Starlight Glimmer shifted back and forth on her hooves nervously. “I know that this is going to be a good thing for me, but I’m kinda worried about it now that it’s looming right in front of me…”
Twilight Sparkle gave her a forced smile. “Oh, come now Starlight. Everything is going to be fine! The stallions will be falling all over themselves to get to you,” Twilight reluctantly encouraged, gesturing in the direction of the coffee shop.
Starlight grimaced. “I’m not so sure. Everypony in town knows that I have a sketchy past…” she dejected, before examining herself briefly. “And I didn’t make myself look presentable for this at all…I didn’t even brush my mane!”
Spike broke his silence from Starlight’s left. “Starlight, don’t worry about it. The speed-dating event is completely casual. The even underlined the phrase ‘come as you are’ in the brochure. Besides, you always look great. You’ll knock them dead in there.”
Starlight Glimmer gave him a genuine smile and a pat on the head. “Aw, thanks Spike. I can always count on you for reassurance.” Her fidgeting eliminated, she took a deep breath and strode through the doors of the coffee shop.
The Princess of Friendship and her Number One Assistant watched their newest friend embark on her new adventure.
“…How come she always listens to you and not me!?”
“Because you’re her teacher, and I’m her friend. Besides, I have a way with mares.”
“Okay ponies!” An overenthusiastic, lilac earth pony mare called, gathering the attention of those who had entered the coffee shop for the private event. “Thank you all so much for coming! I’ve done these events all over Equestria, but it’s always so nice to come back to my hometown and help future special someponies to come together!”
The crowd murmured, mostly unenthusiastically.
“Recent studies have shown that you can tell if you’re romantically interested in another pony within a minute of first seeing them. So, you will each get 60 seconds to chat with each pony you meet. When time is up, I’ll ring a bell and you’ll have fifteen seconds to mark your card ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ for the pony’s corresponding number before the stallions rotate to the next mare. Then, I’ll collect the cards and inform you of all your matches tomorrow. Okay, take a seat ladies!”
Starlight peered around the room and settled on a window seat next to a wall mosaic made of shattered coffee mug fragments. Starlight took this opportunity to scan the room for her competition.
There were a few ponies that worried her. One was that darned Raindrops! She had preened her wings especially for the occasion, it appeared, and seemed to be trying out a new manestyle. She also seemed to radiate natural beauty. That, or the sunset filtering through the window behind Starlight was playing tricks on her tired and jealous eyes.
Starlight sighed. If she couldn’t match up pony-to-pony on looks, she would have to make sure she really wowed these stallions in conversation.
Then there was Cloudchaser, fresh off her latest ‘breakup’ with Thunderlane. They’d be back together within a week, but there were a lot of stallions here that didn’t know that and would probably be blown away by her charm.
It was going to be difficult to differentiate herself from the competition.
“Okay, now stallions, sit across from our eligible batchelorettes!”
Starlight took a deep breath in as a blue stallion with a dark blue mane sat down across from her. He smiled confidently at her.
She sheepishly smiled back, unable to make full eye contact.
“And…go!” the coordinator cried, ringing a bell and beginning the first 90-second interval.
“Noteworthy,” the stallion declared. “And you’re Princess Twilight’s newest buddy, right?”
“Uh, yeah,” Starlight replied timidly. “I guess that’s…accurate, yeah.” She really hoped he would be able to develop the conversation further.
“Nice. Well, I’m a musician.”
“Well, that’s…pretty neat…and outside the flow of normal conversation.” Starlight winced, cursed once again by her tendency to verbalize the awkwardness of others. “Do you like it?”
“Eh,” Noteworthy shrugged. “I don’t play too much anymore. I do a lot of record consulting and music marketing. Pays the bills much better.”
“Yeah, being a musician can be tricky on its own,” Starlight agreed halfheartedly. “Do you have any other hobbies, or-“
“Sure do. I have a bobblehead collection. Have shop-exclusive bobbleheads from almost fifty cities across Equestria. You?”
“Oh, uh, no bobbleheads. I enjoy reading…and relaxing…I used to do some other stuff too, but, uh, I don’t anymore.” Starlight mentally facehoofed at her own verbal tail-chasing.
Noteworthy regarded her with the same cheeky smile with which he began. “Solid. I like you.”
Starlight’s ears flopped against her head. For now, she was unwilling to return the compliment. “Yeah, I, uh, I-It’s been interesting to meet you. So, do you have a favorite food, or-“
A ringing bell interrupted Starlight. “Quickly everypony,” the coordinator cried, “mark your cards and rotate!”
“I hope to see you soon,” Noteworthy winked. He trotted off to the next table, apparently already having filled out Starlight’s checkbox.
Starlight groaned lightly, more in pain than in frustration. He was an average-looking pony. He wasn’t obnoxious or mean, but she didn’t really feel any immediate connection to him. It had been difficult to hold a conversation with him, she was interrupted by him a few times, and they didn’t really share any interests.
