//------------------------------//
// Grand Total 
// Story: Lemons 
// by P-Berry 
//------------------------------//

"Would you like to super-jolly that, sir?" she asked, unable to hold back a sigh. Her coworkers had told her that it would get easier using these ridiculous terms given time, but if it did, she didn't notice it.

It's been two days since she had received the letter from her family. Maybe three. Maybe a week or two. She couldn't tell. She didn't even know what day of the week it was - Monday? Saturday? Or Wednesday? How long had it been since last weekend? Had there been a weekend at all? For some reason it all just seemed like a single gray blur to her. Maybe it was the realization that she would probably be stuck in this fast food joint for the rest of her life; maybe the knowledge that she was living a lie, and that her family would be extremely disappointed in her if they would ever find out about her real whereabouts.

Or maybe it was just a severe lack of sleep. She really didn't know.

What she did know, however, was that the customer in front of her still hadn't replied to her, and that his indecisiveness was starting to really get on her nerves.

"Uhm... Uhhh..." the pink buck muttered, his confused look eyeing the menu on the wall behind Limestone, "Um ... I ... uhh..."

"Yes or no?" Limestone asked, glowering at the earth pony buck over the cash register in front of her.

"Uh ... I ... I'll take a ... a Jolly Burger please!" the buck finally concluded with a proud smile.

Limestone closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. "You said that before. You wanted a Jolly Burger Deluxe Meal." she said, letting her head sink. "Now, would you like to super-Jolly that?"

"Uhh..." the buck reflected again, his look going back to the meal, "Umm... Uh, I uhh..."

Rolling her eyes, Limestone shook her head, then curtly decided, "I'll take that as a yes." and typed the order into the register.

"Ok." the buck said with a dorky smile.

"Eat-in or takeaway?" Limestone asked with a machine-like monotony, not realizing her mistake until it was too late.

"Uhhh..." and once again, the buck was back to giving the meal a confused stare, seeming completely clueless as to why he had come to this establishment in the first place.

Limestone facehoofed.

A few hours later -the confused buck had finally gotten his thoughts together and said that he would like to eat in, but had then realized that he didn't have any money with him and left, leaving a fuming Limestone behind- she had switched places with one of her coworkers -  much to Limestone's dislike: she had what the employees at Jolly Burgers called 'birthday duty'. One of the services of the underclass-fast food restaurant was that parents could bring their foals and have their birthday celebrated in one of the restaurants, receiving a free gift and a birthday song sung by one of the employees - and since she had been unlucky enough to pull the shortest straw during her break, this honor would go to Limestone today.

She would love to say that she didn't care. Normally, the strategy of gritting her teeth and getting through it would get her through her regular workdays without any major problems - she hated working at Jolly Burgers, but as long as she didn't think too much about what she was doing, days would go by rather quickly.

However, birthday duty was the one exception. Working the cash registers was annoying, exerting even, but normally didn't fill her with anything more than discomfort. Birthday duty, however, was pure, unfiltered agony to her. She had to smile like a clown on steroids, be as bubbly as Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush, and ... a shiver ran through her body ... sing. She had to sing. And she had to do it well, as, according to Jolly Burgers' policies, customers had the right to complain until they were pleased with their song.

Shaking her head and closing her eyes for a moment, Limestone walked up to the table she had been pointed to by her boss, placing a small tray she had been carrying in her mouth on the table, straightening herself up, contorting her face to an unnatural grin that would have made The Joker jealous, and began to recite the text the guests expected her to say.

"Well..." she said, cringing internally from how ridiculous her 'jolly'-voice sounded, "Ah've heard we have a lil' birthday-filly under us today. Hmm..." she raised her hoof, holding it against her forehead and looking around the four ponies sat at the table like a sailor searching for something on the sea, "Ah wonder where she is!"

She wanted to break out in tears from her ridiculous choice of words, but controlled herself in time to hear the voice of a filly shout from the table in front of her, and her eyes fell onto the light red foal with a pink party hat on her head, "Here! It's me!" she shouted gleefully.

"Well," Limestone started again; her face was beginning to hurt from grinning so hard, "Would'cha look at that! Whaddaya say, lil' feller, wan'na hear a song?"

