“Good morning, everypony!” said Cheerilee. “I hope you brought your thinking caps, because today we’re going to learn about physics!”
“Why would we even need to know that stuff?” asked Scootaloo.
“You’ll most likely end up using it tomorrow,” said Cheerilee.
“Tomorrow? What for?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Why, for participating in the Applewood Derby!” Cheerilee announced with flair, flipping the chalkboard over in revelation.
Everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed. There would be multiple prizes up for grabs. The other foals in class seemed willing to do anything for a bees-knees ribbon.
Cordoba was fairly certain she could win the award for fastest cart. Most creative was a maybe. She wasn’t at all interested in being the most traditional.
“I’m glad the physics is for something like this,” said Snails. “For a second, I thought we were gonna have to, you know, learn stuff.”
“Why are we just learning this now?” asked Cordoba.
“Not everypony is as highly advanced in science,” Cheerilee said.
“No, I mean about the derby. Why did you only give us one day’s notice? Get your shit together, Ms. Cheerilee.”
Cordoba was, after all, one of Valiant’s. This, Cheerilee never forgot.
Still, a belated announcement about a road race was better than none at all. The only rules seemed to be that there had to be an older pony in the car and the car had to be made out of a slab of wood.
Cordoba contemplating building a Cordoba. The Ponyville streets were really too narrow for such a car, though. It also might have been just a bit complicated for a project due the next day.
She could still have a V8, though. One of her father’s ventures had been an attempt to create a NASCAR league, figuring there were plenty of Apples, which is to say, four-legged rednecks, in Equestria. The prototype car was sitting around with the other things he had left behind at Trixie’s place.
It was not difficult to pull the high-revving small block out of the car and scrounge enough material to assemble a chassis. The rules said she had to use the wood, so Cordoba carved a shift knob.
Elsewhere in town, the Crusaders worked on their cars, with some unwanted help. Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack had picked up the idiot ball and completely invalidated most of the friendship lessons they’d learned ever since learning friendship lessons was a thing.
At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was busy with the car, so when Coloratura showed up looking for help, she had to find Braeburn instead.
“You’re good with electronics, right?” she said.
Braeburn had self-taught himself code and had learned every inch of Merry May’s airframe when he was getting to know her. He said, “Yes.”
“I’ve got this...thing,” said Coloratura. “I just started hearing voices this morning, and based on what usually happens to me at night, I think somepony installed some electronics in me that function like a radio.”
Braeburn frowned. “Let me take a look.”
It wasn’t difficult to locate the listening device inside her ear. More troubling were the thin wires that proceeded inwards. “I think we should get you to an x-ray machine.”
At the hospital, they discovered that the wires weren’t too deep, just connecting to her auditory nerves. It hurt a little, but a quick tug pulled them out.
More troubling were the other pieces of equipment the x-ray revealed. None of it looked serious and some, once located, were easy to remove. The big, obvious problem was who kept putting them there and for what purpose.
“I’ll ask Merry May if she could keep watch on you tonight,” said Braeburn. “I’m sure she’s against forced robotisation.”
“Is that what you think’s happening to me?” Coloratura asked.
“Having seen a few in my time...maybe.” Braeburn frowned. He couldn’t imagine who could be doing it, though. It wasn’t Valiant’s style to do things piecemeal or stealthily, and since he was dead, Braeburn couldn’t think of anyone else who might have the skills or equipment.
Speaking of skills and equipment, Cordoba realized she would have to find someone to be the designated “older pony” to help her and ride in the cart during the race. Trixie was off somewhere with Daring. Sunset had been remarkably busy with something lately and hadn’t been seen in public in weeks. Cordoba’s thoughts turned to Sir Win. Anyone who had a demonic forge could certainly be helpful to a racecar effort. It didn’t even need to be demonic.
However, as she was thinking about it, Twilight appeared. “There you are. We need to do something about this container of bacon.”
“What about it?” Cordoba asked. She, Trixie, and Daring had brought twenty tons of bacon in a refrigerated shipping container back from earth.
