Boredom.
Those who think that they know me might think that I am more familiar with this concept than any other living creature ever.
They’re completely wrong, of course. They’re always wrong. Except for when they’re not. But even then, they just make lucky guesses.
My mind is vast and unknowable. Even to me. They might think that they know me, but nobody knows me.
Which is exactly how it should be.
But, back to my previous thought. Boredom.
You would think that being trapped inside of a statue for a thousand years is boring.
... You would be right, actually.
Or at least, you would be right if I was anybody other than me. But I’m not weak like these ponies. They really thought that spending a thousand years as a statue would make me ‘see the light’? Did they really think I would embrace their harmony for fear of reliving that punishment?
Actually, I suppose they didn’t think that. They didn’t even consider that that might be the case. Of course they didn’t, they knew better. I’m the spirit of chaos. I’m not one to succumb to despair, boredom, or reeking smells.
Of course, I’m back in the statue again. Have been for a bit now. That’s what I get for being myself, but I don’t regret it one bit. It’s the principle of the thing, you see. I’m not just a pet dog to be trained to as others see fit.
It’s going to suck being trapped for another millennia though.
Okay, it is true, I’ll admit. I do get bored quite easily. But I don’t stay bored for long. No matter what. Even no matter the circumstance.
I like to consider myself to be an artist. And I love making my art, and I especially love presenting my work for others to behold. And the more who behold it, the better.
Thus, when the audience of my work numbers exactly one (myself), it provides the least amount of satisfaction. But that’s what I am forced to do when I have to create my art in my own head.
However, on the bright side, I just happen to be the one individual whose opinion is worth infinitely more than everyone else’s anyway.
There are endless ways to— well, I won’t say ‘entertain myself’, but I suppose ‘stave off my boredom’ is an appropriate way to put it.
For instance, right now, I’m staring into the stars.
Don’t get the wrong idea, mind you. I couldn’t care less about the lunar princess’s pride and joy.
No, my interest in them is that if you stare really hard at one single star in the night sky for a long time, and I mean really stare at it, eventually all of the other stars in the whole sky will vanish. Just like that! It’s amazing!
Of course, they don’t actually vanish into thin air. I can’t make that happen literally, at least while I’m trapped in here. It’s actually just that your eyes will completely lose focus of all other points of light as the one star consumes your entire focus. You won’t just forget that the other stars exist though, it really does look like they pop out of existence.
I wonder how much longer I’ll have to keep staring before it happens.
OH HOLY CHAOS, IT JUST HAPPENED.
NOOOO! I was so startled by my sudden success that I lost my focus and now the other stars came back all over again and it’s all ruined!
Whatever. I don’t even care. I have plenty of other options for staving off boredom.
Like talking to myself. You know. Just like what I am doing right now. I seem to do it quite a bit. I am good company, if I do say so myself. Who needs anybody else but me?
I know, I’m completely out of my mind.
And how fortunate it is that I am. I’d be awfully bored otherwise.
Not sure what is so entertaining about telling myself things that I already know though. Anything to stay busy, I suppose.
Wait a second. I hear hoofsteps.
Now this is interesting. Usually I have the same entertainment options available to me all day long, every day of the week. Not that I succumb to doing the same things each day. It’s usually about a whole month before I have to recycle my admittedly limited material. But it’s not every day that a pony comes along. A visitor opens up whole new avenues of potential activities.
Yes, they are still mental activities, but I’ll take it all the same.
The hoofsteps are very loud now. As though the pony causing them wants me to be aware of their presence. Only one pony ever does that.
Oh, here she comes, into my vision. Well, at least her head. I’m kind of stuck staring halfway toward the sky right now. And sure enough, it’s princess sunny flanks. I can’t see her torso, but I imagine that she must be bloated like a balloon from all of that cake.
Well, she might be. I can’t tell if she is or not. It’s funnier to pretend that she is.
“Hello Discord,” she whispers to me.
Why, hello your radiance. Pardon me while I avert my eyes from your brilliance. You’re blinding me. Oh, that’s right, I can’t.