"Say no. Say no. Just say no." Limestone begged the filly in her mind, but let out a sigh of disappointment as the filly replied with a joyful, "Yaaaaay!"

The smile slipped from Limestone's face for just a split second, and she gave the family in front of her a look that revealed just how much she despised this part of her job, but quickly caught herself and forced an even bigger grin onto her face.

"Well then..." she said, swinging her hoof like a happy miner, "Let's go, fellas!"

She closed her eyes, feeling herself die a little more inside, then began, "Ooooh, Happy Happy Birthday! Happy Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to yoooou! Today's a special day, for you and for us toooooo! So come and be our guest, have a jolly jolly time, celebrate with us, here at Jooooolly Buuuurgers!"

She finished, letting out a sigh that didn't even begin to describe the disgust she was feeling in this moment, but at the same time she was glad it was finally over.

However, her relief was short-lived, as a familiar voice came from one of the guests sitting at the table.

"Aww hell naw!"

Limestone felt a shiver running down her spine; her right eye was beginning to twitch uncontrollably. Giving her guests a closer look, she realized with horror that her grave concerns had come true: sitting in front of her was the mare she had encountered shortly before the end of her shift not too long ago - this kind, graceful lady who had tried to talk Limestone into selling her a meal at a reduced price.

And she didn't look any happier than last time. Her eyes, sunken into the depths of her big, flat face gave Limestone a displeased look; her triple chin was shaking rhythmically as she shook her head. "Naw naw naw." she said, continuously shaking her head, "Ah wanted to hear a song for my little sprat here." she said, patting the filly next to her on the head.

Limestone gave her a closer look, then shuddered. Yes, the birthday filly really was the mare's daughter. Her eyes had the same disparaging look in them, her light orange mane looked equally unkempt, and her frame was equally ... full. That filly was her daughter to a t.

Limestone's look went over the other guests at the table, but her dismay only increased: sitting at the table were a brown stallion with a dark brown coat, black mane and a thick mustache, as well as a beige colt who looked slightly older than the birthday filly. Limestone couldn't believe it: this loud, unfriendly and obnoxious mare, who was arguably the most annoying customer Limestone ever had the displeasure of dealing with, had a stallion by her side; had a family.

"And you're still single." A little voice in Limestone's mind chimed in, reminding her that the only other goal she had had when she had left the rock farm -finding a partner- was still miles, if not lightyears away.

Yes, as hard as it was, for a short, glorious moment, Limestone actually admired her nemesis: she had found her place in life; she had known what she wanted, and had fought for it. As much as Limestone disliked it, she did respect the mare for that.

However, just like her relief earlier, Limestone's admiration for the mare was short-lived, and died in an instant as the plump mare spoke up again. "And that..." she said, pointing one of her flabby arms at Limestone, "Wasn't a song! That was an abomination!"

"Yeah!" the filly with the party hat agreed, crossing her arms and pouting, "Do it again! And do it better!"

Limestone could hear her teeth grinding against each other; her eyes narrowed.

"Well?" the mare asked, holding a hoof to her ear, "I'm waiting! Isn't your number one goal to bring your customers happiness and joy?" she asked with a knowing grin, "Go ahead, bring us happiness and joy!"

Limestone's eyes narrowed even further.





"Hey! Hey, stay here! Let me bring you some happiness!" Limestone raged, baring her teeth at the family trudging out of the restaurant. "What? You think you're better than this? You're eating at fucking Jolly Burgers! How deep can you sink?" she shouted, "What, you think you're oh-so great with your two foals?" she continued to shout into the direction of the exit door, even though the disgruntled family had already left the establishment, "I can't believe somepony has mounted you - twice!" she yelled, her head turning red from shouting so much. "Don't act like you can't hear me! You ugly piece of-"

"Miss Pie!" it was the familiar voice of her manager that tore Limestone out of her trance-like fit of rage. The stallion placed a surprisingly strong hoof on Limestone's shoulder and spun the mare around with ease.

"What?" she snapped, but silenced as she caught his look.

Her manager was one of those ponies who were always happy, and even if they weren't, they wouldn't let it show, always trying to find something positive about things, no matter how terrible they may look at first.