“Ponies are starting to ask why there’s a huge container of pig meat sitting in front of the library.”
“How is that my problem?”
“Because you put it there!”
“Just because I’m responsible doesn’t mean it’s my problem.”
Twilight ground her teeth. “Could you please remove it?”
“Okay. Once I get this derby racing cart finished, I’ll even have something to pull it with.”
Twilight took a look at the machine. “We had a derby in Canterlot, too, though I didn’t compete.”
“The Canterlot derby’s really something,” said Cracker, arriving just then.
Twilight regarded her with suspicion. The blue earth pony with a pink mane and a saltine for a cutie mark that had come into their lives a few weeks previously still had not explained herself and if there was one thing Twilight had learned, new faces with murky backstories usually led to something. Sometimes something bad.
As we’ve already established, though, Twilight was wrong about Cracker.
Cordoba was still considering Twilight’s previous statement. “Other derbies across Equestria? Is there some kind of racing league? Can we go on tour?”
Twilight was torn. On the one hand, it would keep Cordoba busy and out of Ponyville. On the other, she would be motivated to win the races and it would expose the rest of Equestria to her.
“Let’s take it one thing at a time,” Twilight suggested.
By coincidence, that was exactly what Spike said when Princess Ember visited him. She appeared outside the library window. The way the window framed her torso, it was easy to imagine that her relatively tiny body wasn’t sticking out of the mouth of the huge creature that had partially eaten her.
“I really need your help, oh Dragon Lord,” said Ember.
Spike had almost forgotten his new title, as infrequently as he thought about other dragons. “What do you need?”
Ember bit her lip. Whether she did it knowingly or not, Spike took notice. “If I can’t be cured, I just want to go home.”
“I’m sure Twilight is still working on that,” said Spike. Although he knew that if Twilight hadn’t already found a solution, then there likely wasn’t one to be found.
“I think maybe I should go home to the Dragon Lands, where I have family. That will also help me get enough to eat.” Ember, since being unwillingly symbioted, had experienced difficulties in consuming enough calories to feed the huge body. “But walking there won’t be easy.”
“Why not?” Spike asked.
“I do have control over what’s left of this body, but not very much. I can kind of walk, but coordination has been a real problem when the feet I’m trying to move are fifty feet behind me.”
Spike thought about that. “While Twilight hasn’t been able to put together a dragon-separator spell, maybe she has one to restore function. Maybe we can reactivate that body’s brain stem or something. Let me check the books.”
Ember waited while Spike looked up a directory. “Hmm, spells to make things go back to the way they were...aha, necromancy!”
Had Twilight been present, she would have figuratively shit herself. As it was, she was doing enough of that already while riding with Cordoba in the cart. Putting an eight hundred horsepower V8 into a gocart would have been bad enough, but Cordoba also threw on a supercharger, because she didn’t do things halfway. If anything, it showed how much of her own personality she had begun to develop, distancing herself from her father. Valiant half-assed things all the time.
“What? Cordoba shouted.
Twilight repeated herself, but the sound was lost among the unmuffled exhaust pipes.
Cordoba sighed and brought the cart to a halt. Twilight was nearly hyperventilating, but managed to get herself under control. She scrambled out of the cart. “I don’t want to do that ever again.”
“But who will be my older-pony-helper for the race?” said Cordoba. “It doesn’t have to be family. It can be anyone, really. Even a friend.”
It was plainly a challenge and Twilight couldn’t refuse. She sighed. “Okay, I’ll get us some top-quality helmets, but before the race I demand a roll cage.”
Cordoba nodded. “Deal.”
Twilight turned, only just now noticing the visitor to the library, the enormous body attached to Ember outside the window. “I remember Ember saying she was always hungry. Bacon is calorie-dense, right? Plus we need to get this container out of here.”
“We can feed it to her, or I can move it,” Cordoba said, “But without Trixie and Daring here, I don’t know what they wanted to do with it.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, but I still want it out of here as soon as possible.”
