“Fighting for your life with Grand Heist!
Wrestling for your life with Grand Heist!
Punch him in the kidneeey!
Safe at last from Grand Heist!”
On the stage, the purple dragon speaks alone. “You limp away from the room, pain jolting from your broke wing. You’ve beaten Grand Heist.”
There was a long pause....and then the dragon and the other singers sang out.
“But wait, he’s getting up! Grand Surprise!
He has a knife in his hoof, and death in his eyes!
But you can do Jiu-Jitsuuu! Body slam superstar Grand Heist!
Legendary fight with Grand Heist!
Normal Tuesday night for Grand Heist.
You swing a punch at Grand Heist
But pain rings out from your broke wing
He dodges every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you’re knocking off his block noooow
You have just defeated The Grand Heist!”
“He falls to the floor, unconscious.” The dragon spoke. “You fall to your knees and catch your breath. You are finally safe from Grand Heist.”
The dragon and the mares at his side did a respectful bow as the audience clapped.
Chapter 3: The Gatecrasher
A line of expensive fabric fluttered in the wind, dangling along the face of a cliff, the uppermost end tied to a large hook that dug into a stone wall separating Canterlot Gardens from a rather nasty drop. Blueblood frowned as he looked around, flanked by a white mare in armour and stallion in similar armour but bearing a few scratches and smudges, as if having been attacked by an animal.
“It seems our party crasher has an odd sense of drama.” The Captain of the Royal Guard noted. “We need to put everypony on alert, he’s here.”
The mare at his side turned to him. “Are you sure?”
Blueblood nodded. “Who else would somehow risk their lives travelling along the cliff face and then grapple along midair to climb up to the gardens? No, it’s Grand Heist, this fits his style: overly complicated and dangerous, all so its ‘flashier’. Now we just need to find him...”
“Looking for me?”
Blueblood gasped and turned, seeing a shadow dash past a window. “After him!” He turned to the stallion beside him. “Stand guard here.”
The stallion nodded as Blueblood and the mare ran off inside to chase Grand Heist, leaving the lone guard to look at the wall. After a short while, there was a metallic clang and the guard slumped to the ground.
Grand Heist glared irritably as he threw away a dented golden shield, pulling the hook off the wall and dragging the makeshift rope into his hooves. “Annoying thug....those animals should have been enough. And OF COURSE they have the NERVE to leave guards EVERYWHERE.” He sighed. “No matter, that’s where this comes in handy.” He paused. “Who am I talking to?”
The thief shrugged and trotted along the walls of the castle, looking up at one of the towers. Nodding to himself, he reached under his cape, pulling out a small pointed cylinder. He loosely tied the makeshift grappling hook to it, and then sent the rocket flying, nodding in satisfaction as the knot undid itself and allowed the hook to grab onto a windowsill. Slowly, the thief climbed up along the wall, noting for second time that night the sturdiness of the fabric.
He knew Applejack had good taste in fabric.
He climbed and climbed, before grabbing a perfectly cut diamond from a bad at his side, slowly sliding a sharpened point along the stained glass window in front of him. Slowly, carefully, he cut a large enough portion, slowly pushing it aside so as not to break it before leaping in with cat-like grace.
“Time for the main attraction!
My story must be told!
Time for a chain reaction!
It never gets old!
Some ponies get satisfaction
BREA
KING
THE
MOLD!
Some ponies are just distractions!
For I am just Grand!”
He chuckled to himself, eyes focusing on a stained glass window featuring six ponies hovering in the air in a rainbow aura surrounded a black winged-unicorn, one of the ponies a certain blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane.
“I’m not the bad guy
I’m just a bit surprising.
It’s not worth losing sleep
It’s not worth analysing!
There was a time not so long ago at all
I was just like you!
Can you get my call?”
He started appearing and vanishing within each window.
“Now I’m popping in,
Over here!
Over there!
I’ve been checking in
But you’ve never been aware!
In the beginning I kept a keen eye
On the state of affairs with the new guy!
Now I got a grand gig,
Let me know if ya dig?
Ain’t going home,
So I better go big!
