Because Luna’s more personal projects were done in the hours directly following the moon’s rise, it was during that point that I was given time to myself. Most of it was spent sleeping, but thanks to the energy and power I was receiving from her, that timeframe was rapidly becoming shorter, leaving me more time to spend accompanying the Princess.
We fell into a sort of routine, my time with her becoming less like that of a guard and princess, and more like two close friends spending time together. Night Court was a bore, given I was the only one who had bothered to use it to talk to Luna on matters of state since her restatement as ruler alongside Celestia. However, it provided us with much needed quiet when there was always so much that needed to be done during the night. There was also the planning of celestial events, such as lunar eclipses and meteor showers that needed to be ironed out well in advance of the actual date. I learned much about how Luna molded and worked the stars to her whims, making seemingly endless patterns that fit together into one complete masterpiece. And yet, there was a sense of sorrow that seemed to shadow those times, particularly if it had to do with the details of the moon. While I was familiar with the story behind Luna’s fall and her subsequent banishment, it was an entirely different thing seeing the pain behind her actions contorting her features every time she looked up at her charge. At times I just wanted to hug her, if only to share the pain that radiated off of her when she fell into her memories.
The final task of each night was the visitation of dreams, and the placating of nightmares that might be troubling some of the citizens. She entered the minds of her subjects in the darkest hours of the morning, usually falling to sleep immediately afterwards and leaving me to my own thoughts while I stood watch at her door. At times I wondered what it was like to walk in somepony else’s dreams, and then quickly discarded it as something better left to mystery. After all, I knew what it was like to manipulate a pony’s waking mind to my will. I could barely imagine having to do the same to the chaotic realm of sleep.
It was during one clear night, almost a week and a half after I was blessed as a Shadow Sword, that another of Luna’s haunted moments came to be. She awoke after sleeping through the day, her eyes bleary and her movements slow as she pulled herself out of her bed. I had remained by the door, standing watch over he as she slept, although as her horn lit up, I noticed that there seemed to be something off in her eyes. Rather than the calm and collected demeanor that she always had, there was instead a deep sadness that immediately began to wash over me like a chilling frost. The minty flavor was so strong I could feel its cold enter my very bones, although that was nothing compared to the expression that Luna wore as she walked over to the balcony to watch the rising moon.
For a while she simply stood there, gazing up at the silver orb with a glazed look in her eyes, her wings slack to the point they dragged on the floor. I was about to step forward, but paused as she took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and began to sing. The haunting noise almost made my eyes water, and I quickly fell back into stance as she belted her heart out to the deep blue sky.
I never knew that the day
Could seem so far away
Dear sister rules the light
While my virtue is the night
And though my past is gone
My heart is torn by grief
Waiting for the dawn
She bowed her head as she paused in her lament, her eyes watering as they closed, allowing only a single tear to drop from her chin before she lifted her gaze to the moon once again.
For a time I was loved
My moon shining from above
And while the ponies slept
Their dreams I did accept
And then the darkness spawned
The hatred of my heart
That came to break the dawn
She turned around and walked back into the room, though when her eyes passed over me without acknowledging my presence, I realized that she had fallen so far into her own memories that she had forgotten I was in the room.
I pushed away my sister
And tried to shun her day
I made such mistakes
I quickly lost my way
Then I fell like a wounded swan
She glanced over her shoulder at the moon, her eyes growing misty as several more tears ran down her face,
The moon became my prison
To hide me from the dawn
I remained perfectly still as she walked around the room, inspecting paintings of herself and Celestia as young alicorns, their manes light blue and soft pink respectively instead of the familiar pastel rainbow and ethereal night sky. She placed a hoof on a picture that I couldn’t see, her eyes closing as she turned away from the small frame, and I wondered what it was that she found so important that it could create such strong emotions. While the sorrow that radiated off of her had not slacked, for an instant a blinding flare of love and guilt had nearly bowled me over when she had looked at that image, and I resolved to get a look at it the next chance I had.
For one thousand years I waited
To see the light of hope once more
Now they smile up at me with pride
Yet the past I cannot ignore
I wish that I could move on
And let these scars fade away
In the light of the breaking dawn
Her shoulders began to shake as she stepped onto the balcony again, the glint of falling tears seeming to glow like shooting stars as they dropped off the edge and into the open air below.
Oh what I wouldn’t give to find
A heart with whom to share this song
Her head fell until her nose nearly touched the floor, her body shaking as she openly began to sob. Her legs trembled with the effort of keeping her standing, and yet I did nothing as her fit ran its course. I had a feeling she would react very poorly if I stepped in at this point, so I remained at my post as she got herself under control.
She sniffed several times as she wiped her eyes with a hoof, her head lifting as she cast one last mournful look towards the stars. With that the calm and almost blank expression I had come to know so well materialized over her face, the lines of sadness and pain fading away like the morning dew as she turned around. I stayed still as she walked up and opened the door with her magic, although she paused in the opening with her gaze firmly facing forward.
“If you tell anypony about what you just witnessed here,” she muttered in a perfectly flat tone, “I will personally see to it that you do not leave the castle dungeons until you fade to dust. Is that understood?”
I nodded, also keeping my gaze forward, “I understand Princess. Nopony will ever hear about this so long as I live.”
She nodded, “Good. Now come, we have much to do tonight, and very little time to do it.”
I fell in at her side as we made our way through the castle, any thoughts of sleep immediately being dismissed as I pictured what we might be doing after a scene like that. Not that I really needed sleep after the maelstrom of emotion I had just bore witness to. That single blast of love had me so charged with power I could barely walk straight, and it hadn’t even been directed at me. I was beginning to wonder if going after Luna’s love was such a good idea, and if the raw power I would obtain from such a connection would destroy me from the inside before I could get it under control.
