“We’re back!” Amethyst shouted as the door to the laboratory swung open. I peeked around her to see Evenstar furiously hammering away at one of the equations on the board. He didn’t seem to acknowledge our presence until Amethyst called out once more.
“Welcome back,” he deadpanned as he snapped his view over to one of the documents spread out on the table next to him.
“You seem awfully busy,” I said as I cantered to the table.
He looked to me and paused for a brief moment. In his eyes, if only for a second, I saw a twinkle of hope. “The Analog Equations are real, Starswirl. However, they’re much more grand than we thought they could be.”
“What?”
Evenstar took a step back and assumed a triumphant stance against the board. “What do you see?” He asked as he gestured toward the equations.
“Years of hard work and dedication?”
“No no no… Look, look harder. Do you see it?”
I took a moment to focus on the board. I wanted to understand what he was so excited about, but for some reason I couldn’t quite understand what he was getting at. The graphs and numbers all made sense in a way, but I couldn’t quite understand why they were significant.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t…”
“Excellent. Neither do I,” Evenstar said with that wry smile of his. “You see, this makes no sense whatsoever to me, yet it makes sense to the Analog Equations.”
“What?”
Evenstar shook his head and looked to the board once more. “I’m able to find the Analog of a line with the equation of X, but I’m able to find the same solution to the equation X plus 5.” He frowned at the board, as if his consternation would reap an answer to his question. “It’s right, but there’s a fundamental problem that comes with this revelation: The Analog Equations destroy information.”
“What does that change?”
“It means that they’re not equations at all, Starswirl. We’re building something much more grand than just an equation, we’re describing a new way to look at equations… A new system of mathematics.”
I realize now how important those words were, but I was still reeling from my own emotional conflict to let such a profound system sink into my mind. I was excited, no doubt about it, but if, in my current state, I was shown such a discovery, I would probably gallop around the room. “So…” I asked as I tried to comprehend Evenstar’s growing excitement. “What does that mean?”
Evenstar let out a huff. “You’re hard to impress, aren’t you? It means that the Analogy System is going to change everything when we get it right.”
“But I thought it was a dead end?”
“It is dead, the equations are, but now we need to look at this in a different light…” He stepped up to the board and squinted at the chalk scribbled on its surface. “But the Analog System is very much alive.”
“So what do we do now?”
“Well…” Evenstar started as he let out a deep breath. “I think we’re going to have to start looking at application. I don’t know. I- I wish I had a quick answer, but I don’t…”
“I’m sure we can find something,” I offered as I watched his head droop.
Amethyst stepped to my side. “So we’re looking for a problem that we can solve with the Analog System?”
“At this point that’s all we can do. The problem is, we don’t even know what the solution is… we’re stuck.” Evenstar said as he turned to the board once more. “Every time I make a discovery it just puts me back where I start.”
“Wait, but you just figured out that everything you’ve done so far is wrong…” I cut myself off as I realized what I had said. “That came out wrong. What I mean to say is you’ve figured out that the hurdle you just saw was a dead end so you changed course. It’ll be fine though; we’ll break through this one too.”
“You’ve got a point, Starswirl…” He turned to Amethyst. “I guess we get to do your favorite pastime.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
“Reading. If we’re discovering a new system of mathematics, we’re probably stumbling across something that others have tried to do before us. Maybe the dots are there and we just have to connect them.”
Amethyst’s face lit up. “That’s a great idea!” Before either of us could respond she had already started cantering toward the door. “Should we go from ancient times to now? Or should we work our way backwards through history?”
“Just grab all the books you can carry,” Evenstar shouted after her. “Focus on the modern stuff first!”
“Got it!” And with that, the door slammed shut and bathed the room in silence.
My mind jumped at the opportunity to dwell on itself. I hadn’t had a chance to think about what had happened since Amethyst had found me in the street. However, I let my mind drift to what I said to Evenstar before I bolted from the room. I didn’t ever stop to think that my actions would have an effect on him, but my assumption was clearly wrong. He was typically a friendly stallion, one who would listen to my complaints but now he seemed almost cold in the way he stood. I felt disconnected, removed from his focus.
I’m not sure how much of that assumption was from my own projections, but it was enough to make me notice his detachment. He wouldn’t return my gaze, he wouldn’t start a conversation, in fact the only thing he would do was remain at his work as steadfast as ever. I didn’t want to interrupt him, for I felt that would be even more of an insult to his work, but I also felt driven to say something. I’m not sure what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it, but I knew there was a feeling in my heart that needed to be spoken.
“Umm… Evenstar?” I asked as I stepped to his table.
“Hmm?”
“I uhh… I wanted to apologize…”
“Starswirl,” he started with a heavy sigh. “You are not the one that should be apologizing. In fact, I probably shouldn’t be apologizing either.”
“W-what?”
Evenstar tapped his forehead with his hoof. He looked almost disturbed with his response, but I couldn’t read his distressed face. Despite being one of the closest ponies to me, he was a stranger. “I’m caught, Starswirl, in a fight against myself, and I’m losing. I… I should not be telling you this, for it will only bring harm to you but I… I can’t let you live your life the way…” He winced as he cut himself off.
“Evenstar?” I asked. I started toward him, but he held his hoof to stop my approach. Something was wrong. I wanted to help, but he was refusing my attempts. Was it something I said?
“No… Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I just… I lack the words to tell you what I mean to tell you.” He looked to me with tear filled eyes. “You’ll get your chance, Starswirl. It’ll come, I know it will, but for now you’re going to have suffer though… well… no…” By now his motions had become rather pronounced, and he had taken to pacing back and forth as he weighed immeasurably heavy options through his mind.
“Is everything alright?”
He paused for a moment, his worry disappearing behind his typical façade of confidence. “Yes in the wrong kind of way.”
“What.” By now I was growing rather tired of his antics. I wanted a solid answer to his ramblings, but I was concerned more than anything. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine, but enough about me. We should get back to the research,” he said deliberately as he turned back to the board.
And, just like a switch had been thrown, his strange episode was over. At the time I had no idea what had happened, and I passed it off as just Evenstar being well… Evenstar. He plodded along, carefully scanning through the books splayed out on the table between us. I, with little else to do, watched him as he worked as the memory of his unusual behavior began to fade. I didn’t think to bring it up again, I simply looked forward as I always had.
To this day, I wonder what would be different if he had continued his apology.