Dear Ember:
Well, I mouthed off to Miss Bitchypants, and so she gave me the worst present ever. After some thought, however, I've come to realize that it's not as bad as I thought. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're going to enjoy it.
Your favorite dragon, Spike.
Dear Charley Horse Dickens:
Have you been spying on me? Because this all seems very familiar. And Twilight told me that the first edition called Snowfall Frost "Starbenezer Scroogelight."
Sincerely angry, Starlight Glimmer.
Dear Princess Celestia:
I just had a brilliant idea for this year's Hearth's Warming Pageant. The only caveat is that it shall require the singing talents of my friends. And also for your sister dressed as a dementor. And maybe Twilight to be as far away as possible. Oh, who are we kidding? We always keep Twilight as far away as possible.
Are you interested?
Sincerely, Spike.
"Now that's what I call a party!"
Snowfall Frost groaned as the Spirit of hearth's Warming Presents bounced merrily around her. She was beginning to wonder if all this was really happening, or if she'd accidentally inhaled some of the fumes from the cauldron and begun to hallucinate.
"That was a party?" she asked. "It was way too loud, and it had way too many ponies."
"And lots of fun!" the Spirit yelled as she began to chug on a huge glass bottle. As she did so, Snowfall realized that her mane was beginning to turn gray, and wrinkles were beginning to show up on her face.
"Are you... aging?" she asked, causing the spirit to stop for a moment.
"Aging? Me?" she asked, giving Snowfall a cheeky smile. "Maybe!"
Snowfall raised an eyebrow. "Do spirits age really fast or something?"
"Nope!" said the Spirit. "That's just the drugs!"
She then reached into her coat pulled out a bag of white powder.
"Want some?"
Snowfall grimaced and lifted a hoof. "I think I'll pass."
"Suit yourself!"
Snowfall sighed again. However, she suddenly noticed something moving under the Spirit's coat.
"Um, Spirit?" she asked. "Is there something under your coat?"
The Spirit had been just about to take a whiff of her powder. Upon hearing the mare's question, however, she tossed it aside and lifted her robes.
"You mean these?"
Starlight's eyes widened. Standing before her were two little foals: a tan, brown-maned pegasus colt, and a yellow, orange-maned unicorn filly. They were both wearing old, dirty rags, and their manes and coats were covered in soot.
"This is Ignorance," the Spirit explained as she pointed at the colt. She then pointed to the filly and said "And this is Want! Aren't they cute?"
Snowfall grimaced at the sight of the two dirty foals. "Wha... are those your children?!"
"No, silly!"
"Then why-"
"They're yours!"
With this, the Spirit pushed the two foals into Snowfall's hooves. The pink unicorn's eyes widened as the two looked up to her, smiled, and began to spray saliva all over her clothes.
"Agh!" she yelled. "You can't just hand them over to me like this!"
"Yeah I can!" the Spirit said as she began to fade. "I'm about to die anyway, so somepony needs to take care of them! Be careful with Ignorance! He's not potty trained!"
"Are you crazy?!" Snowfall yelled.
"Have fuuuuuunnnnn!!!"
And with that, the Spirit of Hearth's Warming Presents vanished, leaving Snowfall Frost alone with the two foals. For a moment, she stood speechless as the two foals giggled and hugged her. She was then battered by an incredibly loud voice.
"OH FOR HASBRO'S SAKE, SPIRIT OF PRESENTS!!! YOU HAD ONE JOB!!! ONE JOB!!!"
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
That was a lot of fun to read, but I feel that next year you should turn that story into a rap or something.
Maybe a rap battle! An epic one! With Donald Grump!
Sincerely, Rap Goddess Pinki3 Pi3
Dear Professor Snape:
What the hell are you doing in Equestria?! Did you quit or something?!
Sincerely, Professor Minerva McGonagall
Dear Professor McGonagall:
It was a temporary job. They told me they needed an expert potions maker, but I ended up having to do the Christmas decorations. No, seriously.
Oh well. At least I managed to set a naive young filly on the right track before it was too late.
Sincerely, Professor Severus Snape.
P.S.: Tell the staff at Ilvermorny that I found their missing horse statue, as well as a potential culprit who goes by the name of Sunset Shimmer.