//------------------------------// // Canterlot // Story: Why Humans should never be allowed in Equestria // by Rainbow_Dashtruction //------------------------------// The trio touched down upon Canterlot, still wrapped up in conversation. "How could you leave me and get lunch!" yelled James. "It was subway." Scott replied. "You got subway without me!" James was screaming at that point. "Wait, they have subway here?" "Yep, in fact there’s one right there." Scott replied as he pointed at a subway restaurant. James quickly ran inside. “Fuck, they don’t sell meatballs or bacon in Equestrian subways!” yelled James. “You would eat an innocent pig?” said Rainbow Dash, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh shit I forgot ponies were herbivores” “Wait, you eat other animals as well?” her eyes were streaming with tears. “Yes, let’s see, humans have eaten pig, cow, chicken, pigeon, fish, dog, horse...” said James. “Hor…horse?” stuttered Rainbow Dash, who fainted shortly afterwards. “Well let’s move her out of the walkway” James attempted to lift her up, “Holy Fucking hell ponies weigh a lot, I’m going to need help” Even with Scott helping, they couldn’t move her far before dropping her. “You know what, I got a better idea” said Scott before kicking her in the stomach. Rainbow Dash woke in an instant, instinctively bucking Scott in the balls. “Bloody hell I thought we were over this!” said Scott as he collapsed to the ground. “Ok, Twilight said we can stay at her place for a few days” said Rainbow Dash, “Also, Pinkie Pie has been getting ready to hold a party in case you came” “Didn’t Fluttershy kill her?” said James. “Nope” “Well alright then” “Twilight also said that in three days the princess wishes to see you” “That isn’t going to go smoothly isn’t it?” “Yeah, you’re pretty bucked” “On the bright side, parties usually have alcohol!” The next day... “PINKIE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOME!” screamed Twilight, as she had agreed to have the party had her place. “I just decorated it for the party theme appropriately” said Pinkie Pie. “What do you call inappropriately?” “Hanging dildos on the walls!” “I…I don’t even” said Twilight as she facehoofed. James and Scott opened the door to enter, having heard the commotion. Scott immediately threw up upon the sight. The walls were covered in blood and guts of zombies, their blood slowly sliding down the walls, each making their own individual small pools on the tiles, and staining the carpet the duo walked on. Twilight stormed out of her house in rage, slamming the door behind her. “Pinkie, you might have gone a little too far” said James. “Really, I think this is my greatest idea so far!” “What is the theme anyway…cupcakes? “No zombies silly, although I do have cupcakes!” “And I’m completely sure the two are completely unrelated” said Scott sarcastically. Rainbow Dash entered, suddenly getting a strange feeling of déjà vu. “Please tell there is some alcohol” said Rainbow. “Oh course silly, my punch always has alcohol” said Pinkie, while pointing two a blue drink in a punchbowl. Rainbow and James each took a large drink and went upstairs together. Scott walked over to the bowl and filled his glass, inspected it closely, before taken a sip. “This tastes amazing Pinkie, what is it called” “Zombie” “Say what?!” “It’s zombie blood mixed with blue food colouring and alcohol” said Pinkie while smiling manically. Scott dropped his glass, letting it smash on the ground. “Why did you not tell us that we were drinking blood!” yelled Scott. “Because, I thought it tasted fantastic!” Later in the party, with James and Rainbow still upstairs, Scott tried asking Pinkie some questions. “So Pinkie, when we last saw you, Fluttershy was trying to eat your face off, how did you escape” “Oh I didn’t, she must of not liked how I smelt or something, and killed Applejack and infected Big Mac” someone about what she said deeply disturbed him, he remembered something he had seen long ago, from watching the show on his computer, trying to not let his parents see. From when Pinkie went to Cloudsdale… “Wait a minute, you have been in contact with liquid rainbow, you drank some when you went to see Dashie at the young flyers competition” Pinkie’s face started becoming more and more animal like, but Scott didn’t notice, as he was looking the wrong direction. “But not enough to instantly turn, enough that…” Scott slowly started turning towards Pinkie, “enough that you would very slowly become infected” Pinkie Pie leaped at Scott, who managed to duck underneath her at the last moment. He quickly pulled his gun out and started shooting Pinkie Pie, putting forty bullets straight through her chest. She collapsed limply in the corner, and Scott slowly walked over to her, putting his hand up to her neck slowly to check her pulse. Just before he reached her neck however, her eyes opened and she punched Scott in the stomach, sending him across the room and making him drop his gun. His gun was several metres out of reach, Scott landed with his back against the front door. Pinkie Pie dived at Scott, who managed to roll to the side as she smashed into the front door, turning it into splinters. Scott tried to grab his gun, but Pinkie grabbed his leg as he started running, as he fell, his hand caught the handle, and he turned around as started firing full auto into her face. “MY NAME IS PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!” screamed Pinkie, in a “taken” voice that would of caused Alan Wake to soil himself and she grabbed his gun barrel with her hoof, all the while being constantly shot in the face. “Why won’t you die!” Screamed Scott as Pinkie bent the front of the gun sideways, then pulled the useless gun away and chucked it across the room. “TIME FOR US TO PARTY!” screamed Pinkie Pie, now completely on top of Scott, he was trapped. Behind Pinkie, the front door swung open and there stood Twilight, who aimed her horn and fired a bolt of light into Pinkie, causing her entire body to turn into an explosion of flesh and blood. “What