//------------------------------// // Trixie Finds Her Place // Story: Magic Tricks // by ferret //------------------------------// With her new cutie mark, her new outlook on life, and not to mention the torrid introduction into herself as a mare, Trixie’s act quickly and markedly improved. It became easier every time Trixie performed, to do just enough that it would leave her audience wondering whether she could do more. It was trivially easy, in fact. She just had to act like a mare who knew what she was doing, while making them think she didn’t. Such a simple formula, she projected a false confidence, so that she could amaze them with a simple display of true confidence. It was almost impossible for even an adult pony to summon living things, even if it was more trivial to summon inanimate objects. It was a peculiar quirk of teleportation that involved biomorphic fields, and other things Trixie had no idea what were, other than “really hard.” Despite the difficulty, she did manage to do it with mostly living flowers. Trixie probably should have focused on summoning herself. Maybe that would have taught her how to teleport again. But flowers were always a crowd favorite. What caught the eye of the audience was not the unassailable difficulty of Trixie’s acts of magic, but the fear that she might not succeed, that the act they paid to see would be a failure. It was that little moment of thrill, when you thought for a moment she wouldn’t be able to make the bouquet of flowers appear again, that Trixie succeeded, and paraded around the stage as if there had never been any doubt. It was in this manner that Trixie learned to capture her audience’s wonder, rather than simply bludgeon it with pizazz. Trixie was more than ready for Star City. She was riding on the high of a rising star, who had discovered their talent on stage and had not burned out yet. The world was her oyster, and she didn’t even mind how little time Hat Fancy had to spend with her. She considered herself too busy for him for once! But Fancy was busy too, and not just with show business. He would meet with city officials, and rather unfriendly looking ponies, and some high ranking members of the city’s defense. Trixie didn’t know any of them, but some were old buddies of his, so she figured he was just getting in touch with the friends that he was usually too busy travelling to see. When he called her to the meetings, Trixie found it a bit odd. It was very uncomfortable going up before those strange ponies who she had little in common with, and all seemed to look at her with unfriendly eyes. Fancy had her perform private shows for them, and his instructions for her there were far more demanding than the face she showed to the greater public. These ponies he was friends with weren’t looking for a thrill or a dazzle you see, but rather for something else in her entirely. Trixie didn’t know how to approach this situation, but she tried her best, for Fancy’s sake. And he rewarded her greatly for doing so. This was how Trixie got to meet gryphons for the first time. She walked into the ...unfortunately stone building, looking around apprehensively, and there were three high ranking generals in the gryphon legion. As you might expect, they stared at Trixie like hawks, or lions, and Trixie herself was doing her best frightened deer impression. She was thankful it didn’t become her fainting goat impression, because as good as she was at that, it was highly inappropriate for the situation. “Is she just going to stand there, or...?” one of them said, a rough throated male with a scarred eye. “T-t-trixie is going to perform for you,” Trixie blurted out hastily, trying to recall what she could do with that horn thing on her head. “Uhm...” “The Great Trixie Lulamoon,” Fancy said with a meaningful look to the three generals, “Is going to demonstrate her incredible powers, by defeating the shielding abilities of not three, but five unicorns!” With a dramatic flourish, he pulled the curtain aside to reveal four rather dismal looking unicorns, in varying shades of color and uncertainty. Trixie didn’t know about this! She was magical, but could she really break five shields at once? Wait, where was the fifth unicorn? “How do we know this isn’t a trick?” one of the gryphons asked, with a suspicious leer at Hat Fancy. “For two reasons!” he declared boldly, “First off, because I myself will be one of the unicorns involved. There will be none to defeat our magic aside from her.” “Trixie doesn’t—!” Trixie squeaked in alarm, but Fancy went on with a dangerous gleam in his eyes, saying, “And furthermore, if you wish to prove our magic genuine, well you gentlecocks had better be prepared to show us what happens to a unicorn whose shields fail.” “I’m liking this demonstration better and better,” the gryphon on the left said, raising a forehoof with its gryphon talons clenched in a ball, and pounding it against the other forehoof. “Hey, we didn’t sign up for this!” one of the other