//------------------------------// // Tis a Flesh Wound // Story: I'm Famous? WHAT! // by One of the Crowd //------------------------------// Chapter 18: Tis a flash Wound *Thump* *Thump* Thump* "Can you stop throwing that at the wall. It's annoying." Gretch said as I sat back in my captains chair throwing a ball against the wall. I grabbed it as it came bouncing back to me and looked over towards her with a bored expression. "No." was all I said before throwing it against the wall again so I wasn't ready to jump out the side of this blimp. I mean it feels like we've been flying for eight months when it's only been a few days. Strange huh? *thump* Still can't believe that I finally get to ride around in one of these things. *Thump* Something about a blimp is different from a plane, more stable I guess. *Thump* Though I suppose a plane gets places faster, but they might be a bit ahead of horse hell's tech tree. *thump* *Shwing* well there goes my ball... "I said stop." Gretch said as she took what was left of my ball and tossed it out the window into the abyss below. Well it's more country side, but abyss makes it sound more ominous. "You're just a kill joy, you know that?" I said as she walked back over to the wheel and focused her eyes forward. "Only when you annoy the living tartarus out of me." "So literally everything I do." "That sums it up." She said in one of the most monotone voices I've ever heard. Welp, this conversation wasn't going to keep going in any particular direction. Now that I think about it, I just had to ask her exactly where we were. "Are we in the land of bitches yet?" "No, but we'll be setting down in an hour or two and we'll discuss how long I'm willing to wait on you before I go back and tell Celestia you guys are dead." "Remind me to never ask you for a pep talk." I said before seeing some mountains off in the distance and I figured I might as well try and ask what the hell a diamond dog was exactly. I mean are they made of diamonds, do they talk like these other ponies and dragons and everything? "So, what are diamond dogs?" "Evil." She stated simply and angrily. "Yeah yeah, you hate them yada yada. I mean what are they. Can they talk?" "Broken equestrian, yeah." "English." "Equestrian." She stated again with irritation before actually giving me more information on them. "They are about as tall as ruby and look like dogs. They do wear clothes like you, though it's mostly just jackets or ripped up shirts. Their favorite pastimes are enslaving Innocent villages and ruining lives." "suppose that's a good enough description..." To be completely honest, I was not expecting that last part of what she said. I mean queen horsey made it seem like I'd just fight some random thugs or 'bandits' but this place didn't seem like it could breed slavery or the kind of hate Gretch has. The world seems to like proving me wrong time and time again. "There are a few outside of ponyville, but they don't bother us." BonBon said as I jumped up into the ceiling. "JESUS CHRIST BONNY!" I yelled before dropping back down beside her. "Don't sneak up on people!" For some reason she didn't seem to notice what I said and instead had a dopey smile on her face and was looking up at me. She giggled a bit which was starting to creep me out, and I decided the best course of action was to slowly back away from the fan mare. *Inside BonBon's head* "JESUS CHRIST BONNY!" he he, He called me Bonny. That must mean he's finally coming around towards liking me. I couldn't help but giggle a little at the thought before realizing he was backing away. whoops. *Back in reality with James* "Well, they're probably planning on attacking any month now if they've been there for awhile. They may be stupid, but they know how to ambush." Gretch said while looking over towards BonBon, "Hope you guys have guards in that ponyville of yours or it might not turn out to great for you." "Oh Celestia wouldn't let anything happen to us.The moment we go missing she'd send somepony to come save us." BonBon said so sure of herself. "pfft, right." Gretch said with a lot of sarcasm in her voice. "And my secret lover is a diamond dog who can speak eight languages and dances the pony polka like a dream." "Really?" She asked before I Facepalmed hard enough to remove part of my face. I say that because when I pulled my hand back there was a bit of blood on it. The funny thing is that I hadn't had a nose random nose bleed in the last 4 years or so. This however made BonBon look at me and go into a semi panic. "OH MY CELESTIA! James are you okay? Why are you bleeding? Do you need a band aid? do you put band aid's over your nose? oh, what do we do?" She said while pacing in an urgent fashion until I stopped her. "yes, I get random nose bleeds, no, and you tip your head back and clog up the bleeding nostril." I said as calmly and simply as I could. "But I thought those nose bleeds ended years ago." BonBon said which put me off for a moment. Exactly how long had that show of mine been going for? How many of those small details of my life has it revealed to these ponies just to waste an hour or two of their time? The more I thought about it, the less I liked the idea that I was a star here. During my deep thought process, something poked my shoulder. "Hey James, you okay? you don't look so good." Gretch said while offering me a rag to wipe away some of the blood. "I already said I was fine. These things happen from time to time so it's not really a problem." I replied to hopefully put everyone's minds at ease rather than worrying about me. They both took the answer I gave them though Gretch was slower to tear her gaze away from me. She obviously wasn't buying it, but I don't know what else she would think is going on. Gretch went back into her captain's chair, BonBon went back to doing BonBon things and I sat back into my annoying Gretch chair while I worked on stopping my nose from bleeding anymore. After awhile I decided to have fun and reached into the side of my chair to fine...oh right; Gretch destroyed my ball and tossed it into the abyss... Looking up at the ladder leading to the next level, I saw Seabreeze waving for me to come up. I Got up out of my chair asked him, "The fuck do you want?" "Just get your ass up here." "What if I don't wanna?" "Then you can stay bored if you want. I got the cannon working!" As he said that I darted up the later in the blink of an eye. To save the trouble of telling what happened with the cannon next...the shack war in equestria was finally over because there were none left! ALL HAIL JAMES, LORD OF THE CANNONS!