Just get a glance at the grand gala
And give them a surprise!”
“It’s me!” he whispered into the ear of the replica of Rainbow before reaching into his cape, pulling out a wrench.
“Now, you might say, that it’s all in my mind (all in my miiind), well in my opinion, You’re
much
too
bliiiind!”
He began to smash each window in a rage, using the wrench.
“I AM THE MAIN ATTACTION!
MY STORY MUST BE TOLD!
TIME FOR A CHAIN REACTION!
IT NEVER GETS OLD!
SOME PONIES GET SATISFACTION
BREA!
KING!
THE!
MOLD!
YOU ARE JUST A DISTRACTION!
FOR I AM JUST GRAND!”
He panted for breath, the windows barely recognisable, save one, baring the visage of Celestia herself framed by the sun, and her sister framed from the moon in an inverted mirror of Celestia’s pose. Grand Heist grinned widely as he approached it.
“You did a good job!
Watching from behind the scenes!
It warms my little cutie mark
to pull some fresh schemes!
Oh! But don’t get me wrong
You are very brave!
When faced with delegating from your throne,
you never caved!
I’ve finished hiding!
Done explaining!
No more facts
Are left remaining
Everypony knows the gist of it
I’m a perfect fit!
I don’t wanna hear no more complaining!
I’m not passing up this golden opportunity
to save myself from obscurity!
Take it with pride!
Enjoy the ride!
I’m sick of you being a part of this community!”
He gently stroked his hoof along the face of the representation of Celestia. “You might think that I am out of your mind, but in the end....I think you will FIIIIIIIIIND!” he raised the wrench high, smashing it against the window repeatedly.
“YOU ARE THE MAIN ATTRACTION!
YOUR STORY HAS BEEN TOLD!
YOU ARE A CHAIN REACTION!
BUT IT GOT OLD!
I FIND ONLY SATISFACTION IN
BREA!
KING!
YOUR!
MOLD!
YOU ARE JUST A DISTRACTION!
FOR YOU ARE NOT GRAND!”
He panted, staring at the hole where ‘Celestia’s’ face once was, dropping the wrench to the ground.
“You were the main attraction
Your story has been told
I am the chain reaction
That will never get old
Some ponies get satisfaction
Brea
King
The
Mold
You are just a distraction
For I am most Grand!”
He smirked to himself, turning to the throne, moving behind it to find...the safe. Just as he had learned from Night Light all those years ago. He grinned wider at remembering that worthless idiot, that ‘old friend’. He lifted his hat, removing a long, experimental, prosthetic horn, developed by Iron Will Industries, charged with magic. He grinned wider, knowing that years of planning, preparation and WAITING will finally pull off.
And that waiting had giving him the chance to procure the greatest prize of all, one that will ensure his fame as a thief beyond even Celestia’s level FOREVER.
He slowly, carefully sliding the horn into the lock, biting his tongue as he focused, pouring the magic through it. Lights flowed along the door from the lock before sliding open, causing Grand Heist to step back, eyes glittering as he beheld....
Nothing.
His face fell, eyes wide in disbelief, face shaking slightly. He scanned carefully, looking for any secrets, any seams, ANYTHING. He saw nothing but an empty safe.
Where were they!?
“Looking for these?”
His eyes widened and he turned, seeing a familiar face. Rainbow Dash, and that horrible dragon of hers. The dragon was holding a golden Tiara with a rainbow coloured lightning shaped gem on its centre; two gold chokers, one inlaid with a purple gem shaped like a soda pop bottle, the other simply plain gold; two bracers, one with a gem shaped like a rock with a frowny face, the other with an orange gem shaped like an apple; and finally a large segmented gold belt with a large white diamond shaped like a singing bird.
“YOU STOLE THE ELEMENTS BEFORE ME!?” Grand Heist exclaimed in disbelief.
Rainbow Dash gave her nemesis an even gaze. “Technically, me and my friends have more of a claim to ownership of the Elements than Celestia, let alone you. Face it, Grand Heist, it’s over; the Royal Guard should be on their way and you’ll be paying for your crimes shortly.”
The thief’s body shook in rage. “Why!? Why must you ALWAYS get in my way!?”
