//------------------------------// // One More Line And We Have To Pay For The Song // Story: Animaniacs in Equestria // by TopWanted //------------------------------// Twilight knew that if there was annoyance to be had, the first place to check was wherever Pinkie Pie was. The mare had long since proven to be an inescapable force of exasperation, not that she didn’t love her as a friend. And the first place to check was Sugarcube Corner. Twilight pushed open the door to the bakery and the bell allowing them to know a new customer just walked in tingled. “Hello,” Twilight barely had her greeting out before a mass of pink fur pounced on her, putting her on her back. “Pinkie.” “Twilight!” Pinkie shouted nose to nose. “It’s awful! It’s horrible! It’s bad bad BAD!!” “What is it?” Twilight asked suddenly interested. Maybe Celestia wasn’t crazy after all. “A monster? Some unexplained weather phenomenon about to destroy the town? IS TIREK BACK?” Pinkie got up and shook her head. “NO!” She pointed to her tail which was twitching like crazy. “I haven’t felt a Pinkie Sense coming on like this since Firefly got canceled!” “Huh?” “You know? Firefly, that Pegasus down on Third Street. We had to cancel his order because there was no way to write ‘congratulations on a second season’ on the size cake that he wanted.” “Huh?” “He wanted to-” Twilight shook her hooves in the air. “Never mind. Pinkie, if you’re sensing something then is it dangerous? Do we have to be worried?” Pinkie straightened for a moment and thought as her tail twitched behind her. “Mmmmnope. Don’t think so. Actually it feels more excitey than dangerous-y.” Twilight sighed and placed her hoof on her face. “Great, just as cryptic as Celestia.” Behind her the door tingled open again and she turned to leave. “Well, thanks, Pinkie. I’ll talk to you later if anything comes up.” She bumped into somepony else but was too distracted to notice. “Sorry.” “No problem,” Wakko replied. Pinkie walked behind the counter as Wakko came to it. “What can I get you?” Wakko’s eyes widened as he looked at the sweets on display behind the counter. He pressed his nose to the glass and began to salivate. “Can I have a free sample?” Pinkie beamed. “Sure!” She reached into the case and pulled out a brownie before giving it to him. Instead of taking it Wakko simply opened his mouth and wrapped it around her hoof before slurping the brownie up and chewing. Pinkie lifted her hoof expecting gross drool but it was actually clean, cleaner than before actually. “Wow! I need to learn how to do that!” Something slapped Pinkie in the back of the head and she turned. Her tail was eagerly pointing at Wakko with urgency. Pinkie looked to Wakko then to her tail. Then to Wakko. Then to her tail. Then she crossed her eyes and looked at both at the same time. “Hey!” she realized. “You’re new in town!” If her tail had a face it would have slapped itself. “I guess you could say that,” he replied. “Call me Wakko.” He held out a hand. “I’m Pinkie Pie!” she greeted back. “It’s super duper nice to meet you!” She paused as she tilted her head and looked at him. “So… what are you exactly?” Wakko smiled and shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I’m whatever the animator wants me to be.” “Pinkie, are you out here?” Mister Cake walked out of the kitchen and paused as he saw the scene before him. “Um, hello.” Wakko waved happily at him. Carrot slid over to Pinkie and whispered into her ear. “What is that?” “I think he’s a whatever,” Pinkie replied. Carrot rolled his eyes. “Sure. Look, Pinkie. Mrs. Cake and I need to go out on a run for more confectioner sugar. Can I count on you to take care of the twins?” Pinkie saluted as behind her Wakko began to lick all over the glass of the display case. “You can count on me!” Carrot looked slightly disgusted by Wakko but nodded. “Uh, yeah. Alright then, we’ll be back in an hour.” He turned and went back through the kitchen. Pinkie smiled happily. “Alright! I should probably go check on the foals right now. Let me know when you’ve made a deci-” She turned and saw Wakko sitting on the floor happily playing with two adorable familiar foals. “Oh, I guess they’re up.” She was only slightly surprised. Wakko lay on his belly and waved his legs around in the air as he booped Pumpkin’s nose and she giggled. “Daaaaww!!! They are the cutesiest wootsiest pootsiest…” He caught himself and coughed. “Oh no, I’m turning into Dot.” Pinkie went to pick up Pound Cake who was crawling away. “I know! They’re the most adorable little things you’ve ever seen, aren’t they?” She looked back to Wakko and Pumpkin. He got up as a lightbulb appeared over his head. “Oh! I know!