//------------------------------//
// Sparkle, T. (2016). Quoted in 'Collected Equestrian Speeches of the Newest Century.' Canterlot, Equestria. Trottingston Publishing. * 
// Story: Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria 
// by NorrisThePony 
//------------------------------//

Twilight blew her mane out of her eyes with an annoyed 'humph!'. "Y'know, you girls can stop making fun of me anytime."

"Oh, we're not making fun of you," Cadance replied. "But this is too funny to just ignore." 

Twilight levitated her beverage and took an angry drink, although the effect was lost considering her beverage of choice was a tall pink milkshake. "Can't we talk about the weather or something?"

"Oh, we did that five chapters ago," Luna replied. "Don't blame us for not being around. Anyways, keep reading, Celly." 

Celestia complied with a wide smile, cracking the newspaper before her. "'...the best things you can do,' Flim and Flam continued, '...is to care for others and help them care themselves..."' 

"He plagiarized me," Twilight growled, wrenching the newspaper from Celestia's aura and crumbling it up in frustration. "He stole my freaking lines. He stole my whole speech basically! And then he has the gall to cite me?! Without asking if I even approved?!" 

"We had this conversation last week," Luna trilled. "You should be honoured, Twilight! He quoted you!"

"Oh, bullroar I'm honoured!" Twilight growled. "I don't want to be associated with... with corrupt businessmen! I feel like I could write a whole damn novel about how much I dislike them, but here they are acting all... all buddy-buddy with me to the point of ripping me off." 

"Do I detect another angry letter in the works?" Celestia asked with a devilish grin. 

"You probably do," Twilight replied. 

Celestia snickered. "Well, like Luna said. You should be a little complimented that you said something worth repeating."

"Right, but words are a weapon, Princess Celestia," Twilight said. "With great... uh, diction, comes great responsibility. I'd think you'd know about it. Haven't you accidentally started any race wars or anything?" 

Celestia frowned. "Now that you mention it... I've been accused of being a tribalist thanks to some horrible actions ponies have performed in 'my name' and with some out of context thing I said as justification." 

"Eh, you two have it easy," Cadance said. "My legacy will probably be having accidentally started a trend of Disaster Baby Names." 

Silence. 

"Disaster Baby Names?" Luna cocked her head. "I'm intrigued." 

"Exactly what it says on the can," Cadance replied. "Ponies naming their babies after huge disasters. I started a horrible thing. I feel bad for whatever poor soul must go through life forever known as Swirling Tsunami or Fitz Edmund or something." 

"If I had a nickel for ever cult I inspired with my whole "usurper rants as Nightmare Moon," I could buy out the present monarchy instead of overthrowing it," Luna added. "I was much more charismatic as Nightmare Moon, in retrospect." 

"The point is, Twilight," Celestia said, smiling. "As soon as you're in any position of elevated status, ponies begin to see you as more important. I don't think anypony here at this table necessarily likes that, but it is the way we must live."

"I just wish there could be a... a buffer between when ponies do and don't quote me or take me incredibly seriously. I feel like I always come across as... as Miss Friendly-Friendship-Pony even when I'm trying to be deadly serious. I... I have difficulty trying to actually assert to ponies that I'm not really willing to take their crap." 

"Tell that to the folks at the Canterlot Times," Celestia replied.

"Well that's what I mean. I have no real buffer. I'm either furious or friendly. I can't just be... uh, apathetic."" 

"You know..." Cadance replied lazily. "I've got an age-old strategy for that." 

Twilight blinked. Her gaze quickly became one of intense focus. 

"I see you're interested." Cadance smiled. "Want to know the sure fire way to reach Apathetic Status? To look like you don't give a crap about anything?" 

"I do." Twilight nodded. 

Cadance leaned back. "Eat an apple."

Twilight blinked again. "...what?"

"Eat an apple. Seriously. You're talking with somepony. A foreign dignitary maybe. He's walking all over you, trying to appeal to your 'goodness' or whatever. Then, you bust out the apple. Suddenly, you're Queen Bitch of the Room. You don't care about anypony or anything there. Queen Chrysalis could bust in the room, but she'd see you and instantly stop. Cause you're busy. Busy with an apple. Busy eating an apple. You don't have time to care about her. Have you ever seen a pony eat an apple while carrying any level of concern towards their surroundings? No. Because you don't mess with a pony when they're eating an apple." 

"I... I'm a little speechless," Twilight confessed. "You're not even wrong."

"Of course I'm not," Cadance said. "You know, Celestia may be a hell of a gambit planner, but she's lacking in the flair department."