//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Rainbow Dash: Stand-Up Comedy Act // Story: Celestia and Luna Regret Playing Truth or Dare // by Diamond_Emblem //------------------------------// "So, who wants to spin the WHEEL! OF! CHOICE!" Pinkie Pie yelled on her hindquarters. "Go ahead, Pinkie Pie," Applejack said, smiling. She understood Pinkie's enthusiasm to spin the wheel every week. As long as the arrow never landed on herself. "Weeeeeeeee!" Pinkie bounced off her bed and stood in front of the wheel. She turned around and sat down on the floor. Using her tail, Pinkie spun the arrow around the board. After a few tense seconds, the arrow slowed down and pointed to the next pony up. Rainbow Dash. "Really?" she groaned. "It's like I've been jinxed to almost always be one of the first players up!" "Well, ya do deserve it from our first game of Truth or Dare," Applejack pointed out. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Do we have to bring that up again?" she asked with a clearly annoyed tone. "Our first game was months ago!" "Ah don't have ta bring it up again," Applejack said. She smirked, knowing she was going to win this argument. "Ya can remember it whenever you see Soarin'." "Princess Luna, Spike, and me!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Princess Luna, Spike, and you what?" Rainbow asked, turning away from Applejack's statement. "We give you the choices you have!" Pinkie replied, hopping back onto her bed. "Rainbow still hasn't chosen what she wants to do," Fluttershy said. "You're absolutely right, Flutters!" Rarity said. "And what do you choose, Rainbow?" "Dare, of course," Rainbow Dash answered with a scoff. Spike spoke first. "Rainbow, I dare you to make your own tea!" he dared. "That's the best you could come up with?" Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not choosing that one, it's way too easy! I could do it with my eyes closed. Next!" Spike crossed his arms as Luna spoke. He had to make better dares and questions. All of his were never picked, and he didn't blame anypony for it. Once, he had dared Fluttershy to be alone outside in the dark for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, they found Fluttershy eating and chatting with half a dozen owls. Another time, Spike asked Twilight what her favorite memory was. She had picked Spike's question, which led to the others saying it wasn't fair that Twilight got to answer an easy question. "Rainbow Dash, your Princess of the Night dares you to perform a stand-up comedy act at the Ponyville Tavern!" Princess Luna announced. Rainbow smiled. "Hey, that's actually a pretty good dare," she said. "I might go with that dare! I mean, how hard can stand-up comedy be, right?" Princess Luna beamed with pride. She did something right during her first game of Truth or Dare! One accomplishment checked off her list. "You got anything better than a stand-up act, Pinkie?" Rainbow asked. "I sure do!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I dare you to perform a Sonic Rainboom and right after, perform a bunch of Wonderbolt stunts!" Rainbow frowned. "I would do that," she said, "but performing a Sonic Rainboom would require me to go at super speed right after I perform it, and I wouldn't be able to slow down fast enough to perform any stunts. So I'll go with the stand-up act!" "Then what are we still doing here?" Pinkie Pie asked, doing a cartwheel. "Let's go to the Ponyville Tavern!" "One moment, Pinkie Pie," Luna said. "What about Celestia and Starlight? They should be back from the park any moment now." "Leave them a note," Applejack suggested. "Write an' say we're at the Ponyville Tavern for Rainbow Dash's dare. They can meet us there or stay here until we get back." "Wonderful idea, Applejack!" Stargaze said. "Let me find myself a bottle of ink, a quill, and parchment. Twilight Sparkle must have those supplies around here somewhere, correct?" "If she didn't, she wouldn't be Twilight Sparkle," Rarity said with a smile. "I don't know about you guys," Rainbow said, "but I'm gonna get a head start to the Ponyville Tavern. Wouldn't want to delay my awesome performance!