“Do you mean apart from you attempting to rob me, stealing from my friends, ATTEMPTING TO BLOW UP PONYVILLE?” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. “You framed Twilight’s dad for your crimes. I can’t forgive ANYPONY who not only defies justice, but hurts my friends and anypony they care about!”
Grand Heist glared at her, trotting over slowly.
“Spike, send the Elements to Blueblood right now!” Rainbow Dash shouted out.
Spike nodded, taking a huge gulp of air, neither him or his companion noticing Grand Heist lifting something from behind him with his tail...tossing a heavy wrench at Spike’s face, knocking him off Rainbow’s back.
“Spike!” Rainbow gasped, turning to the dragon with concern, creating an opening for Grand Heist to shove her aside and pick up the Elements that had been dropped to the ground.
“Noone outfoxes Grand Heist!” The thief yelled, his cape spreading like a pair of wings as he jumped through a window, allowing him to glide through the open air.
Rainbow growled and gave chase, flapping her wings as she flew after Grand Heist, divebombing the thief who spun to dodge, landing on a tower’s roof before taking off again, Rainbow on his tail.
“No more tricks! No more exits! I’m bringing you down!” The Pegasus yelled out.
“Don’t you EVER give up!?” The thief retorted, the Elements secured under his hat.
Rainbow flapped her wings, sending twin bursts of magic at lightning speed toward her opponent, destroying his cape and causing him to quickly lose altitude. Rainbow gave chase, slamming into his chest, the both of them crashing into a rooftop.
------------------------------
The two Princesses walked down the hallway towards the room where the Gala was being held, Luna looking apprehensive but eager for her favourite event in Equestria. The Gala was always a good time for the elite of Canterlot to gather together, share news and ideas, make friends and most important of all unwind for the year. Luna especially could use some relaxation and a chance to reconnect with her new home after the old castle was abandoned a thousand years ago.
Her sister gave her a reassuring smile as the pair walked through the double doors...where chaos greeted them.
A mare lay on of one of the tables, which was crushed under her weight, three pegasi in form fitting spandex uniforms standing over her; while another pair of mares fought a unicorn stallion, the fight destroying much in its wake. A yellow Pegasus flew in, shouting something as several animals charged inside the building, several partygoers panicking in a rush to escape the rampage.
Luna’s eye twitch, face pale in disbelief and shock. And then a punch bowl fell on her head, soaking her head.
“What in the name of harmony is GOING ON HERE!?”
Everypony, and otherwise, froze, looking up at the top of the staircase where the two princess’ stood, Luna’s eyes brimming with fury...while Celestia’s held mirth as she barely attempted to hide a laugh.
Luna, however, noticed this, turning to her sister with an accusatory glare. “What is so funny, dear sister!? Is something about this farce HUMOUROUS to you!?”
Celestia froze, staring at her sister nervously. “Y-you...u-umm...”
“I’ll discuss this in a moment.” Luna turned to the assembled ponies before addressing the animals. “You. Beasts. Get out of here. Now.”
The animals nodded obediently, looking downcast as if scolded by a mother as they trudged out of the room, the yellow pegasus gliding down to the floor and giving the retreating creatures a sympathetic look.
Luna pulled the bowl off her head and gently set it down safely to the side, her magic removing as much liquid as possible from her face, mane and black dress. “Now, is anypony willing to tell me what happened here?” She eyed the four familiar mares, the yellow pegasus gliding down between an orange earth pony and a purple unicorn and a white unicorn shamefully trotted over and joined them, the rest of the partygoers watching.
Applejack frowned, pointing to the large stallion she had been fighting. “This brute attacked me after his employer had the gall to insult me!”
“I was helping her!” Twilight added.
The stallion glared as his employer, In-Charge, trotted beside him and spoke. “She punched my beautiful face!”
“You insulted my job, my craftsmanship, my friends and my home!” Applejack argued.
“ENOUGH!” Luna bellowed, causing the bickering mares to silence themselves. “You, you’re a Canterlot citizen correct?”