Not that I actually want you to leave! Because then I’ll have to go back to staring at stars or something.
It’s a good thing you can’t hear me...
“I have been thinking about you of late,” continued Celestia.
Really now? I can’t say that I’m surprised. Once anypony beholds my glory, they are consumed by my magnificence. You know you can’t get enough of me.
“I am sure that that you don’t agree with me on this,” continued Celestia, “but I want you to know something. I believe that everyone, pony or otherwise, has a little compassion in them.”
On the contrary, I agree completely. Everyone does have a little compassion. Even me. It’s completely embarrassing, but I do have those weak moments, just as you ponies have your occasional moments of chaos.
I’m not going to tell her that, of course, but she can’t hear me.
“I noticed something about you when you were recently released,” said Celestia. “And it made me realize something about myself.”
You mean you’ve finally realized what an incredible genius I am and you are forsaking harmony? Took you long enough. I suppose I can’t blame you for taking your time realizing it though, what with your finite IQ and all.
“You were slightly more concerned about the opinions of others around you, compared to your attitude one thousand years ago,” said Celestia.
Oh, is that all? Oh, well that’s fascinating.
WHOA, WAIT A SECOND. What are you talking about?
“You may be wondering what I’m talking about,” said Celestia with a small smile.
Yes, I did just now think that. Are you deaf? Oh, no of course you aren’t. I’m mute.
“I am referring to the fact that you attempted to comfort my student, in your unique fashion.”
Hang on, I did what?
“You tried to get Twilight to see a positive side to your chaos. You tried to convince her to enjoy herself. Of course, you know as well as I do that she did not see things your way, and admittedly, you were not particularly upset at that result, but I have to wonder, why did you try to convince her at all?”
Because I was right and she was wrong, obviously! Do you really think I wouldn’t take the opportunity to rub it in her face?
“Perhaps you did it just to remind her of her failures...” admitted the alicorn.
... You don’t know me. I could have had other reasons, you know.
“But I suspect that you had another reason.”
Well, I could have, but I actually definitely didn’t.
“I believe that you truly do seek approval from others.”
WHAT? No, no Celestia. That’s not how this works. Unlike some artists, I don’t care whether others like my work or not. Ponies around here don’t know good work when they see it. I want them to see my work either way, let them have a small taste of perfection, but if I start taking criticism, it’s going to seriously impair my bravura, and I can’t have that.
“I believe in second chances, Discord,” said Celestia. “And third chances... and fourth...” Her frown faltered a bit.
Yeah, the colt has cried wolf three times now. You’re supposed to take the hint after the second time. Except the colt is pretty much telling you that there is not a wolf, when there really is one. Or something.
“There’s hope for you yet, Discord,” said Celestia.
That’s true. Another bunch of school fillies might show up to fight in the royal gardens. Could you please be so kind as to arrange that for me? I promise that you’ll regret it, honest. That’s what you get for being kind though.
“I’m going on a trip in the morning,” she began again, after a moment of pause.
Tell the cakeholics anonymous support group that I said hay. You know, because you should eat some instead of your usual for once.
“And I’m going to bring you with me.”
Wait, you’re giving me a change in scenery? BRING THE SUN UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT!
“I just thought I would give you something to look forward to. And, maybe I have another surprise for you too. But you’ll have to wait to find out what it is. Try not to spend the rest of the night wondering what it is.”
Look at this mare, does she even know who she’s talking to? I’m the master of not thinking about pink elephants.
...
I wasn’t trying to not think about pink elephants just then. Why would I do that? Just because I said it doesn’t mean I was actually trying to not do it or anything.
What I did do was not think about that other thing and think about pink elephants instead. I don’t even remember what that other thing was. Seriously.
You see? I’m a genius. You’ll have to try harder than that, princess.
Celestia let out a laugh. “I merely jest, Discord. I am not so cruel. The morning comes now.”
She stepped away from me and smiled at me sadly.
And then she rose up into the air and a wave of light erupted from her.
Is this show really a necessary part of the process for you, or are you just showing off?
The sun peaked over the horizon and settled into position.
