//------------------------------//
// 35-Interview 
// Story: The Life of a Non-Brony 
// by BronyWriter 
//------------------------------//

"You ready, TD?" Cheerilee asks as we wait in the wings next to the stage inside Manehattan's City Hall. I smirk at my wife and lean against the wall, making sure I don't wrinkle my suit.

"Come on, I've done this kind of thing a ton of times. I'm past the point where I get worried about a crowd watching me. Death matches do that to a guy." I tilt my head. "What about the two of you? This isn't some school paper. This is one of the biggest publications in Equestria."

Comet scoffs and waves her hoof. "Oh come on, Dad. What do I have to be nervous about? I'm not showing up to this plastered like other celebrity daughters, so I'm not going to say anything too dumb."

"Yeah, like swearing," I say, narrowing my eyes. "No cursing."

Comet groans and rolls her eyes. "Dammit, Dad, I'm not gonna fucking swear."

Cheerilee lightly cuffs Comet over the back of her head, which only makes her giggle as I groan and rub my temples.

"Comet, I swear..."

"I'm just kidding!" Comet says, nuzzling my leg. "I won't do it in front of everypony."

"I hope that little joke was worth the soap," Cheerilee grumbles.

Comet's ear flicks, but she manages a grin. "Yeah, a little bit."

"Powells? We're just about ready for you," says a young pegasus mare with a pencil behind one ear and a clipboard tucked into her wing. "We're just going to introduce the host, then you come onto the stage. Be ready to go in about two minutes."

"Sounds good." I turn to Comet and glare at her. "No swearing."

"Dad, I'm not gonna--"

"None."

"None," Comet repeats, raising a hoof in surrender. "I promise."

"Pinkie Promise?" Cheerilee says, shooting me a grin.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Comet grumbles, waving her hoof.

"Good, you'd better keep that," I reply. "If you don't Miss Pinkie Pie will set you on fire."

Comet's eyes go wide. "Wait, what?"

"Powells, you're on!"

"Come on, Comet," I say as Cheerilee and I take to the stage. Comet hesitates for a moment, then follows after us.

"Dad, I'm serious, what do you mean by that?"

I ignore Comet and take my seat across from the beaming host, all while waving at the crowd and giving them my best "Peyton Manning Smile." Comet takes the seat next to mine and begins enthusiastically waving at the crowd. She has the largest smile on her face that I've ever seen. Cheerilee sits next to Comet and rolls her eyes in amusement when Comet motions to herself in a "come on, cheer for me, baby!" sort of way.

Eh, I'll let her have her fun, so long as she doesn't milk it too much. I can see why she'd be enjoying this, though. I even see excitement in Cheerilee's expression.

"Good afternoon everypony, I'm Fast Talker," says the orange unicorn with a sharp grey suit and immaculately slicked back light red hair, "and welcome to my show Interview Live, where I interview celebrities for the pleasure of a live audience." He turns from the audience to face me, lighting his horn to float a notepad next to him. "And today we have a very special set of guests. Ones that I certainly never thought I'd get the opportunity to interview, mostly because I didn't even know one of them could exist!" He shoots his hoof out to point to me. "A brand new species to Equestria, and indeed the whole world, and author of Wanderings of a Headstrong Human, which has just spent its fourteenth month on top of the Canterlot Times' bestseller list, am I correct?"

"Fifteenth, actually," I say.

"Ah, my mistake." Fast Talker turns his attention to Cheerilee and Comet. "And today we also have your lovely wife and adopted daughter Cheerilee Powell and Comet Screech Powell. Tell me, Ms. Comet: how are you liking Manehattan so far?"

"It's so awesome!" Comet squees. "We got to go see The Phantomare of the Opera!"

"A true classic! I've seen it three times myself!" Fast Talker clears his throat and flips to the first page of his notebook. "Now then, Powells: we've gathered a series of questions from ponies all across Equestria, and I have a selection of the best ones here for you today. Are you ready?"

I give him a small shrug. "Ready when you are."

"Excellent. Okay, first question. One I've been curious about myself." He nods to me. "Mr. Powell, on top of being a totally different species, you spent some time imprisoned by the wretched Changelings and Queen Chrysalis. You thwarted their attempts to turn you into one of them, but you were still turned into a changeling on some level. My question is this: how extensive are your changeling powers? What can you do with them?"

