'I Hate Ponies!'

By: Scripture

Chapter 2: Cliché Beginnings

“WHAT THE BUCK, CELESTIA-DAMMIT!?” I shouted out, raising my head a bit. A small shout resounded out, somebody being frightened by my outburst. It wasn’t Matt or Xavier though, that I knew. I was going to open my eyes to see who but I knew that the sun would blind me, being as it was right in front of me, and-

“Cellar? This here is Sweet Apple Acres, sir, and you are campin’ on my family’s property! So I am kindly askin’ ya to get the hay out of here before I call my big brother ta simply just lift ya three out!”

My eyes widen in shock as the sun instantly burned them back closed again. My entire body shook out of shock, anxiety, and disbelief. My retina’s burned a corona in front of me of a shape I knew very well, but couldn’t believe was actually THERE! Did she just…? No, that couldn’t be her… But I saw and heard her… This is impossible! Slowly, cautiously, as if what I was going to see next would dissolve if I looked at it wrongly, I opened my eyes to see her.

Applejack loomed over me, the sun just barely poking around the brim of her Stetson as she peered down on me. What I hoped was a smiling, happy face. What I knew it would be was a leering, scowling face, distrust and curiosity exuding from her stare. Somehow, I had landed in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres, a Brony’s dream come true!

I laughed, raising my head as I looked around. Everything looked so natural, so true to the show! Apple trees filled acres and acres of farmland all around and in the distance a short ways I could see Applejack’s house, all red and looking quite spiffy today.

As I gawked at the wonderment around me though, AJ was starting to lose her patience. Eventually she snorted a bit and poked me with one of her hooves, causing me to jump a bit. “Hey! C’mon, last warnin’ mister… Big Mac doesn’t like to be violent but he will, believe me!” I turned to her and she nodded her head behind me, although with a bit of a blush to it. “…An’ please tell them to ah, *ahem*, ‘stash their junk’, if they would be so kind…”

Them? My heart immediately deflated as I slowly swiveled my head around towards her view, immediately looking back at the flushing mare. “Uhhhhhh… Yeah, ok, sorry about that Applejack, won’t happen again…” Immediately, I stood up…

…Only to have my face gawk in wonderment at the two sleeping bodies in front of me, slowly snoring away the seconds. Even though I saw them, I still didn’t believe that we had actually become what I thought we became! Either way however, I found myself incredibly elated at the thought and wondered how I looked with my transformed Pony self.

However, before I could do much else, AJ coughed a bit to clear her throat as I gawked like a gargoyle with my mouth wide open. “An’ just how in the hay did ya happen to know my name?”

Oh crap… I couldn’t believe I had already slipped up so soon! I chuckled nervously and, this time more confidently, stood up on my four hooves. Looking down on AJ now, which gave me some satisfaction that I was taller than her, I smiled slightly at her. Clearing my throat like she did, I looked at the mare calmly. “Well, this IS Sweet Apple Acres after all. The Apple family isn’t exactly unknown and the famous Applejack is known for her prowess at the Rodeo a bit ago, right?”

We both knew I was laying it a bit thick but she smiled genuinely, taking the compliments anyways. Her gaze however, only slightly softened. “Well, I do reckon we have the finest apples around…” She looked behind me as we both heard the others start to mumble and roll around, thankfully covering their, ah, ‘goodies’ from the world.

Applejack stared at them for a bit and cocked an eyebrow at me, curiosity filling her eyes more than her distrust. “So, ya know quite a bit about me, but I don’t know squat bout you three… What’s your names anywho?”

Names? Names names… I know mine of course, but them? They were a bit… unexpected, to say the least. Hell, all of this is, but at least I had SOME kind of idea about this situation… “I’m Silver Jack and this is… is…” Finally, I noticed something to differentiate the two messes before me. “Xtra Loud!” I pointed at the dark blue unicorn with jet black hair, headphones dangling around his neck. Oddly enough, I had pictured Xavier to be somewhat like that in pony form.

