P.B. and J.

by TheAmazingMe


P. B. and Homewrecking

The tension between Liath and I was thick enough to hold up a suspension bridge. I sat at his mother's kitchen table, on a stool he very well may have used. Joe and Macha looked confused; they could both sense something, it seemed, but neither had a clue what. I found it a bit curious that Macha didn't know, but then again, I didn't know Liath very well.

"Um. I think we should go." I said to Joe quietly.

Macha cocked her head. "Go? We still haven't solved the riddle of your cutie mark! I said I'd help after all. Not to mention it's been so long."

Liath walked to his mother's side. "Mom, maybe they have somewhere to be. We can't expect His Royal Highness to have all the time in the world."

"Just 'His Highness,' actually." I corrected, automatically.

Liath looked liked he swallowed something unpleasant. "My mistake, Your Highness."

I waved both hooves. "Actually, it's just Blueblood, please. Liath Method, I presume?" I asked politely.

He shook his head. "Liath Macha. Sireish naming tradition." I suddenly felt ten times worse for not knowing that. Maybe if I'd known, I wouldn't have stolen his marefriend. Then again, knowing the way I was back then, maybe I would have done it anyway.

I decided to try for peace. Slowly, I stood up and faced him. Unfortunately, I realized I was much shorter than him. I looked down. "Liath, for what it's worth..."

I never saw it coming. One minute, I'm on my hooves trying to apologize to a pony I'd wronged. Next, I'm on the floor with a throbbing pain on my face. "Believe me, whatever you have to say isn't going to be worth much!"

Joe was suddenly beside me. "Are you okay? What's going on? What in tartarus was that about?"

"I think that's an excellent question." Macha said, standing between us and Liath.

"He stole...!"

"I stole..."

We started together, but cut ourselves of simultaneously. I couldn't lift my gaze, I was very ashamed to have to admit this in front of somepony I admired. It was even more humiliating that I was on the floor. I knew that she'd already heard the worst about me, but it was quite another thing to have a personal connection to the worst about me. I wanted to bolt, but the blow had scrambled my brains enough to prevent any such coordination between thought and action.

When neither of us finished, I looked up. Liath wouldn't meet my gaze or his mother's. Finally, he glanced at me. "Do you even remember her name?"

I nodded. "She was the first crystal pony I'd ever met. Smoky Hematite."

His gaze intensified. "Did she mean anything to you?"

I hesitated, and that was answer enough. He snorted in disgust, throwing himself down on a stool. At least he wasn't punching me again. Macha went to the fridge for something as Joe examined my face. I could feel blood dripping slowly from one nostril. Joe stemmed the flow quickly with a hoofkerchief.

Joe helped me to a sitting position. Satisfied that I wouldn't fall back over, he turned to glare at Liath. "Blueblood is a different pony now. He's made mistakes, but he's trying to make up for them."

Liath looked him up and down. "I don't know what his angle is with you, but take it from me. When he's done with you, he'll leave you much worse than if you'd never met him at all."

"Liath!" Macha protested as she handed Joe something wrapped in a towel. It turned out to be a block of something frozen, which I found quite relieving when Joe applied it to my face.

Glancing at his mother, Liath huffed. "Sorry, ma. I should have told you about this a long time ago. I just didn't want to have to break it to you that the little foal you guarded turned into...that."

"You should have told me a long time ago, because you've carried the hurt of it for too long. Now you're just passing it back instead of letting it heal." Macha scolded as she advanced on him.

Liath's eyebrows rose in shock. "Ma! You can't mean to say you're on his..."

Her hoof slammed into the table. "Liath! Don't you go putting words in my mouth. It don't take a genius to see that Blueblood's earned more than his fair share of bad things that could be said of anypony. But it also don't take a genius to know that if a mare can be stolen from you, she was never really yours!" Macha said, punctuating the end with a stomp.

She whirled on me. I tried scooting backwards, but ran into Joe instead. "You tell me this true, Your Highness. Swear it by whatever you hold dear, but don't dare lie to me in my own house. Are you ever going to do anything as stupid as what you pulled with Liath and Smoky on somepony else ever again?"

I thought it over carefully. "I swear by the love of my aunts that I never want to hurt, use, or abuse another pony. Liath, I'm sorry. I'm humiliated by how careless I was with other ponies' feelings back then. I have no excuse; I had no right. I'm just trying to be a better pony. I deserve all the scorn I've received."