Ah, I should have seen this one coming. So far it had been one of the more talked about moments in the book. Equestria never really felt that it got proper revenge for the whole wedding thing, even though the zebras had done a pretty good job killing all of the changelings that were blasted there. So to read about a guy who went in and, despite all odds, beat Queen Chrysalis to death was pretty nice for them. Even if some still worried that I was under her control.

Because you can lead a horse to water, but you can't always make it believe the truth that the water isn't filled with explosives. Or something.

"Well, that's a good question," I begin, raising my hand. With one burst of flame, I changed it to match Fast Talker's hoof. The crowd 'oohed', while Fast Talker nodded in approval. "Basically I have one arm, one leg, and some of my face that I can change into whatever I want, within reason. And yeah, sometimes that includes fictional beings, just so long as they're not over-the-top. I can't change into a giant troll or a murderous robot. They have to be things that wouldn't be too much bigger than me. So I can change my hand into a bear claw..." I promptly do that. "But I can't change it into the paw of the biggest bear that ever lived."

"And the biggest question that comes with changeling powers has to be if you can actually feed off of love. Can you taste it, or something like that?"

Well, if that's what you want to call what Cheerilee and I do in the bedroom...

"Nah, not really," I reply. "I love my wife and daughter, and I know they love me. I don't think that I'm energized by that love like a changeling would be."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope. it's kind of a pins and needles feeling for a few seconds, actually. Like when your leg falls asleep."

"I see, I see," Fast Talker replies with a nod. "And have you ever considered using your phoenix tears to cure yourself?"

I smirk at him. "And why would I want to do that?"

"Just asking. I want to know everything about this. Anyway..." He looks back down to his notebook. "Our next question is this: would you consider going on another journey around the world to show your new wife and especially your daughter the places you visited on your epic journey?"

"Eh, I dunno. Someday, maybe." I smile at Cheerilee. "We kind of did. Cheerilee and I went to Saddle Arabia for our honeymoon and stayed with Sultan Mesud. Kathyrine was also there. I, ah, heh, don't think it would really be a good idea for me to go back to Griffonia. I don't really think that would be a fun experience. Same with Schunie. Maybe Zebrica, though."

"Do you still keep in touch with any of the friends you made?"

I shake my head. "Not really. It's not like I asked for their contact information, or anything. I suppose if I wanted to start a correspondence with any of them, Sultan Mesud and Kathyrine would be the easiest. I just don't know if either of us have any time for that kind of thing. Maybe someday."

"Possibly. Speaking of, though..." Fast Talker turns his attention to Cheerilee. "Your husband was once forcibly engaged to the crown princess of Griffonia. That obviously didn't end up working, and now you two are happily married."

"Yes we are," Cheerilee says, smiling at me.

"And the world is better for it. However, my question is this: have you had to fight off any other advances for his affection? Have you ever seen other mares giving him the 'googly eyes', if you will?"

The crowd giggles like a bunch of third graders, though Cheerilee rolls her eyes. "Well, on the whole I don't think that is as much of a problem as it could be, given that TD is a completely different species. Most mares just aren't physically attracted to him. However, there is the occasional mare attracted to his wealth and influence. Whenever a mare like that comes along, I just... talk to her and get her to see things my way."

Comet shudders, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Cheerilee makes it sound so nice and cordial.

"'Harlot' was the first swear word Mommy taught me," Comet mutters to herself, unheard by the host.

To be fair, I can see why Cheerilee would have been opposed to a slightly tipsy mare telling me I had the "nice shapely plot of an earth pony laborer" when we were at a book signing.

"On the whole, though, TD is my husband, and we love each other very much. Nopony is going to get in the way of that."

"Awwwww," says the crowd in unison as I take Cheerilee's hoof. Comet sticks out her tongue at our display of affection.

"A romance for the ages," Fast Talker says. "So nopony has ever given you any grief for marrying a completely different species?"

"Nope," Cheerilee replies. "Everypony around Ponyville already knew TD and what kind of man he is. Besides, inter-species marriage happens all the time and nopony thinks anything of it."

"Are you certain about that?" Fast Talker asks.

Cheerilee rolls her eyes. "There are, of course, always those speciesists who say that our species should remain 'pure' and that any foals born of those relationships are 'half-breeds', but I don't put any stake in that, and neither should anypony else."

"There are those weirdos who would call me a 'half-breed' myself," I point out. "My parents were from two different countries. I know it's not quite the same, even on our world, but the idea applies."