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sack. Wakko rummaged in it until he found what he was looking for. He took out a giant mobile and began to pull its incredible length from his small sack. Pinkie watched in amazement. “Wow!” She uttered as he set it on the floor above the twins who became transfixed. “That’s amazing!” What else you got in there?” “Oh, lots of things,” Wakko replied pulling out a bowling ball then a live swan. The swan honked and then flew out the window. “Ooooh!” Another slap came to the back of her head and she turned to see her tail with a mind of its own pointing dramatically at Wakko and the bag. Pinkie frowned and finally just grabbed a rubber band from the counter and tied her tail in a knot to silence it. “So can I try it?” she asked. “Sure!” Wakko reached down to grab his bag but missed. He looked down to see the bag was gone, or at least slightly out of reach and in the hands of… “Uh oh.” A few feet away, Pumpkin lifted the sack above her head with a laugh and dumped it on Pound who disappeared in an instant. Pinkie’s frame stiffened and she let out a silent scream. Wakko ran to the foal and grabbed the sack from her. “Hang on! I can fix this!” He was about to rummage through the bag before Pumpkin frowned at him and her horn began to glow. The sack glowed with the same aura and she magically tugged on it. “Hey! Let go!” Pinkie ran over to Wakko and tried to help him pull on the sack but Pumpkin had a pretty strong grip on it. “Why is a baby this strong?” Wakko asked. “Baby unicorns’ magic is erratic!” Pinkie replied as she struggled. “Erratic doesn’t mean strong, it means unpredictable. Like this.” He suddenly let go of the sack and its strength pulled Pinkie toward Pumpkin. The foal barely had time to register as the sack flew toward her and enveloped her like her brother. Pinkie shot up. “AAAAAAHHH!!!!” “Oops,” Wakko said apologetically. “We… I… Need…” Pinkie’s eye twitched and she began to chuckle nervously. “There’s only one option left,” Wakko said with a determined expression. Pinkie stopped and looked at him with wide eyes. “And what’s that?” Wakko pulled on the ends of his hat until they snapped back and turned into a swimmer’s cap. “We dive!” He then narrowed his hands and jumped high before performing a triple axel into the open sack. Pinkie trotted nervously in place. “GrrrrAAaah! Alright!” She ran to the store front and switched the open sign to closed before jumping in after him. --- Big Mac wiped the sweat from his forehead as he finished up his repairs to the gazebo. It was a task that took nearly all day but he was proud to see it restored in all its glory. His pride was interrupted though when he noticed a small knick in the white painted paneling. He chuckled. Guess he hadn’t gotten everything. No matter, a little more white wash and it’d be good as new. He turned around and picked up the bucket of paint with his mouth before turning back and immediately opening his mouth in horror. A small black bunny… dog… thing in a pink skirt was suddenly hanging from a hammock tied across the gazebo roof’s pillars, a towel around her shoulders as she looked to be relaxing. The bucket of paint nearly hit the ground and exploded before he jerked his head to catch it in his teeth. He stared wild eyed at the creature and tried to make the words to get it to leave but his mouth was full at the moment. The creature turned to him with a relaxed expression and put on a pair of shades. “Oh, you must be the cabana boy.” She pulled out an empty martini glass from nowhere and placed it on top of the paint can in his mouth. “One more strawberry slush would be divine.” She leaned back and relaxed again before beginning to swing the hammock back and forth. Big Mac saw the pillars shake and nervously glanced at the roof. It was beginning to swing back and forth too. He just repaired that, it wouldn’t take that kind of abuse. He pled the creature with a moan to leave but she responded by merely lowering her shades at him. “Oh, I suppose you want a tip. Well, I’m nothing if not applicable.” She pulled out a large bag with a dollar sign on it and placed it on top of the martini glass which sat on top of the paint can. “Here, have a bag of money.” Big Mac’s knees buckled under the sudden weight. It was more than he thought. Just what was in that bag? Gold bricks? The balance of the things he carried steadily began to sway to the right and he hopped to the right as well to keep it balanced. Then it swayed left and he went that way. When he finally righted himself he let out the smallest sigh of relief. The skirted girl got up off the hammock and stretched a little. “You know, I actually think I’ll go for a swim. Cabana boy, which way is the pool?” Big Mac wearily lifted a hoof in any direction. Just to get this thing out of here. She smiled and batted her eyes at him. “Thank you.” As she left she tossed the towel around her shoulders up and it landed daintily on the stack of