She finally lowered back to the ground. And then she picked me up in her magic.
Hey, that tickles! Actually, no it doesn’t. I can’t feel a thing. Proceed.
“Come now,” she continued. “We have a carriage waiting.”
OH CHAOS I CAN’T STAND IT ANY MORE! Where are we going? Where where where where where-
What am I screaming in my head for?
I know that she can’t hear me, but cut me some slack. Old habits are hard to break. Besides, I like doing this.
Where where where where where where where where where where where...
Oh hey, it’s another side of the castle! Maybe we can stop here for a bit so I can count the number of bricks?
Actually, NO. Let’s not do that. That sounds like a terrible idea.
I suddenly feel the base of the statue set down. I look at the edges of my limited field of view, but I can’t see much other than the sky.
Oh no. I just realized, we’re going to be flying over Eqeustria and I won’t be seeing a bit of it. All I’ll see is the same old boring sky.
Curse you Celestia, there had better be something worthwhile at the end of all of this! I swear, if you put me somewhere even more boring than the gardens, I will have to make your life even more miserable than I was already planning when I finally get out of here.
We’re slowing down. Are we there yet? Oh, chaos, please tell me we’re there! We’re coming to a stop. We’ve stopped. Are we on the ground? I think we’re on the ground. I didn’t even feel a bump when we landed. Oh, where in Equestria are we? TELL ME!
Suddenly I hear trumpets blaring that infernal royal fanfare. Come on, you call that music?
“Princess Celestia!” cries a very familiar voice.
I feel myself clench up with sudden intrigue. I mean, I’m even more clenched up than usual, being encased in stone.
Why, if it isn’t book nerd in the flesh.
Celestia wasn’t kidding. This day really was starting to get interesting.
“Twilight Sparkle, my dearest student!” cried Celestia, her voice now a short distance away from myself. “I’m so happy to see you!”
Well, I’m not. Do you know why? It’s not because she’s responsible for putting me back in stone or anything. I don’t fault you ponies for following your nature. Well, except for when I do. No, the reason I’m not happy to see her is because I can’t see her at all.
Could somepony please come over here and knock me over? At least then I’ll be able to see what these ponies are doing around me!
It could happen. Where is that clumsy klutz of a mail pony when I need her?
“Princess, I am happy to see you too...” responded Twilight hesitantly. “But... with all due respect... HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?” she bellowed. “WHAT IS DISCORD DOING HERE?”
I can barely contain my delight. I wish I could see cake flank’s face right now.
I was lifted off of the chariot and plopped onto the ground. I still can’t see anything other than sky though.
“I understand your skepticism, Twilight,” answered Celestia, apparently unfazed by Twilight’s outburst, to my small disappointment, “but I ask that you trust me. I have a special task for you. For all of you.”
‘For all of you’, eh? The whole gang is here, apparently. But what in Equestria is Celestia even talking about? What task could she have for those six that would have anything to do with an unmoving statue?
If it was just Twilight here, I would figure that she wanted her to write a research project on me or something. Which I would be fine with for at least a while, I guess. Any change of scenery would be acceptable, and I must admit, I have to wonder what kind of hilarious ideas she might get in her head concerning myself.
That clearly isn’t the case though. None of her friends are such nerds. They have nothing in common at all, except for one thing: their precious friendship. And I’m not even sure how they have that. They have nothing in common at all!
“I have brought Discord to you today because I believe that you and your friends have the potential to teach him the true value of friendship.”
Whoa. I am actually dumbstruck. There’s only one explanation. The princess has finally lost her mind. And I didn’t even have anything to do with it.
Hey, wise mare, if you’re so friendly, why don’t you let me out of here?
“Do not worry, my little ponies,” Celestia continued. “Discord will be completely powerless when I release him from his prison.”
SHE’S LETTING ME OUT!
I barely registered the shouts of astonishment and admonishment from the element bearers.
I don’t know what it was that caused Celestia to go brain dead and I don’t care in the least. GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT, NOW, DO IT DO IT DO IT!
I’m not even listening to them any further. I’ve already heard all I need to know.