“Indeed I am.” In-Charge smugly replied. “I simply was pointing out to this bumpkin how she was bothering a fashion master and how she didn’t belong here at all.”
“Hold on.” Celestia finally said, glaring at the mare. “You’re the one who assaulted my nephew, are you not, Miss In-Charge?”
In-Charge blinked, perplexed by the Princess’ expression. “W-well of course not your majesty! I didn’t lay a hoof on Blueblood!”
“Whether it was by your hooves or by your...” Celestia looked the stallion over. “associate, it matters not, the intent was yours.”
“A history of violence, these two?” Luna raised a brow. “And against one of your own family sister? Whyever did you tolerate this mare’s presence? Surely your selection for who got invited to this event would’ve been more...careful?”
Celestia frowned and looked at In-Charge and the stallion, Large. “Anyway, I do not appreciate your conduct and a member of Canterlot should tactful, polite and friendly, not resort to...second-hand violence for petty reasons.”
“She PUNCHED me!”
“And that was very improper on her part, but that doesn’t change the fact you singled out a mare to insult her rather than simply ignore her as you could have done.” Celestia’s horn glowed. “Away with you.”
Before In-Charge and Large could argue further, they telekinetically pushed out through the doors which locked behind them.
Celestia sighed. “Honestly the guards should have been here to deal with this...”
Luna frowned and turned again to the mares before her. “as for the rest of you...do you realise how much damage you’ve caused tonight? These fixtures for the gala cost a fair amount of bits, not to mention how the disturbance has ruined many ponies’ night.”
“They’re mean snobs!” Twilight spat. “I just wanted to reconnect with my old home but everypony was treating me like I committed some awful crime! This was supposed to be our best night ever!”
Luna splayed a wing outwards, directing it towards the other guests who were watching them. “I’d say everypony else was looking forward to a ‘best night ever’ until some unicorns got into a fight, regardless of who started it, a thoughtless daredevil ruined one of the dining tables and almost destroyed an expensive chandelier, and a pegasus thought it would be a grand idea to bring in many wild animals to scare our guests!”
“And tried to ruin our music.” One of the members of the orchestra added.
“Not to mention the earth pony tried to harass me.” Hoity Toity uttered.
“And that purple one is the daughter of one of our worst criminals!” Fancypants yelled out, hidden under one of the few unbroken tables.
Applejack frowned defiantly. Twilight stood beside her, looking equally resolute...and thens he saw a pair of ponies she recognised.
Jet Set and Upper Crust looked a little messier with their clothes much more torn than before, holding onto to each other. They tried their best to hide, but Twilight could see it...the disappointment in their eyes. Twilight’s eyes softened as she realised they heard her call all Cantelot ponies snobs...including them, the only ponies so far who treated her nicely.
Luna sighed. “Look, it may sound harsh, and you’re not the on;y ponies to blame, and honestly it could’ve gotten much worse, but you need to understand: this is my favourite event in all of Equestria, and many Canterlot ponies love this event too.”
“But why?” Fluttershy asked, head tilted. “It’s not a very fun or exciting party and the music isn’t that great.”
“Plus some of the food is weiiirrrd.” Rarity added under her breath.
“That’s because you’re missing the point.” Luna said. “This isn’t the greatest night in Equestria because it’s exciting, or magical or has anything that unique or different. It’s special because, for one night, the ponies of Canterlot can relax while looking their best, reconnect with friends and family in a lovely but comfortable environment, and it allows me and my sister to spend some time connecting with some of our subjects.”
Twilight’s shame was forgotten for a moment as she got to her heckles. “Hey! I’ve worked on a farm since I was a filly, and let me tell you, I know a lot more about working hard than these ponies!”
“Perhaps.” Luna accepted with a nod. “but these ponies DO have work. Most are NOT idle rich, many have important roles within Canterlot and Equestria at large. Why do you think so many Celebrities come to this function? It’s the one guaranteed break they have from their jobs, or a chance to step away from their limited social circles. Do you think you’re the only ones who wanted to come to this night and have your best night ever? Of course not, everypony else did too, otherwise why would they come? And as much as you think your nights were ruined...I’m willing to bet that many of the ponies here feel the exact same way.”