"And if somepony really wanted to get into it, I'd point out that one of my parents is a pegasus," Cheerilee says.

"What would you say is the strangest thing about being married to a human, Mrs. Powell?"

"Oh, probably his culture. There are some places where his and mine align, obviously, but there are other things that he's told me that make absolutely no sense at all." Cheerilee wrinkles her nose. "Like the football. A bunch of grown men get together in body armor and fight over a leather ball, running into each other at full speed to get it."

"Best sport in the world," I say with a smile.

"If you say so, TD. I prefer soccer."

"I see. Now, another question for TD: you don't have The Magic of Music in your world, correct?" I nod. "Right. So my question is this: how have you adjusted to that? Are you affected by it in any way? If so, is it annoying?"

Comet has already burst out into laughter, her little legs flailing in the air. Even Cheerilee has a hoof over her mouth to hide her laughter as I give the two of them a flat look. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

"It... was an adjustment, that's for sure," I grumble. "The Magic of Music and I have a little understanding. I understand that it's in its nature to make me sing, and it understands that it's in my nature to fight it tooth and nail the whole way." I lean back in my chair and stare at the ground thoughtfully. "Sometimes, though. Sometimes it actually really works out. When it's not trying to make me sing some new song about my feelings, some cool stuff can happen. For example: thanks to The Magic of Music, I can remember all of the songs from my homeworld that I liked and listened to frequently, and I can sing them way better than I used to. I remember one night during the Ponyville talent show. I was going to sing one of my earth songs called 30,000 Pounds of Bananas. It's a fun little song that would have really entertained the crowd. Instead, The Magic of Music took hold. I got up there on the stage, and the magic let me know that wasn't what I would be singing."

Cheerilee and Comet have both stopped laughing, and are now listening to me with rapt attention. I can tell they both remember this.

"I took the microphone and started singing this song called Lose Yourself." I chuckle a little bit. "I know, right? Me. A rich man born and raised in a middle-class neighborhood. Not really my place to sing that one. But that's what The Magic of Music said I had to do. So I did. Instead of the laughing of the crowd from my original song, everyone was totally silent through the whole thing, just listening to me perform. Once I was done, nobody applauded. I didn't wait for it, either. But afterwards, though, a lot of ponies came up to me and told me how much they loved it. I guess it was just more... impactful. Worked out in the end. And yeah, it was one of my Earth songs that I brought here, but it never took off in Ponyville the same way it did in cities like, say, Manehattan."

"And Daddy got to say 'motherfuckin’' in front of everypony and nopony got mad," Comet mutters, again heard by only me.

Well, yeah, The Magic of Music isn't a censor.

"That is all very interesting. Alright. Next question." He smirks at me. Oh boy. "Princess Celestia." The crowd titters a bit at that one. "What's your relationship like with her now? You've obviously punched her in the face a few times which, I will admit, I was a bit shocked by that when I first heard about it."

I shrug. "I don't react to extreme shock very well. There were some other factors that went into the punches, which I won't really go into because they're not important. Suffice to say, we're on much better terms now. She performed my wedding ceremony, after all. We still see each other every now and again. We're cordial. I'm not sure about 'friends', but we're better."

"Would you punch her again?"

I smile and nod. "Oh yes, definitely, if the perfect situation arose. I'd much rather punch someone like, say, Queen Chrysalis, though."

"Do you think you could beat Princess Celestia in a fight if no magic was allowed?"

The crowd titters at that one again, while I lean back with a grin. "Oh, I have no doubt."

"Indeed?" He turns his attention to Comet. "And you, Comet? Would you punch Princess Celestia like your father did?"

"Well I can't punch Princess Celestia like my dad did because I don't really have hands."

I'm so glad we adopted a snarky foal sometimes.

"Buuut other than that..." Comet grins and nods vigorously. "Oh, yeah, totally. If she let me."

"You've raised your daughter well, Mr. Powell," Fast Talker says. Not sure if he's being sarcastic or not. "Speaking of that, tell me about your home life, Comet. What is it like being raised by a one-of-a-kind being and a teacher?"