Oh, what perfect chaos shall I create first? I suppose I have to deal with those nasty elements of harmony first. I’ll just steal the elements and then gloat as I see their astonished faces. Yes, they will be astonished, even though I already stole the elements once before. I bet they have all kinds of new protective wards around them, but they won’t work any better than last time. They tried so hard to keep the elements safe, but they left the one avenue that really mattered wide open.
So, first I’ll steal the elements, then I’ll gloat, and then I’ll laugh like a maniac as I summon a bird bath and flip the tub upside-down to make an umbrella. And then I’ll summon a gust of wind that will blow me and my stone parasol away.
“I’ll be leaving Discord in your very capable hooves now, Twilight,” I heard Celetstia say.
Yes, you do that. Please.
“I hope you know what you are doing, princess,” said Twilight apprehensively.
“Every precaution has been taken, Twilight, but I won’t deny that this endeavor is not without risks. They are risks that we will just have to take, however. If you are to be successful, you must have a little faith in Discord.”
“I understand.”
“Goodbye, my little ponies, and good luck.”
I heard the sounds of Celestia’s chariot taking off and leaving, and then there was silence.
“Alright everypony,” said Twilight, making a hilarious attempt to sound like a leader. “The princess is counting on us. Are we ready to do this?”
You had all better be.
“I haven’t forgotten what that jerk did to me,” said Rainbow Dash angrily, “but... If the princesses think that he deserves another chance, then I can look past it.”
What is it with you ponies and letting others do the thinking for you? I mean, I know that Celestia is at least marginally more intelligent than the rest of you, but I thought you were supposed to be the independent one.
“That ‘jerk’ has done terrible things to each of us,” reminded Rarity. “I would... appreciate it if we don’t go into specifics. But the princess is right. We should give him another chance, even though he most certainly doesn’t deserve it.”
I do so deserve it. Well, I don’t deserve to be forced to learn friendship, but I deserve to be released from this cruel and unusual punishment. Seriously, nobody deserves this!
“We’re going to be the bestest of friends, I just know it!” cried Pinkie Pie. “I already have ideas for a ‘congratulations on your reformation’ party!”
Not a bad idea actually, but perhaps we can change it to a ‘hurray for the return of chaos’ party instead? I won’t be able to attend, of course, I’ll be busy. You know what, Pinkie? I just might go easy on you if you do that for me.
“Don’t get ahead of yerself, Pinkie,” said Applejack warily. “I want to see Discord reformed just as much as you do, but don’t kid yerself into thinking that this is going to be easy. I’m all for this, but Ah’d be a fool to not prepare for the worst.”
This mare is the most perceptive of this whole bunch. Not that it will do her any good in the end.
“I’m ready, Twilight,” said Fluttershy in a near whisper.
Oh, come on! Is that really all you’re giving me to work with?
“Then let’s do this,” said Twilight.
A purple head stepped into the lowest part of my vision. She was wearing her crown.
They’re really doing this. They’re honest to chaos doing this.
What a bunch of idiots!
Oh, I can’t stop laughing!
There was a flash of light.
Suddenly, I start feeling really uncomfortable.
As my body loses its uncompromising rigidity, I feel an overwhelming involuntary urge.
“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” I cry out in immense relief, stretching every inch of my now free body.
Finally, I look down at my ‘rescuers’.
And I start laughing, and I lunge at Twilight.
I know, I know. This is an incredibly stupid idea. But that’s never deterred me before.
The others all gasp, but before they can otherwise react they realize that I’ve thrown my limbs and around Twilight, giving her a full body hug.
Let me be perfectly clear: I am not in the least bit grateful to Twilight. She is the one who put me in a statue in the first place. Freeing me from her own trap does not earn her anything. At best, I might say that she has almost made up for the mistake of imprisoning me in the first place.
But the way that everypony is reacting is priceless.
“Discord!” cried Twilight in terror. “I know that you’re happy to be out again, but GET AWAY FROM ME!”
She magically shoves me off of her body as I continue laughing hysterically.
“Oh my chaos, it’s so GOOD TO BE BACK!” I cry out into the air.
