//------------------------------// // Me and My Friends // Story: 'I Hate Ponies!' // by Scripture //------------------------------// 'I Hate Ponies!' By: Scripture Chapter 1: Me and My Friends Bzzt “Alright, let’s see here… gotta tweak this a bit and-“ Bzzt “… and then add a splash of this color here. Yeah, I do like that on him, it-“ Bzzt bzzt “… so maybe if I can get Paint to work a bit better I could-” BZZT BZZT BZZT! “…” … “…” … Bzzt “OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, WHAT DO THEY WANT?!” I practically screamed out in frustration. Snatching the phone off from beside my laptop, I sighed and scrolled through the several text messages I received over a 5 minutes. Wow, 32… new record… I sighed and began to read the mass texting I had acquired. Couldn’t they have just waited for a few more minutes? I sighed in my head, comprehending the mess of messages I obtained. “hey dude! pizza at my house, NOW! byob and X coming too. might be easiest to sleep over. -Matt” “Oh boy… wasn’t expecting that…” I mumbled as I read similar texts. Sighing, I looked in front of my screen and contemplated the two matters on hand. After a few minutes of not-so-deep thinking, my mind eventually came around and I thought I might as well hang out with the guys for a bit tonight instead of my personal work. It wouldn’t hurt at all, right? Yeah, right… =================== “…So then, as the idiot keeps on jumping over the bonfire, I sneak a deodorant spray can into the blaze, hoping to scare the shit out of the guy!” I chuckle as Matt continues his story, his eyes almost tearing up from laughing this whole time. “S-so as he jumps over it AGAIN, the can ex-explodes- hahaha! And guess what?! The can hits him square in the sack dudes, square in the sack!” I cringe at the thought but I don’t care, the three of us are all laughing much too hard to honestly give a crap about the fate of the guy. After all… it was frickin hilarious! X, or Xavier, besides me is cracking up too, though in his own way; a large smile with a lot of hoarse snickering, making sounds like a wheezy animal of some sort. This only makes me and Matt laugh louder, my soda can spilling amber liquid everywhere and Matt clutching his sides as he can barely breathe. It’s actually one of best nights that we have had together in a long time, the last ending with Xavier’s new ATV 3 miles away from his house in the middle of a mud pit in a farm, burning, and a little flag next to it saying, “We claim this land in the name of Wannachakalog!” Shotgun shells began flying while some old hobo ranting off several curses in our direction began to chase us down, screaming at us about getting off his property. We had never ran so hard in our lives before then. Yes, some of us were drunk that night… specifically Matt and Xavier. Matt’s smiled widened as he drank some of the beer he had pilfered from his parent’s private stock and chuckled a bit. He was a heavyweight and we knew it would take more than two beers to get him really drunk, but he promised us that tonight he would behave… somewhat. Rocking on his wooden stool, his grin broadened as a delightful thought intruded his mind. “Heh… we should try to get some babes to this sausagefest! La chicka sexica!” He laughed, pulling off some of the worst Spanish I had ever heard. Xavier only chuckled and drank a bit from his bottle, smacking his lips at the taste reaching his throat. His body pumped forward as he held in an explosive burp. “Hurp… Yeah, we could, but I think only me and Jack here can actually please them! Your two-incher couldn’t hold a flame to this bad boy down here!” He indicated his groin area with two hands, pushing up as he brought them down, causing me to laugh as the insult set into Matt’s brain. Matt however, didn’t say anything and only smiled, pointing at Xavier with his beer hand. “Yeah, but there is a little something called ‘experience’, my friend… which-“ he put his other hand to his ear at Xavier, who was growing a bit red now. “-I seem to recall somebody lacks in, hm?” Xavier shouted out at Matt and the two hit off one of their infamous stand-offs. I amusedly watched as the two of them blurted out random insults, obscenities, and other paraphernalia, and unconsciously took over Xavier’s headphones and iPod, turning it on and unplugging the headphones so that I could put out some sweet tunes to go along with the argument. Specifically, I had one genre type in mind… HEAVY METAL! With Xavier’s entire musical library and the knowledge of many a stand-off, I knew this discussion was going to be super heated and needed an amped up song to bring out the best of the mood! Playing through the awesome rifts and chords, I air-guitared my way through several epic solos as the two brought their argument to a blistering boil. Spittle and shouts were flying through the air! Beer and more beer spilling into their mouths and on the floor! They were both standing up now, practically nose to nose, when finally someone said it… “…AND YOUR MAMA’S SO FAT THAT WHEN FAT ALBERT SAW HER, HE WENT, ‘DA-YUM GIRL!’” “YEAH, HE PROBABLY DID!” “…” “…” “…snicker…” “…HAHAHAHAHAHA!” And with that, their infamous argument came their famous conclusion! Even after all the brawling of their words, they still could somehow make the other laugh in the end. Friends? They both knew that whatever they said was in good fun… Nothing could break them apart that easily. So yes, friends they were and tight friends at that. So, argument settled and music lowered, we settled into having a more quiet moment as the night wore on. Everything was going nicely, conversation was lively, and the drinks kept on coming. However, what I didn’t expect was the next conversation topic… “So, hey, Xavier…” Matt started, squinting his eyes a bit as he lowered his beer after almost drinking it. “Hm?” Xavier said, not looking up from his iPod that he now was mindlessly shuffling through. Matt scratched his