things he carried. Big Mac felt his knees shake and he looked up. He gave a sigh of remorse and let the stack fall on top of him. --- “Steady… Steady…” Rarity was completely concentrated as she threaded her needles through the silk on her workshop table. Spike stood by as emergency help and an excellent pincushion. The needle plunged through and she let out a breath of relief. “I don’t mean to be rude, Rarity, but are you gonna do that for every stitch?” Spike asked as politely as he could. “Oh, Spike,” Rarity chuckled nervously and held the silk aloft. “This is Neighponese silk! It is the most expensive and hard to get fabric in Equestria. The only reason I have it is because Miss Sapphire Shores provided it for me for her new dress. Therefore, I must be nothing but exact. The slightest off target stitch or patch will ruin it!” “Okay, just asking.” The sound of the boutique bell sounded below. “Be a dear and see who’s there, Spike. I need to keep working on this.” “You got it,” Spike saluted and ran to the door. He descended the staircase and came to the main floor of the boutique ready to greet whoever was there. He had long since memorized Rarity’s introduction. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique!” “You know that’s a French word?” Spike looked up and saw a creature taller than him in long tan slacks. Some kind of bunny… dog… thing. He grinned down at him. “Uh, can I help you?” He bent down and poked him in the forehead. “Y’know it seems like everything in this world speaks the same language so how come you got a French word?” “Uh…” He grabbed the small dragon by the head and gave him a noogie. “Aw, don’t worry little guy, I’m just messin’ with ya. Besides, it’s not you that has to answer that question.” Somewhere else, the writers watched the live broadcast and pulled their collars nervously. “Who are you?” Spike shouted as he dislodged himself from the noogie. “Spike!” Rarity shouted from above. “Keep it down!” Spike winced. “Sorry,” he whispered back. “Who are you?” he continued to whisper. “We’re the… Nah, that jokes been run into the ground. Call me Yakko.” He extended a hand and Spike hesitantly took it. “Okay, so what are you here for?” “Oh, you know, sight seeing. Maybe a little shopping. Takeoveryoutimeslotandtotallyruinyourshowtogetoursbackontheair. Fresh country air. That kind of thing.” “Wait, what was that middle one?” Yakko was immediately at a line of dresses pushing the hangers back and oohing and awing at each one. He placed a hand to his mouth and addressed the camera. “If this were a looney tunes production you’d probably see me in half these dresses.” Spike frowned and walked up to Yakko. “If you’re not going to buy anything then I think you should leave!” “Spike!” Rarity shouted. Spike winced again. “So if you could just leave…” Yakko held out his gloved hand. “Au contraire. See I can use French words too.” He motioned to his chest and torso. “I’ve actually been thinking about finally getting a shirt. Something slimming. These slacks are starting to make me look fat.” Spike let out a long sigh and slapped his forehead. “Okay. Sit over there and I’ll take your measurements.” Yakko dashed across the boutique and pulled out a line of hangers with men’s shirts. “Actually I was thinking I’d just browse.” Spike stared at the new shirts dumbfounded. Rarity hadn’t made any of those, did she? “Fine, just pick one and go.” “Not so fast!” Yakko pronounced. “You can’t just try on clothes without a musical montage. It’s in the rules.” “Huh?” “Hit it!” Suddenly the scene changed and music began to play as Spike sat in a chair and watched as Yakko left a curtained off changing room and showed off a blue polo. The music played over his posing. SOME BOYS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL- “Woah! Hey, sorry!” The music came to a halt and the singing stopped. “Sorry about that. Can’t have copyrighted songs in here. Hmm, how about…” he snapped his fingers. WINTER WRAP UP, WINTER WRAP UP, LET’S FINISH OUR HOLIDAY- “Nah, catchy but it doesn’t really fit.” He snapped again. AT THE GALA, AT THE GALA- “Close. Man, this is hard. How about…” I’LL BE THE TOAST OF THE TOWN, THE GIRL ON THE GO. I’M THE TYPE OF PONY EVERY PONY, EVERY PONY SHOULD KNOW… “Eh, good enough.” The music resumed and Yakko emerged from the curtain with a flash from nowhere to reveal himself in a new shirt. A green golf shirt. A Hawaiian. Etc. Spike tried to argue but the music simply got louder when he would speak up. “SPIKE!!” Rarity shouted from above making him jump in his seat. The white unicorn stomped down the stairs angrily and glared at the dragon. “I thought I…” She suddenly noticed the song playing. I’M THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME, NOT JUST ANOTHER JANE DOE. I’M THE TYPE OF PONY EVERY PONY, EVERY PONY SHOULD