I...do?

by Dr Atlas


Bad...Beginning

“Now let's see...one cup of flour...two cups of...batter? Or is it made out of batter, or am I making batter?”

Doomie continued flipping through the pages of the cookbook, unsure as to what he was cooking at this point. “Aw geez…” He stirred the bowl in his hooves with a whisk in hopes that it would help, but nothing inside it was mixing. “W-Was I supposed to add an egg or something?”

Doomie looked back at the book again as he added more ingredients with his magic. “H-how many...three? No, that’s, what if- Wait, what step am I-AH!” Doomie tripped on the mixture of ingredients he spilled on the floor and fell, the bowl landing on his head with a splat.

“Ugh...a whole year and I still can’t cook.” Doomie sat up and set the bowl on the table. Wiping off all the food that got on his head.  “Come on now, Doomie, you’ve handled tons of stuff that’s harder than this! You helped Pinkie deal with that giant centaur...even if you did just watch…”

He stood on all fours and grabbed the cookbook. “You helped get her cutie mark back from that evil mare...who we ended up befriending, surprisingly.” He flipped through more pages, trying to find an easier recipe. “You even made friends with...him.” Doomie sneered.

The bug sighed and closed the book, having to let this out again. “I swear, Thorax gets way more attention the longer he sits in that empire.” He turned to the window, looking up at the night sky. “I bet he’s just loving it there; having all the ponies, who he doesn’t even know, be friends while I stay here with ponies who don’t even know my name!” Doomie blinked and turned away from the window, a pair of shadows dashing past it. “Then again, I can’t get the names of most ponies, but for queens sake! I at least try!”

Doomie sat down with a thump, something tumbling behind him, he didn’t notice until his ears flicked, making him turn around. “Oh for-” He grumbled to himself and reached up to the object that fell from behind him. “Pinkie really needs to teach me how to do this better...then again, if I talk about it...she’ll find out.”

He picked it up the small box and held it to his eyes, knowing what was inside. “I...I have to tell her...I-I gotta do it...I just wish I...I…” Doomie lightly hit his head with the box, knowing that he had tried to ask Pinkie about this box, but every attempt was shot down by something interrupting them or a more important things that were happening, ranging from meeting her relatives to taking part in lessons on pony society. “I wish I wasn’t such a loser…”

With a depressed sigh, he put the box behind his back. “If I can’t even make a cake...how can I ever ask her.” He grabbed the cookbook as well, knowing he’d have a mess to clean up tomorrow, but he was too sad to care at this point. “I’m just a wimp who can’t even get names right; who can’t even help because of his cowardliness; who can’t do anything right…”

Doomie looked down at himself, still seeing the same bug he was a year ago. "I haven't even changed one bit, how come Thor over there gets all sparkly wings while I sit here looking like a freak!" With another loud groan, Doomie set the book on the table and shut off the light, his head hung low as he exited the kitchen. “I’m never gonna be remembered, I’m just gonna be another bug who gets forgotten, another creature who no one will remember, another character who-”

*Ding*

A ringing bell interrupted him. He shot his head to the front door, but he saw no one there. “And you’re tired too, apparently.” He yawned, knowing it was late in the evening. “Maybe I can ask Pinkie help in cooking tomorrow...again.”

Doomie made his way to the stairs, not caring about the mess he made right now and more about his life. “What am I gonna do? I can’t cook; I can’t help sell pastries; I can’t throw parties; I can’t fight; I can’t do anything Pinkie wants me to do…” He turned the corner to the hall as Pinkie’s bedroom silently shut itself.

“I’m a noling...just a bug who doesn’t even get noticed anymore.” He sighed as he put his hoof on the door. “Just for once, I wish something cool would happen to me, m-maybe then I’d get some recognition in my life.” Doomie swung open the door, his eyes closed. “I’ll show everypony that Doomie can handle any situa-”

Doomie stood dead in his tracks the moment he opened his eyes, seeing two dark figures holding up a pony Doomie knew all too well. “W-Wu-What?” The second he uttered those words. The two of them dashed out the window, taking the sleeping mare with them. It took Doomie’s mind a bit to realize he just saw someone ponynap Pinkie. “Pa-PINKIE!” He ran up to the open window, prepared to stop whoever did this. “Y-You’re not taking-”

*THUNK*

Doomie hit the window hard, so hard that cracks formed and his head was in a daze. “Pah...Pinkie?” Was the last thing he said as he fell into the bed, the pain and tiredness forcing his eyes to close and his mind to go out like a light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning light shined through the window, hitting Doomie’s eyes and forcing him to wake up. As his eyes fluttered open, his mind went back into gear, knowing Pinkie was in danger. “Pinkie!” He jolted in the air and dashed to the window. “I-I’ll save...you?”

He stopped, realizing she wasn’t there, and that the window was shut, and that it was morning, not only that, but something else was making him question his actions. “W-Was it a dream?” Doomie turned to the empty bed. “If it was, then where is she?” He turned to the wide open door, knowing something was up.

He took his first step into the bright hallway, looking around and seeing that it was still empty. He continued walking until he hit the first step of the stairs. He took another, but was hesitant to keep going. “Something’s not right…”

Feeling worried, Doomie put on a disguise and walked downstairs, not knowing what to expect. As he hit the last step. He flinched as he heard a loud noise from the kitchen. “Pots hitting the floor? Pinkie’s always careful about that. “ He turned around and peered into the kitchen, seeing that the mess he made last night was still there. “She didn’t even clean it?” He looked further inside and gasped as he saw a poofy mane and tail on a pink pony going through the kitchen. “Pinkie?”