four said in an alarmed if goofy sounding tone. “Then you’d better raise your shields!” Fancy said to them smugly, his horn lighting up and a shimmering barrier appearing before him. As the three gryphons stalked forward towards the three mares and two stallions, the other four hastily raised shields of their own, in varying shades of ability. “It’s not like this one lone untrained filly,” Fancy threw a hoof out to Trixie, who wished he hadn’t, so the gryphons wouldn’t notice her, “Can take down all of our shields at once.” The gryphons charged. Trixie was privileged to see firsthoof how magic avails a unicorn in battle. There is an excellent shield spell, which many learn as a basic part of combat training, as well as some disruptive spells to disorient and demoralize the enemy. Offensive magic of course is a double edged sword, so generally conventional weapons and levitation are employed. But none of these unicorns had been provided with weapons, and if they had had them, they were certainly relieved of them before coming here. Nevertheless, one does not simply defeat even an unarmed unicorn in battle. Though the gryphons roared and clawed at the flashing shields of shimmering force, the ponies could keep away from them, limiting them to a safe distance. “Now, Trixie!” Hat shouted, snapping her out of her trance. “Just like we practiced!” “Trixie doesn’t want—” Trixie whimpered nervously, but he just bellowed back at her, “Do it, filly!!” Trixie lit up her horn. The magic must have felt her reluctance, because it was difficult to dismantle the shields of these unicorns. It was a similar principle to breaking a magic suppressor though, and in that Trixie found herself unmatched in skill. Plus only two of the unicorns were as skilled as Hat in combat magic, and the others had a spell form as shaky as their nerves facing off against raging gryphons. Trixie tried not to cry, telling herself that it was all part of the act, as one after another each unicorn’s shield flashed brightly and shattered when touched by her creeping magic. Trixie didn’t realize this, but the gryphons were very careful and considerate with their foes. If they hadn’t been, no pony but her would have walked out of this building alive. But she was no judge of the brutality of combat, and the cries of pain and the bloody slashes utterly terrified her. The gryphons completely ignored her, corralling the five unicorns all into a tight group, snapping at their flanks, and scraping at their barrels. Because they couldn’t shield themselves, because of what Trixie was doing, because—! “Okay Trixie, that’s enough!” Fancy shouted out, after not hesitating to return the black eye a gryphon general had given him. Trixie felt nothing but confused relief as she pulled back her magic, and let it flicker out, and the other unicorns were immediately all covered in one collective, combined, huddled shield. The gryphons did not continue their attack, but merely stopped instantly, backing up to a respectful distance, and then turning and looking at Trixie in a worryingly new light. “How do you feel, Trixie?” Hat Fancy said after all was said and done, limping up to her with a silly smile on his face while the gryphons conferred with each other. “Terrible!” Trixie said stridently. “They were hurting you! And all those ponies! Trixie thought this was part of the show!” “It was!” Fancy said confidently. “Don’t worry about us though. How do you feel? Tired? Weary? At risk of magic exhaustion?” Trixie blinked at him. “...no?” she said tentatively. “You see,” he said, not to Trixie, but to the gryphons, whirling around to face them. “Not even winded! With the right training, just imagine what this little mare could accomplish for you!” Trixie was amazing, and she was talented, and she hadn’t felt guiltier about being either of those since burning down an orphanage in her own frenzied hubris. Fancy had fantastic words for her then, but an hour later hiding in the corner in back of a trailer, Trixie had a different opinion of herself. “Trixie hurt all those ponies!” she wailed. “She stopped their shields so easily! Trixie is a monster!” “You’re not a monster,” Hat Fancy retorted in frustration, standing above the disaster of a filly not quite a mare, “You’re an amazingly talented mare!” “Trixie—” her face twisted in rage as that name, that stupid name fought its way out of her lips. “Trixie cannot even speak for herself!” she whined angrily, “She can only talk about—about some other pony who—somepony who deserves Trixie’s name, while she doesn’t even exist!!” At first the only answer she could hear from him was silence. That and her disgusted sobs. Trixie just wanted him to go away, to leave her in her misery, so that she could wallow in whatever it is that ponies were supposed to wallow in! “...a lot of ponies end up that way,” he stated calmly, more calmly than he had sounded all afternoon once Trixie had her little freak out here. She sniffled and looked up at him, seeing