That is, Limestone had thought him for one of those ponies, but now she had been disabused. The look her manager was giving her reminded Limestone of none other than herself. This was the look she would give to anyone of whom she thought had sketchy intentions with either her family or their farm; it was a look that would make most ponies run away, or at least take a step back; it was a look that easily conveyed one of the simplest messages in life: "I'm the boss. You listen to what I way. Or else!"

In all her life, Limestone had only ever received this look once: from her father, Ingenious Rock, when she had been daring enough to try and steal from the cookie jar as a young filly. There were only a handful of ponies who had mastered this stare - the only ones Limestone knew personally being herself, her father, her mother -even though she had never used it- and, as it turned out, her manager.

While Limestone wasn't nearly as taken aback as other ponies might have been in her situation, seeing how she knew that look and knew how to handle it, it had nonetheless surprised her, and she gave an involuntary wince as her manager's admonishing voice hit her ears once again, "What. Was that?" he asked, his voice tensed to the maximum.

Clearing her thoughts and freeing herself from the trance her manager's look had left her in, Limestone shook her head and explained him the situation - perhaps with a little more swear words and condescension than what would have been necessary or appropriate.

"That does not justify insulting our customers like this, Miss Pie!" the stallion snapped at her, "Nothing does!"

"But they wouldn't accept it, no matter what I did!" Limestone tried to defend herself, "I sang that damned song a dozen times and they still wouldn't accept it!"

"Then you should have sang it again!" her manager retaliated, "Another dozen times, if neccessary." he said, fixing her with a glare, "Anything for the customers!"

"But they were just playing with me!" Limestone countered, her anger level now increasing as well, "I could have sang it a hundred times and they still wouldn't have left me alone!"

"That's what you say, Miss Pie." he said angrily, but then paused, drew in a deep breath, then let it out again. "Look..." he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose with a hoof, "Limestone, isn't it?" he looked at her, but proceeded before she could reply, "I'll be honest with you: there aren't too many ponies willing to work at a place like Jolly Burgers - it's hard, unrewarding work, and we can use every employee we can get. If that wouldn't be the case, trust me," he said, giving her a stern glance, "you would have left us weeks ago."

"Now..." he continued after a short pause, "That doesn't mean that we can't find a replacement for you, if necessary." he explained with a serious look, "I've got to say, I like you, so I'll give you one last chance, even if company guidelines would force me to fire you here and now." he paused, seeming to wait for a sign of appreciation coming from Limestone that didn't come. "But I tell you..." he said, pointing a threatening hoof at her, "one more disruption, and you're out. This is your final warning. Do we understand each other?"

Limestone clenched her teeth shut. Oh the things she wanted to do to this stallion in this moment. If they had been on the rock farm, she would have showed him where he could shove his threats. She had grown up being the one in charge, and if there was one safe way to tick her off, it was to boss her around.

She felt the urge to give the stallion a piece of her mind rise up inside her, threatening to overwhelm her, but held herself back in the nick of time. As much as she despised it, she needed this job! Her money reserves were gone; she was literally living from hoof to mouth right now, so even if she would find a new job within a few weeks, her current savings weren't enough to keep her above water, so no matter how she put it, she would run into some serious trouble if she were to lose her current job. Of course, technically, she could always swallow her pride and go back to her family on the rock farm, but that wasn't an option, and would never be.

So, in the end, she knew that there was only one correct answer - and her boss knew it too.

Letting out a long, defeated sigh, Limestone swallowed what pride she had left, gave a slow nod, and said, "Yes, sir."

"Good." the white stallion said with a triumphant smirk, "See, it's much easier when you cooperate, isn't it?" he asked, that ever-present smile back on his face again, "Now, I hope you know that this little talk we had counts as your lunch break for today." he explained with a sly grin, "Any objections?"

Again, Limestone had to sigh to fight down any thoughts of criminal assault and murder, but then gave a short nod and forced out a curt, "No, sir."

"Splendid!" the stallion said cheerfully, "Well then, back to the cash registers with you! There's happiness and joy to be spread!"





A few hours later -the day was starting to near its end and she could see the longed-for closing time appearing at the horizon- Limestone was back at the cash registers. She still hadn't coped with the fact that she had received a rubdown from somepony as unimpressive as her boss, and a voice in the back of her head was scolding her for just giving in and drawing in her horns, telling her to go back to her boss and cut him down to size, but at least for now, the voice of reason in her was strong enough to make her swallow her anger and try to ignore what had happened. She found solace in the thought that home time wasn't too far away anymore.