Comet huffs and crosses her forelegs. "They never let me cheat on my homework. Mom is my teacher, but I never get to call her 'Mrs. Cheerilee' like the other foals do, which I guess I'm okay with, because that would be kind of weird. 'Oh, the bell rang. I'm going to find my seat Mo-- I mean Mrs. Cheerilee. Now the late bell rang. See you at dinner Mrs. Ch-- I mean Mom.'" Comet shrugs. "Whatever, though." Comet instantly brightens. "But since my dad is a new species that's also a magical species 'cause of his changeling stuff, he does all sorts of neat things! I like it when he tells me stories about his homeworld. Plus he's still totally awesome at throwing knives! I once threw an apple up as hard as I could, and he hit it right in the air!"

I did, and that was a really fun day. The special kind of fun day that you can't tell Mommy about because she really wouldn't like it if she found out I was showing you how to throw knives. And lo and behold, she wasn't very happy about that.

"But even though my dad is rich and famous..." Comet puffs out her chest a little. "The other foals in school don't really treat me any different. Maybe it's because Mom is the teacher. They didn't treat me bad because I'm adopted, so they didn't treat me different when Dad got money. Some of them are my friends, too!"

"Would you ever want your parents to adopt another foal for you to play with?" Fast Talker looks at me. "Have you ever given that any thought?"

I smile and scratch Comet's back. "No, I don't think so. We have our little Comet here, and we love her very much."

"And if I had a brother or sister, I might have to share my stuff!" Comet says, much to the amusement of the crowd.

"What's your favorite subject to learn about in school?"

"History!" Comet says happily. "I like learning about the wars and stuff, and it's really neat learning about my dad's world, too. I like stories about political assashina-whatever killing the best. Especially when they use poison."

"Naturally. And that brings me to my next question: Cheerilee, how has your teaching changed since you married this man?"

Cheerilee shrugs. "Not as much as you'd think. When TD first came to Equestria, I'd set aside a portion of every day so that he could teach us about his world. I still do that from time to time, but there are a lot of core subjects that I have to cover. I'm only teaching them up until middle school. Learning about Earth is fascinating, but it's also important that my students learn how to read and write and such. I guess the biggest change is that I now have a husband and a daughter in my life, but TD mostly takes care of Comet when I'm at work."

"So TD is the stay-at-home father?"

Cheerilee nods. "After the book took off TD didn't need to wash windows around Ponyville anymore. I suppose I take care of Comet when she's in my class, but when I have conferences and things of that nature, TD takes care of her."

"Makes sense. What are some of the things he's been teaching your class?"

"I'll field this one, actually," I said. "I know that I've already started to infuse Equestria with some of my culture back on Earth with my movies and music, but I am now officially announcing a second book on Earth culture. Everything I can remember. I have no idea when it's coming out or how long it will take to write, but that's the next book."

The crowd mutters among itself while Fast Talker looks at me with interest. "Indeed? You're not satisfied with the amount of money you already have?"

I snort at his joke. "Well, actually, that's the second important point. I have enough money to live on for the next several lifetimes. Barring something completely unforeseen, I won't be making much money off of the next one. It will go towards the creation of a charity that deals with education. It will hopefully create some better funded and equipped schools, especially in places like orphanages. It's going to be called 'Hands in Education' or H.i.E for short."

"Well, that sounds positively delightful. I look forward to seeing how well that does."

"As do I."

"So, speaking of new things: have any new markings appeared on Reginald since you came back to Equestria?"

"Yes, actually. The two biggest ones represent my marriage to Cheerilee and when we adopted Comet."

"That's lovely," Fast Talker says which, if the 'awww' noise the crowd makes is any indication, they agree with that. "Now..." Fast Talker leans forward with an eager glint in his eyes. "Here come the most important questions: your world, TD. We have quite a few questions about that. We've gotten some details, obviously, but we'd like to know more. Starting with now that you've settled here and made a life, would you ever go back?"

Ah. yes. I get this question sometimes. I can see why. It's an important question. One I've thought about many times. I mean, yeah, I know I can't. I've resigned myself to that fact. But what if?

"Well..." I pause to think of my answer a bit more. "I don't totally know. I guess it would depend on the circumstances around it. If I got the opportunity to go live there again, I don't think I would." I turn my head to Comet and Cheerilee and smile. "I've made my life here. I have a wonderful wife and daughter now. Yeah, I'll always be a human, and I'll always miss Earth and my family there on some level of course, but I've settled down. I don't think it would be a very good idea for me to bring magical talking ponies onto my world. I think the culture shock would be a bit much, and I think the entire planet would freak out."