not the wrath of an angry stallion, but a sad, tired look in his eyes. “What?” Trixie said, naturally. “It’s not common, but there are places... Equestria funded institutions that teach foals to always speak of themselves,” Hat Fancy told her quite honestly. “It’s supposed to be a lesson in humility, and ponies just don’t realize how much it can... affect the foals they work with. But you, Trixie? You’re an amazing filly. I have full confidence that you can overcome anything they threw at you, and be a great and powerful success!” “...Trixie just wants everypony to love her,” Trixie mumbled. His face broke in an easy smile, and he drawled out, “Aw, Trixie babe, you know I love you, no matter what—” “Trixie wants everypony to love her!” Trixie declared more firmly, staring with defiance at that stupid, gorgeous, capable stallion. She already knew she lost the argument though, as Trixie had sufficiently calmed down enough for him to lower his head and lift up her chin, and softly caress their lips together. Shortly thereafter, until the sun had set, Trixie became very able to appreciate the love of one single pony. Trixie did want everypony to love her, though. She had gone for too long without love, and for Trixie the ignorant applause, from ponies unknowing of her crimes, was the most addictive of drugs. She was a naive little filly who like most fillies her age already thought she was a wise and worldly mare, and as such Trixie was easily manipulated into a situation she really did not want to be in. The gryphons were impressed. They were high ranking military officials to boot, so Trixie’s stage career at Star City started to become somewhat derailed by the requirements of some very important creatures who required so much of her. Not just in magic, oh no, but in combat and loyalty. They sought to test Trixie’s mettle, and to ensure she would only use it in their favor, and she had no idea what they were doing. It was inevitable really. A powerful young mare like Trixie could only go so long, before the powers that be sought to use her to accomplish their goals. But Fancy didn’t help matters one bit. Trixie may have been hopelessly naive, but he was intoxicated with the idea of Trixie as some kind of valiant battle mage, seeing all his imagined enemies falling before her arcane sorcery. Ponies didn’t come across the ocean to this valley without a very good reason, without something to hide, some reason to run. And Hat Fancy as it turns out—well, Trixie never got the full story, but he had been driven from Equestria with his tail between his legs. He was a pony with an axe to grind, who had rather sour opinions of a certain princess of ponies, who took responsibility over sun and moon. Trixie began to understand Fancy, when he was upset with her for fumbling the slicing spell, when she was too afraid to see the cuts appear on that frightened pony’s face before her. Trixie backed away saying, “Trixie can’t... Trixie is not okay with this! He doesn’t want Trixie to hurt him! Can’t you see what he...?” The gruff pony who had dragged the stallion before Trixie just rolled her eyes and muttered something about working with civvies. She had insisted he was a criminal, who deserved no less, but Trixie just couldn’t bring herself to do it. The pony left, disappointed in Trixie, but Hat Fancy was not disappointed in her. No, he was absolutely livid. “I can’t believe you chickened out! You were doing great, what happened?” he demanded of her, in his personal wagon that night. “Trixie doesn’t hurt ponies!” she shouted back at him in exasperation. “Trixie is not a monster! She is not a... a pony hurter!” Trixie had not yet been exposed to enough reading material to have run across the word ‘sadist,’ if that was not clear. “You are whatever you want to be!” he told her fiercely, “And I want you to be dynamite, not a wet noodle!” He got right close to Trixie’s side and said in a dangerous tone, “We’re gonna show what you can do, to some very good friends of mine, and next time you are not going to chicken out. Are we clear on that?” Trixie was most conflicted at the moment because before he had exploded at her tonight, she thought he would, you know, alone, together in the dark? So she felt no fear, only disappointment, and burning resentment when she said in a harsh whine, “Trixie does not have to obey—” She had no chance to finish her sentence of course, because Hat Fancy kicked Trixie into the wall. “The hell you don’t!” he roared, rounding on her, “After all I’ve done for you! How dare you? You owe me everything!” “Trixie is sorry!” Trixie said, feebly holding her hooves up to cover her face. She could have done so many things to stop him, but all she could see was his anger, and the fear clouded her mind with what she always did when her caretakers acted this way. Plead forgiveness, and lie like a fish. “Trixie didn’t mean it! Trixie will do better next time. She promises! P-please Trixie was wrong, she didn’t mean to