Starlight found the row corresponding to the number on Noteworthy’s nametag and scratched in a light X in the ‘No’ column. The night was early, and she could afford to be picky for now. If she really needed to, she could always erase what she had written in before she turned in her card at the end of the event.
The next stallion sat down across from her; a white pegasus with a nondescript brown mane, blue eyes and a somewhat intimidating frame. The bell rang.
“I’m Starlight Glimmer,” Starlight began, taking the initiative. “What’s your name?”
“I go by Revenant Wings, ma’am,” the stallion replied in a friendly, if not somewhat stiff manner.
Starlight was taken aback. “Wow, that’s, uh, very formal. What do you do?”
Revenant Wings looked away, slightly embarrassed. “I’m actually a royal guard. Sometimes my, uh, work mannerisms bleed over into my day-to-day life.”
Starlight sat up intently. Her ears perked up as well. “Oooooh, a royal guard? What do you do on a daily basis?”
“Too much to tell in under 60 seconds…Besides, if I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
Starlight Glimmer clicked her tongue at him when the faintest hints of a grin tugged at one side of his mouth. “The ruthless secret government actor bit…Overplayed, but I have to be honest and tell you that you kinda made it work.”
The stallion scratched the back of his head with a hoof, the grin threatening to break free and take over his muzzle. “And what do you do?”
“I sort of…work with Twilight Sparkle. Too much to explain in a short amount of time, and it may or may not be ‘have to kill you’ type stuff.” She grinned at Revenant Wings, but was met with a sincere expression from him.
“You work with Princess Twilight? I’ve never met her, but the other guards speak very highly of her. If she chose you, that’s a great honor. You must be very talented.”
A blush exploded across Starlight’s face and she began to play with her mane. “Well, I don’t know if-“
The bell rang. “Fill out and switch!”
Starlight Glimmer immediately checked the ‘Yes’ box. He was cute, somewhat of a looker, and she could converse with him so easily…up to, and including, witty banter!
By the time she looked up from her card, a new stallion had taken Revenant Wings’ place, a deep green earth pony stallion with a dark, golden mane and a set of piercing purple eyes.
The bell rang. Starlight just stared. Whoever this was, he was a beautiful creation.
“Hey there, I’m Bank Run. Who might you be?” He asked steadily, peering at Starlight with curious eyes.”
“Starlight Glimmer,” she choked out.
“Charmed to make your acquaintance,” Bank Run smiled. “What do you do?”
“Uhh…” Starlight drawled, needing several moments to prepare a response with her slowed mental processes. “I work with Twilight Sparkle, sort of.”
“Really?” Bank Run asked, his ears perking up. “As in, the Princess? Wow! Here I am, thinking I’m successful because I started a little investment firm a town over with my buddies…And you’re working with a Princess every day! Do you like it?”
“I do! Sort of. I mean, I have to do a lot of things that are out of my comfort zone, but it’s good for me, I suppose. “
Bank Run leaned back. “I get that, I suppose. Life is hard work sometimes.”
Starlight finally summoned the courage to smile at him. “You can say that again.”
“Nah, I don’t want to waste any more time talking about philosophical concepts when I could be learning more about you.”
Starlight’s eyes widened and she sat back, dumbfounded. “J-just about me?”
The bell rang. “You all know the drill!”
Starlight quickly looked down at her card and marked Bank Run as a ‘Yes’. There was something about him that was absolutely captivating! How could she do anything else?
She looked up just as Bank Run was getting up from his seat. He gave her a smile and a wink before trotting to the table next to her.
Starlight’s heart skipped a beat.
A purple unicorn with a jet black mane and yellow eyes that seemed to glow plopped himself down across from Starlight.
“Hey,” she greeted, disappointed that Bank Run was gone but also somewhat excited to see a new face. “I’m Starlight Glimmer, what’s your name?”
“I’m Dusk Light,” the stallion replied coldly, a strange sort of scowl ever present on his face.
“Oh…well, it’s nice to meet you! What do you do for a living?”
“Do you want to know what I do for a living!?” Dusk Light cried, standing up.
Starlight Glimmer glanced around nervously. Some other pairs glanced in their direction.
“I’ll tell you what!” Dusk Light continued without waiting for a response, “I’ve battled all sorts of enemies! I was fourteen when I went on my first mission! My partners were torn to death by changelings!”
“Oh…well, that’s too bad…”
“And then, after that, I spent years in an apocalyptic wasteland in another dimension! You don’t know the things I’ve seen! You can’t handle the truth! I can’t handle the truth! Who even are you?”
“I…uh…” Starlight mumbled, her pupils the size of pinpricks, “I almost destroyed space-time once, so…I kinda understand? I think?”
A few moments of silence followed Starlight’s words.
Dusk Light looked up and spoke again. “Really? Have you ever seen a changeling horde rip-“
Ring! Ring! Ring! Starlight was saved by the bell.
Slowly, very slowly, so as not to disturb the very delicate balance of forces around her, Starlight drew an X in the ‘No’ box on her date card.