Twilight frowned, she and Applejack looking thoughtful....and then the moment was ruined by Rarity and Fluttershy flinging themselves before Luna in contrite positions.
“we’re sorry!” They shouted together.
“We’re scum!” Fluttershy wailed.
“We suck!” Rarity cried.
“We’re not worthy!” They both collapsed to the floor, sobbing.
“I...” Luna bit her lip. “I...I was not expecting that. I...I apologise if I sounded too harsh, I was just trying to impart on you something I learned since I came back...you aren’t the only ponies in the world, and thinking only about yourself can lead to...well...mistakes.”
At the very back of the large room, a pink mare with long straight mane wearing a simple yet stylish grey dress sat drinking some wine. “I do not any of those ponies.” Said mare muttered, almost defensively.
Everypony was alerted to the sound of armoured hoofsteps as Blueblood and a pair of the royal guard entered.
“Blueblood!” Celestia said, looking stern. “where have you been? We had a crisis here!”
“I’m sorry your majesties, judging from some of the debris, we seemed to have had a bit of a riot here.” Blueblood said as he looked around. “However, there has been a major security breach and as such I’m afraid the night is only going to go further downhill.”
Luna’s eyes narrowed. “What sort of breach?”
Celestia waved a hoof dismissively. “I’m sure it’s nothing to be concerned about, Sister, Equestria is a perfectly safe place and I have endeavoured to ensure it has prospered in time for your return.”
“Perfectly safe!?” Pinkamena shouted. “Are you kidding!? Ponyville was almost blown up by that lunatic Grand Heist!”
“Blown up!?” Luna exclaimed. “Why have I not heard about this!?”
“I have heard of no such thing!” Celestia interrupted. “Luna, listen, Grand Heist is a harmless thief who steals...pies and socks, silly things, he’s not somepony who’d blow up a town!”
“Well he tried!” Applejack added. “He stole the finest fabrics I had exported from Saddle Arabia so I could make some lovely dresses for us, and then he managed to sneak in a bomb in every house in Ponyville! Fortunately we were able to stop him.”
“I certainly would have heard about this!” Celestia asserted. “I have direct contact to the town’s mayor, and she said nothing of the sort.”
Twilight blinked. “Why wouldn’t the mayor tell you? A lot of ponies almost died!”
A zebra stepped forward, flanked by a cloaked unicorn mare. “Sounds like Grand Heist used one of the shipments stolen from our company, likely with the help of his accomplice Bluegrass.” Zecora bowed. “Zecora, representative of Iron Will Industries, at your service, your majesty...majesties.”
Luna’s gaze hardened. “My sister told me about your company, about its many wonders...and this Grand Heist managed to STEAL from such an important group as yourselves? To blow up a town!?” She turned to her sister accusingly. “Did you at least catch this criminal!?”
“Luna I swear to you, I did not about this! There is no evidence tying Grand Heist to Bluegrass, I never even heard of this....attack on Ponyville! Grand Heist is a mere thief, one of our ponies isn’t a monster on the level of Discord!”
“Okay I get we’re all having a serious arguement about justice and whatever,” Twilight said, hoof raised, “but seriously, why didn’t the mayor tell you, Princess? She’s the mayor! Heck, she’s been our family’s friend since she and dad knew each other in Canterlot! Hay, she’s the one who suggested we move to Ponyville after...”
Celestia stared at Twilight, eyes widening in recognition. “You’re Night Light’s daughter.... Were...were all these ponies...BLAMING you for his actions?”
“Not...all of them...” Twilight said lamely.
Luna’s gaze hardened. “What are you two talking about? Sister, what have you been HIDING from me!?”
“I wasn’t hiding things!” Celestia snapped. “I-It just didn’t need to be mentioned...now I think we should cancel the gala and go home, all this...this stress and lies and riots are not good for you...”
Before any more could be said, any more arguements, revelations and confusion...a pair of figures fell through the ceiling and onto the ground.
“Rainbow!?” Applejack, Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy gasped.