For several reasons. One of the big ones is that Cheerilee is a character from a well known TV show. Comet's species is also known. I'm not sure if MLP is still going on Earth, but I'm positive that there would be people who knew darn well who Cheerilee is. Plus there are a lot of scientific implications. Oh, so there are alternate universes where our fictional stories are real. Whoa. We'd never get a moment to ourselves.

"However," I continue. "If I knew I had a way to get back home to see my family I would take it instantly. I'd especially like to take my wife and daughter, too. Just for a visit. I know my family would just be happy to see me again. Just so they know I'm alright. I can't say that they would instantly adjust to my family here in Equestria, but overall, once they heard everything I'd done, I think they'd be proud of me. "

Maybe if I ever get to bring my family, I can have them wearing the species-changing bracelets from Discord the whole time. Hmm. An interesting idea.

"And what if Earth found Equestria on its own? What if another portal opened up and humans came through?"

"Hmm. That one is trickier. I suppose I'd be roped in as some kind of ambassador for my species, being the only one who understands pretty much all of the cultures on this planet, on top of a lot of the ones from Earth. If the two worlds wanted to open up some sort of communication back and forth, I guess that wouldn't be a problem, just as long as everything stayed peaceful. That's the big thing for me. It's not like I could really stop either one if they got the idea in their heads. My recommendation for both sides would be to keep in mind that neither one wants conflict, and any contact could be really beneficial to both cultures, so long as neither one went overboard."

"A fair point. But what if just one human came through? Similar to what happened to you."

I tilt my head thoughtfully. "I mean, I guess that wouldn't be too bad. For me, that is. I'd kind of like to have another human to talk to. Maybe get caught up on some current events back on Earth. That would be really neat. I can't say how they would take it, of course. But yeah, again, as long as it was peaceful, that would be pretty cool."

"And Comet and Cheerilee. Would you ever want to visit Earth?"

Comet scoffs. "Duh. Of course I would! Maybe not live there, because I like Ponyville, but maybe if I got to meet Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Kristen that would be really awesome!"

"And it would be really nice to get some first-hoof experience on a lot of the things that TD has talked to me about. Maybe we could go to one of those football games he likes so much."

"And Earth movies! I wanna see an Earth action movie!"

"So I guess what we're saying is yes. We would love to. Not to live, but at least to visit."

"I think that would be really nice." Fast Talker straightens up and readies his notebook. This next one is going to be good. "Now, final question. This one's for TD: what does--"

"My name stand for?" I say with an amused grin. "I get that one a lot."

Fast Talker chuckles a bit. "Yeah, I can see why. But the question remains: what does it stand for?"

"Thomas Donald."

The atmosphere is sucked out of the room as the jaws of everypony totally drop. It's been the source of contention for years about just what my name stands for. To hear me just casually say it... even Cheerilee and Comet are looking at me in shock. It's a huge revelation.

Or it would be if...

"I'm just kidding. That's not what it stands for. It doesn't stand for anything."

The crowd lets out a half-amused laugh at my little joke, and Cheerilee rolls her eyes. Comet is laughing out loud again. Yes, Comet, I do think it was a good one.

"Well, Mr. Powell, I can say that you truly are the snarker I've heard about. Well done." Fast Talker turns to the crowd and waves at them. "That's all we have for you today. Join me next week when I interview A.K. Yearling about her upcoming Daring Do book. Goodnight everypony!"


*  *  *  *


"So, did you have fun?"

"Oh yeah, I had a ton of fun!" Comet says happily. "I got to be on stage and answer questions about stuff! Not hard questions like Mom's tests. Just questions about me!"

"It was exhilarating, I must admit," Cheerilee says. "But at the same time I'm looking forward to going back to the hotel room and taking a nice long nap."

"Ugh. Same here," I admit. "We'll conk out for a little bit, then find somewhere neat for dinner, alright?"

"Sounds good."

"Mr. Powell?"

We all turn to face the pony who has just approached me. I frown when I recognize her. She's one of Celestia's messengers. This can't possibly be good.

"I have a letter for you. It's urgent."

Dang.

I sigh and take the letter from the mare. She tilts her head in a bow to me before walking off. I break the seal and unfurl the scroll to find out just what Celestia wants from me this time.

"Well, what's it say?" Cheerilee asked. "Am I actually going to get that nap?"

"Not here, no. You should be able to get one on the train." I roll the scroll back up and put it in my pocket. "We need to get our stuff and head on over to Canterlot. The eggs just hatched."