A yellow unicorn with a navy mane and deep blue eyes came next. He looked just a little bit tired, something that Starlight could relate to.
“Hi, there,” he began. “I’m Comet Tail. You’re Princess Twilight’s new student, aren’t you?”
“Heh, yeah,” Starlight replied. “Starlight Glimmer. I’m here doing this because her and our friends thought that it would be a good thing for me…and I think so too.”
“I understand,” Comet Tail said with a weary smile. “I’ve had a lot going on in my life that I just want to leave behind. Time for a fresh start, you know?”
Starlight returned his smile. “Yeah, I do know…So what do you do for work?”
“I work as a science consultant for a big firm. I help businesses figure out…well, science stuff. Telescopes, garden soil, everything.”
“That sounds like a nice job.”
“It is. I get to meet lots of ponies. Still, it’s nice to meet and talk to somepony like yourself, and just have a nice, quiet conversation, you know?”
Starlight nodded. “Yeah. It seems to me you’re a very nice pony.”
Comet Tail grinned. “Thanks. You are too. I can tell by how you carry yourself. Maybe we’ll be able to talk again.”
As if he was predicting the future, the bell rang.
“Maybe,” Starlight said, shooting him a small smile and marking her card ‘Yes’.
Comet Tail seemed a little reluctant to go, but moved on anyway. In his place came a pegasus with an ash gray coat. He had a brown mane with a thick yellow highlight, and sported cinnamon eyes.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Thunder Bolt,” he said. The tone of his voice carried similarities to that of Fluttershy’s, although much deeper, which made Starlight question if he was perhaps a quieter pony by nature.
“Starlight Glimmer,” she replied, at this point very much inundated with the routine. “I work with Princess Twilight. What about you?”
“I’m in the Air Support Division of the royal guard. Have been all my life,” he replied. His voice wasn’t timid, but it was certainly wasn’t confident, either.
“Another royal guard? Wow, you guys are everywhere here! I haven’t heard of the Air Support Division, though. It sounds like something the royal guards could have used on a few occasions.”
Thunder Bolt sat up. “No kidding!” he exclaimed gleefully. “Could you imagine if we had had a few squadrons of pegasi at the battle of Waterleu? Or at Haystings? The entire balance of world military power would have been shifted!”
Starlight’s ears fell a few inches. Those sounded like older battles that she had heard of only a few times. “Oh. Probably, but I don’t know too much about that. I’m more into the history of magic, the division of labor, vanguard parties…you know, that sort of thing.”
“Oh,” Thunder Bolt replied, sitting back and clearly less impressed than he had been a moment ago. “My mistake, sorry.”
The bell rang and Thunder Bolt marked his card and moved on.
Starlight had to think about this one for a while. On one hoof, she wasn’t too crazy about the prospect of dating a male clone of Fluttershy that got excited about the history of destructive wars instead of fuzzy animals. On the other, he seemed like a nice enough pony and wouldn’t get her into any trouble. Plus, the royal guards were usually of the big, strong type.
She shrugged. There was no reason to turn him down without getting to know him a little more. She marked the ‘Yes’ box.
The rest of the night passed quickly. A few good ponies, a few bad, and a few in between all came and conversed with Starlight Glimmer before the cycle was completed and the coordinator collected the cards.
For her part, Starlight followed the small crowd of ponies out of the coffee shop feeling very confident about the future, and very positive about her decision to look for a special somepony. Tomorrow would be a new day, and she would learn then who had liked her, as well.
Meanwhile, the coffee shop was left empty, save for a single barista behind the counter whose job it was to close up. The orange unicorn with a blue and black mane and an exceedingly eclectic sense of fashion surveyed the tables in the store, which were littered with unwashed mugs, used tea bags, and the like.
Flame Strike sighed. “They come here to find love, but only end up giving me more work.”
“Hey, Twilight,” Spike yelled, running over to Twilight. “Check out what Starlight got in the mail!” He waved a paper card around, being careful to dodge the intermittent blasts of magic from Starlight Glimmer’s horn.
“Spike, give it back!” she cried, “Come on!”
Spike was only stopped when Twilight’s magic got a hold of the card and yanked it from his grasp. Her eyes scanned the card as Starlight gulped. “Hey,” she began, “looks like you ‘matched’ with two stallions!”
Starlight pawed at the crystal floor with a hoof. “Yeah. I kinda thought that I’d get more, but I guess that I marked ‘No’ on some stallions that liked me…so I guess it only makes sense.”
Twilight bit her lip. “You know, Starlight, you don’t have to do this. This was a good idea, but all the books I’ve read say that most relationships arise spontaneously.”
Spike let out a dismissive chortle. “Chill out, Twi. She wants to do this, remember? Besides, one of the ponies she matched with was Comet Tail! He’s a really good pony.”
Twilight relented slightly. “Yes, I suppose that’s right. I don’t know who this ‘Bank Run’ character is, though. What’s your plan, Starlight?”
“Well,” Starlight began, already nervous. “I guess now I go on some dates.”