Blueblood and the two Guardsmares jumped in front of the two princesses as the second figure got up. His cape was burnt to cinders, his mask slightly ruffled, his hat and the rest of his costume had tears in them, but his stature was unmistakable. Grand Heist shook his head as he smirked at the crowd around him.
“Ah, a grand audience. And the Princesses and Element Bearers too.” He bowed theatrically. “Mares. Stallions. Assorted others. I am Grand Heist, the greatest thief in the world, and I just stole the most valuable pieces in Equestria.” He reached under his hat and pulled out the Elements of Harmony.
“Th-the Elements!” Applejack gasped.
“It...It can’t be...” Celestia muttered, her white face hiding how she had gone pale, eyes wide in disbelief. “How...how could he have...?”
“Oh it wasn’t EASY, but I wouldn’t be the greatest thief in the world if I wasn’t able to procure these artifacts.” The thief grinned. “With these, I shall be known the world over as the greatest, most famous thief in history, who did the unthinkable: steal from Celestia herself!”
“You don’t understand!” Celestia exclaimed, hoof outstretched. “Those are necessary to protect Equestria! If you take them, we will be defenceless if...!”
“Who cares!?” Grand Heist shouted. “All that matters is everypony pays attention to ME! Not that freak of a pegasus, not her ‘friends’, and certainly not YOU, you good for nothing condescending layabout who doesn’t even leave this city!” He held up the Elements aloft above him. “I am the most famous, I am the most deserving of it! I am the pony who everypony wants to be and want to know! I am special!”
“You’re insane.”
“Oh hush! ...wait.” Grand Heist blinked, turning to see behind himself...as Rainbow’s hoof connected to his face and sent him flying onto a table, the elements flying out of his hooves and clattering onto the floor.
“You’re clinically insane, Grand Heist.” Rainbow said, wiping her lip with her hoof. “Now, give up, it’s time to end this. You can’t escape the consequences of your crimes anymore! Many of your victims are here, the royal guard is here, the Princesses themselves are here! Take off your mask and give up!”
“You...” Grand Heist choked out spitefully as he got to his hooves. “Stop acting like you’re better than me! Just because you got into the papers a year before I did! Just because you beat Nightmare Moon! JUST BECAUSE YOU KEEP GETTING IN MY WAY! Why...Why do you hate me so much, Rainbow Dash!? Why can’t you just let me have my fame and adoration!?”
“You’re not that famous jerk.” Pinkamena uttered, kicking the thief away from her table. “Now buzz off, I’m eating.”
Grand Heist quickly righted himself, rolling past Rainbow Dash, grinning as he pulled out a whip. “I’ve been saving this JUST for you...” He wrapped the whip around Rainbow’s wing, pulling it hard.
“Ah!” Rainbow gasped, relaxing her wing at the last second to avoid it being dislocated.
Grand Heist leapt at her, kicking her across the face with his backleg. He grasped her head between his hooves, arching back for a headbutt.
Only to smash his head against a transparent bubble of magic.
“Don’t you hurt her!” Twilight exclaimed, her horn’s glow disappearing as she dispelled the shield around Rainbow’s head. “I won’t let you harm a hair on my friend’s head!”
Grand Heist shook his head, growling. “How DARE you!?” His left hoof glowed as he gestured with it, sending a table flying towards the unicorn. “I will not forgive interlopers!”
Twilight flinched instinctively, but when nothing hit her she opened her eyes to see the table broken to pieces and held harmlessly within a large bubble shield. Shining Armour walked forward, the glow on his horn vanishing as he released his magic, letting the potential weapon fall to the ground harmlessly.
“I will not broker violence against my sister.” The prosecutor glared, his tone even but filled with venom. “ESPECIALLY not at YOUR hooves.”
“Grand Heist you’re under arrest!” Blueblood shouted, wielding a pair of weapons via his magic that resembeled compass roses, swinging them in wide arcs towards the thief, who deftly dodged and tosses a smoke bomb, causing everyone to be momentarily blinded and sent into coughing fits.
“Darnit, where is he...?” Blueblood muttered.
“Looking for me!?”
The ponies looked up, the smoke clearing to reveal Grand Heist standing at the top of the nearby staircase, glowing hooves pointed at the chandelier.