I stop laughing and give them all a smirk.
I snap and attempt to magic away their elements. To my surprise, nothing happens at all.
“Huh. I guess your princess actually managed to ward the elements effectively for once,” I openly admitted. “No matter. This is only a minor setback. Now then, as much as I would love to stick around and be reformed by you six, I have far better things to be doing.”
I snap and summon the bird bath as planned.
Wait, where is it?
I snap again.
The bird bath is still a no-show.
I’m confused, and quickly beginning to panic, but I force myself to keep my cool. See, I’m so cool right now that I’m still maintaining my inner monologue. If I had my powers, I would summon a block of ice around my head, and these ponies wouldn't get the joke at all, which would make it even funnier. But that's obviously not an option at this point in time.
I snap once more, trying to summon the gust of wind. That doesn’t work either.
“Discord, your magic will not function right now,” says Twilight.
I look down at the infernal unicorn. I'm slightly curious why she didn't say that in a smug tone. I know I would have.
“What did you do to me?” I asked. I mentally kick myself. I sound desperate.
“Princess Celestia has taken away your powers as a precaution,” explained Twilight.
“That’s not possible,” I insist immediately. “I’m almost certain that that is impossible.”
“It is possible,” insists Twilight. “It happened.”
“Hmm,” I declare out loud, not caring about the ponies listening to me. “Very clever, princess...”
As a last resort, I try flying away, but as I feared, my wings are pretty much useless without magical assistance.
“We are willing to let you have your powers back,” continued Twilight. “All you have to do is prove to us that you can be trusted with them.”
I clap my hands together happily, despite the anger building up inside me.
“I see what’s going on here!” I cry out in false happiness, hoping it would throw the ponies off guard.
Twilight eyed me warily. “You do?”
“Yes! Extortion! I never knew your princess had it in her!”
“What!” cried Twilight. “What are you talking about?”
“You are attempting to force me to do something I don’t want to do by holding something I hold very dear hostage. You are holding my powers hostage until I learn the ‘magic of friendship’. Extortion! Bribery! Whatever you want to call it!”
Twilight started stammering, to my delight. “Wha- but- No, it’s- It’s not like that!” she shouted.
“Oh, I’m not complaining,” I respond. Then raise a finger to my chin, pretending to think about it. “Actually,” I continue, “I am complaining. I hate it. But I am impressed. This was fun before. Now things are getting... interesting...” I finish, pouring menace into that last word.
“Call it whatever you want. Just what are you going to do about it?” demanded Rainbow Dash. I turned toward her and grinned.
“Oh, I’ll come up with something, with or without my powers.”
“Discord,” said Twilight in exasperation. “If you cause us trouble, we will be forced to use our elements and put you back in your stone prison. Nopony here wants that.”
“True, I don’t want that,” I admit. “But what makes you think that you truly have me cornered here? Do you honestly expect me to bow down to your will just because you think you’ve left me with no choice?”
Twilight grimaced. “We’re not asking you to cooperate with us because you have no choice. All of this was just a safety precaution. We’re asking you to cooperate because it’s the best course of action available to you!”
“I’m afraid that I’ll have to dispute that,” I answered. “I could run away.”
“Run away.” Repeated Twilight in deadpan. “Seriously?”
“If I have to.”
“Discord, you are an idiot. You have nowhere to go, no friends to take you in. You don’t have your powers. You can’t survive out there on your own!”
“That’s what you think!” I declare triumphantly. “I’m the spirit of chaos, whether I have my powers or not! There’s nothing that I can’t do one way or another, and there is nothing that will stop me!”
“You sound like a foal!” cried Twilight in frustration. “And, remember this: If you run away, you will lose your only chance at regaining your powers ever again.”
“Is that a challenge?” I grin.
“What?” cried Twilight in bewilderment. “No, it’s-“
“Because I guarantee you, I could definitely take my powers back. I don’t care if it takes years, I will get them back.”
Twilight shook her head and clenched her eyes closed for a moment before opening them again and looking at me.