Pinkie yelped and turned around, very surprised to see a random pony. “Oh...u-uh, hi there pony. W-what are you doing here?”

“Pony?” Doomie thought. “Doesn’t she know this is my regular disguise when we go out?” He stepped inside, the shadows still over his face. “Uh, Pinkie, you okay?”

Pinkie walked closer to him, Doomie’s eyes going wide once he looked into her’s. “I’m just fine, what about you?”

“Wait…” Doomie looked right into her eyes, not seeing the mare he fell in love with. He was looking right into the eyes of a pony who wasn't the one he had spent half his life with, Doomie undisguised on the spot and snarled, a wave of anger washing over him. “Y-You’re not Pinkie!”

Pinkie stepped back. “Y-You’re not a pony?” Both stood still, none of them saying a word, Doomie had a feeling he just made the biggest mistake of his life doing this, but that was until Pinkie laughed. “Oh, oh my queen, y-you really had me going there.” Doomie watched in horror as his marefriend burst into green flames, changing into a creature he wished he would never see again. “Sup, bro.”

Thinking that he was apart of a plan, Doomie smiled and tried his hardest to play along. “Uh...s-sup, um...w-what are you doing here?”

His brother rolled his eyes. “What does it look like, I’m playing my part in being one of the elements.” He ran up to him. “And what have you been doing?”

“Uh…” Doomie thought fast. “Um...p-playing my part too?”

“As a random pony?” His brother said plainly.

Doomie shrugged. “W-Well, uh, a-a job is better than no job, right?”

The changeling facehoofed. “The Queen didn’t give any other ‘jobs’ besides disguising as, and only as, the ponies we ponynapped.”

Doomie blinked, having a hard time taking this information in. “Uh...r-right.”

“You okay?” His sibling stepped closer. “You need to act your part if you want to pull this off, and you don’t want to disappoint the queen, do you?”

Doomie started sweating. “O-Of course not. I-I would never try to betray my queen, w-what makes you think that?”

The bug backed up. “I didn’t say anything about betraying…”

Realizing it was only a matter of time until his cover was blown, Doomie glanced around the room in hopes there was something to help him out here, his eyes lit up once he spotted a pan that had fallen on the ground earlier.. “Uh...I-I mean, not helping, of course.”

The changeling eyed him. “What’s your name, bug?”

“M-My name?” Doomie started slowly walking around, his brother doing the same.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you before, you look new. I can see it in your eyes. In fact…” Doomie’s brother sat down as Doomie stepped on the pan. “I don’t think Chrysalis assigned you this job!”

Doomie sighed, hoping he wouldn’t mess this up. “You’re right, she didn’t…”

The changeling snarled. “Then who are you!?”

“Who am I?" Doomie's eyes shot daggers into his brother. "I’m DOOMIE!” With a determined face, Doomie grabbed the handle of the pan and threw it right at his brother’s head, the bug standing dazed before falling to the floor. Doomie gasped. “O-Oh my gosh. I-I did it!” He clapped his hooves “I-I did something cool!”

With a smile on his face, he took hold of his brother’s legs and pulled him behind the counter, looking around the kitchen. “Let’s see, where did Pinkie put the..ah ha!” Doomie opened the top cupboard to find his most hated ingredient. “Sticky jelly.” He read off the label of the jar. “This stuff took forever to get out of my fins.” Smiling evilly, Doomie turned to his unconscious brother and poured the slimy substance on his hooves, sticking them to the floor. “Have fun getting up from that!” He raised his front hooves in the air and stood in the middle of the kitchen, never feeling so amazing. “Nothing can stop me now!”

“Hey, bro!” Doomie put his hooves down and craned his head outside the kitchen, seeing Rainbow Dash by the door. “How long are you gonna...why are you out of your disguise?”

Realizing he was now taking the roll of his now knocked out brother, Doomie disguised as Pinkie and put on a nervous smile. “Oh...uh, y-yeah, sorry about that.”

The disguised Dash flew up to him and smacked him upside the head. “You keep making mistakes like that and we’ll blow our cover, you understand!?”

Doomie rubbed his head, thankful he didn’t notice his other brother behind the counter. “C-Crystal clear...heh.”

Dash just glared at him and started walking out the door. “Come on now, we need to get the rest of us and talk to the queen?” He looked at him. "You got the rock, right?"

Doomie blinked. “U-Uh…G-Got what?”

He facehoofed. “Don’t tell me you lost it, now.”

Doomie glanced at his unconscious brother. “Uh...g-gimmy a sec!” He started rummaging through his brother until he found a strange black rock behind him. “Uh...g-got it?” He held it up to Dash, who nodded in response.

“Great, now, will you get a move on! They’re waiting!”

Doomie nodded and stuffed the rock behind his back, not sure what it was. He held his head high and made his way to the door. “Okay Doomie, you’re doing great, just remember what those classes taught ya and you’ll be fine...wait, didn’t you fail-”

“HELLOOOOOOO! Hive to bug? Do you read?”

Doomie shook his head out of it, shocked to see he was already at the front door. “Uh...s-sorry, j-just trying to act calm here...heh…”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Sometimes I wonder why Chrysalis chose you for this job, you don’t even remember half your training, and you have the reflexes of a sloth…” The changeling demonstrated this by reeling one of his hooves back, making Doomie yelp and flinch. He then socked him twice in the arm. “That’s two of flinchin’ dumb flank!” He then smacked his head and laughed, Doomie rubbing both his head and arm. “Keep up, will you!”

Doomie sighed and kept walking, knowing it was either this or never seeing Pinkie again. “Boy, I sure missed this when I was still at the hive…”