Her look switched between the cash register and the customers in front of her, and she soon was back in her monotonous rhythm where she would barely notice what was going on - this was, as she had learned, the easiest way to get through an exhausting ten-hour shift.

That is, until her look fell onto the entrance door where a group of three ponies came walking through the door. Her jaw dropped.

She had seen those ponies before, though mostly on photos and rarely ever in real life - and she surely wouldn't have expected to see them at a place like this.

Their pearly white furs seemed to stick out from the dull, gray atmosphere of the restaurant; their golden armors were shining in the bare neon lights hung on the ceiling ... and their looks were directed right at her!

Limestone could feel sweat forming on her forehead and her legs wanting to give out as she watched the royal guards walk through the entrance area and towards the counter where she was standing.

What were they doing here? Royal guards - the most honorable, well-paid members of the Equestrian armed forces, in one of the filthiest, cheapest fast food joints in all of Manehatten. What had she done to deserve this honor?

"Hello." one of the guards said as he stopped in front of Limestone.

"H-hey." Limestone gasped, feeling sweat running down her back. Never, never ever in her whole life had she experienced something like this. What was this feeling? Why was she sweating so profusely? Why was her heart pounding like this? And why couldn't she breathe normally?

"I'll have a..." the stallion began, his look wandering up to the menu, "Jolly Deluxe meal, please." he looked over his shoulder, focusing his comrades, "You want something too?"

One of them shook his head, the other replied with a curt, "I'll have some hayfries."

"O-okay." Limestone muttered, typing their order into her cash register, which was unexpectedly hard, since her hooves were shaking so hard.

"A-are you r-really ... royal guards?" she stuttered, having to bite her lip to not shake with excitement because she was feeling so giddy.

The stallion hesitated for a moment, then a smug grin formed on his face, and he put a hoof to his chest, "Why yes, sure are." he gave a short bow, "Corporal Desert Storm - at your service."

Limestone drew in a sharp breath, feeling her body shiver and her legs going weak. Seeing this stallion in front of her, looking at his armor, his scars, the medals engraved on his chestplate ... it nearly pushed her over the edge, and she had to give herself a mental kick to stop her mind from going too far below the belt.

"Wow..." she gasped, feeling sweat run across her forehead as her eyes wandered over the stallion's body. The guard, seeming to notice her lustful looks, gave her a knowing grin, but then, with a light chuckle in his voice, said, "Sorry, but I'm engaged. You can stop staring now."

Limestone's eyes shot back to his face, her face scrunching up in embarrassment. "Oh..." she forced out, "Y-yeah ... sure ... s-sorry. I ... I'll get to your order now."

In an almost machine-like motion, Limestone stiffly turned her head to look over her shoulder at the stout buck working in the kitchen. "C-Cellar Dweller, make our guests a Jolly Deluxe meal and some hayfries, please. And hurry up!"

"Sure." an indifferent grunt came from the kitchen and the buck got to work, leaving Limestone face-to-face with the group of stallions she had just undressed in her mind.

The four stood in silence for a few moments, then Limestone felt the urge to start up another conversation to wash away some of the awkwardness - what other ponies thought of her normally was one of the last of her concerns, but with those stallions ... it was different. She wanted to impress them, one way or another.

"S-so..." Limestone hesitantly started, nervously rubbing her hooves against each other, "I-is the training for royal guards really as hard as ponies say it is?"

"Eeyup." Desert Storm replied; his comrades nodded confirmingly, "It's tough as nails. You gotta be a real stallion to see it through."

"You can say that again." Limestone said with a disillusioned huff, the sad clarity that she would never wear this armor shooting through her mind once again.

"Hmm?" the guard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well," Limestone said with a bitter smile, "You know, when I came to Manehatten, I wanted to become a soldier too. It's been my dream ever since I was a filly, and I was dead set on making that dream come true when I finally got a chance," the smile slipped from her face, "But they didn't take me. Because I'm a mare."