“Well, until then, we need a place for you to stay. Prin-“
“Oh, are we going house hunting?” I cried in delight. I snapped my fingers in order to summon a Robin Hooves outfit and bow. It didn’t work, which made me feel really stupid. Twilight gave me a look and I felt a flash of anger.
“No, we are not going house hunting. Prin-“
“Have you ever played hunt the house?” I asked. “It’s really easy. I mean, come on! They aren’t exactly small things, are they?”
“Discord, stop interrupting! Prin-“
“Oh, look!” I cried, pointing toward a random pony’s house. “There’s one! Do I win?”
“DISCORD!” bellowed Twilight in anger.
“Hey, did you know that the more times ponies say my name, and the louder they say it, the more powerful I become?” I said. I watched Twilight carefully to gauge how she would react to this enormous lie. I’m all powerful all the time, of course. Except for at this particular moment, I suppose.
Twilight looked confused the moment I said that, and worry flashed across her face. “You’re lying!” she growled.
“This sentence is a lie.”
“Shut up!”
“Shut up?” I cried in false apology. “Why, certainly! You don’t think I’m the kind to keep on blabbing, do you? Some ponies will just keep going on and on and on and on and on. When I shut up, I shut up!”
“This is giving me an aneurism,” muttered Rarity.
Twilight sighed. “Discord, the prin-“
She abruptly stopped and shot me a glare.
“The princess... suggested that you stay with Fluttershy during your stay here. Now. You and I and Fluttershy are going to go to her house now. You’re going to behave. And you are going to be nice to Fluttershy.”
“Alright.”
Twilight stared at me in disbelief.
“ ‘Alright’? Is that really all you have to say?”
“Yep.” I grinned. My plan was going according to plan.
“I’m keeping an eye on you.”
Twilight turned to the others.
“Could you four please wait for me in Sugar Cube Corner? Don’t worry about me, I can deal with Discord, and I don't want to make everypony even more angry by having to be near him. I have something that I need to talk to you all about when I get back.”
The other ponies hesitantly agreed.
I forced my face to not reflect the euphoria I felt at this.
The walk to Fluttershy’s house was eerily quiet. I knew I was making the two ponies uncomfortable with my uncharacteristic silence. But my strangely normal activity isn’t a commentary on the predictability of being unpredictable. I knew that every moment of silence would increase the payload when I finally sprang my plan into action.
Ah, I do believe Fluttershy’s house is coming into view. And it is right next to the Everfree Forest. How... convenient.
To work! To work! I resisted the urge to laugh.
“WAIT!” I cried out. “STOP, STOP STOP STOP!”
Twilight turned around to face me, making no attempt to hide her frustration. Fluttershy was behind me, so I couldn’t see her, but I knew that she wouldn’t stop me.
“I can’t hold this in any longer!” I cried. “I have to say something before I burst!”
Twilight’s anger almost entirely disappeared, replaced with shock and cautious concern.
“What is it, Discord?” she asked.
“Alright, alright, you caught me!” I cried, much to her confusion. “I tried to keep it hidden, but I just can’t anymore! You’re the most beautiful mare I have ever laid eyes on in my long, loooooong life, Twilight!” I shed some fake tears.
Twilight was completely dumbstruck, her expression blank.
“There, I said it! I didn’t want this to interfere with our relationship, but you left me no choice!” I buried my face in my hands, and only then allowed myself a small grin.
Twilight started making hilarious gurgling noises as she stared at me like she was in a trance.
I pulled my head out of my hands and looked up cheerfully. “Bye now!” I declared. And then I turned around and started running as fast as I could force my back legs to carry me, straight toward the tree line.
It only took Twilight a few seconds to recover.
“DISCOOOOOOOOOOORD!” she bellowed, so loud that she would give the royal Canterlot voice a run for its money.
I looked back to see if she was chasing me.
She was still standing exactly where she had been.
What I had not expected was for her mane to be on fire.
Uh oh! Ouch!
Okay, that hurt a little more than I expected.
I was so startled by Twilight’s appearance that I actually tripped and skid in the grass. And, ow, my elbows are stinging right now. Oh chaos, how I wish my magic was still with me! I would magic away this stinging sensation, but I can’t! These ponies will pay for its loss!
