//------------------------------// // When Did This Become an Action Series? // Story: Animaniacs in Equestria // by TopWanted //------------------------------// The Director watched the episode from the animation room. The animators worked furiously to create the new scenes that the Warners continuously put themselves in. Sweat pouring from each of their brows. “Uh, sir?” an animator raised his hand. “We’ve reached the scene inside of Wakko’s sack. How should we animate it?” The director raised an eyebrow. “No one has ever seen inside of Wakko’s bag. Thus it’s new territory. Why don’t we give him something interesting to come across, eh?” “Like what?” The director steepled his fingers beneath his chin and grinned. “His worst nightmare.” --- Pinkie and Wakko landed in the midst of an enormous pile of garbage and various nonsensical items. They both got up, Pinkie rubbing her rump as she landed hard. “Wow, you really don’t clean this place up much, huh?” Wakko crossed his arms and pouted. “Well, I’m sorry. I never expected to get a girl into my sack.” Pinkie turned to the camera and blew a kiss. “Good night everybody!” “Now where did those two scamps run off to?” Wakko scanned the area around them. “We’ve got the gag canyon over there. Fried Rock over there, that’s where I keep my snackies. And the mascara desert.” Pinkie looked where he was and saw indeed a vast landscape of makeup and other accessories. “Why do you need something like that?” Wakko blushed. “It was Dot’s idea.” From not far off they both heard the joyous sound of two foals laughing. “That way!” Pinkie shouted. “Let’s go!” They ran off in the direction of the sound. Turning a corner, they came upon a sight that stopped them dead in their tracks. The garbage and knickknacks had given way to an enormous studio set with exaggeratedly large cameras and lights. The set was one of a children’s classroom with an enormous globe, books and plastic table and chairs. It felt like they had shrunk to the size of ants. “What do you call this place?” Pinkie asked. “I don’t know,” Wakko answered. He trembled slightly as a shiver went up his back. “But it gives me the jeebies. But not to worry! I can face any danger. After all, in the sack is where a boy becomes a man.” Pinkie gave him a deadpan expression. “Okay, that was going out of your way a little.” Wakko slouched. “Yeah, you’re right.” The laughter resumed and they both looked up. Somehow the twins had made their way up the enormous children’s table on the set and had climbed up on the globe. Pound floated off to the side as Pumpkin sat on top and he spun it, to her delight. Pinkie’s eyes became the size of dinner plates. “AAAAHH!! No! That’s not a good idea! Very bad! Get down here right now young filly!” Pound and Pumpkin didn’t seem to hear her as they were having fun. Suddenly the ground shook and Wakko and Pinkie were lifted off the ground by the shock, falling on their bottoms. “What was that?” Wakko looked around in earnest. “I don’t know, I-” he was cut off as another boom came and he toppled over. His eyes fixed on something in the distance as it got closer and closer. “Oh no. Not him!” Pinkie turned to look at what he was seeing only for her ears to fall back and her mane to dampen significantly. “Is that a…” “Howdy Hi, boys and girls!!! GuHAhahaHA!!” The giant orange dinosaur chuckled. To any normal sized pony or child it would be terrifying. This… this was nightmarish. “BALONEY!!!” Wakko shouted and ran in another direction from the friendly dinosaur. “Wait!” Pinkie shouted after him, but he was already out of earshot. “Great, now what do I do?” The giant orange dinosaur continued to bounce around the room randomly, his footsteps causing the ground to shake. Pinkie noticed that he hadn’t yet noticed the twins or the globe yet. “If I can just get up there.” She dashed to the legs of the table and wrapped her arms around it, shimmying up ever so slightly. It was arduous work and it felt hard but she had to make it. To save the twins! “Must get to babies! Must not get chewed out by Mr. Cake! Must… go on diet.” She reached the edge of the table and pulled herself up with a gasp before flopping on the floor in a heap. “Whew! That was an ordeal.” She looked up from the lying on