Bitterness and sorrow overcame Limestone as she thought back to this day, but quickly were replaced by confusion as she heard an amused snort come from the guard. "Really?" he said, apparently having a hard time to not laugh out loud, "You wanted to be a soldier?"

"Well, yes." Limestone said slightly confused, "Why not?"

Now the stallion couldn't hold it in any longer. Smashing his hoof against the counter, be burst into laughter. Some of the few other customers in the restaurant gave him confused looks, but most of them, being used to Jolly Burgers 'special' customers simply ignored his outburst. Limestone just looked at him, confusion slowly turning into hurt, and hurt slowly turning into anger as she realized what the stallion was on to.

"Oooh." he gasped for air; his head was turning red from laughing so hard, "Mother of Celestia ... that's a good one." he chuckled, slowly calming down, "A mare as a soldier?" he asked; his comrades couldn't contain mild snickers either. "What's gonna come next? Dogs as conductors? Fish as plastic surgeons?" he giggled, wiping tears from his eyes. Limestone growled at him, but remembering the talk with her boss earlier controlled herself and replied nothing - she needed this job, and she knew he wouldn't give her a second warning.

"Sorry, filly," he said, directly addressing Limestone this time, "but I think you're better off working here. Army would be way too hard for you."

"Psah." Limestone replied dryly, "What makes you think you'd know what would be too hard for me? You don't even know me."

"True." The stallion countered with a superior smirk, leaving Limestone looking at him in surprise for a second before he continued, "But I know that you're a mare - and that's all it takes to know that you wouldn't stand a chance in the military."

Limestone stared daggers at him, hearing her teeth grind against each other. "Here." the curt, grumbling announcement came from behind her as Cellar Dweller placed the stallions' order on the counter next to Limestone, but neither of the two deigned to look at him.

She opened her mouth to say something, but then bit her tongue. "Control yourself, Limestone." she said to herself, "Just. Keep. Calm."

"So, how much do we owe you?" the stallion asked, "That's the little number on top of the cash register, in case you didn't know." he added tauntingly.

Limestone slowly raised her head, looking him straight in the eyes. He stood up to it.

"So now you're saying I'm not only weak, but stupid, too?" she asked through clenched teeth, her voice tensed to the maximum.

"Well, you're working at Jolly Burgers." the buck countered slightly amused, "I'm not saying that you're stupid, but ... I'm not expecting too much of your mental capabilities either. And about that weakness-part..." he gave a short shrug, "Well, you're a mare so..."

"Okay that's enough!" Limestone finally shouted, stepping back from the counter as her patience finally snapped, "You think you're oh-so great just because you were born as a stallion? Prove it!" she placed a hoof on the counter, challenging him to a hoof-wrestle.

"Ooooh. Oh no." the stallion said, shaking his head with a gentleman-like smile on his face, "No thanks. I'm not fighting against fillies."

Limestone gave a furious snort, pulling her hoof back, staring at the white buck with eyes wide in fury. Her whole body was trembling, and she didn't dare think about the things she would do to this arrogant buck if she would be off-duty, but gathering up all of her remaining willpower, she gave a short sigh and tried to calm herself.

"That's more like it." the stallion said with a pleased grin, "Not like you would stand a chance against me anyway, right?"

"This is your final warning." her supervisor's words echoed through Limestone's mind, and she managed to fight down the desire to challenge the guard to a fight with another deep sigh.

"So?" the stallion spoke up again, giving her an expectant look. For a moment, Limestone thought he actually wanted a fight, but then he pointed at the tray standing on the counter next to her, "Won't you give me my order? Or do I need to explain you how to do that, too?" he chuckled. Limestone, having to gather up all of her strength to not give him a slap across the face, reached over to the tray without a comment, and shoved into his direction. He placed a few coins on the counter; Limestone took them and stored them in the cash register without looking at him.

"Excuse me?" the stallion asked, sounding slightly agitated, "Won't you say 'thank you and come back soon'?"

Slowly, Limestone looked up again; her whole body was trembling right now, and she had to force her lips together so as to not say something that might cause her to lose her job.

"Seriously..." the stallion said, shaking his head, "Can't even serve burgers properly." Looking at the trembling mare, he asked, "Did your parents teach you anything at all? Where did you grow up, a rock farm or something?"