The silence that fell between us caused my heart to sink lower. Shakily, I got to my hooves. Joe lent me an extra hoof, which helped a great deal.

"Liath, say something or I swear by every silver strand in my mane I will show you what happens to somepony who punches a guest in my house." Macha said meaningfully.

"Yes, ma'am." Liath said dutifully. "I accept your apology, Prince Blueblood. I-uh, wouldn't hold it against you if you decided to press charges. I probably should have thought of that before punching a prince."

I tilted my head, mostly for effect but also to press the cold deeper into my half-numb face. "What punch? I don't remember getting punched." I said, innocently. The three assembled ponies looked at me with varying degrees of worry. "We were all having a good time and I tripped and smacked the table with my face."

Macha and Joe looked relieved. Liath snorted. "You don't have to do that."

I shook my head. "Hey, after what I did, I think getting punched in the face is getting off easy. I'm just lucky you didn't get hooves on me earlier." Walking back to the table, I stuck out a hoof. "I think Smoky is still single, last I heard. In case you're interested."

He shook my hoof almost as heartily as his sister had. "Nah, I think I'm over it finally. No sense in chasing after somepony who ran off the way she did."

"See! Talk to your ma more often, Mr. Big and Tough." She looked back at me. "Colts."

Liath shrugged. "Guess I just had to get it out of my system."

Poking at my bruised cheek experimentally, I grimaced. "I'm glad to be part of the healing process." I smiled lopsidedly. Liath broke into a laugh much like his mother's. The infectious sound spread, and soon Joe and Macha were laughing along.

***

"You did what?" Luna asked as I tried to make myself comfortable. I hadn't realized it in the heat of the moment, but I'd bruised my flank pretty hard when I hit the floor at Macha's. My seat in the audience chamber didn't quite make up for the discomfort.

"Slipped and faceplanted into a table. I'm rather embarrassed about it, so if you don't mind..." I trailed off.

Luna nodded. "Very well. If you feel well enough to attend court today, I would be grateful for your presence. Perhaps we might also speak on the Garden Party?"

"If Your Royal Highness so wishes." I said, eyeing the nearby nobles. Our crowd was mostly younger sons and lesser houses, but a notable exception came through the doors as my eyes swept across the room.

Captain Shining Armor.

"Oh, sweet Celestia." I said, quite forgetting where I was.

Luna chuckled into her hoof. "I'm glad to hear you think my sister is sweet. I'm sure she'd love it, too."

"Oh, sweet Luna." I said, intentionally trying to get a laugh out of her. It worked, but we had to quiet down as the Captain stood and bowed.

"To what do we owe the pleasure, Captain?" Luna asked.

"I'm actually hoping to get a word with Prince Blueblood, Your Royal Highness." Shining said, looking at me directly. "I'm sorry to do this just now, but it was the only time I knew that we both would be in the castle."

She turned to me. "I suppose I can allow a brief meeting, but I expect him returned to me quickly. If that would be agreeable, nephew?"

As getting comfortable was out of the question, I figured it would be worth a try. At least, I could stretch out a bit and maybe walk the soreness down. "Yes, Princess Luna."

"Dismissed." She said with a wave.

Shining allowed me to lead him, which was a rather odd feeling. I picked a side room that I knew was more insulated against eavesdropping and beckoned him in. "Please have a seat, Captain." I offered.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather stand." Shining said.

"Good, that makes two of us." I said, stretching out a hind leg. "What can I do for you?"

"A mutual friend said I should check up on you?" He said simply. "You wanna guess who?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. If I hadn't just declared a truce with his wife and sister, it would have been all too easy to fall into old patterns. Besides, I really didn't feel like getting punched again. Not that Shining ever did anything so violent, but I had a way of pushing ponies over the limits without much effort on my part. "Joe?"

"Nope." He said cheekily.

I hazarded another guess. "Luna?"

"Guess again." He replied.

"Celestia?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on."

I huffed. "Well, I don't know your sister all that well and I don't normally associate with many of your muscle-bound sword-sharpeners, so if you're quite through wasting my time..."

"Macha Method."

I sighed. "She wanted you to check up on me?"

He nodded. "Said about being sorry about the last visit you had. And something about asking you about trains?"

I rubbed my forehead with a hoof. "Don't tell Luna, because I deserved it, but Macha's son knocked me on my rump."

"You deserved it?" Shining asked.