the ground to still see the foals happily playing on the globe. They even waved to her. “At least they’re still-” “Let’s all learn about countries, boys and girls!” the dinosaur shouted happily. In one swift motion he snatched up the globe and brought it to his face. The foals stopped playing and stared in terror at the giant dumb face before bursting out in tears. Baloney reared back his hand and prepared to slap the globe. “Spinny spin spin!” “NO!!” Pinkie shouted from the table. Desperately flailing her arms to get him to stop. A large explosion rattled the studio and a giant pile of miscellany toppled over to reveal a giant yellow exosuit with claw like hands. Wakko sat behind the controls and pointed confrontationally at the dinosaur. “Get away from them, you snitch!” “Snitch?” Wakko shrugged. “It’s still a kids’ cartoon. If I used bad words what kind of precedent would I be setting?” He got back into angry mode and commanded the exosuit to run full force at the dinosaur. Baloney threw the globe in the air and clapped. “Oh, boy! A new bestest friend!” He began to bound toward the exosuit. Pinkie watched the globe spin through the sky, the twins holding on for dear life. “Hold on! I’ll save you!” She looked around desperately before spotting a stapler at the edge of the table. Her eyes darted to the book case above and saw a red rubber ball. “Hang on!!” Just as the exosuit and dinosaur clashed, Pinkie jumped on the stapler. It catapulted her up to the bookcase where she hit the ball and bounced off it, soaring through the air toward the globe. The edge of the sphere spun around revealing the twins just as Pinkie passed over them. She lowered her hooves and grabbed them both as she made a pass through the air, holding them tight. Behind them the globe collided with the ground and exploded in a giant fireball that looked pretty cool behind them as they flew through the air. “Wow! I gotta try that more often.” Pumpkin broke her attention when she pointed to the fast approaching ground. “Oh, right. Didn’t get that far.” They all began to scream as they came close to death, until a giant mechanical claw appeared and caught them easily. Pinkie looked up at Wakko in the exosuit as he beamed. “Did you see it? That was the most epic fight scene ever!” Pinkie shrugged apologetically. “I didn’t see that, sorry.” Wakko sulked and lowered the exo suit down before getting out. “You mean nobody saw me beat Baloney and fight off an army of dragons and cure cancer and fall in love?” “No, I think we blew the budget on that explosion.” “Aw!” They passed the giant unconscious form of Baloney with a 10 ton anvil on his head. “Is he gonna be okay?” Pinkie asked. Wakko waved a dismissive hand. “It’s a cartoon, nobody gets hurt in cartoons.” --- The Director stood in front of a white hospital bed, the actor that played Baloney the dinosaur in critical condition before him. An animator walked up behind him. “Sir? It looks like the acting agency that employs Baloney the dinosaur is sewing us for negligence.” The Director seethed, his eye twitching slightly. “Any other news?” he asked angrily. The animator pursed his lips. “Well, are we still going the whole animated angle? Because if so, how does this joke make sense? I mean that’s a real guy, how did he-” “Enough with the meta! The metas enough in this story to make Aristotle wretch in his grave! Oy!” The animator shut up. “Uh, so what do we do?” “What’s the next scene?” “Applejack and Dot.” The Director rubbed his chin thoughtfully and grit his teeth. “What can I throw at those meddling brats that will stop them in their tracks?” He looked past the animator into the hall of the hospital. A door to the lab was open and something inside caught his eye. He grinned maniacally. “Ohohoho! I have an idea.” The animator stood there awkwardly while the Director rubbed his hand together and said nothing. “So… are you going to tell me what it is?” “Hm? Oh, sorry. I assumed the scene would cut-” --- Applejack looked down at the pig pen from the gate and frowned. “When Ah find the weasel that did this…” she muttered under her breath. The pen which had once been full of the happy squeals of muddy pigs was quiet. Because there was no mud. The pigs simply walked around