KNOW… “What in the…” Rarity muttered as she listened to her own voice. She spotted a small boombox sitting on a stool by the stairs and pushed pause on it. She opened the tape deck and pulled out a tape labeled “Rarity Unleashed” Her face went red. “I-I don’t know h-how you got that recording, but I was just a little low on rent that month.” She smiled nervously but shook her head to clear it. “Never mind that,” she silently slipped the tape into her drawer. “What is going on?” “Mademoiselle!” Yakko announced as he skidded over to Rarity and took her hoof to kiss it. “Enchanted to meet you, Miss Rarity. I am Yakko Warner. I was just having your servant boy show me some clothes.” “Servant boy?” Spike shouted. Rarity’s face was flushed by the introduction. “Oh, well Mr. Warner, you certainly seem to have an eye for fashion.” Spike did a double-take as now Yakko was decked out in a full on tuxedo, his ears slicked back like hair. “I try to enjoy the finer things,” he chuckled. “Don’t listen to him, Rarity!” Spike said angrily. “This guy just came in here and started making a ruckus!” “Is this true?” Rarity asked. Yakko put a hand to his forehead and overacted the hell out of it. “Alas, it’s true. In my zeal to find a new set of clothes I may have subjected the poor little dragon to some musical accompaniment. But I cannot help it if he doesn’t like the sound of your melodious voice.” Rarity gave an embarrassed laugh before turning to Spike. “You really don’t like the sound of my voice, Spike?” Spike’s eyes widened. “What? No!” “So you don’t?” “No! I mean, yes! I mean, I think you sound-” “Like heaven’s choir has lost an angel,” Yakko finished for him, giving Rarity another kiss. “Oh, my,” Rarity giggled. Spike turned away from the sight and made a gagging motion. “Spew and a half.” --- Twilight sat at her library in her castle, pouring over the books she’d taken out on tricksters and other malefic spirits. Sure enough Discord had been prominent in all of them, but the rest of the various ghosts and ghouls didn’t sound like anything Celestia would particularly worry about. She was becoming frazzled and needed a new perspective. Twilight gave a deadpan expression and rolled her eyes. She would have to call him if she wanted any answers. “Come on out, Discord. I don’t feel like playing today.” She waited a moment but no draconequus appeared. “Discord! Get out here!” A bright light flashed before her eyes and she looked up to see a figure appearing from it. She shaded her eyes until it dissipated but was not greeted by the familiar spirit of chaos she had expected. Instead a short stocky middle aged man with a deadpan expression floated before her dressed like an angel with a star wand. “Greetings, Princess,” he greeted in a dull monotone. “I am the good fairy.” “Okay,” Twilight said skeptically. “Why?” “Well, I used to be called a desire fulfillment facilitator but that seemed too long so I switched back to the old fashioned one. But you could call me Pip.” “No, I mean, why are you here?” Pip blinked, unfazed. “I’ve kind of been out of work for a while now so I recently got this new gig answering calls for otherworldly beings that don’t want to be summoned.” Twilight arched an eyebrow. “So you’re like his secretary?” “More like his answering machine, but that’s neither here nor there,” Pip replied in his monotone. He lifted his wand dramatically while keeping his dull look. “You wish to know of the threat that faces you, correct?” Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Yes!” “Something prophesied by your ruler and thus could prove catastrophic?” “YES! YES! YES!” He let his hands fall to his sides. “Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it.” “Huh?” Twilight seemed disheartened. Pip then shot forward and pressed his nose against hers. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t face something even more dire.” Twilight pushed him away and frowned. “What do you mean?” He fished inside his robes for a minute before pulling a paper out. “Hang on, he wanted me to tell it to you like this. Ahem,” he began to read. “Three strange creatures shall you find, with abilities to blow your mind. But threats to all they pose to none at all, you’ll find your real enemy on the other side of the fourth wall.” Twilight stared up at the fairy for a moment hoping there was more. “That’s it!?” “Yup.” She gritted her teeth and shooed him off. “I guess it’s better than nothing. Gives me something to start with.” She grabbed her books and put them away before turning to see the good fairy still there. “Um, you can go now.” “Well, I would you like to take a survey first.” He pulled out another pad a paper from his robes. “Would you say that all your questions have been answered to the best possible ability?” Twilight rolled her eyes and gave a groan.