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// Ahuizotl 
// Story: Colgate's Rants 3 
// by StormLuna 
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I've had many, many kinds of patients in my days.  I've had sexy ones, irritating ones, good ones who pay their bills, shady ones, whiny ones and of course I've taken care of villains.  This next one though would be a never before seen type of one.  This next one I would have to travel to some remote corner of Equestria to see.  

Here is how it played out.  Well one of my patients, Dr. Caballeron came in much sooner than six months after his last appointment.  At first I was thinking that he probably had a cavity or something but instead he was there to delver me a message.  You're not going to believe this but it was from Ahuizotl himself!  Apparently Caballeron had recommended me to him and now he wants me to see him.  

While I am flattered that he wants me to see him, that does not mean that he will get any special treatment.  He will still have to pay for the appointment, he will still have to pay the overtime fee, the inconvenience fee, the weekend appointment fee and he will have to pay the costs for my trip.  Well Caballeron handed me a map giving the location of the temple he was at.  Want to know the bad thing?  The nearest train depot was several hundred miles away from this place so I had no clue as to how I was going to get there, I did have to take my equipment with me after all.

Eventually I was able to get my hooves on a chariot.  I placed my equipment in the chariot and even though I was not thrilled, I had to pull the damn thing.  Normally an Alicorn princess would NEVER be caught dead pulling a chariot but I still work and I have feeling I will make a killing with this one.  Perhaps I will make more than I did off of Chrysalis!

After what seemed to be forever and a half I landed at this remote temple.  I was dead tired, my body was aching and it was not Ahuizotl that I was greeted by, it was his pets.  I was greeted by a tiger, a panther, a lynx, a bobcat and a little white cat.  I thought I was going to become cat food until a I heard a loud, booming voice.  Ahuizotl approached me and asked me if I was Colgate.  Once I told him I was he led me to the chair he sits on.  I am impressed by this place and its remoteness.  This is the type of place that if I ever were to retire that I would want as a palace.

It seemed as though he wanted to talk to something but I let him know that we could talk after his appointment.  I had a strong feeling that he likely didn't brush and would have some problems.  It turns out I was right, he had a couple of cavities and given his size, those cavities were huge.  I was questioning as to whether I would even have enough silver on me.  After assessing the situation I told him that his bill would be 10,000 bits, not nearly as much as I had hoped given that I had to travel to the middle of nowhere and would be using a lot of silver.  With this guy though, I was not about to overcharge him given his size and the fact that his pets were likely hungry.

At first he protested and threatened to feed me to his cats if I didn't lower the price.  I then let him know that I am an Alicorn princess and that I could maim him for life if I wished.  Now one would think that this would scare him into dealing with it but unfortunately he has dealt with Twilight before and she did nothing to him.  I decided to zap him with some of my energy to prove my powers and after that, he agreed that my price would be fair.  To be honest, most other dentists would charge much more than what I did simply for going that far out of the way.

He handed me a huge bag of bits and I got to work on him.  It took me a very long time to clean his teeth and filling those cavities took forever.  The worst thing was that I had just barely enough silver to fill those cavities.  Great, just great.  Now I'm going to have to reschedule the patients that need fillings until I can get some more silver in.  In the end though it was worth it.  I got a lot of money and I was able to meet Ahuizotl in real life.  How many everyday ponies can say that?

After I finished taking care of his problems he discovered that I am the one who sold that horn to Caballeron so we began to discuss maybe becoming business partners.  While we were discussing this both Daring Do and Caballeron showed up.  With Daring Do showing up I figured that she was probably going to discover I was dealing with the enemy and wouldn't send me any more books but I would be very surprised.

The four of us began to talk and I was stunned.  I discovered that everything that takes place in her books is all part of a master plan for Daring to write her books.  I never once imagined that they all work together to make sure things go the way they do and I also learned that they get a cut from Daring since they all take part in this.  Daring asked me if I could take some time off to aid in making sure Caballeron and Ahuizotl would get what they need to play their parts.  I was skeptical at first but when I learned that I would become a regular character in the Daring Do books and get a cut like the other villains do, I enthusiastically agreed.  Take that Rainbow, you were in ONE Daring Do book, I'm going to be in every single one from now on!

For now I shall return home and continue operating things like normal but in four months I'll have to take some time off so I can go steal a silver sword in Saddle Arabia so that Ahuizotl can try and use it to cut the sun in half.  Even better I will be there for the sun cutting ceremony!  I don't know what Daring has planned for this but I do hope that she initially lets Ahuizotl do what he wants like she did with Blueblood's horn and him casting the valley into dark unrelenting, bone chilling cold.

Now I know you're going to wonder what Celestia would think about the sun getting in half.  Don't worry, she is in on how these stories work as well so it will be a non-factor.  I simply can't wait until everything unfolds in the next book and Rainbow finds out I'm in another one.  She will come storming over, throw a fit and I will have to knock a few teeth out and then put them back in.  She's going to be my cash cow after every book comes out! 

I tell you, things keep on getting better and better for me.  I killed Tirek and I become a princess.  Now I take care of Caballeron, Daring Do and Ahuizotl and suddenly I'm going to become a regular in the Daring Do books!  Even better I will get to go on fantastic adventures to steal relics to sell to Caballeron and Ahuizotl.  I guess this is where being a corrupt dentist who takes body parts and relics for payment really pays off!  I do hope that someday I'll have to make a return trip to Yakyakistan, I'm sure they have plenty of relics to steal.