aimlessly, their bodies completely clean and looking miserable. “Who in tarnation steals mud!? Seriously!” “You sure it didn’t just dry up?” Rainbow asked from beside her. The two had just gotten back from a round of dares. Applejack turned to her with a serious look. “Then where did the mud on the pigs go?” Rainbow squinted at the downtrodden swine. “They could have licked it off.” “Pigs don’t eat mud, Rainbow.” Rainbow threw her arms up in exasperation. “Then why do they roll around in it?” “It’s to keep them cool.” “Oh.” Applejack gave her friend a curious glance. “You seriously thought they ate mud?” “Well, their pink!” Rainbow explained. Applejack paused. “Yes. Yes, they are.” “And worms are pink, they eat dirt.” Applejack was at a loss for words. “You think that pink things eat dirt? What about Pinkie Pie?” It was Rainbow’s turn to give her friend a concerned look. “Have you seen Pinkie Pie eat?” A moment of silence between the both of them and Applejack shook it off. “Let’s get back to the subject. We need to get the mud back before the pigs start getting’ fussy.” She jumped over the fence and began to investigate a little more. A small hole in the center of the sty caught her attention. “Huh?” She walked over to it and bent down to look in. It was some kind of pipe. Experimentally, she tossed a pebble in. The rock ricocheted off the lead lining and bounced again and again off the walls of the round pipe. Soon enough the sound moved so that she could hear it beneath her. She jumped over the fence again and with Dash followed the underground sound. Rainbow followed behind Applejack as she kept her head low to the ground to hear. “Hey, look ou-” Rainbow shouted just as Applejack’s head collided with the side of the barn. The cowpony rubbed her head tenderly. “Darn, that smarts!” Rainbow walked up behind her. “Is it in the barn?” AJ narrowed her eyes in determination. “Let’s find out.” Another moment later she kicked down the door dramatically. “Got you, you mud thief!” Rainbow leaned in to whisper to her. “You know, those were your doors, right? I think you just busted them.” “Big Mac can handle it,” she replied nonchalantly. At the other end of the barn, where the bales of hay should have been, there was now a long dug pit in the ground, with bubbling mud in it. The ponies spied a small figure lying at the head of the pit with cucumbers over her eyes, looking completely relaxed. She didn’t even seem to notice AJ and Rainbow enter. Applejack stomped her way over to the girl and snorted to get her attention. “Excuse me!” She lifted a cucumber and looked up at her. “That’s mah mud!” “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize there was a sign up sheet for the mud baths,” she apologized politely. “I mean, I looked around but this place is so poorly designed. And no ambient music makes it a little rustic.” “That’s cause it’s a farm!” Applejack iterated. The girl lifted her other cucumber and finally seemed to look around. “Oh! That makes sense. I was wondering why the Ponyville Day Spa would have so many outdoor features. It’s all these pastel colors with no defining lines they just make everything blend together.” Applejack wanted to say something else but Rainbow cut her off as she walked over. “What are you?” “You know, that question is getting a little old,” she replied. “Here’s the fan theories.” She produced a large stack of paper from seemingly nowhere and placed it in Rainbow’s hooves. “Take your pick.” “Are you gonna get out of there?!” Applejack asked. “Hold your horses, Clint Eastwood,” she held up a hand. “I still have five more minutes.” “With mah mud!” AJ was beginning to lose her cool. “Just how did you get it in here anyway?” The girl raised an eyebrow at her. “Me? It was like this when I got here.” “Huh?” Before Applejack could ask her to explain a rumbling filled the barn. The girl looked down at the mud as it began to pulse and move. “Okay, maybe I can end the session a little early,” she joked. But just before she could get out the mud constricted around her and held her in place. Two large tendrils of mud shot out from the hole and clung to the sides as they seemed to lift the mud into the air, like a vampire from a coffin. Two more tendrils emerged from the