Despite my pleasure at my plan working, my rage is finally starting to boil out. Celestia has the audacity to attempt to control me? To take my powers away? To force me to have to do things the hard way? I have been too merciful in the past.
My face is contorting up in fury. While a little bit of fury is fine, I can’t let it consume me. I fight to get control of myself, and then turn around once more. Twilight isn’t on fire any more, but she isn’t following even now.
I resumed running toward the trees, ecstatic that I wasn’t being followed. Yeah, that’s right, Elements of Harmony, that’s right Princess! You thought you had this in the bag? I WIN.
The fact that you still have my magic is just something I’ll have to address later.
...
OH, WHO AM I KIDDING? HOW IN THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA AM I GOING TO DO THIS?
“Twilight!” cried Fluttershy, the urgency of the situation giving her the bravery to speak to her enraged friend. “He’s getting away! We have to do something!”
“No!” cried Twilight. “We don’t, actually!”
“But he’s heading into the Everfree Forest!”
“Let him!”
“But he doesn’t have any of his powers, and it’s dangerous in there!” insisted Fluttershy.
“Good! It will be good for him!”
“Good for him?” cried Fluttershy in shock.
“Yes! It will give him a taste of what life is like when you can’t just solve all of your problems with a snap!” shouted Twilight.
“But he could get seriously injured!”
“He would deserve it!” shouted Twilight. “I can’t believe he- he tricked me with... with such a gargantuan lie, of- of all things!”
“But...”
“Mark my words, Fluttershy. By tomorrow, Discord will come crawling back, begging us to forgive him. If he’s lucky, I might even consider it.”
“Well... I guess so...”
“Come on. Let’s go back and-“
Fluttershy looked at Twilight in confusion as she cut off her speech.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, concern.
“Let’s tell the others,” Twilight continued uneasily. “But... Can you promise me that you won’t mention... that stuff he said right before he ran off?”
Fluttershy gave Twilight a surprised look, but said nothing more other than a quick, “Okay.”
Ah, the Everfree forest! So dark! So gloomy! So hostile... So... unwelcoming.
It’s making me very uncomfortable how my lack of power has changed my perceptions so drastically.
What am I going to do if I get jumped by a bugbear or something? As painful as it is to admit... I’m just a tad bit helpless without my magic.
What am I going to do now, genius? What’s the plan?
The plan is to pull myself together and stop fretting over the loss of my magic and figure out what I can do, of course!
Alright, so what can I do?
...
I’m drawing a blank here.
That’s not good.
Oh, come on! This is pathetic! I have the greatest, most spontaneous mind in the world! There have always been ten thousand different ways to deal with any situation ever, and now I can’t even think of a single one? How is that possible?
Well, admittedly, all ten thousand of those different ways involved the use of magic.
But that doesn’t matter. There must be something I can do!
...
Nope, still nothing.
What is that stench?
Who cares? I have far too much strength of will to be disturbed by such a thing as the sensation of smell.
It smells really bad.
Yeah, it really does. By chaos, what is making that smell?
I looked down and realized that there was a family of jackalopes cowering in a burrow at my feet.
Well well, would you look at that? My magic may be gone, but my legacy remains in the form of my works.
‘Is it you little guys that stink so bad?’ I wonder, leaning down to see if the smell would get stronger.
It didn’t.
“Where is that smell coming from?” I cry out in frustration.
Suddenly, I hear growling behind me.
Ah. Now I know exactly where that smell is coming from. One of the more... violent inhabitance of this forest.
Timberwolves are totally not my fault. I’ll take credit for a bunch of other things in this forest, but timberwolves are exclusively the responsibility of the spirits that like to inhabit and animate piles of wood and pretend like they’re alive when they’re really not.
“Ahhh... I sensed your presence before you arrived...” I told the timberwolf smartly. “What did you eat?” I shouted.
If anything, this angered the wooden construct and it drew closer, growling more intensely now.
Uh oh. How am I going to deal with this thing?