“If I’m not around, ask Merry May to sling-load it.”
“What was that?” asked Merry May, landing nearby.
“We were talking about this twenty tons of bacon,” said Cordoba. “According to your specs, you can lift that much.”
“I really don’t appreciate being talked about like an appliance.”
“Weren’t you employed as a mover before you were murdered?” said Twilight.
“And if you’re good at something, nobody cares if you like doing it,” added Cordoba.
“Bad example,” said Twilight. “What with the unwarranted killings you do.”
Cordoba shrugged. “Back when she was Tin Mare, Merry May did lots of killings that were completely warranted.”
“Could we please stop talking about me?” Merry pleaded. “Me is exactly what I don’t want to be thinking about.”
“We could give you a job to distract you,” Cordoba offered. “The Applewood Derby is coming up and getting some overhead camera angles would be sweet.”
Merry hesitated. “Okay, fine. Coloratura asked me to watch over her tonight, and I could use the practice.”
The race was coming up soon. Cordoba quickly welded up a roll cage and went with Twilight to obtain helmets. They came back a short while later and pushed the cart to the starting line where they joined the other competitors.
The carts rolled in for prerace inspection. Cheerilee stood by with a checklist. She frowned at Cordoba’s cart. “You were supposed to use the provided applewood.”
“I did.” Cordoba indicated the carved shift knob. Cheerilee frowned, but put a check on the list.
The others arrived. Rainbow called, “The race is about to start, Scootaloo! You better shake a leg if you want to ride in the winning cart!”
“You, too, Sweetie Belle,” said Rarity. “There’s only one seat left aboard this creative masterpiece, and it’s just for you.”
“Whoa, ponies! Wait for me!” said Applejack, rolling up last. “This traditional cart handles at the exact perfect pace: slow! And I got the passenger seat all warmed up for you, Apple Bloom!”
“Passenger seat?!” muttered Apple Bloom under her breath.
“The older ponies are all driving!” added Scootaloo.
“First they built the carts, now they’re going to drive them?” scoffed Sweetie. “They didn’t even do what we wanted to do. I wanted to build a traditional cart!”
“And I wanted to build a creative one!” said Scootaloo.
“And I wanted to go fast!” added Apple Bloom.
“Well, if they’re being so self-centered, they probably wouldn’t notice if you three switched,” said Cordoba.
The Crusaders considered it, and then did a three-way hoof bump. “Let’s do it!”
“That was a very ingenious solution to the problem,” said Twilight as Cordoba belted in. “Though knowing you, I’m sure there was an ulterior motive.”
Cordoba finished fastening her six-point harness. “I mean, I guess this cart I built is so fast that it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, so I might as well make them happy so they’ll stop bothering me with their moaning. But I only thought of that after you gave me that backhanded compliment, so screw you, Twilight.”
Twilight sighed and put on her helmet, buckling into the cart.
Cheerilee saw that everyone was ready to go and blew the opening bugle.
Cordoba’s cart zoomed off like a rocket and promptly crashed into the outside of the first turn.
“Manda huevos!” Cordoba screamed. She yanked off her helmet and threw it. She undid the harness and angrily climbed out of the cart.
“Hey, accidents happen,” said Twilight. “There’s always next time.”
“This was no accident,” Cordoba hissed through clenched teeth. She went back into the cart, headfirst this time. After fumbling around, she came out with a piece of wire. “This was wrapped around the accelerator. It was sabotaged.”
“Who could have done this?” Twilight said, examining the wire.
Cordoba looked around, at the other carts that had passed them and were still following the track. “I doubt any foal. None of them would know what to do, besides maybe the CMC, and they wouldn’t because they know what I would do to them and also because maybe they’re good sports and wouldn’t anyway.”
“Who does that leave?” Twilight asked.
Cordoba processed it. “I don’t know. But when I find them, I’m going to kill them.”
“Come on, we’ve been over this.”