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and sped out of the slumber party room, leaving the other players in her dust. "Stand-up comedy act?" She scoffed as she shoved the entrance double doors open, letting her exit into fresh air. "It's gotta be a piece of cake!" "I can't change my choice, can I?" Rainbow asked, gulping. Rainbow, Spike, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Stargaze Headdress were backstage in the Ponyville Tavern. Backstage, it was quite big, when it looked smaller on the outside. Several lights hung from the ceiling, illuminating the room. There were four chestnut brown doors, each opening to a dressing room for whoever was performing. Rainbow had fortunately booked an empty room before any other acts were taken. Or rather, unfortunately. The rest of the backstage area was with ponies running around, doing a sound check and making sure the lighting was correct for the next performance. Behind them was the red curtain, waiting to be pulled open. Rainbow was in her dressing room. She had her door wide open, which revealed a mess of clothing and beauty products. Rarity was running around, adjusting a design, then throwing it away for another one. Fluttershy did her best to help Rarity by using hair care tips her brother, Zephyr Breeze, had given her. Heh, Rainbow mused, smirking. Only one of the few times Zephyr's advice is actually helpful. But she had to admit, Zephyr had learned a lot. Fluttershy was able to style Rainbow's hair so it was straight, but at the ends, her hair was curled ever so slightly. Her hair looked good. Rainbow didn't have to worry about her hair as much as she worried about what she was going to do. A stand-up comedy act? What in Equestria was she thinking?! She didn't know anything about comedy besides pranks and bad puns. If only Pinkie Pie could give her some pointers. But Pinkie was the ultimate comedy master. Rainbow couldn't be able to learn anything in ten minutes. And trying to remember her joke? Even harder. Stargaze smiled. "Now you regret your choice, Rainbow Dash?" she asked. "I should have known this wasn't going to be easy!" Rainbow groaned. "Wellllllllll, you did say, 'how hard can stand-up comedy be,' which meant you thought a stand-up act was going to be easy!" Pinkie Pie pointed out. "Hey!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Don't use my own words against me!" "Aha!" Rarity levitated a purple sequin top and a silver necklace. "These will look wonderful on you." Rarity closed the door and the ponies outside could hear Rarity say, "Make sure her hair doesn't get messy!" Spike walked over to the red curtain and took a peek at the tavern. The tavern was full of ponies having a good time, drinking cider and eating nachos. They sat at wooden tables, on wrap-around red couches. On each circular table was a candle, lit with an enchanted flame so the fire could not spread or use the wax from the candle. To the left was the bar and to the right was more seating and the restaurant area. The walls were made from cobblestone and the ceiling from strong pink wood. He spotted something interesting, something very interesting. Ember Coal, Starlight Glimmer, Twilight, and Trixie were all sitting together at one of the tables near the front stage. They were chatting and laughing, eating hay fries and drinking water, like they were old friends. "Well that's something you don't see every day," Spike mumbled to himself. Spike stole a glance at Starlight. She seemed to be giggling about something Trixie had told her. He wished he was in earshot to hear Starlight's giggle. At least one if they were never going to reconcile. He quickly pulled his head back from the curtain when Starlight Glimmer caught him staring. His heart beat increased in fear of what would happen when he got back to the castle. "Two minutes till showtime!" somepony announced. "I'm nearly done!" Rarity exclaimed from the dressing room. "Should we go to the tavern area to watch Rainbow Dash perform?" Stargaze asked. "No," Applejack said. She smirked. "Ah wanna see Rainbow's face when she breaks down here." "One minute!" the same pony shouted. The door to Rainbow's dressing room burst open. Rainbow Dash was pushed out by Rarity and Fluttershy. She rocked the shirt and necklace, and her hair went along very well. "Please don't make me do this!" Rainbow Dash pleaded. "It was your choice!" Pinkie Pie said, helping move Dashie. "And it's time for you to pay the price!" Applejack said, joining in. A light tapping emitted from the speakers in the spectator area. All heads turned to the stage, where Amethyst Star had the microphone. "How's everypony tonight?" she asked with a smile. The audience cheered and hollered in response. Amethyst said, "Well, you're night's about to get better. We have a special stand-up act from Ponyville's Wonderbolt hero, Rainbow Dash! Give it up for her!" Amethyst placed the mic on a wooden stool. She got off stage as Rainbow Dash tripped onstage. The crowd of ponies smiled and giggled lightly, thinking it was a part of the act. "How good is Rainbow Dash with comedy?" Celestia asked Twilight. "Trust me when I say Rainbow had no idea what she was getting herself into," Twilight said, grinning. Rainbow sat on stage for a moment, staring at the ponies who were waiting for comedy. Their grins faded when they realized the rainbow speedster was just sitting there. If she was going to suffer from embarrassment, she might as well do it properly. Rainbow got up and grabbed the mic. She flapped her wings nervously and