say it. She will do everything you say! Just don’t—!” Trixie lost her voice then, but the fire in Fancy’s eyes died, and his raised hoof lowered to the floor. “I’m just under a lot of pressure!” he protested to her, “You know how much trouble I could get in, if they think I’m lying? It’s for your own good. You need to use that talent of yours, for real magic, not just stage performance!” “T-Trixie will do better,” she mumbled emotionlessly, without meeting his gaze. “Trixie won’t disappoint you. Everything will be fine. Trixie will be even better. Trixie is sorry.” “Ugh, just... just go find someplace else to sleep tonight,” he told her, rubbing his forehead with a hoof. “But... Trixie wanted...” Trixie whimpered uneasily, looking at him. “Maybe when you earn it next time, you can sleep with me again,” he said in an almost, no in a definitely smug tone. Trixie couldn’t use the slicing spell on that stallion that day, but she isn’t sure whether she would have done worse to the next pony. Hat Fancy really was everything to Trixie at that time. What he’d done for her, and to her, Trixie really thought the world of him. To think that he would strike her, Trixie just couldn’t ignore that she’d done something very wrong to deserve that. With her thinking like that, he might have gotten Trixie to seriously hurt somepony, and cemented her into Hat’s new role, in his misbegotten quest for vengeance. But thankfully, a circus is more than its ringmaster. As Trixie stumbled out of his wagon into the night, nursing her wounds and fighting to avoid weeping bitterly, there was Goobleberry waiting for her. The nature of this pony, this mare, it defies explanation. One thing is clear, that Gooble was very, very large. Blueberry was her given name, and she represented that role well, but sillifying it to Goobleberry was what made her magic on the stage, and Trixie shall always refer to her by the name that filled her with vivacity. She was a large blue pony the color of blueberries, and very much overweight. Her hair was naturally pink, but she often dyed it white or shades of blue for the purposes of her act. That act being the head clown of a clown troupe. Goobleberry and the Five Filberts went the schpiel. They were all together, like peas in a pod, and fiercely devoted to Goobleberry in each of their own special ways: Tall, Skinny, Tiny, Lefty and Sue. At the time, Trixie still wasn’t sure of Gooble’s mental abilities, but the prospects weren’t looking good. The large pony simply smiled at her dumbly, as Trixie came from the wagon, and presented her side, lowering heavily onto her rotund belly. Trixie rolled her eyes at this, but she knew what this was about, and frankly... she couldn’t say no, the way she was feeling right now. Trixie climbed atop Goobleberry as invited, and just went limp laying on the pony’s back. Goobleberry was soft, and so very warm. It soothed Trixie enough that her emotions began welling up inside her. Gooble stood, and walked calmly off, despite Trixie being increasingly wracked with helpless sobs. Trixie just didn’t know what went so wrong, with that night, with her relationship with Hat Fancy, and with Trixie’s whole entire life. Goobleberry didn’t console her, or chastise her, but merely carried Trixie in silent acceptance, to where Trixie was going to be sleeping tonight. No, Trixie was not sleeping with Goobleberry. As pleasant as that would sound, between her bulk, and the other five, there wasn’t much room left in Gooble’s wagon. And Trixie wasn’t that comfortable with close contact. Yet somehow she didn’t mind being laid over Goobleberry herself. It was part of that pony’s magic, Trixie swears. Instead, Trixie stayed with Bim and Gertrude. They were an... odd pony. Trixie wasn’t kidding when she said this was a circus of freaks. Bim and Gertrude had been twins in the womb, but something had gone awry and when they were given birth, well there was mostly one pony that came out. The unique thing about their particular condition is that both of their heads were fully intact. It was rather like being around some kind of pony hydra. Sort of literally. Bim would joke that if you cut him off, two more of him would grow in his place. Trixie isn’t... sure how they managed to walk around. It’s all they’d ever known though, and they never seemed to have any trouble with it. It was probably good that Goobleberry delivered her to their wagon, because if there was anything these two knew how to deal with, it was arguing. Because they had gotten over all of their personal issues together, out of sheer neccessity. “Of course you can stay with us honey,” Gertrude said, her voice full of emotion as she hooked their hoof around Trixie’s shoulders and led her into the wagon. “What happened?” Bim asked in his rather nasal voice. “You always uh... slept with Master Fancy before.” “We’ll find out in due time,” Gertrude gently corrected him. Even their mane color was different, Bim’s red and Gertrude’s orange. Their tail