chin a bit, his scruffles giving out a slight scratchy sound on his face. “After my insult about you and the rest of the lacrosse team, you said something about ‘being gayer than My Little Pony’… what the fuck was that about?” I froze. Xavier shrugged and continued his fruitless search. “No clue. I just remember my little sis watching it one morning and apparently they made a new season.” Click, click, went the mp3 device. “Still gay as fuck…” I cringed. Matt chuckled and reclined a bit on his chair. “Yeah… pretty much. Just seemed so random when you said it, I almost broke off from the argument!” He laughed now and seemed more relaxed. After a few minutes, he looked over at me from his seat and cocked an eyebrow. “So what do you think of the show, Jack?” I love it… “My Little Pony? Why the hell would I watch that crap?” I grabbed a fresh soda and nonchalantly snapped it open, taking a sip from the metal can. Lying was always one of my great talents in life, a talent I didn’t exactly like but happily used when the occasion arises. That night was a perfect example of it. My friend only chuckled again and closed his eyes a bit, sighing deeply with a smile on his face. “Just checking your straightness dude. Don’t want that to falter up… You are on the wrestling team after all!” I glared at the dude and snorted a bit. “Hey, I already told you, it’s not gay! Its-“ Xavier waved a hand and coughed a bit, finally putting on some classic rock to ease ourselves down. “Yeah yeah, it’s the harder than baseball, harder then lacrosse, it’s the hardest sport you can possibly do...” Both Matt and Xavier recited the next line in perfect unison, but in a droll boring tone. “…And if you can survive one season of wrestling, you can do anything in life!” Smiling a bit, I relaxed on the couch and sighed, taking a swig from my can again “Guess I did teach you two numbskulls a thing or two after all…” Matt stood back up and pointed at me with his beer hand. “You… You drill us with stuff nearly every day; that verse being only one of too many. If I didn’t learn something from that infinitely thinking head of yours, I wouldn’t have passed junior year, now would I?” Xavier scoffed a bit, his eyes closed as he let the music wash over him. “Yeah, sure. His thinking head did it and not copying his homework for each class didn't…” Chuckling a bit, I watched as Matt shot the music-lover a look, Xavier’s grin wide like the Cheshire Cat. Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Hey, you could have easily bought your way out of everything basically!” He put a hand to his chin slyly and smirked. “If I recall, you gave Jack fifty bucks to do a project to him, seventy if he was to get in early…” I shook my head and chugged down the rest of my drink with a swift few gulps. “Greatest seventy bucks of my life, thanks to our rich and musical friend here!” Xavier cracked a grin and leaned forward now, shrugging his shoulders after he tossed his empty beer bottle. “What can I say? People love my music and my headphones!” We all laughed a little and smiled warmly, finally deciding that it was late enough for everyone. Me, being a bit of the smart one, remembered to bring a sleeping bag due to the stone cellar ground, which was incredibly hard and cold… Last time we had slept down there, we nearly froze overnight, accompanied by an incredibly sore back the following morning. I watched as Matt tried to find some comfort on the floor with his solo pillow and single blanket, wriggling about like a twitchy worm. He poked his head up from his flimsy cocoon eventually and scowled at Xavier. “Hey, why do we have to sleep down here again? Why can’t we just-“ Xavier shot up his hand from beneath his own comforter, his pointer finger sticking up in the air. “One; you smell like a drunk. Two; you’re both not even supposed to be here. Three; the house was just refurbished today and if anything is muddled up, my parents WILL go after you with a baseball bat. No joke.” With that, he let his head smoosh upon the pillow he had, letting Matt grumble himself back under his own covers, his twitching antics resuming. Rolling my eyes, I turned on my side and hoped that he would stop fidgeting soon and let Xavier’s new playlist of soft rock songs seep into our minds. As if answering my prayers, his wriggling eventually died down and I smiled, relishing in the calm music and silence of the night. The sounds soon became ambience and I let my mind wander, mostly thinking about my unfinished work back on my laptop. This in turn led to the earlier discussion with Matt and Xavier. Why? Why couldn’t I reveal to my closest friends that I was a Brony? Was it my school’s norm, which consisted almost entirely of jocks? No, that couldn’t be… I was a jock and still loved the show. But… maybe it was? Even though I was a jock, I was still divided, if secretly, due to being a Brony. I wish they would understand… then I could openly wear my ‘20% Cooler’ shirt at my school! But I know what society would think of me… They would- My thoughts suddenly halted, for I noticed something amiss. At first, I almost thought it was because I was so lost in my deep thinking that my mind just ignored it. However, coldly, I realized this was wrong. It just didn’t exist anymore. It was gone. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t hear a single thing. My mind immediately thought of several cognitive, viral, genetic, and bacterial diseases that could cause deaf ears but after a quite run through I realized there was no cause for this. Simply put, it just happened. Like that. Curious to this phenomenon, I tried to get up but found myself locked in place, unable to move in the slightest inch. Panic began to rise within me as I couldn’t even move my eyelids! My own eyelids! Before I could even try to scream however, my mind and body was assaulted by a wave of exhaustion and slowly, but surely, I drifted off into a deep slumber… So cliché…