cleared her throat. "So, uh...How are we doing tonight?" Rainbow asked, sweat trickling down her face. The audience replied with "Good,"s and, "Okay"s or nods. Rainbow exhaled. She could do this. She could do this. She just had to make up something funny. Easy. "Well, I'm glad you were having fun," Rainbow said to the crowd. "Because I don't know about anypony here, but last night, I got it on with a stallion last week." The crowd just stared in silence. "By the way, anypony remember what 'it' was? I can't remember anything from last week," Rainbow said hastily. A few laughs rose from the crowds. Rainbow tried breathing normally. "This one time, I drank too much cider, I woke up in a tree. And the smart side of me asked, 'When did the tree pick me up from the party?'" Several laughs erupted from the crowd. Rainbow grinned. Maybe this would turn out okay. But she would have to last for a few more minutes. "So, how do you ponies spend your Friday nights?" Rainbow asked. "I bet you don't have to do a chore for Princess Twilight." Applause erupted, hooves stomping and cheering were meant for Twilight. She smirked as Rainbow Dash continued her joke. "You'd think it'd be a nice chore, right?" Rainbow asked. "It's Princess Twilight, Princess of Friendship, my friend! Of course it's gonna be an easy chore right? Does reorganizing her clothes sound like a nice chore?" Several ponies laughed or booed in reaction. Twilight shook her head, trying to keep herself from laughing. "Ever try to sort out your clothes after a shopping spree?" Dash asked. "It's pretty hard, especially since you gotta organize your new clothes with the old ones, make some new room. But Princess Twilight didn't want me to organize her clothes by new or old. She wanted me to reorganize them by material, color, type of clothing, and size. Which is about a hundred times harder than sorting after a shopping spree." Ponies laughed and whistled, stomping their hooves in approval. "So I take a look at her clothes, right?" Rainbow asked. "There's about two dozen clothes. I think to myself, 'I got this, I got this.' But I had no idea what the material was or what the size was. There were the times when Twilight was still a unicorn, but now she's an alicorn. Thinking about this now, why does she still have her old clothes if she can't fit her wings in it? Can she magically take her wings off and pretend she's Twilight Sparkle? Prance around Ponyville, saying, 'I am Twilight Sparkle!'" The audience was loving it. Even Celestia and Trixie were laughing. Starlight was barely containing her giggles. "I had to read books to find out what the materials were!" Rainbow said. "Unfortunately, I could not get past the first sentence before falling asleep." Twilight rolled her eyes, while Starlight chuckled lightly. "So I just gave up. I go to find Twilight, I ask her, 'Why do I have to organize your clothing if you can do it?' "She tells me, 'To see if you can actually do something,'" Rainbow said. At this point, the entire audience was laughing, with Twilight as the exception. "I get mad. You'd get mad too if the Princess of Friendship said that to your face," Rainbow said once the applause died down. "What do I do? I only sort out her clothes by color. She gets mad when she finds out a few minutes later. She says to me, 'Didn't you hear what I wanted you to do?' I reply, 'Yeah, I did. You said to sort your clothes by color.' Twilight then says, 'Looks like you couldn't do something.' And I respond with, 'OK then! Show me how to do something!' Twilight says, 'Okay!' "What then happens is Twilight reorganizes her clothing. I sat there, watching her do the work for me. I'm just there, watching. When she's nearly finished, twenty minutes later, she sees me on the floor. She asks, 'What are you doing?' And I reply, 'I am watching you do something.'" The tavern erupted with cheering, applause, and hooves stomping. Twilight finally laughed, pounding her hoof on the table. "Thank you, everypony!" Rainbow said, grinning. Amethyst Star got back on stage. "That's all the time our comedy segment has for tonight!" she said. "Next up, we have Sweetie Belle's Singing Bells." Rainbow Dash took a bow before escaping backstage. The players were waiting for her. "I did awesomely," Rainbow said, smirking. "Ah'm sure you did," Applejack said, grinning. Rainbow glared at AJ. "What's so funny, Apple Butt?" she asked. "Oh, nothin'," Applejack said. She smirked. "But did you notice Pinkie Pie reenacting yer scenes behind ya? The ponies sure loved it." Rainbow Dash blinked. She looked around and saw Pinkie Pie was not there. "PINKIE PIE!" "PINKIE PIE!" "To be honest, Dashie's stand-up act was actually pretty funny," Pinkie said to the four mares at their table. "Did you really ask Rainbow Dash to do that?" Trixie asked Twilight. Twilight smiled. "No," she replied.