//------------------------------// // The Big Bang // Story: The Elements... And Me // by Doood //------------------------------// Chapter 1 BOOM What in the blue blazes was that?!? Jesus, it sounds like someone's in my h- Great, just great. The one day I get told to not kill him, I have to. I would understand, if he knocked. Hell, asked me even. But to go as far to try and blow up my house, deserves more than a promise. And he woke me up. Peachy. I sit up, mind fully alert and ready for just about anything. The persistent feeling of somebody in your house just being there, causing adrenaline and god knows what else to pump in my veins. Throwing my legs about the bed into my shoes and standing made some floorboards creak. Hopefully not alerting whomever was in here, I checked the clock next to the bed. Imagine my curiosity when it showed just black. I looked up, normally my fan was on too. Did I pay the electric bill? Yeah, I did actually. Five days ago. Then why the hell… I swear if he cut my power... There was a loud thump downstairs, followed by the sound of various voices. Ah, it isn’t… Who I thought it was... so who was in my house? Making sure I was at least suitable for getting my ass kicked, I looked towards my closet adjacent to my bed, fumbling in the pitch black for… Found ya, you bastard. I gripped my weapon in hand, trusty slugger, bat extraordinaire, ladies and gents, I give you Batman. Dark as the night outside my window and hits as hard as steel...Which it is. Horrible pun I know, but bats are not only good for hitting balls out of parks now. Okay, maybe that too if you catch my drift. Regardless, I hefted it to my side, checking my pockets to make sure I had everything from the night before. See, I don't normally sleep in my clothes because I hate getting hot inside a blanket, on top of a clean bed. But tonight was a special case as per I worked late. So when I came home, I was really tired. Go figure. I did, however, have my essentials on me, including a knife, my smokes, and wallet. Which was empty. Anyways. Trying to find the door was easy, as per the odd glow that came from underneath of it. But when I clicked on my bedroom light, not even that turned on. Is it still a Power outage? I stepped out into the hallway, my bathroom to the right of me and a staircase that led downstairs. It was those two rooms, followed by the attic that was the upstairs portion of my abode. While listening to any sudden outbursts from downstairs, I waltzed into the bathroom and tried the light. No success. Damn… Maybe that sound was a nearby plant blowing up. Wonder how long that would take… So it was a definite, power was out. Don't even need to check the attic because of so. Heh… Attic. Never went up there. I was scared shitless of what was up there when I first moved here, and still am to this day. Probably because my mind cooked up some sort of hideous monster that lives there. Technically, his name is Jared. But I call him Billy. It both boosts my morale and gives me a giggle every time I cuss at him. What? I have a right to step on him. That fucker eats my socks! I have been missing my left ones for over a year now! The sound of another loud thud and several shushes alerted me back to the precarious situation I was still in. I moved quickly to the stairs and peered down. Down the darkened stairwell, there was that glow again. It was light blue, like as if I had left the t.v. on. But I didn't? Right? Gah! I hate being confuzzled! The power was off in my room, bathroom and attic, so fuck alls given if the rest of the house had no power too. But yet, the glow was there… I made my way down the steps, one shoe in front of the other. The bat was consciously brought into my swinging stance as I crept to the wall at the bottom of the staircase. I hoped, sincerely hoped, that I left the t.v. on. It would explain the glow, and whispers I was hearing now… “What do you mean, hold on? What if somepony hears us?!” Somepony? What? “Shhh!!! Just let the mare concentrate. Her spell requires some work I'll have you know.” “What would you know? All you know what to cast is the levitation spell!” I blinked. Honestly, after the occurring grammar mishaps, followed by the indenting fact that those who were talking, were girls, set several more alarms off in my head. “Umm… I think we should listen to Rarity girls… She and Twilight do have a point. I couldn't imagine what would happen if we woke up who lives here.” “Oh phoey, I can take ‘em!” Heh, right. “SHHH!! We're playing the quiet game!!... Oh shoot… I lost didn't I?” “I'm afraid so Pinkie.” What in the actual… My curiosity got the better of me. I found my head peering behind the wall, searching for the voices. The room, although lit by the eerie glow, was still pitch black, sparse