//------------------------------// // Adagio Dazzle’s Knob Polishing and Doorbell Cleaning Service // Story: Ponyville Public Access // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// “Sooooooooooo…” Starlight says as she sits on an ornate, light-purple couch with wood armrests and a wooden frame around the padding in the back. She looks at Spike, who sits next to her on the couch as if the small purple and green dragon possesses the rest of the sentence she had just started. “So?” Spike replies, raising an eyebrow. “’‘Soooooooooo…’ what?” Starlight looks over at the TV. “So… Is this it? I mean… We just sit here and watch advertisement after advertisement?” Spike shrugs. “Pretty much. I mean… sometimes someone manages to get a show together or there’s the odd attempt at the news.” Spike smiles. “The sports reports on the news show are quite good.” Starlight nods. “Oh, right… You do like your hoofball.” Spike shakes his head. “Oh, it rarely has anything to do with actual sports. Mostly you get to watch a drunk donkey stumble around while he mumbles weird nonsense before passing out!” “… And that’s… entertaining?” “Well, it’s what’s on TV…” Spike says motioning to the TV. “I mean… At least I’m seeing stuff without leaving the comfort of the castle.” “… Uh-huh…” Starlight says with a blank stare. Spike sighs. “I’m guessing you’re not convinced.” Starlight raises a forehoof in front of her. “Oh, no, no… I just sort of wish I had TV back when I was trying to brainwash ponies… I bet I could have gotten waaaaaay more ponies into my little town!” Spike furrows his brow and stares at Starlight with a suspicious look that had just a drop of judgement in it. Starlight grins sheepishly. “Erm… You know… assuming I was still evil and stuff…” “Right, right…” Spike says in a rather unconvinced tone. “HEY!” Starlight says excitedly as she motions out towards the TV. “Looks like another commercial! Maybe it’s selling something that could be… erm… useful?” “Hello boys and girls,” a mare’s voice calls out in a somewhat seductive tone. “Do you have a knob that needs polishing? Or maybe a doorbell that needs a good spit shine?” Starlight’s eyes go wide and she freezes in place, her cheeks turning red as she turns towards the TV. On screen, an orange unicorn mare with a massive curly orange mane almost as large as herself stands in front of a typical Ponyville home. Oddly enough, Twilight’s castle sits quite large in the background. “Huh…” Spike utters. “Well, the castle does have a lot of doorknobs… And hey…” Spike points at the castle on screen. “They’re close!” Starlight lets out a sound somewhere between a sigh of relief and annoyance. The mare on the TV continues, “Well if so, the beautiful Adagio Dazzle—” the mare points to herself with a forehoof “—and her loyal Dazzlings are ready to help you!” she says, motioning out to the empty air next to her with both forelegs. The mare pauses briefly and smiles at the camera as the air to either side of her remains empty. For a moment, nothing happens except the mare looking to her left and her right. “Idiots,” she hisses through clenched, smiling teeth, “that’s your cue!” A light-blue pegasus mare with a large blue ponytail bounds onto the screen and smile at the camera. “Hey ponies! My name is Sonata, Sonata Dusk, and I’m a helper! I’m ready to clean, polish, and get all kinds of down and dirty until your knobs or doorbells, or anything else related to your front doors or backdoors are clean!” With a heavy sigh, a purple earth pony mare with twin purple ponytails held with twin metal stars trudges up next to Adagio and glares at the camera. “I’m Aria Blaze and… Well…” Aria scrunches her nose. “Yeah… Eff this… Eff all of this.” Adagio turns towards Aria. “Aria!” she snaps. “No, Dagi!” Aria says. “Just no… I don’t want any part of this!” Sonata leans forward past Adagio and looks at the earth pony. “But you’re so good at cleaning doorbells!” Aria shoots an irate glare at Sonata while Adagio continues to shoot her own irritated glare at Aria. “Fine!” Adagio exclaims. “Just… just switch places with Gibson.” A young stallion’s voice sounds off from nearby. “Uhhh… I don’t think that’s a good idea…” The three mares look towards the camera, Sonata’s cheeks turn slightly pink as Aria gives an impressed smile. Adagio rolls her eyes. “Baseball, math homework, your parents going at it like post-pubescent bunnies…” “Ah!” Gibson exclaims as he trots into the scene from behind the camera. “I’m coming, I’m coming!” Adagio grins knowingly. “Not yet you aren’t!” Gibson stops midway to the mares and clenched his back thighs against each other. “Adagio!” he whines out. Aria walks towards the camera, uttering, “Your mom in a bikini,” as she went. “Aria!” Gibson exclaims. “What the buck?!” Aria shakes her head and smiles before disappearing behind the camera. “Too easy…” she says to herself. With a glare, Adagio motions for Gibson to come sit next to her. Gibson trots over and sits down next to Adagio. Adagio grins at the camera and motions to Gibson. “But don’t take our word for it, just listen to this satisfied customer!” “Uh…” Gibson turns to face the Camera. “Hi! I’m just here to yell you Adagio will polish your knob so long and hard that you’ll… be able to see your own reflection in it? I guess… Erm… The point is you won’t be