the hell happened down here?” asked James, having finally come down with Rainbow Dash, staring at the blood soaked Scott who lay on the ground shaking, his once black suit he had been wearing since Manehatten was now completely red. “Scott is covered in Pinkie Pie, I cast a combat spell on her” said Twilight, since the years after returning to Canterlot, her studies in Ponyville complete, she had learned master level combat magic, and what she did was probably nothing for her kind of power. “Well I guess we should clean this up” The next day, with the house and Scott clean, the duo decided to go meet Celestia early. The castle was tall and forbidding. Something was wrong, James sensed that he needed to keep away from this building, get as far as possible then keep on running. But he quelled those thoughts, walking inside. Scott was far less nervous, he seemed quite happy about this meeting, almost eager. Guards came to meet the group, they pushed them forwards, they were heavily armed with swords and crossbows filled with the magic of the best unicorns. They had no emotion on their faces, although when James snapped his head around, he swear he saw one of them smiling deviously. They aren’t here to hurt me, thought James, they would not have let him come at any point during the three days if they were going to capture him. They arrived in the throne room, where the princess sat; Scott noticed that her usually peaceful smile was replaced by a look of unease. “So you are the two humans who entered Equestria only a few days ago, and part of the few survivors of the destruction of Cloudsdale” she betrayed no emotion in her voice. “Yes, I am Scott and this is James, we are from Earth, in a country we call Australia” said Scott. “I see, why is it however that only shortly after you arrived much of my country was destroyed by a virus?” “I’m sure it was just” James pausing to look up from the ground revealing the smirk on is face, “an unfortunate coincidence” James knew they were done for, no point in going out as a bumbling idiot. “Really, then why is it I have multiple survivors of Cloudsdale claiming you blew up the liquid rainbow,” said Celestia, her voice now loudening, a scream was heard in the distance, “I knew you two did it, I just hoped you would be honourable enough to tell the truth about it, how dare you lie to me, when I have enough power to crush you like a bug!” “Well obviously your powerful, you commanding the guards around me, but when was the last time you ever actually did anything, from what Scott tells me, your country has been at the brink of apocalypse multiple times in the past few years and you did your part In the form of not bothering to leave your dam castle!” yelled James. “How dare you insu…” “And furthermore, the one time you did bother to help, which I would like to mention was because the enemy was a metre away, you got utterly annihilated by the person!” James was screaming at this point, “You’re probably less of a threat then Fluttershy was, although she did put up a dam goo…” “SILENCE, YOU DENY MY POWER!” screamed Celestia, the windows around her shattered into a million pieces, “THEN I WILL SHOW YOU IT!” Celestia fired a white beam from her horn directly at James’s chest. James watched in horror as it flew towards him. It hit him directly, causing him to jolt backwards. The beam continued to hit him in the chest, but James, now having flinched, just stood still as it hit him. “Well that was an anti-climax” said James calmly. “Wait what?” said Celestia, now completely confused, she facehoofed. “Buck it, just shoot him off my view with your crossbows” The guards marched the duo over to a view of Equestria, aiming their crossbows at the duos spines. The view looked like the pantheon, with pillars coming down, except where on the pantheon there would be the ground, was a very long drop off Canterlot. As the guards readied their crossbows to fire, the doors to the throne room were suddenly violently thrown open, showing a scared Twilight Sparkle, and several hundred zombie ponies. Twilight slammed the doors with her magic, and attempted to hold the doors closed. “Princess, we are surrounded!” yelled Twilight. Holding the door closed with her magic. The beating on it quickly overwhelmed her and smashed open, hitting her and launching her sliding across the rooms floor, until she fell straight over the edge of the throne room view, barely grabbing the edge with her hoof. Celestia ran over to her to help her up, but the zombies were quickly filling the room and as she began to lift her up with telekinesis, the zombies jumped on her back, causing her to cry out in pain and drop Twilight off the edge and off of Canterlot. The guards aiming at James and Scott were at opposite ends of the spectrum, one quickly ran and left Scott to run, the other continuous to aim at James. “This is for my girlfriend!” he screamed, firing at James. Time seemed to slow down as James turned at his scream, turning his shoulder to his right, causing the bolt to skim right over him. If you looked really closely, you could see as it took one string of fabric off his shirt before flying into the abyss. Turning like this however, caused James to lose his balance, causing him to fall over the edge. Scott dived at James’s hand but slide off the edge himself. The duo fell down towards the ground, now at free fall, watching as Canterlot got smaller and smaller. James looked into the distance, seeing a large dark blue pony flying off in the distance. “I guess it being a large pony just makes it a horse then when you think about it” said James, not having fully processed it was his end, his mind trying to distract him off his imminent death. A loud bang was heard, as a large rainbow coloured circle as a rainbow coloured beam shot towards the deal, catching them centimetres from the ground. “Fucking hell Rainbow Dash, could have been a bit sooner!” yelled Scott. “Rainbow, its moments like this that make me love you!” said James as they were whisked away. (And so I ran out of cities)