The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga

by Justice3442


Guest Arc Dan Vs. SyFy: Chapter 2 Last Laugh vs Killi-TOK

        “Seriously?” Dan repeated himself angrily, standing up and momentarily forgetting about the mechanical monstrosity trying to kill him as he glowered at the girl that had appeared out of nowhere.  “You’re really going with that introduction in this situation?  Have you not heard of subtlety?  Or good taste?  That cliche is so old Tallest Horse was hearing it as a filly!  Could your identity be anymore obvious?  What next, you pull out a sword forged of unique metal you can channel your inner energy into to cut through anything?”

        “Only if this guy breaks my chainsaw!” the girl called back reassuringly.

        Dan blinked for a time.  “Huh.  I don’t know whether to be enraged at that terrible reference or pleased to discover you’re apparently making use of all of them-”  His eyes popped open.  “Dodge!”

        The girl let out a disgusted sounding grunt.  “Now who’s making bad-”  Her words were cut off as the laser blast from the robot’s ass blasted through her belly, leaving a hole with blood and guts slowly dripping out on either side, knocking her back in the process.  “...oh.  Dammit.”

        Pinkie Pie gasped in shock and fear as the android started staggering around to retrieve its head.  “You have a hole in your gut!”

        “I’ll deal with that later!” the girl snapped out.  Red energy coalesced around her hands and she pulled a shotgun out of thin air, unloading several rounds into the machine, causing its body to burst open at various points leaving almost cartoonish looking explosion holes behind.  “You two get out of here!”

        “But you said to come with you if we wanted to live!” Pinkie shouted back.

        The girl promptly smacked her face with her palm, bracing the gun against her chest so she could keep firing.  “Then carry me so we can all get out of here!”

        Dan and Pinkie quickly rushed to the girl’s side, hefting her up onto their shoulders as Mr. Mumbles leapt into her lap.  “You’re heavy!” Dan and Pinkie grunted together as they raced out of the apartment.

        “Also, you’re still leaking,” Pinkie added as an afterthought as she felt something wet and sticky drip into her hair.

        Once they were on the stairs down to the street, the girl tossed the empty shotgun aside.  “I’ve bought us a few moments to deal with that,” she grumbled.  Putting her hands to either side of the hole, her hands started glowing blue.  The bits that had dripped out of her flowed back into her body, and the holes slowly sealed themselves closed.  She let out a sigh of relief as she finished and the blue energy disappeared.  “That’s better…”

        “Good!” Dan stated as he promptly dropped the girl to the pavement.  “Now how about a more detailed explanation of what’s going on?”

        “We have maybe thirty seconds before that thing puts itself back together and comes after us,” the girl pointed out as she angrily got to her feet.

        “Then explain it in twenty!” Dan insisted.

        She let out a growl of frustration as she buried her face in her hand.  “Fine!  I’m Agent Last Laugh.  That thing’s the Killi-TOK, TOK’s last resort weapon from when I’m from.  It almost succeeded in its mission in my time, and I came back to change that, but it followed me, so now it wants to kill you both again!”

        Dan nodded, accepting this explanation at face value as one of the least weird things to have happened to him ever since he met Pinkie Pie.  “And what is it, exactly?”

        The Killi-TOK, once more in one piece, smashed through the window of Apartment 8, coming down towards the trio and aiming for Dan’s red hatchback, only for Last Laugh to lunge up and knock it out of the way.  “Competent!” she shouted back as she rolled away, bleeding from several new holes as the bot had erupted in spikes as soon as she’d tackled it away from the car.  She pulled a massive spiked mace out of thin air to smash it into the machine, trying to drive it back.

        “That’s new,” Dan admitted worriedly.  “I can’t remember the last time I faced off against someone reasonably competent.”

        “Well, there was the time that Dan* kidnapped you,” Pinkie began.  “His plan was pretty well thought out.”

        “Yeah, but you did most of that,” Dan countered.  “I said the last time I faced off against someone somewhat competent.”

        “Would one of you please stop talking long enough to start the God Damn car!” Last Laugh screamed out as she hauled out a shield to block the Killi-TOK’s attacks long enough to seal up the holes in her body.  “I’d make the “we’ll be at this all day” joke since the bot and I are both regenerating, but we’ve actually been at it for a couple weeks already, and I’m running out of stamina!”

        “You start the car!” Pinkie told Dan, tossing him the keys after pulling them out of her hair.  “I’m going to try and help Last Laugh!”  Reaching into her hair, she hauled out her crowbar and rushed in, cracking the robot upside the head with it.

        “What do you think you’re doing?” Last Laugh shouted out in terror.  “You don’t have the same healing ability I do!”  Her mace smashed into the other side of the bot’s head, managing to keep it dazed.

        “Can’t you just heal me?” Pinkie shouted back as they continued to smash it from either side.