“So long Rainbow CRASH!” Grand Heist grinned manically.
The chandelier groaned and shuddered as grand Heist’s magic shook it, pulling it from its moorings, soon to crash onto everypony. Rainbow, Blueblood and the others attempted to run, only for the tables fly around and surround them at all sides, Grand Heist tutting above them.
“Oh you silly ponies, did you honestly think I’d give you a chance to ESCAPE!? After you’ve been trying to hinder me so much on this, my most triumphant day!?”
A blast of magic fired after him, but the thief deftly dodged, glaring at his attacker, Princess Luna.
“I for one will not stand around as a lunatic threatens the lives of my citizens!” The Princess proclaimed.
“Oh pish posh, you had your day in the sun!” The thief glibly stated, tossing a rope that wrapped around both Luna’s Celestia’s horns, the pair attempting to pull the object off...but failing.
“W-what!?” Celestia gasped. “O-our magic!!”
“Orihalcum, never rob a magic user without it!” Grand Heist grinned, before swinging his arms down violently, pushing the chandelier free and sending it crashing towards its hapless victims.
The massive object, half the size of an Ursa Minor, was halted as Blueblood, Shining Armour, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and even Rarity from the sidelines used telekinesis to hold it up, grunting as they all struggled to push it away while Grand Heist willed it forwards.
“Die Rainbow Dash!” The madpony screeched. “Die! Die! Die!” Suddenly, a piece of fabric wrapped tightly around his hoof, yanking the glove off, revealing a cream coloured hoof. “What!? No!!” He turned, seeing Applejack toss both garments aside, her dress removed from her body as it was used as a makeshift grappling device.
“First you steal expensive fabric I took the trouble of ordering from Saddle Arabia!” The earth mare scolded. “And THEN you have the audacity to try and harm eqeustria’s most eligible bachelor, our finest prosecutor, and most damning of all MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”
“How many of you ARE THERE!?” Grand Heist shouted, completely forgetting about the chandelier as he pointed his remaining glove at Applejack, only to find the garment to be melting. “WHAT NOW!?”
Zecora the zebra stood behind him, frowning coldly, holding an empty glass bottle in hoof. “You are illegally using experimental Iron Will intellectual property, and in a highly illegal usage at that. On behalf of Iron Will Industries I, Zecora, vice-chairman of legal consultation and equine resources, indict you, Grand Heist!”
A cloaked blue unicorn pushed him off the stairs with a weak balst of magic, sending the thief tumbling tumbling down. “S-Sorry!” Trixie apologised with a wince.
“Trixie, don’t apologise to the insane criminal.” Zecora scolded.
“S-sorry, Zecora.”
The magic users grunted and exerted themselves, sweat on their brows, their ears pricking up as a call was heard.
“CONDOR PARTY!”
Suddenly a massive condor flew in, grabbed the chandelier and then flew back outside, tossing the deadly object over the cliff where no it could hurt no one.
--------------------------
Meanwhile, a chameleon snacked on a fly, unaware of the chandelier hurtling towards it from above.
--------------------------
Fluttershy glided in and patted the condor on the head.
“Thanks, Mrs Spaghetti! That was great!” The Pegasus grinned.
Applejack raised a brow as she watched the spectacle. “Seriously, we need to put a bell on that mare or something....”
The condor bowed its head in acceptance and flew off, Fluttershy grinning as she waved it off.
Grand Heist, however, refused to admit defeat as he got up to his hooves, a portion of his mask torn to reveal a lock of pink hair. He dived after his hat, the Elements still within the garment...only for Twilight to send him flying with a back kick. The thief landed beside the conductor of the orchestra, who whipped the thief across the head with her baton, pushing him into the band. A trombone struck his head, knocking him into a cello player who pushed him into a trio flutists who jabbed Grand Heist in the chest with their instruments, culminating in a pair of cymbals crashing over the thief’s head before he finally stumbled off the stage with a weary chuckle and dazed grin, grand Heist finally collapsing to the floor.
Rainbow and her entourage marched over to the defeated criminal while a pair of royal guardsmares removed the orihalcum tied to the Princesses.