for the moonlight cascading into the room. I found the couch, there was the chair… The t.v. was on… Wait a minute… My mouth worked against my teeth, the grinding of my molars becoming the prominent sound in the room. I did leave the television on. But it was on static. Shit, talk about barging in on an electric bill that's high enough as it is. While I was looking, I must've shifted my weight on a board or something, because the next thing I know, I hear the...voices start up again, “D...did you hear that?” “Oh, so you still brave enough to take them on now?” There they are… I use, they, wisely. And get used to seeing it used. It was more like, the six of them. Counting off the shadows again, yes indeed, Six. But they were hiding behind my couch…. My Couch. So, with a steely determination, I crept from the wall and into the hallway, careful to feel around for anything I might bump into, or trip over. Thankfully along the way, I had some sort of grace, allowing my clumsy self to reach my goal in quiet. The kitchen. The kitchen was more spacious and held less of a challenge for me to walk around in, apart from the mishaps of the night before. So imagine my surprise when I stepped on a fork. Around the time I got to the table, I began to question my methods of trying to sneak. Should I try to roll into the next room? Yell at them while I'm at it? Good idea, but I'm sure I'll fuck it up somehow… Ooh! Throw the bat at them! Definitely surprising… But I don't want to hurt them… I could just say hi? Whilst thinking of how I should confront my attackers, I subconsciously made my way around the room, making it all the way towards the beginning of where they were. It was now or never right? I still couldn't see them, and from the distance I was, (measuring to about I don't know how many feet, fuck you), I was pretty sure they couldn't see me. So I inched forward, slowly but surely. “Twilight, hurry up! I think I hear somepony coming!” That was the quiet one… God should I do this? They sounded like they were trying to… No. Keep going. “I'm… Trying… It just won't work!” There was a small spark in the darkness. Their outlines become more clearer as my eyes adjusted. “Well try harder! I rreeeaalllyy feel like we shouldn't be here.” I was close enough to reach out and touch them. And because of that proximity, I could see fully, all of who and what they were. “Got it!” A light flared up, illuminating just about everything, including me with my bat raised and the group of banditos huddled back against my furniture. To this day, I have yet to figure out if I took my prescription pills, or my neighbor slipped acid in my soda. Because what was in front of me could wipe the grin and sarcastic remark out of anyone who called me a liar. Small horses. But… Not just any small horses… When the light came on, it was made apparent that two of these said… ponies… had horns atop their heads… and another two had… wings…Oh thank Bob, at least the last of them were regular… If not for the damn colors and stereotypical formalities. Within the fraction of the lights second, I was able to individually glance at all six, each one ranging in yet again, the colors and other physical differences. First and foremost, if I hadn't been as pumped up as I was just trying to figure out what I was dealing with, I would've screamed in agony at how the canvas colors reflected in my irises. The six ranged from a dreaded pink, to a pale yellow and between the middle of it all, I shit you not, lay a rainbow colored one too. Did I mention there was a pink one? No..? Shit… Regardless of their colors, and differences, I made the fatal of mistake of standing there like an idiot. Frankly, it was rather awkward too. So, there I was, the guy with a bat held high, what do you think I did? “Uh… Hi?” Cue the sound of stereotypical drums. Well it was worth a try. Several things happened after that, the reactions, coinciding with the screams could’ve shattered every window in my house. “GET HIM!” Cue the informal glomp, and there was a giant pile of colors on me. Well.. that's what it looked like. I couldn't see anything past tan and blue. Ah great, ITS IN MY MOUTH, I’M TASTING RAINBOW, FUCK. Some of them broke away, leaving just me and two others to roll around on the floor. The both of them, the cyan one and orange, backed me into a corner eventually. What? I'm weak as all get out. Deal with it. Sparsely, I threw a lucky fist and hit something, but who knows what it was, because after a while, I figured out that somehow one of them had tied me up. If given time, and the moments of trying to even measure of how random it was, I would know how they did it. But my stupidity caused me to be thrown against a wall and pinned by one of them. The cyan one I think. She held