"I stole his marefriend a while back."

"Oh." He said, once again stunning me with his wit and grace. "And you're not pressing charges?"

"No. Macha...means a lot to me." I said, running a hoof through my mane. "So he and I apologized to each other."

"I don't think I've seen this side of you before, Blueblood." He coughed. "I mean, uh, Prince..."

"Blueblood is fine." I said. "Or...just Blue. We've known each other long enough, Shining."

Shining nodded, his expression still somewhat confused. "Well, Blue, that explains what happened at your last visit to Macha. Now what is this about trains?"

I shrugged. "Apparently, it's Macha's way of helping. Or meddling." Shining raised an eyebrow in response. "Do you remember my second birthday in Canterlot?"

"What, like, ten years ago?" He blinked rapidly, then it hit him. "The day Macha and I took you around the city." He laughed and corrected himself. "Well, more like the day you dragged us around Canterlot."

"I earned my cutie mark that day." I said.

"Oh, that's right. I think I got a commendation for that. Well, for something that happened that day." Shining said with a shrug. "What about it?"

I rubbed my forehead. "I kinda wasn't prepared for this, but if Macha thought this was a good idea..."

"Um, what?" Shining asked. "It was your birthday, you earned your cutie mark, and after your tutoring you were apprenticed to...somepony or other..."

"The Royal Cartographer." I put in.

"Right! So, what is it you need my help with? I'm pretty sure you can get access to just about any map you want."

"My cutie mark is not for cartography." I blurted out.

Shining tilted his head. "What? But Celestia said..."

"Civil told Celestia is was map-related because we couldn't come up with any other reason for getting my mark."

"I'm still not seeing what I have to do with anything. I mean, if I can..."

"What did we do at the train station?"

"Train station? Oh! Wow, I haven't thought about that in years. I was so nervous at the time because you insisted on going while the sarge was in the restroom. I was a pretty young guard back then."

***

Exasperated, Shining Armor chased after his young charge for the day. "Prince Blueblood! At least put your cloak back on to keep the chill off. Mrs. List will have my head if she hears you got outside without it."

Blueblood turns around, nose and and voice haughty. "Fine, but let's hurry, please! Sarge could be back any minute and I really really want to see the trains."

With all the expertise of an older brother, Shining had the cloak on in a flash and the young prince was off like a shot again. In his haste, he took a turn sharp and lost traction. With Shining on his heels, he tried to get his hooves underneath him again. "Your Royal Highness, are you okay?"

"Help me up, please! We have to get there quick!"

Shining sighed. "If you please, I'll carry you. We'll get there in a flash, I promise."

Blueblood nodded. "Thank you."

With Blueblood secured on his back, Shining ran diligently to the train station. At least, the way he thought would take them there. "No, this is the wrong way." Blueblood protested.

"What? Hey, who's the one who grew up in Canterlot?"

"Have you ever even been to the train station?" Blue asked.

Shining made a turn, ending up in an alley. Doubling back, Shining retorted. "Have you?"

"Macha pointed it out on our way to the rink. I knew I wanted to see it too, but the ice rink was more important just then. You have to go that way." Blue pointed out the right way.

"Are you sure? You've never even been outside the Castle before today."

"I know it." Blueblood said confidently. "I can feel it."

"What's that glow? Are you using magic?" Shining said, alarmed.

"It's just a little light spell, don't worry." Blue demurred.

"I can light the way just fine." Shining argued.

"No! Save your energy for running. Now let's go!" Blueblood said, tapping Shining's neck urgently.

"Fine." Shining snapped, going the way Blueblood indicated. The way Blue charted took twists and turns at seemingly random places. With every growing turn, Shining started to worry that it really was just getting them lost. Just as he was about to slow down and tell the princeling off for leading them on a wild goose chase, the sight of the station's clocktower sprang into view.

"There it is!"

Huffing slightly, Shining sighed. "Thank Celestia.

"Hey, you could thank me too!" Blueblood pouted.

"Thank you too, Blueby." Shining said, innocently.

"Call me Blueby again. See what happens." Blue threatened, to Shining's amusement.

He cantered up the road to the station. Along the way, Blueblood's horn light softened and finally went out. Arriving at the steps of the station, Shining Armor stopped and tapped the young prince. "Well, we're here." When that failed to get a response, Shining turned to get a better view at his charge. "Blue? Blueby? Your Royal Highness?"