These thoughts plagued me through the rest of the night, although Luna seemed to be in little mood to talk right now. I couldn’t blame her, not after what I had seen, although I missed her quirky jokes and detailed explanations as we conducted several more experiments within her lab. While the findings were amazing, and the benefits to ponykind would be incalculable in years to come, it was like all of the emotion had been sucked right out of the lunar diarch, her face remaining cold and impassive even when a test proved fruitful.
When we returned to her chambers in the waning hours of the night, she chose to climb into her bed without setting the alarm for her dream walking. Instead, she pulled the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes, rolling away from me to attempt at falling asleep. Her horn glowed and the moon made a rapid descent behind the horizon, even though the sun had yet to even grace the eastern sky with its glow. The shutters were drawn and she huffed out a sigh as she settled into her bed, her head nearly swallowed by her pillows.
I took up my position at her door and began the long process of guarding her chambers, although the sour mood that had permeated the air all day didn’t help my stomach to stop throwing fits. While the love and other emotions I had feasted on earlier would give me strength for at least a week, if not more, the negative emotions that had followed Luna’s breakdown made me feel like I was going to puke, even though there was nothing to get rid of. I winced as my gut rumbled a complaint at me, and I tried my best not to fidget as the hours began to tick by.
Yet, all was not as peaceful as things appeared to be the sun began to climb into the sky. I was alerted to something being amiss when Luna began to move about in her bed. She never moved while asleep, given she slept like a log when not engaging in dream walking, so that alone was enough to grab my attention. I moved up and stood next to her bed, leaning over to see what was troubling her.
Her brow was soaked in sweat and her face was contorted like she was in pain. She would whimper every so often as she kicked and rolled around under the sheets, and I realized that she was having a nightmare, or rather, daymare. I waited to see if she would wake up from it, but as the minutes began to tick by I realized that unlike the dreams of her citizens, she didn’t seem to have control of her own.
I was about to wake her up when something on her bedpost caught my eye. I turned to get a closer look, Luna momentarily forgotten as I inspected the simple frame and the image it contained. It looked to be centuries old, if the peeling paint and the positively ancient wood were anything to go by, not to mention the fact that Luna’s mane was her pre-banishment light blue, her face much younger and more innocent then the calm and calculating mare I knew now. Standing beside her was a stallion, his mane and tail a bright blonde in comparison to his jet black fur. His crystalline green eyes were filled with warmth as he gazed into Luna’s eyes, her own reflecting the same light even through the faded paint. While Luna wore her royal regalia, the stallion wore the same armor that I now sported, his bat-like wings revealing that he was a member of the Shadow Sword.
They were sitting together under a tree, the stars and night sky depicted by small dots of white across a field of deep blue, although as I looked closer it was almost like the image began to take on a life of its own. I could feel the cool breeze that blew through the branches, smell the morning dew before the sun’s light could burn it away. The sounds of crickets chirping met my ears, and I could have sworn I could feel the warmth of somepony next to me as I fell deeper into the image.
I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality as I looked over my shoulder at Luna. Why would she have a picture of a Shadow Sword on her bedside table? It didn’t make any sense. And yet, like a light spell igniting over my head, I understood. The guilt and the love I had felt when Luna had stopped to look at this picture during her song, the raw emotion that came off of her like a sunburst. She had been in love with this stallion, deeply if I had to guess, and yet her fall from grace and banishment meant that he had to have died a long time ago. She never got to tell him goodbye or say how sorry she was for making such huge mistakes.
I glanced back at the picture, its true meaning now hitting me like a freight train, “So you’ve kept this picture of the two of you, holding on to the love you once shared even though he has long passed to the Golden Herd.” I shook my head as I tried to wrap my head around it, “No wonder you feel so weighed down my guilt and sorrow. Your true love is lost to the sands of time and you never had the chance to find closure. Such a tragic and terrible fate.”
I turned around and saw that she was still trapped in the grip of her dream, her sheets soaked with sweat and her face streaked with tears. I did the only thing I could think of and climbed into the bed with her, letting my hooves wrap around her gently as my head came to rest behind hers. She struggled for a moment longer before settling, her breathing smoothing out as she hummed in contentment. Before I could react, she rolled over and wrapped her legs around my middle, her head coming to rest under my chin as her breath rippled through my chest fur.
I waited to see if she would wake up, yet chose not to act when she remained asleep. I doubted I could get out of her grip without waking her up, and I just couldn’t bring myself to leave her after seeing her in distress. I might be on a mission to destroy her and the country she holds dear, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be a cruel monster. Call it as you will, but I wouldn’t stand by while she was gripped in her own fears, so long as it was still to my benefit to do so. Once I had the amulet and stole the princess’s magic, all bets were off. Until that point, I would do everything in my power to keep her happy, as it would only make me more powerful when the time came to destroy Equestria from the inside out.
I closed my eyes and held her closer, feeling a soft burst of happiness flow from her to me as she murmured in her sleep. I was just about to nod off when I heard her say something clearly, and my gut twisted as I realized what her words meant.
“I love you Moon Blaze.” She whispered into my chest, “Please forgive me for leaving you for so long.”
I battled with myself for a moment, before following my instincts and bending close to her ear, “I love you too Luna. I always have and I always will. Sleep well my beloved.”
Her lips curled into a smile as she snuggled into me further, her mane covering both of us like an ethereal blanket as she fell into true sleep. I closed my eyes once more and used my magic to lock the doors. It wouldn’t do for somepony to walk in and see us like this. Not yet at least. I rested my chin on top of Luna’s head, letting her horn rest against the side of my neck as I pulled her against my body. That was how we fell asleep, and that was how we both awoke the next evening, although the reaction she had upon waking up was not as pleasant as the one she had when I climbed into her bed.