief. I’m very pleased I didn’t.”
“There is humility Rarity spoke of. Marvellous.”
We stayed a few minutes longer but finally started to leave. We chatted excitedly about our evening while walking back to the hotel. Dash called her friend, “Hey, Twilight, why don’t you poof us to the hotel? Save us some walking.”
I shook my head, “I don’t know, Dash. Sounds pretty magic-intense to me.”
“Alex is correct, Rainbow Dash. Teleporting requires a great deal of magic, and doing that would reverse any benefits he has gained by staying close to us today. It looks like we’re walking.”
Dash groaned. “On the bright side, I get to spend more time with you guys. Anyway, we can take the street that runs in the lower part of town. It’s quicker, and we should be fine with three of us.”
I shrugged, “Lead on, Dash.”
We were walking in this quiet, seedy part of town when I started recognizing the location. I giggled, “Hey Dash, remember when we were last here? Chased all those goons out of the bar? Good times, good times.”
Dash snickered, “Ya, that was hilarious.” Dash proceeds to tell Twilight all about that night, including the whole ‘flame breath’ ruse.
We were all chuckling when I heard a shout, “Look, it’s that human and his nag.” I turned and saw a group of nine or ten ponies looking very angry. “Yeah, that’s right, monkey, we know all about you. We also know you don’t breathe no fire. You owe us a thumping, and we aim to collect. Now, you tell your two nags to get out of the way, and we won’t hurt them.”
I face-palmed, “Oy.”