lower half and AJ and Dash saw that they were legs. The first two tendrils becoming arms. The girl at the top of the mud seemed to be directly in its mouth. “Okay,” Rainbow grinned. “Maybe mud is much more interesting than I thought.” The mud monster made a hocking noise and proceeded to spit the girl out onto the floor. She landed on her bottom but seemed sparkling clean. Nonchalantly, she took out a compact mirror and looked at herself. “Wow, are you sure you’re not a spa cause that stuff is magical.” AJ’s eyes widened as the mud monster roared and brought its fist down toward the girl. She ran up and bucked it as hard as she could, making the mud explode. “By the way, I’m Dot,” the girl presented herself as the mud showered around them. “Not exactly the best time,” Applejack grimaced as she wiped the mud from her face. “Hey, ugly!” Rainbow shouted from the air. The monster turned and seemed to glare at her before swinging a hand. She dodged. “Missed me!” It lurched and swung again. “Missed me, again.” Then a third arm grew directly out of its chest and slammed her right into the wall. It retracted as Dash slid to the ground covered in wet dirt. “Okay, I’ll give you that one,” she winced. “Just what in Faust’s name is this thing?!” Applejack asked Dot. “I don’t know. It’s your mud, remember?” she crossed her arms. Dot stood off to the side as the mud monster swiped a giant forearm at Applejack. She dodged narrowly avoiding the mutant mess and nabbed a length of rope hanging from the barn pillar. “Alright, muckity muck. Time to clean your clock!” Dot tapped her chin. “Not bad. But I would have gone for ‘Haven’t you heard its rude to track mud in the house?’” “We’re not in a house,” Rainbow muttered in pain from the ground. “Oh, right.” Applejack tried to lasso the creature. She tossed her loop around its arm and yanked tight slicing the arm from its body. It fell to the earth with a wet plop and lost its form. For a moment the monster looked between AJ and its arm in silence before simply regenerating the arm. “Oh, applesauce,” AJ murmured under her breath. The creature let out another roar and this time its arms elongated and snatched up the two ponies before they could react. They both struggled against the mud in vain and Applejack glared at Dot who was standing still. “You can help any time now!” Dot cocked her eyebrow and then walked out the door. Applejack’s eyes widened. “Did she just…” “Not the time, AJ!” Rainbow shouted. They were still about to be eaten. Applejack looked back to the monster as it raised them high and opened up its gaping mouth to swallow them whole. “Well, at least you can say you didn’t expect this to happen today?” Applejack was about to shout at her friend but it was their last moments. Instead she sighed. “Yeah, Ah guess.” And then it ate them. The next thing Applejack felt was a burst of water in her face. She sputtered and batted the stream away as it went up her nose and soaked her coat. When she finally opened her eyes she was sitting in her barn once more but the whole place was soaked with wet dirt. Rainbow sat next to her, an equally baffled expression on her face. Dot stood before them pointing a hose at them and spraying it all over. “What is goin’ on!?” Dot gave her a look. “It was mud.” She pointed to the hose. Almost in sync, both mares slapped their foreheads for being so stupid. “But I still don’t get what made that thing anyway,” Rainbow asked as she shook the water and bits of dirt from her. Dot turned off the hose and turned her eyes to the ground. “I think I have an idea.” Behind a bale of hay a large mound of mud shook violently until two white mice stood where it had once been. “Aw, no more mud,” Pinky, the taller whined. “Yes,” Brain replied in an irritable manner. “It appears my plan to use golems to take over this world has proven faulty. Well, one down.” He began to walk to the barn door. “Come Pinky, we must prepare for tomorrow night.” Pinky trailed after him in earnest. “Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?” “The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world.” THEY’RE PINKY! THEY’RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN- “Hold it!” Dot shoved her foot in front of the two mice as they tried