“It’s over Grand Heist.” Rainbow Dash said, flanked by Shining Armour who held a book at his side. “Your crime spree is over. You are guilty of robbing trains, misuse of experimental magical technology, SEVERAL counts of robbery and theft, attempting to steal important artefacts of Equestria tantamount to treason...and you are guilty of one more crime, unknown to all despite your desire for attention.”
Rainbow nodded at Shining Armour, who began to speak. “You are guilty of abusing your connections with Night Light and his wife, stealing a significant amount of funds from his bank 20 years ago and them framing him of the crime, and the abused your position to further hide your later, more...visible crimes.” Rainbow yanked off the thief’s mask as Shining Armour glared with all the hatred he could muster. “How do you plead, Grey Mare?”
Everypony gasped in shock, most of them recognising the mare before them. Her mane was largely pink with white streaks, she was missing her glasses and she was a fair bit more bruised, but she was recognisable all the same.
“Mayor Mare!?” twilight Sparkle exclaimed. “B-But you’re my dad’s friend! You even suggested we move to Ponyville after we were exiled!”
Mayor Mare smirked cruelly. “A town of nobodies, despite being near one of the most infamous locations in Equestria. A fitting punishment for such a dullard...his friendship was however beneficial to me to begin my career!”
Rarity frowned sadly, eyes filled with betrayal. “But...why? Why did you do all this? You almost destroyed Ponyville, your own home!”
“My cutie mark called to me!” Mayor Mare grinned manically. “I couldn’t be satisfied being mayor of such a small town nopony talks about! I’m a star! And what better path to stardom than to become a master, gentlemare thief, like the lovable rogues of fiction!”
Rainbow reached for the thief’s flank, causing Mayor Mare to violently flail her hooves.
“No! Don’t you dare! I won’t allow you to!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes and with a glow of magic on her wings, tore off a portion of Grand Heist’s costume to reveal the mayor’s cutie mark...a simple scroll and feather pen, though one covered in black slashes drawn by an ink marker. “Your cutie mark, your special talent, is making speeches, Mayor...no, Grey Mare. Nothing that would lead you to become a sociopathic attention horse.”
“How dare you!?” Mayor Mare shrieked in a rage. “That’s not my cutie mark! That’s the mark of a nobody, of a pony consigned to management work! I’m a star! I’m SPECIAL!”
“Yeah...and likely when you found out what your special talent actually WAS, that was when you developed your mental disorder.” Rainbow frowned pitiably, but accusingly. “You have all the symptoms of Cutie Mark Rejection Insanity. Outright rejectin your special talent, or cutie marks in general, at least in the manner you and some other ponies have, interrupts the magic inherent in causing Cutie Marks to develop, leading to bouts of aggression...an OBSESSION with control in some form...and potentially other mental problems. Sadly, Grey Mare, you are one of the select few of the CMRI sufferers to get the worse of the symptoms and become a public menace.”
“No! I’m special!” Grand Heist raved. “I am Grand Heist! I am the greatest thief in Equestria! I am..”
“Grey Mare, you framed my father for a crime he never committed, and only I and my friend suspected your part in it but could never prove it.” Shining Armour said coldly. “I have waited YEARS to personally send you behind bars, and now I shall...in court, and I’ll be sure to throw the book at you.”
With that, book at his side flew outwards and struck Grand Heist square in the face, knocking her out.
The prosecutor looked around himself as Blueblood sighed and slapped some hoofcuffs onto the uncocnious criminal. “My apologies, it seems my book tether is still a little slippery. Naturally I wouldn’t DARE harm a defeated criminal in custody without proper reason.”
“Oh yeah sure, no problem.” Rainbow said with a knowing smirk.
“Oh yes, we are well aware of your problems with your book tether.” Blueblood rolled his eyes.
Rarity shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.”
Further back Celestia looked with dismay as Gray Mare, Mayor of Ponyville was dragged out of the ruined Gala room. The Princess closed her eyes and lowered her head.
“Sister...I think...I think we’ll need to talk, won’t we?”
Luna stood beside her younger sister, nodding gravely.