“And that’s Matt Maxum!” I declared right after, pointing a silver grey hoof at the other rousing body before us. Matt had transformed into a reddish brown colored pegasus with an orange colored mane, which oddly I thought fit him well.

Applejack looked at them both however with squinting eyes, giving out a low, “Hmmmm…” She then directed her gaze at me and chirped, “So, whatcha y’all doin’ here in my orchard anyways?”

Ah crap… “Me and my friends here are from out of town, from Fillydelphia actually, and decided to take a more scenic and cheaper route…” I forced a natural chuckle out of me and shook my head. “I swear, Xtra will never be planning our trips again! I still don’t know how he convinced me to walk all the way here so far…” I cleared my throat again. “So this place was essentially last night’s camping spot and I suppose we didn’t think it was your orchard, being all dark and everything last night…” ...And a smile to finish it all off!

The orange mare thought for a moment, thinking about what we had said so far, and looked around a bit. “So, we are your bags then? I wouldn’t be thinkin’ you guys were THAT ill-prepared for a long trip like you were saying?” Her distrust started to form again and she inched her head closer to me, my nose catching a whiff of apples from her body.

My body could have melted from such a scent but I had to keep cool. Just what happened to our saddlebags… hmmm… “Our saddlebags?” I looked around, ‘confused’ at the phrase, and suddenly ‘shocked’ to find our bags missing. “Wha- Oh horsefeathers! Our bags our gone! Well isn’t THIS just wonderful…” I sighed explosively, hanging my head down low in disappointment.

A few seconds went by and nothing could be heard except a few mumbles from the pair behind me. A sweatdrop began to form on my brow, wondering if they were going to wake up or not. Oh Celestia, please don’t wake up, please…

“Well, alright… I will go see Big Mac and bring him back here.” My ears folded down worriedly. Did she not believe my story? Oh crap this isn’t-

“…Hopefully y’all just misplaced ‘em and my brother can help ya look for ‘em with me, once I get back.” I brought my head up, my ears back to normal as a smile played across my face. She brought herself nose to nose with me as soon as we were eye level though and she glared straight into my eyes. “BUT I still have this funny feeling you ain’t telling me the truth… Call me fickle, but there is something funny about all of you…”

Mentally, I exhaled. Well, it could have been worse I suppose… this gives me some time to recuperate and try to make the most out of this… “Thank you Applejack and I completely understand. After all, my story sounds kinda ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

A little surprised at the calm response, AJ hesitated a moment as she turned around to her home, and smiled back at me. “Heh… yeah, it is, but even though y’all are a bit strange… you seem like a nice fella.” With that, she immediately started to gallop away, all the while my eyes trying not to stare at her lovely plot.

Finally, I let the weakness in my legs give out, letting my shaken body plop onto the ground with a hard thud. “What… the buck… is happening here…?” Normally, I would have been ecstatic, blissful, in a dreamlike state! However, there were two little problems that I would have never had accounted for…

“Guhhhh… mrgh… Jack… Please turn off the light… It’s too early to deal with this crap…” Matt muttered, putting a forehoof over his eyes.

Xavier muttered something incomprehensible for a second and squinted his closed eyes a bit. After grumbling something again, he stood up from his spot and opened his eyes, glaring at me bitterly. “Hey, Jack! C’mon, Matt told you to-“

The unicorn didn’t do anything at first except stare at me numbly. I wondered what was going on in his head… Was he going to shout? Was he going to laugh this all off and say it’s a dream? Was he-

“...I hate being woken up…” he managed to mumble, going back down on the ground and falling back smoothly to sleep.

Well, if you read up to here, then you have got guts and a mind of steel! Nicely done, wot wot! Anyways, not much to say... kind of the regular beginning to HiE kind of fics, but trust me, the next few chapters are going to be... well, hellish to say the least... XD

'I Hate Ponies!'

by Scripture

Cliché Beginnings