Fluttershy glided over the hill toward her friends, Angel perched on her head. "Hello girls!" she called. "Sorry I'm late!"
Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack were already gathered in the park; Owlowiscious, Opalescence, Tank, Gummy, and Winona were deep into their weekly playtime. Angel hopped down and scampered over to them, climbing up on top of Tank.
"Hey Fluttershy," Rainbow called. "What's up? You're usually the first one here."
"Oh, well..." Fluttershy shuffled her hooves nervously as she settled down next to Rarity. "The thing is..." She played with her mane. "Discord's going to be joining us today."
Everything ground to a halt.
"I beg your pardon," Rarity said quietly. "Did you say...Discord will be joining us?"
"Yes, that's right," Fluttershy said. "Discord and his new pet."
"Discord...has a pet?" Rainbow asked.
"Yes, he does," Fluttershy said with a smile.
Twilight's ear twitched. "It's not slimy, smelly, covered in tentacles, or otherwise horrifyingly dangerous, is it?"
"Oh no, it's quite small and adorable," Fluttershy said gently.
"Discord? With something small an' adorable?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow. "Somehow, Ah can't picture that."
"So what is it?" Pinkie asked cheerfully.
"W-well, it's..." Fluttershy halted, then said, "It's small and adorable."
Just then, Discord appeared in a flash, wearing a bloated diving suit complete with a round helmet. He opened the glass panel on the front and poked his head out. "Sorry, ladies," he said. "I'm afraid I'm going to be just a tad late for my first pony-pet playdate. Ten minutes. Just...ten minutes." A basket appeared in his paw, which he handed to Fluttershy. "Can you please watch him for me until I get here?"
"Of course," Fluttershy said.
"Thanks. Just ten minutes. Fifteen at the most." Discord closed his helmet and disappeared again.
"Wonder whut that was all about," Applejack muttered.
"Well?" Rainbow demanded. "Let's see it!"
"Oh! Right!" Fluttershy opened the basket, and a white head popped out.
Five ponies stared at it.
The critter in the basket tilted its head, looked at them curiously, and made a noise which sounded like "Cha!" before jumping out and landing on the grass.
Five mares and five animals stared at it.
"It's...umm...cute?" Pinkie offered.
"I've...never seen anything like it," Rarity opined.
"It's certainly rather...interesting," Twilight said.
"Its face looks like a butt," Rainbow stated bluntly.
Discord's pet could, conceivably, if one was feeling especially charitable, be called a cat. Certainly it had the body and paws of a cat.
That was roughly where the similarities ended.
Oh, it had a long, skinny tail, a head, and two fluffy, pointed ears. But its striped tail looked more like a lemur's tail than a cat's tail, its down-turned brown ears looked more like a lamb's ears, and it had two small, round protrusions on its brow which looked for all the world like the stumps of a goat's horns. Its wide round eyes were almost entirely swallowed up by its enormous black pupils.
And its face was shaped like a butt.
"Cha," it said before turning its attention to licking itself.
"What is it?" Pinkie asked as Winona crept close and gave the critter a tentative sniff.
"I'm not really sure," Fluttershy admitted. "I've never actually seen a creature like this before." She tilted her head. "I think it might be from the same realm of chaos where Discord lives, since it does sort of look like, well..."
"Like a cross between a cat, a goat, a lemur, and a butt?" Rainbow offered.
"Well...yes." Fluttershy's muzzle crinkled. "But then, it might just be a rare animal nopony's ever discovered before. I mean, the first ponies to discover the platypus thought it had to be some kind of hoax, like maybe a beaver with a duck bill sewn onto its face, but that turned out to be a real critter."
"Ooh! Ooh! And then there's manticores!" Pinkie said. "They're kinda mixed up critters!"
"Jackalopes," Applejack offered. "They're mighty odd too. Oh, and that chimera out in th' fire swamp."
"And Turduckens," Rarity added with a shudder.
"Exactly!" Fluttershy said excitedly. "There are so many strange creatures in Equestria. This cuddly little guy could just be one we don't know about yet."
"Cha," the critter in question opined.