        “I’ve never healed anyone else before!” Last Laugh shrieked back, rounding on Pinkie Pie.

        In that moment of distraction, the Killi-TOK shaped its arm into a mace and smashed into Last Laugh, knocking her into Pinkie and sending them both tumbling.  Both its arms then shifted into gun-like projections, ready to blast them both with lasers.

        Dan’s mind snapped.  Seizing something nearby, he ripped it from the ground as his entire body became surrounded by his red aura.  “Stay away from my girls!” he roared at the top of his voice, hurling what he’d ripped from the ground at the Killi-TOK.

        The robot turned to see what had happened, only to be smashed back nearly a half-mile as the entirety of Casa Paradiso - foundations and all - smashed into it with the force of a speeding train.

        Last Laugh stared as the building and robot flew off into the distance.  “...I didn’t know you were strong enough to throw a building,” she murmured softly.

        “Neither did I…” Dan murmured, staring in shock.

        “Well, I think that bought us about ten minutes or so,” Last Laugh explained, pushing herself to her feet.

        In the distance, the building finally crashed to the ground, followed by flashes of lasers, lightning, and an unearthly beastial roar.

        “Or maybe as much as a half hour,” Last Laugh corrected.  “I forgot about Jean’s experiments and the landlord.”

        “What about the landlord?” Dan demanded irritably.

        “If it hasn’t come up yet, you don’t need to know yet,” Last Laugh explained vaguely.  “For now, we need to get in the car and get to the Pearson residence as fast as possible!”

        “You think some of Elise’ super secret weapons will help deal with this thing?” Pinkie asked as the trio clambered into the hatchback, Last Laugh taking the backseat with Mr. Mumbles.

        “Actually, we need Chris,” Last Laugh corrected.

        “Chris?” Dan shouted out angrily.  “What, is your grand master plan to have him eat the thing?”

        “Yes, actually,” Last Laugh confirmed with aplomb.

        Dan turned and stared at her from the driver’s seat, stunned.  “...what?”

        “I’ll explain while you drive!” she insisted.  “We’re still in danger, you know!”

        “Fine!” Dan snapped out, turning and gunning the engine, driving off as fast as the vehicle could go.  “Now talk.”

        As Last Laugh took a few breaths to steady her nerves, Pinkie spoke up.  “How come you think it’ll be after us so fast?” she asked curiously.  “Jean’s experiments tend to be rather destructive, after all.”

        “Most of them have offensive energy-based abilities, though,” Last Laugh pointed out.  “The Killi-TOK has adaptive energy shielding.  Once it’s been hit by a certain energy type often enough, it becomes immune.  That’s why Dan’s punch bounced right off, and why I was sticking to particle-based weaponry.”

        “You mean that thing’s some crazy combination of a T-1000 and a Borg?” Dan deduced.

        “Yup,” Last Laugh confirmed.  “With a dash of Darlek and Cyberman thrown in for good measure.”

        Dan and Pinkie both stared at Last Laugh in confusion.  “Huh?”

        She rolled her eyes.  “Ask D.H. about them if we make it out of this alive,” she groaned.  “Anyway, its liquid metal body is a combination of nanotech, orihalcum, and that anti-magic metal TOK discretely taught ponies how to make to fight Discord.  The end result is a self-repairing superstructure that’s immune to magic and fully capable of using it.  And to ensure it would have enough power to deal with all three of us, half of TOK that was left in my time - including the King - infused themselves into it to give it a near endless source of power, and a direct connection to the energies of the Nexus.  That’s part of what makes it so dangerous.”

        “Only part?” Pinkie whimpered nervously, abjectly terrified from the description so far.

        “Well, it’s physical capabilities are limited by their imagination-”

        “Talk about a heavy limit,” Dan joked, pleased to see that got a bit of a smile back on Pinkie’s face.

        “The other half of the danger is its cloaking field, which lets it slip slightly outside normal reality to hide from all known means of detection,” Last Laugh explained.  “It can’t physically attack while it’s like that, but it can use a sniper rifle-”

        “Now it’s part Yautja?” Dan shouted out angrily.  “Next you’re going to tell me it can infuse itself into a living being through the mouth, overpower their essence, and burst free with their abilities added to its own!”

        “...other end, but yes,” Last Laugh admitted.

        Dan stared at Last Laugh for a while.  “...can you drive?” he demanded calmly.

        “Yes,” she confirmed.  “And I know the way to Chris’ house.”

        “Then take the wheel.”

        Rolling her eyes, Last Laugh hopped into the driver’s seat, shifting Dan into the back in an instant.  “Go ahead.”

        Rolling down the window, Dan leaned out the window and lifted his clenched fists to the heavens.

Syyyyyyyyyyyy Fyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Dan Vs.

SyFy