was what you’d think was a normal bicolored tail, until you saw its colors divided up between that of their heads. Trixie had found them inconceivably creepy at first, but enough times performing with anypony and you’ll become comfortable with them, and unsurprised by their strange appearance. It helped that they were one of the nicest ponies Trixie knew. “Fancy has problems every time we go to this city,” Gertrude explained in an appeasing tone, over three mugs of hot tea. (Trixie would have preferred cocoa, but it wasn’t exactly easy to come by around here.) “He’s always talking about going back to Equestria,” Bim added , “How he’s gonna make it someday.” “But he just can’t let go,” Gertrude shook her head. “Something hurt him back there, and he wants some closure, or, retribution or something.” “He just needs your support,” Bim said to Trixie foolishly, “You’re real important to him, you know?” “He just has a ...strong way of expressing it sometime,” Gertrude agreed. “He kicked you out, right? What do you think he’d do if he was real cross, and wanted to protect you from him blowing up?” “He’d... make Trixie leave, instead of... Trixie understands,” Trixie said mutedly. “Plus how would you get him angry,” Bim pointed out, “If he didn’t care a whole lot about you?” “Yeah,” Gertrude said approvingly, “Remember when he first saw you? He was like, beat it, chick!” “But now he’s just... more invested, that’s all,” Bim added. “Trixie would rather he only kicked her out,” Trixie complained resentfully, massaging her sore flank, “And hadn’t kicked her as well.” Neither of them could think of any encouraging words to say to that, though. Trixie learned a lot about Hat Fancy from the other performers. He kept his secrets close, but they had known him for years, and some for more than that. “He failed once, and he wants to succeed, but he thinks he can’t succeed if he ever fails. He’s a real piece of work,” the completely insane pony unironically known as Death Wish advised Trixie. “You know he was once in the Equestrian guard? For a combat trained unicorn, running a sideshow is a bit of a step down.” Wishy was a blue pony a shade lighter than Gooble, grey blue really, but with a blonde mane that really made her stand out. Stand out was exactly what she liked to do. Her cutie mark of a sword on fire was certainly... augmented like Trixie’s, but it really did capture her heart, even if Wish’s talent was something more mundane. “What happened?” Trixie asked her. “I don’t know the full story,” she revealed in a rare display of reluctance. “I’m ex-mil too, but Curled was the one who was in his squad. There was a huge disaster though. Curled is uh, I didn’t mean he’s the only one in his squad who’s working here. I mean he’s the only one who uh, walked away. Sort of.” Curled Paw would not tell Trixie what happened either, though it certainly would have made things easier. But a few things were clear. Both he and Hat lost a lot of good friends that day, and emotions were still raw even after all these years. Reminders of the past wasn’t something either of them needed. It was hard enough to let go, without ponies constantly trying to remind them of it. Or gryphons, as it were. Trixie did not do well, given Fancy’s new focus for her. She had the ability, oh yes, but the violent intent simply was not there. You have to attain a certain attitude, before you can wilfully hurt other ponies, and for Trixie that attitude was slow in coming. Certainly not for lack of trying. Fancy would... express his disapproval when she failed, and Trixie didn’t like getting beaten up any more than any other green recruit. Oh his clients tried to convince her, to get her invested in their master plan, and they had some very good reasons for doing so. Trixie could have listened, and she might have hurt more than a few ponies. That she didn’t, does not make Trixie some sort of pony saint. Rather, she was more acting out of fear than compassion, fear for herself in a world where everypony is her enemy. Call Trixie foolish, but she still held onto the hope that she could be a pony’s friend, and not their monster in the dark. This is not to say her fellow performers were saints, or that they didn’t have their own reasons for hating Equestria for what they’ve done. Trixie only infrequently met with the acrobats, but their meetings were usually very portentious and informative. The twin acrobat pegasi were not actually twins, but they sure looked the part. Identical in build, and both pegasi, a mare and stallion pair who were in a way closer to each other even than the pony with two heads. Razzy was green with a purple mane, and Azim was purple with a green mane. Trixie swears they didn’t use dyes; they were simply fated to match together. In their show they appeared identical, moving seamlessly together as one, like two pieces of the same pony. They were the stars of this circus. They the longest segment to perform, and the fanciest wagon, lovingly stylized with