“Twilight, whoever did this did it to make us - us - crash on purpose. The restrictions you place on me aside, if someone tries to kill you, you kill ‘em right back.”
Twilight realized she wasn’t going to win this one. “Well, maybe we can watch the finish. I wonder if Merry May got good footage.”
“The tape!” said Cordoba. “Maybe she saw who did it.”
They hustled over to the finish line. Sure enough, the CMC had won they medals they wanted, although perhaps not how they had expected. Better yet, the digital video they downloaded from Merry May’s hard drive showed a cloaked figure messing around with Cordoba’s cart while it sat unattended for a few minutes before the race.
“Pull the last couple of satellite passes,” said Cordoba. “Maybe we can figure out where they went.”
“I’m not your personal assistant,” said Merry.
“You’re really starting to piss me off the way you only think about yourself and your whiney problems,” said Cordoba. “I asked you to do it because you have a direct digital connection to the satellites and because I thought maybe you might want to help catch an attempted murderer.”
Merry pulled up the overhead pictures. Twilight and Cordoba spent a few minutes poring over them and eventually located a familiar cloaked figure headed out of town after the sabotage. They were headed towards the Everfree Forest. Cordoba and Twilight both knew that anypony who went into the forest would be remarkably difficult to track down.
Still, it was better than nothing. Cordoba spent the rest of the afternoon in the library looking up anything she could think of that might help: maps of the forest, historical records of the derby, census figures, Applejack's birth certificate. She would be there a while.
That evening, Merry May arrived over Coloratura’s place as appointed. The singer had turned in early.
She flew in a circular pattern, keeping at least once camera on where Coloratura slept. After the sun went down, there was a flash of magic from inside.
That certainly seemed unusual, particularly since Coloratura was an earth pony and lived alone. Merry activated her thermal camera and scanned the bedroom through the wall and window. Coloratura’s sleeping form was easy to pick out as a bright spot of warmth. She appeared to be alone, as the single warm spot in the room.
However, there was another flash of magic and she began to move, as if rolled over by an unseen force. The sheets on the bed folded back.
Merry clicked back to her standard camera but saw nothing; it was too dark outside. She switched to night vision, which helped, but she wasn’t at the right angle to see directly into the window.
She flew closer, aware that her engines would tip off whoever was inside. She saw a figure wearing a cloak bent over the sleeping Coloratura. They paused what they were doing and turned towards the sound of Merry as she got closer.
Coloratura heard the noise too, her eyes sliding open. She saw the shadow of the mysterious visitor hovering over her. The bedside radio transmitted her scream to Merry’s electronic eavesdropping equipment. With a flash of magic, the creeper was gone.
“Are you all right?” Merry broadcast, switching on her spotlight.
Coloratura checked herself. She found some wires on the bed. “It was them!”
Even if Cordoba hadn’t given her a tongue-lashing earlier in the day, Merry decided that this was something she should be helpful about and tell someone.
Cordoba was still at her research in the library that evening. When the constant swearing muttered under her breath got to be too much, Twilight went down to the basement.
Awesome Sauce, the captured member of the Sororal Order of Sorrel, was working at her bindings with a file. Twilight took it away from her and fixed the chains with magic.
“Stop trying to escape,” said Twilight.
“Stop being a monarchist shill,” Awesome replied.
Twilight shook her head. “Honestly, I’ve given up on you. The Princesses were right, zealots are the worst.”
“Well fine, if you’re giving up on me, I’m giving up on you,” said Awesome. “So instead of preaching the ways and teachings of Our Lord and Savior Valiant, I’m going to make a few housekeeping requests. There’s been this buzzing noise lately.”
Twilight listened. “Sounds like the refrigeration unit on the bacon container. I guess it must be transmitted through the ground into the basement.”
“Bacon container?” Awesome suddenly strained at her restraints. “Is he back?! Is he back and you didn’t tell me?”
“He’s not back.”
“Darn.”
Twilight shook her head and went upstairs.
Little did she know...well, we’ll leave that up to audience participation.