"Yeah, that's all good," Rainbow said, "but why is its face a butt?"
"Oh," Fluttershy said, blinking. "Well..." She paused, tilted her head, and flicked an ear. "Alright, that's a fair point. I...can't really explain that." She shook her head. "But it doesn't matter. This is Discord's pet, and we're his friends. We should treat it with respect, love, and affection, just like we treat all of our pets!"
"Rainbow Dash, why don't you offer it a treat?" Twilight suggested. "Show it that we're friendly."
"I'm not sure which end to offer it to," Rainbow said.
"What do butt-faced cats even eat?" Pinkie wondered.
"Beans?" Applejack suggested.
"Toilet paper?" Rainbow Dash offered.
"Girls," Fluttershy said in a faintly testy tone through clenched teeth, "this is not respect, love, and affection!"
"Cha!" Without warning, the butt-faced animal leapt atop Pinkie Pie's head, pawing at her sproingy hair. Pinkie crossed her eyes and looked up at her forelock.
"Umm..." She giggled. "Whatcha doin' up there, silly butt?" She pivoted one eye to look at Fluttershy. "What's his name?"
"Actually, I'm not sure Discord has even named the little guy yet," Fluttershy said. "He's only had him since yesterday."
A tiny cube of cheese wreathed in Twilight's magic hovered in front of the pet, drawing his attention. "Cha?" He sniffed it, then seized it, stuffing it into his face. "Cha!"
"Okay that looked weird," Rainbow said.
Discord reappeared, water streaming off his diving suit. In one hand, he had a huge bucket. "Sorry, ladies! Has my little pet been good?"
"Yeah, he's been good, but we, uhh..." Rainbow tilted her head. "Wait, where were you just now and what—" Her eyes widened. "Have you got something alive in there?!"
"Lots of somethings actually," Discord said as he shed his diving suit. He dropped the bucket on the ground; it tipped over on its side, and a dozen large crabs scuttled out.
"EEK!" Rarity squealed. "DISCORD! What in the...?!"
"Oh my," Fluttershy said.
"Well, I read somewhere that cats and...cat-like whatevers...like seafood, so I thought I'd do a little deep-sea crab diving," Discord explained.
"I don't think they like their seafood live!" Twilight exclaimed as the crabs crawled creepily across the grass.
"Oh? Oh! Oh dear..." Discord scratched his chin with a talon. "Sorry, I'm new to this whole feeding your pets thing." He snapped his talons, and the crabs disappeared. "Maybe the manticores in the Everfree Forest will be more appreciative of my hard work."
"So, uhh...Discord," Rainbow Dash said. "What exactly...is this pet of yours?"
"Cha!" the critter in question said as it leaped off Pinkie's head into Discord's waiting arms. Discord affectionately scratched its head.
"You know, I'm not really sure," Discord said. "I just found it wandering around outside my house the other day. I didn't think much of it at first, but then I got to thinking about how Fluttershy enjoys spending so much time with small animals, and I thought, 'Discord, maybe if you tried caring for a small, fluffy animal, you'd understand your friend a little better!'"
"And how's that workin' out for you?" Applejack asked.
Discord shrugged. "Still getting used to having him around, honestly. But at least he can mostly take care of himself. I honestly thought he'd be a lot more work." He snapped his fingers; a bowl of cat food appeared on the ground. With a happy "Cha!", his pet leaped down and started eating. "Besides, he saves me the trouble of uncleaning the litterbox. Hmm. I guess he also justifies my even owning a litterbox..."
"Oooookaaaaay," Twilight said. "So...what's his name?"
Discord beamed. "I decided to call him Buttler." He snapped his talons; an adorable little tuxedo appeared on the critter. For his part, "Buttler" paused in eating, looking down at his new attire curiously.
"Cha?"
"Oh my," Rarity said, covering her muzzle with a hoof. "That...that is rather adorable..."
Fluttershy facehoofed. "Really, Discord?"
"Well what do you expect?" Discord asked, throwing his arms into the air. "With a face like that, how can I possibly resist?"
"Cha..."