their faces and their ego. Not the two headed pony that intrigued the audience, not the beast tamer who soothed their fears of the things that crawled in the swamp, not the strong pony whose inexplicably petite frame made her acts all the more impressive. No, what ponies in that land wanted to see were Zim and Zam, the acrobats extraordinare. Through them, you see, ponies could vicariously experience the freedom of flying away from that place, and leaving the valley floor behind. Talking to them muzzle to muzzle, the two were quite a bit different than their appearance suggested. They got along well; opposites attract as they say, but they were certainly not identical. Razzy was far more hot headed than Azimuth. And Azimuth had a depth of emotion that she could not hope to match. Or as Razzy put it, he was a big crybaby. When they performed, Azimuth would put it away, while Razzy would take it out. It worked very well. Interacting with them was a bit schizophrenic though. With all that ponies did to her, Trixie should have been full of violent intent, but somehow managed to escape that. There were good reasons for feeling that way, though, were Trixie not so much of an ignorant coward. Other ponies who heard her plight felt very strongly about what happened, and to these two acrobats, her story managed to cut especially deep. Trixie was telling them this, because she had been living with the company for a while, and had finally opened up enough to start talking about her experiences in the orphanage. These two, being pegasi, were curious what happened to the foals who were pegasi, whether the foals went up to the mountains where most pegasi roosted, or what. The circus performed once a year, every year at that orphanage, and these two always wanted to do something about all those sad little foals, but they never knew just how bad it was... “Trixie thinks the pegasi foals might have been able to jump to the ground,” she had been in the process of explaining to them, regarding the mysterious orphanage fire. “They could at least slow their fall. Oh of course Bitty probably could have flown away,” Trixie added in contemptuous disgust, “She wasn’t clipped.” “What do you mean, clipped?” Razzy, the female of the pegasus pair asked crossly. “They clipped wings, there.” Both acrobats looked her way as one, as the words left Trixie’s mouth, totally still for once. Pegasi move around a lot more than other tribes, so it was really noticeable. Trixie had already told the two about the beatings, and the isolation, and the... unorthodox curriculum. When Trixie told them about clipping, she knew enough about pegasi to know that they would be upset, but she certainly did not expect that the terrible silence would be broken by one mare’s hooves smashing right through the wall of her own wagon. “7 years!” Razamatazz shouted at Azimuth in rage as bits of board clattered to the ground outside. He didn’t even seem to notice though. “That’s why the foals never flew...” the stallion said, staring forward in a broken melancholy. “7 years!” Razzy repeated shrilly, “7 years, and we did nothing!!” Razzy flew straight out of their wagon, so swiftly Trixie couldn’t even see her leave. She was just gone, with a billowing blast of air in her wake. Azimuth sunk to his haunches, wings wrapped protectively around himself, shaking his head in dismay. “All those foals...” he continued to say to himself. Trixie really didn’t know what to say to that. “Did you know one named Bitty?” she asked looking at him uncertainly. “Bit Bright?” Trixie didn’t understand what was going on, what was she supposed to do? Comfort him? “Trixie thinks that Bitty escaped,” Trixie said as comfortingly as she could. “That’s why I said she wasn’t clipped. She could have flown away from the fires, because she got to skip clipping day that time, because of ...Trixie.” Trixie would have found more well-intentioned words to comfort him with, but she was struck dumb then by that troubling revelation. That horrible sting of betrayal, the weeks of isolation, all the needless struggles Bitty’s betrayal had caused, Trixie remembered the look in Bitty’s eyes when they made her watch the betrayal of Trixie. Having tattled on Trixie to get out of wing clipping, Bitty was held there by leash and threat , to watch Trixie rendered unconscious and dragged away to isolation. The very idea that all of that could have accomplished something good was just inconceivable to Trixie. And yet there it was, right out of Trixie’s mouth. Bitty could have flown away. She might be alive to this day, thanks to tattling on Trixie. Trixie was torn from her shock back into the present moment, as Azimuth grabbed her and hugged her to him like a ragdoll, wetting her fur with his tears. “You were the best thing that ever happened to that orphanage!” he said in a voice heavy with sorrow. “Trixie burned the orphanage to the ground,” Trixie protested dazedly. He did not contest that however, just held her and cried.