my shirt in her… Hoof… While the one with the Stetson held her… Ooooohhhh… Of course. I would have to say that on a scale of one to whatthefuck?, this was pretty close to the top. Not quite there though… Unsure of what to do next, I locked gazes with the one pony hovering in front of me, “You know, I said hi, followed by a hello… Is pretty formal. Wanna try again?” The cyan one spat, “Hi.” I smirked, “Hello.” After she rolled her strange rose colored irises, the four that weren't full fledged nicking my day, cautiously crept from the sidelines. The pink bouncing over from out of nowhere. Literally. She like, came out of the fucking wall or something. “Hiya!” She said energetically, landing two feet in front of my face. The cyan one glared at her for a moment, her head swiveling so that she was following her cohort, “Be quiet! We don't know if it's dangerous or not!” This triggered something in my mind. “What the hell do you mean by it? I should be calling you that since you're six talking… PONIES. I'm a fucking living being. I'm sentient! I HAVE THUMBS!” The pink one suddenly smiled, putting her hoof to her mouth and blowing on it on it, causing weird finger looking appendages to pop out. What? Wait… What? What?!? How in the he-... The cyan pony sighed. “Pinkie! Now is not the time!” “But, Rainbow! I wanna talk to him! Can I please?! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease??” I blinked at this. The one with a rainbow on her head and ass was called Rainbow. FUCKING BRILLIANT! SO GOD DAMN BRILLIANT!!!! “So.. wait…” I began, my tired mind turning the cogs around, “If I punch you, do I get free skittles?” Rainbow pony glared at me and raised her other hoof. “No, you get a face full of hoof.” “Dammit. I wanted some fucking skittles.” There goes my night. The purple pony with a weird stripe in her mane walked over, her horn aglow, “What are you?” I squinted, technically, I should be asking them that.. “First off, before we go pointing fi-...” I blinked, “Our appendages at any... thing… let's just calm the hell down. You got me in a knot, and I don't appreciate it.” Great. Now I was trying to reason with them. The orange one mumbled with a mouth full of rope, “An’ whaddya propose we do? Let ya out the rope?” I shrugged, which mind you, was hard to do when tied up, “It's a start.” Rainbow jostled me and again, raising her hoof, “I don't exactly believe you, how do we know you won't attack us or something?” “Because you attacked, me. Case in point, why should I trust you?! YOU FUCKING BROKE INTO MY HOUSE!” The violet one… Pretty sure I heard one of them name Twilight, spoke, “Broke into? You must be mistaken.” “My house. You’re in it. I didn’t let you come inside. How is that not breaking in?” Twilight countered calmly, “Because we didn't break anything. Besides, this is purely on accident, I assure you. And if all of us would stay calm, we can all go our separate ways.” The white pony with the giant, curly mane nodded to this, peering from behind the couch, “Yes. We did not intend on coming here. We were trying to get out before we ran into anything.. then you came along. Sorry about that.” She said as she used her magic to untie the rope. Amidst the pleas of, ‘Don’t do it, he’ll eat us,’ and several others, I rubbed my palms and slowly stood, “Alright, uh… Thanks? Which is… Weird saying to… You six… ponies?” Pinkie suddenly burst in. “Yeah! All of us are ponies!” I gasped my mood swinging, “Really?! Oh my heavens! And here I thought you were Santa's fucking elves! Talk about giving me coal!” Rainbow scoffed, “Should've tied his mouth up too.” I looked at her, “Was I talking to you, skittles?” Pinkie giggled at all of this. But alas, it was Twilight who answered, “Anyway, we again, apologize. If anypony is to blame, It’s me.” I raised a brow, eventually settling on folding my arms, “Indeed?” “It would seem so. I may have mixed up a transportation spell, a larger one than I thought. I should’ve planned for this…” I cocked my head, “Spell? Like… Magic?” Please be a dream. Just a messed up hangover, or acid. Twilight confirmed my suspicions with a nod, “And to go back, I need to cast that same spell in reverse. That's why we… Sorta attacked you.” I scoffed, “Sorta being the key word. You knew what you were doing.” Rainbow mocked a roll of the arm, “Yeah? And we'll do it again if you try any funny business.” “Look, skittleass, I'm not gonna do anything.” “It isn't skittleass alright, it's Rainbow-Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria!” I shrugged, “Uh-huh. And I'm your friendly neighborhood jackass.” The white one perked up from the couch, “Hugh… Jah Kass?” I pursed my lips, “Eh, close enough.” Twilight stepped in, “Regardless! Hugh… Or whatever your name is, I believe we need to leave.” I