to leave. “Huh, this is new,” Brain said as he rubbed his chin. “What is?” Dot asked. “It’s just no one ever seems to try to stop us from leaving after a plan has failed.” Applejack walked up to Dot and looked between her and the mice. “You tellin’ me two rats made that monster that nearly killed us!?” “Actually, I am a laboratory mouse bent on world domination,” Brain replied. Both mares stood dumbfounded. “Did that rat just talk?” “Oy, Brain!” Pinky shouted. “That horsey just talked!” “Yes, yes!” Dot shouted to get attention. “Everyone can talk! What are you doing here?” Brain cleaned out his ear after Dot’s shout. “If you must know, we were invited.” “Invited?” Dot’s eyes narrowed. “By whom?” Rainbow leaned over to AJ. “Hey, you ever get the feeling you’re missing, like, the whole story?” Applejack’s face went deadpan and she turned to leave. “Ah’m goin’ to bed.” “What? AJ don’t you wanna see how this turns out?” “Nope!” She gave a faint wave as she headed out the barn. Dot gave Rainbow a shrug. “It’s probably better this way. It’ll be easier on the voice actor.” --- Back in the Hasbro animation studios. The Director sat grinding his teeth. “What now, sir?” an animator asked. The Director’s face began to grow red but he held back his anger. “No, this is fine. The lab mice were just a warm up after all.” He grinned maliciously and pulled out a cell phone. “Those Warners hate being upstaged? I’ll give them an upstaging they’ll never forget!” One of the animators leaned over to his coworker. “You know, I don’t think he’s a real Director.” The other animator gave him a deadpan gaze. “Wise insight. You proud of that pointless two seconds of screen time you just stole, Jerry?” “You have your victories, I’ll have mine.” Rarity and Yakko continued to talk as Spike grew more and more aggravated. Just when is this guy going to leave, he thought as he drummed his claws against the wall. “…so I flushed it down the toilet,” Yakko finished his anecdote. Rarity laughed. “Oh, Mr. Warner. You have such an interesting sense of humor.” “Yeah, he’s more juvenile than me,” Spike grumbled. Why is Rarity taking so long talking to him? “Didn’t you need some clothes?” Yakko straightened up. “Right! Gotta look good if we’re gonna steal the show.” Rarity smiled. “Oh, well, we have some lovely-” “There!” Spike shouted and pointed at him. “There he did it again! He keeps slipping it in hoping we won’t notice!” “Notice what, Spike?” Rarity asked looking a little annoyed. “That thing about a show!” Suddenly Yakko was behind him. “Aw, don’t worry yourself about the metaphysical stuff, little guy. You’re a little young to understand.” He squeezed his cheek. “Me? You’re a kid too, right!” “Actually I’m a cartoon character that’s been around since the 1930’s.” Rarity laughed again. “Oh, Mr. Warner, you are a card.” Spike let his mouth hang dumbfounded. “But… But he… Arrrgh!!” Spike grabbed Yakko by his pants and easily lifted him, he seemed lighter than expected. He stomped over to the door. “Spike! What are you doing?” “Getting rid of a nuisance!” He lifted his leg to boot him out. “And stay out!” A moment later Spike flew out the door and landed on his butt a few feet away. He looked around dumbfounded. “What just happened?!” Back in the Boutique Yakko dusted his gloved hands off and closed the door. “Well, that was fun.” Rarity blinked at him. “Um, what just happened?” Yakko put an elbow on her shoulder. “Cartoon physics. Great gag, but don’t question it.” Suddenly his ears perked up and he fell to his knees clutching his head. “Are you alright?” Rarity asked with concern. Lines began to pulse from Yakko’s head. “Ancillary Character senses… tingling!” The door burst open and Dot trailed I followed by Rainbow. “Anypony know why Spike is sitting outside in a daze?” she asked. Yakko straightened up. “So good to finally have a scene together, sister of mine,” he grinned as he wiped dust off his pants. Dot held out her hand. “We may have a snafu.” She opened her hand to reveal two laboratory mice. Yakko leaned down and examined them. “I should have known you two would try to steal our thunder.” Brain looked displeased. “We’ve done no such thing. We were invited here.” Yakko’s eyes narrowed. “And who else was ‘invited’ here?”