“Oh come on!” I cried at it. “You think that’s scary? This is scary!”
I made a face at it.
Without my magic to enhance the effect, I feel certain I 'm making myself look like an idiot.
The timberwolf started to walk around me, counter-clockwise.
At least, counter-clockwise on normal pony’s clocks.
“You’re hesitating, you stupid timberwolf. You know better than to attack the spirit of chaos, don’t y-“
“ARGH!” I screamed as the abomination leapt on me.
I’m still much bigger than it is, so for the moment, I have the advantage. I try to snap the twigs in one of its legs, but to my horror, they don’t even crack.
If I survive this, I really have to start exercising or something. And it’s going to suck. And I’ll make sure that the ponies responsible for this mess pay.
Even my claws don’t really seem to bother the timberwolf much. I’m scratching it up pretty bad, but I don’t think it even cares.
Think, Discord! There has got to be something you can do! What resources are available to you?
I’m keeping the timberwolf at bay while I think, not allowing it to distract me.
Item one: One pathetically weak (at least physically) Draconequus.
That’s no good. There’s has got to be something around here I can use.
Um, well, there’s some sticks on the ground.
That I can’t get to because I’ve got a blasted Timberwolf trying to bite my hands off, you dummy!
Alright, alright, I can’t use those. I am my only feasible asset.
Come on, think, Discord, think!
Suddenly, a particularly nasty puff of timberwolf breath gets in my face.
Oh chaos, that has to be the most disgusting thing I’ve smelled in over a thousand years.
Come on! Why is this bothering me so much! Sticks may break my bones (especially when they are alive and bloodthirsty), but words cannot hurt me, and neither can tastes or sights or smells!
Ugh. Unfortunately, my insides don’t seem to agree with my brain...
Wait a moment...
Item two, a resource available to anypony whether they are deprived of their magic or not:
Acid.
So, yeah, I just did that...
But on a related note, the timberwolf is yipping like it’s on fire. It might as well be.
Also, my paw is stinging like crazy.
I put aside the pain in my paw to watch as the Timberwolf ran in wild zig zags before finally it abruptly fell apart, releasing the sinister spirit that inhabited it into the air, loathed to remain inside the anguished form of the timerberwolf. It dispersed, but I knew it would probably find a new body of twigs to animate soon enough.
“Hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed at the pile of sticks. “You thought you would be a match for me? Do you not know who I am! I went easy on you, and you still failed spectacularly!”
Suddenly I start hearing other noises, down near my feet. I look down in surprise.
The jackalopes are dancing at my feet in happiness, chattering away their thanks. I don’t understand their language or anything, but somehow, it’s obvious that that is what they are doing.
“Yes yes,” I say to them in slight annoyance. “Big bad Discord is the greatest. Now then, I have things to do, places to be, plans to plot-“
One of them tugged at my leg persistently, drawing my attention. Once it had it, it sat back on its hind legs and started chattering away, making wild gestures with its front paws. I squint at it, trying to make sense of what it is trying to say to me.
“You want me to come with you?” I asked.
The creature nodded eagerly.
I start to consider whether this is even worth my time, but before I can get very far, the critter launches into another tirade.
“You know a place where I can stay safe from more monsters?”
Another nod.
Huh. Shelter. That is a thing that critters need, isn’t it? And ponies. And a magicless draconequus, I suppose.
This whole ‘surviving in the wilderness on your own without magic’ thing is looking like it might be a bit harder than I thought.
“And...”
I stopped as I tried to translate the horned rabbit’s chattering.
“Food too?”
I just realized how hungry I am at the moment. My earlier actions probably didn’t help in that regard. That’s not a problem, I’ll just summon up some-
Oh. Right. Can’t do that either.
...But why should I even listen to these rodents anyway?
And then the jackalope’s mouth went off again, chattering away. I didn’t really get what he was trying to convey until all of them suddenly started bowing at me, giving me chatters of thanks, and basically saying that they'll do whatever I want because they owe me.
And then, I broke into a grin.
Alright, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and all the rest of you too. You have your friends, you say?
Pfff. I have minions.