nodded furiously, “Uh yeah, you know how much stain that you six staying here would put on my reputation?” Pinkie tilted her head to the side. “Like a grape juice stain on carpet? From the little cardboard boxes with straws you poke through the little silver thingy?” I opened my mouth to say something, but the sheer oddity of what Pinkie said halted my efforts. Strangely enough, she was right, “Uh… Yeah. That. Look, point is, leave, please. If you think I'm bad, imagine fifteen more of me, times like, one million, all trying to see what you look like on the inside.” Twilight blanched at this and shivered, followed by the rest of the ponies doing fairly similar things. Nonetheless, I watched as they all huddled together, Twilight being the one to do her spell thing. Whilst doing so, I grumbled quietly, finding refuge against a wall nearby. So… How do I wrap my head around this one? I just had a conversation with ponies. And not just any ponies, I'm talking about Unicorns, and Pegasus's. Or would it be pegasi? Eh. What I couldn't face, was how they all seemed so familiar. And on top of that, why I was being so calm about this. It's not everyday you talk to an animal and that animal talks back, unless it's a parakeet. But those conniving little cracker stealers don't count. As Twilight's horn glowed brighter, I squinted, taking in each of the ponies before they left. Hopefully. It would make a great tale to tell someday, MY HOME, INVADED BY COLORFUL LITTLE PONIES! I'd probably be laughed at, have a bottle smacked upside my head, and thrown down a nearby ditch. But I saw them with my own eyes. Call me a liar, and I'll set you on fire. Hell… where did they come from? Scratching my chin, I glanced at the two normal… Other ponies. The one with the Stetson and bunches of apples on her ass, and the Pink one, whose hair looked like cotton candy. It looked like they were… Drawn. Smushed together, or just plain thought of. I haven't really been the type to fantasize of unicorns and pegasi. Okay, maybe once or twice, I've thought about riding a pegasus with rainbows coming from its ass into battle. BUT ONLY THAT. I didn't expect to see an actual pegasus the color of the rainbow. But life works in mysterious ways. Like a toaster. “Oh no…” My head snapped up, eyes trained on what was taking place before me. Although my thoughts had been short, what had transpired in that small amount of time escalated dramatically. Still, all six were huddled close together, frightened, and watching in horror as Twilight's horn sparkled pure energy. The violet unicorns face was squinted, pain being the only word to describe what was coming of her spell. I hopped off my wall and walked forward, concern matching those of her friends. But as I drew near, Twilight's horn bolted again, Lavender glows streaming to the floor, weaving along the tile and carpet. Rainbow looked around and then towards me, eyes wide with shock, “WHAT’RE YOU, STUPID? MOVE!” Ten Seconds. That was all it took for shit to roll. The first second, One of the lavender tendrils snapped through my chest, piercing me all the way through and latching onto my back. My eyes went as wide as saucers and I choked. As my stomach dropped ten times after two seconds, The tendril lifted me up as the rest of the six did. I grabbed my chest and grunted as I tried to lift the tendril away. Three seconds in, I watched in mute agony as we were encased by a white sphere, the tendrils whirling around it like a swarm of bees. This was like some terminator bullcrap, WHY DID I WAKE UP FOR THIS? Four seconds in, and I was wrenched towards the group, landing to the side of the shy one. That was the one I forgot about… Maybe because I never heard her speak up. Looking at her now, I was fairly certain she had fainted as per her eyes were lolling in the back of her head. Ah great, pink hair. Everyone was panicking around the fifth second, except for Pinkie, who had… Somehow found a way to dangle upside down…. Six seconds, and another tendril latched around my neck, others doing the same for the six ponies. I tried grasping it and yanking it off, but my hand passed right through it, phasing so that I instead grabbed my shirt. What alarmed me, was that it was tightening around my neck, and it showed no signs of stopping. Eight seconds and Twilight was screaming, and I watched as her eyes shot open, casting all of us in a white glow. And dear god… Did it burn. Nine seconds, I was screaming too. Just a litttttllleeee bit louder though. Ten Seconds, and there was nothing left of us to begin with. On the outside of the white ball, it collapsed in on itself, eventually disappearing in a whisp of smoke. We, “winked”, out of existence, leaving only one of my shoes and a soot covered floor. Man. What a night.