I must admit, I am a fan of my next patient. Do I obsess over her works or go stalking her like one of my least favorite patients? No but I do have all of her books and read them regularly. If you guessed that A.K. Yearling is my next patient, you got it right.
Well she comes in wearing a purple cloak, a hat and red framed glasses. She dresses that way to keep fan fillies like Rainbow Dash from bothering her but thanks to Twilight and her big mouth, she told me what she looks like. Now I can't let Ms. Yearling know that I know she is Daring Do. I'll admit though, I wanted her autograph but I'll ask her later, as in when I have one of my Daring Do books with me and it is time for her to pay me.
She came in as calm as could be and I figured that it would be a rather simple appointment. I figured she would come in, have healthy teeth, pay me and be on her way. Unfortunately I was wrong. When I took her back she began talking about a huge white unicorn horn that she tried to secure but failed, causing some remote corner to be plunged into 800 years of dark unrelenting, bone chilling cold. This caused my ears to perk up and I asked her how a unicorn horn could do that.
She began to rant about some guy named Caballeron buying a unicorn horn from a dishonest dentist on the black market and then him selling it to Ahuizotl for an immense sum of money. I simply nodded but let her know that she could talk to me more later but that I did have other customers later in the day so she let me begin to examine her teeth.
Well she didn't have any gold teeth which disappointed me. I was really hoping that she did and if she couldn't pay I could simply take more teeth. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all. One good thing though, she had spectacular teeth and she seemed rather happy when she heard this.
After I cleaned her teeth I took her up front for my favorite part of the appointment. Get this, she had absolutely no money whatsoever on her nor did she have an insurance card. She is a world renowned author for Faust's sake! How could she not have any money or any insurance. I'm going to admit, this really pissed me off that a pony with as much wealth as she should have had no way to pay me. Yes I'm a fan of hers but that doesn't give her the right to cheat me.
So what did I do? I smacked her and knocked a couple of her teeth out. This sent her into a rage and she began yelling that in the end she would expose me for abusing patients. I picked up her teeth and laughed, "You know, I wonder how much Caballeron will pay me for these!"
Her jaw dropped open. It was at that moment that she knew that I was the dentist that deals on the black market and sold that horn to Caballeron. Suddenly she started ranting how she would expose me and put it in her next book. After her revealing that I decided to expose her. I used my magic to rip her clothes off of her to reveal the true her. I laughed, "I knew it was you Daring. One time when I was screwing Twily she told me all about it!"
I don't think she was paying attention when I was talking about Twily all that much because all she did was shout about Twily not being able to keep a secret. As she continued to rant on and on about how she would eventually get that horn back and tell Caballeron that I stole it, the wheels began to turn in my head. I thought, "Wait a minute, am I going to be in her newest book? If I am, that would really boost business for me!"
After her rant she finally decided to calm down. Since she calmed down I decided I would get her teeth put back in before it was too late but it would come at a cost. It wouldn't be anything monetary but it would be something very special.
She looked me square in the eye and asked me what it would take for her to clear her balance. I decided that I would simply make her send me signed first editions of all her books and that in the future that she would send me a signed first edition on all the books she writes two weeks before they are released for sale. At first she was skeptical but then I showed her the customer/doctor agreement she agreed. I sent her on her way figuring she would fulfill her end of the agreement. If not, I'll just work more closely with Caballeron and Ahuizotl and if they need body parts to make life hell in certain areas, I would gladly sell them what they need.
A week later I got a huge package in the mail. It was signed first editions of the whole Daring Do series! Now I have what Rainbow doesn't have, signed first editions of the whole set. Next time she comes in I should hog tie her, drag her over to my house and show her my wonderful collection. Oh she's going to be so jealous!
Three months later I got her newest book in the mail, "Daring Do and the Quest for the Royal Horn." Wow, I had it a week before Rainbow Dash did and guess what? Her appointment with me was in it! I'm in a Daring Do book, woo-hoo! She must have been looking on my wall at my diploma because I was referred to as "Dr. Minuette" in the book. Normally I would be enraged that anypony would call me that but I figured she must have been looking out for me. Had she used Colgate I would likely be flooded with phone calls and letters asking if I was actually the corrupt dentist in the new book.
Believe it or not but I did send her a thank you card for not using the name everypony knows me by and I did let her know that I got all the books, including the new one. Just to make sure she will be a return patient, I promised her that I wouldn't go knocking her teeth out anymore. Luckily for me, she showed up six months after her first appointment and luckily for her, her teeth were perfect.
P.S. Rainbow Dash went into a furious rage when she found out I had a whole set of signed first editions and got even madder when I got the new book a week before she did!