disappointed so uh… contact her right away by uh…” Gibson turns to face the house. “I guess maybe you just show up and knock? Or maybe… Yell her name or some—” “ADAGIO DAZZLE!” a rage-filled female voice screams out. Gibson and Sonata freeze on the spot, terrified expressions on their faces. Adagio just sighs and shakes her head. “Crud! It’s mom!” Gibson exclaims. “Hide!” Gibson quickly dashes to the side of the house and hides in some shrubbery. Sonata extends her wings and covers her face with them. “Pssst!” Gibson says from the bushes. “Sonata! I said ‘hide’!” “I am hiding!” Sonata says. “If I can’t see them, they can’t see me!” “But I can still—” A light-tan mare with a brown mane tied up with a red ribbon in a long ponytail suddenly stomps into view as her sky-blue eyes set to ‘kill’ lock on Adagio as she stomps right past Sonata. “Ghah!” Gibson utters before going silent. Adagio rolls her eyes. “Can I help you, Love Tap?” she says in an exasperated tone. Love Tap raises a forehoof and waves it under Adagio’s muzzle. “Don’t you ‘can I help you’ me, young lady!” —“I’m older than you”— Love Tap powers on. “I’m shutting this horrible idea down before it gets out of hoof and I have a bunch of weirdos showing up at my house at all hours to position you for…” Love Tap’s cheeks turned slightly pink. “Well… you know what…” Adagio rolls her eyes. “It’s just a simple cleaning service,” she insisted. “Like hay it is!” Love Tap says. “Don’t play innocent with me, Adagio! You’re about the least innocent pony in all Equestria!” From behind the camera, Aria chuckles. “Well, she sure has your number, Dagi…” Adagio turns to glare at the camera then looks back at Love Tap. “How did you even know what was going on?” Love Tap smiles and points to her tail. “Your mistake was involving Gibson! You see, I have a ‘mom sense’ that lets me know when my kids are involved in something I disapprove of.” “What?!” Gibson exclaims from the bushes. “Oh, that HAS to be a lie, otherwise you’d stop Button from doing like… three quarters of the things he gets into with Sweetie Belle and her friends!” Adagio grins wryly as Love Tap looks over to the bush with a sour look on her face. “You know, I can still punish you for all this, right?” Love Tap says. “… I’ll be quiet…” Gibson says. “How’d you really stumble into this?” Adagio asks, still smiling. Love Tap gave Adagio an indignant look. “Alright, I follow you all sometimes because of… well… because of stuff like this!” Adagio’s smile drops. “You… you stalk us? That’s uh… That’s kinda hot…” “I know it’s sort of a violation of your privacy, but a mother worries and… WHAT!? NO!” Love Tap shakes her head and glares at Adagio once more. “Look! Shut this down right now, or I’m going to slap you so hard you won’t see straight!” Adagio turns directly towards the camera and raises a forehoof to her face. “Oh no! If only I had called CelestialPenn and purchased Derp insurance!” Love Tap narrowed her eyes at Adagio as a vein began to pulse on her forehead. “Are you making fun of Button and me?” “Me?” Adagio said as she turned towards Love Tap and made an exaggerated motion to point to herself with both forelegs. “Of course not.” Adagio turned towards the camera. “‘Derpyness’ is a serious condition and I would never joke about, especially in the absolutely frightful case of having it but not being prepared with CelestialPenn Derp Insurance.” Love Tap looked at the camera and then back to Adagio. “This… This… You set this all up to help sell derp insurance?!” Adagio turned and grinned. “Heh heh, guilty…” “Oh… Ooooh…” Love Tap said as relief flooded her face. A confused expression came over her. “This was uh… quite the setup.” Adagio shrugged. “You know advertisers… Always looking for new ways to get ponies’ attention. They contacted me after you did your commercial… I think they’re going for a clever theme.” Love Tap let out a small sigh. “Okay, well you had me going there…” “Me, too!” Sonata said as she parted her wings and looked at Adagio. “You told me this was all so you could get paid to suck dick and lick pussy!” Adagio froze and stared at Love Tap. Aria chuckled softly from behind the camera. Love Tap’s expression went from confused, to betrayed, to filled with inconsolable rage in the matter of a second. “Haha…” Adagio said nervously. “Oh that Sonata, what a kidde—” Love Tap suddenly stomped past Adagio, took a generous bit of her fluffy orange tail in her mouth and began dragging the orange unicorn away. “Ow! OW!” Adagio cried as began to drag her off camera. “You’re hurting my tail!” she cried. “Into it!” she added. “Aria! Fix all this in post!” “Yeah, yeah…” Aria said in a bored tone from behind the camera. Sonata just watched Love Tap drag off Adagio with a confused expression on her face as Aria stepped into view right in front of the camera. “Yeah, I don’t have any fingers,” Aria said as she raises a forehoof and stared at it in annoyance. “So I’m not editing any of this,” she says. “Bye.” With that, Aria reaches towards the camera and a black screen brings the commercial to an end. Spike and Starlight just stare at the TV. Neither’s expression communicating that they had fully understood what they had just witnessed or why it had somehow showed up in their lives. Spike finally shakes his head. “Man… We have the weirdest neighbors…”