//------------------------------// // Wrong Turn at Albuquerque (Jake): That War, It Never Stops // Story: Awkward Conversations And Other Stories // by No one is home //------------------------------// “You were human once too?” Jake sat down in the booth that was the center of the only void of ponies in Berry Punch's Tavern that evening. “And you were a soldier,” Train wreck nodded, “Me and you, we never took conversion. Celestia was offering it for free, too. Be a unicorn and shoot lasers from your face at Sombra’s evil minions. Or stay a weak human and be trusted with a big metal stick. You and me, we held out. We were aliens fighting for a strange land.” “I was a war hero?” Jake asked with trepidation. “There were no heros.” The pony’s mandibles opened and a fleshy, straw-like appendage descended into the pitcher of cider draining it with ease. “There was just two stupid monkeys clubbing Crystal ponies because General Sun Butt said so.” “I.. killed ponies?” Jake asked cautiously, fearing the answer. “When you had to,” Train Wreck sighed, a sudden look of guilt crossing his face, “It’s not like you were good at it. I miss Pinks man, Pinkamena, I mean, MY Pinks. I was a monster before I ever even met Discord. He never once told me my value to Equestria was measured in pony blood. That was Celestia. So, no, you never got a single medal. I think that’s why she liked you. You were like us, but you stayed true. You never bowed to the lesser evil.” “That’s why who liked me?” Jake emptied his stein quickly. “You know you don’t have to ask, you and Dash, there was loyalty there. You would do anything she asked, and she would never ask you to do anything you wouldn’t do for her. Me and Pinks, we would just do what we had to do and laugh about it later. It’s better to laugh than to cry.” The Beast sighed. “Wait are you saying I was with Rainbow Dash? Like WITH with?” Jake nearly spit his cider across the table. “Wait and you were Pinkie Pie?” “I was never with Pinkie Pie,” Train Wreck corrected, “She’s a nice mare, a little silly, and if things had gone differently… if I had come out in this world to start with… I have Surprise now, she understands, she’s seen things, things we just can’t talk about with her sister.” “Man that’s deep, but do you really think I have a chance with Dash?” Jake’s brain had abandoned all but one track. “I don’t think she will even admit that she likes you.” The beast shrugged casually. “I think if you want to walk around holding hands, or hooves, or whatever, and kissing in public then you’ve got the wrong mare. I don’t know your Dash. But you haven’t changed as much. You follow her around like a lost puppy, and she LETS you follow her around like a lost puppy. And when it came down to you and one of her best mare friends today, she didn’t follow AJ.” “I’m sorry about Applejack lighting into you like that, man.” Jake looked embarrassed to have even witnessed the earlier spectacle. “I had no idea she felt that way about humans.” “I wouldn’t take it personally,” Train Wreck replied as he downed another pitcher of cider. “I don’t think that was about you… or me even. It’s like she said, that’s her real government. And it’s being infiltrated by aliens. Prince Silver may like to play like he’s a for-real pony, but deep down his majesty is as human as we are, no matter what skin he wears. Prince Silver Watch has set the standard for how ponies are going to see humans from now on. The rest of us just have to live with it. We’re all a bunch of alien monkeys who are after their mares. There’s no living in the background anymore. We’re the first contact. We’re the little green men, heh, they’d probably take it better if we WERE green.” “But, I don’t get it? I’ve always been this way,” Jake argued. “It doesn’t matter. You could turn into one of them at any time. I could have. We’re not the first. They’ve always suspected.” Train Wreck glanced around the bar with disinterest. “She had to know, both of them. They want us to be ponies. We’ve been here the whole time. The whole damned time!” Train wreck laughed out loud. “But me and you, we admit it. We ARE aliens.” -=-=-=-=- “What exactly is it you want me to fix, Lulu dear?” the cat-goat-snaked floated in a horizontal recline mid-air. “Look at him!” Luna pleaded. “Yes, let’s look at him, he is an alien, it’s not like you haven’t seen an alien thing before. I seem to remember another Prince who came out of your little dream machine.” Discord grinned widely as he replied. “Of course I had to cheat (a LOT) to get him out, but praise your choice of names, we made one!” “I… I thought it would help… I really did. He was going to die.” Luna cried softly as she watched the creature’s dreams. “I wanted to help him too.” Discord let out a heavy sigh. “We made one monster together, already. They will never love us for their creation. It was necessary.” “I- I made that…” Luna admitted. “Yes, we both did and ONE of us is proud of it!” Discord laughed and laughed, “Look at him. Our bastard son! You’re grandson is dating our granddaughter. You don’t see how priceless this is?” “I see the end of a story.” Luna bowed her head softly. “I see something else.” Discord’s eyes sparkled with thoughts of the future… or the past.