My steps echo hollowly in the regal hallway. I narrow my eyes as I pass the stained glass windows. The entire hall feels so… cold. It might only be the start of the winter months, but the air has felt so chilled to me. There has been no warmth in this world. Not since Eacko…
The stained glass pictures are beautiful. I can’t deny that fact. The light from Celestia’s sun shines through them all, dotting the tiles on the floor with color. I see so many different pictures - the fall of Discord, both times, and the more recent defeat of Sombra. These windows span quite a period of time. I frown as I see the changelings are nowhere to be seen.
Celestia has neglected her history lessons.
“Ahem.”
I jump slightly as I hear a guard behind me. I turn and glance at him. He’s just your average guard, done up in that armor the ponies loved to show off in. He’s watching me cautiously. “You are the Queen.”
It’s not really a question. Just a statement of fact. I nod either way. “Yes, I am indeed. I’m waiting for my audience with Celestia.”
“Princess Celestia.”
“Is there any other?”
He smirks lightly. “Well, there is another princess. Three, actually. Princess Cadance and Princess Luna.” He walks up beside me, surprising me - nopony as yet has dared get this close. “You would know all about them, though.” He smirked. “Princess Luna wanted your head after what you did to her sister.” He makes himself busy by examining the glass windows.
“Er… yes. I understand she missed the wedding while hunting down my kind,” I say, trying to bite back my bitterness about the fact. Yet another reminder at many senseless deaths.
“She did, yeah. It was a shame. Kinda funny, though.”
“Funny?”
“She did such a poor job, seeing as you’re still around.”
I glance at him, surprised. Nopony would dare bad mouth Luna. She was almost as feared as I was. He wears an easy smile, however, completely unaffected by his comment. I glance him over. He seems… odd, in a way. Something about the way he speaks feels familiar. I know that is impossible, however; I did not get close to many ponies while I was in Equestria.
I take a closer look. He is… well, unimportant. He’s just sort of… there. He looks like all the other guards I’d seen around Canterlot already. There appears to be nothing special about him. I can't even taste any stray emotion from him, other than faint amusement. So what about him keeps drawing my eye?
I don’t have long to ponder. He looks up at me fearlessly, an easygoing smile on his face. “Come. The Princess will see you now.”
I open my mouth to ask how he knows, but just then, the far door creaks open. There’s a faint sparkle of amusement in his eyes. I shut my mouth and follow the guard wordlessly. I’ll figure that strange pony out later.
I walk into the throne room. Unsurprisingly, Celestia sits at her throne. At her right side, Luna sits. A bit more surprisingly, at her left, Twilight Sparkle sits. What is she doing here? I thought this was to be a private audience… Frowning softly, I made my way forward.
The emotion hits me immediately.
I stop, eyes widening ever so slightly. To her left, I can feel anxiety. Confusion. Concern. But hope, nonetheless. To her right, hatred. Distrust. Condemnation.
But before me, all too powerful, I feel her. I can feel every distinct emotion Princess Celestia has, and it’s overwhelming. She feels so much love for others that I practically drown, and yet she’s so terribly scared that I feel I may collapse under the pressure of it all. I cannot grasp how ponies survive, not knowing the intensity of feeling they hold within. I gulp, my hooves trembling as I approach the throne and as I attempt to ignore the emotions attempting to swallow me up.
Celestia regards me warmly and I feel the sun’s heat in my soul, burning through me. “Hello, Queen Chrysalis.”
“Hello.” How my voice does not quiver, I shall never know.
She shuts her eyes, sitting tall on her throne. “You have requested peace between our two races. Me and my sister have already come to a decision on the matter.”
That shocks me. So soon? I lick my lips, feeling uneasy. I try to get some sort of read of of Celestia, but I can feel nothing but that damned love. There was so much of it, and nothing else. How could she survive like that? With such an overpowering emotion, always? Moreover, how did I not feel this before? This extreme intenseness, this overwhelming power? How was I able to ignore this before?
She opens her eyes again. “We have chosen to accept your peace.” My heart flutters in my chest. They’ve accepted it? Already? I had only just arrived! I had expected… I don’t know what I expected. Not acceptance. “However… It will not be easy.”
I feel hope surging through my veins. I try to bite it back, knowing how easily it all could fail, but I cannot stop it all. “I know it will not. With our past, ponies and changelings will struggle greatly. But it is the last hope of my race. I am willing to do anything, so long as they survive.”
Admiration. That’s what I feel next. Admiration, for me, the failure queen? Foolish. Bewildering. Why would she admire me? “I am glad to hear you say so, Chrysalis. The trials you will face here will be many. I fear my ponies will react poorly to you and your subjects.”
“For good reason,” Luna said, her eyes narrowing. “Thou hath instilled terror into their very hearts.” I wince. Her voice is as cold as I remember. “Pray that the mistakes of the past do not ruin thee.”
I feel a surge of anger and realize after a moment that it is my own. The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Did you pray for the same, Princess?”
Tension. Fear. Anger. “You forget your place!” She slams her hoof down.
“Luna.” Celestia turns to her sister, holding up a hoof to calm her. In an instant, all the tension, anger, fear, all emotion other than relief, calmness, seems to fade from the lunar mare. I watch in amazement. How did she… Celestia turns back to me, her face filled with gentle disapproval. “That was out of line, Chrysalis.”
That single sentence stings. My heart cowers back under the force of her disapproval, that glint of sorrow in her eyes piercing my very soul. Why - how in the name of any deities left in this world could she do that? I swallow my sudden, shocking pain, trying to fight back that overwhelming emotion. I glance away from them in an attempt to hide my lapse of control. “I retract my statement,” I mutter.
The disapproval lessens - it’s still there, but it’s much easier to breathe now. Celestia is watching you when you turn to look at her. Strangely enough, she’s smiling. That smile unnerves me. How can she be smiling when I can still feel that disappointment in the air? “Well, your interactions with ponies certainly will be crucial in these peace talks.” She chuckled and the air felt lighter, even mischievous. “I suppose it will be good for you in Ponyville, then.”
Wait, what? “In Ponyville? I-I had presumed-”
“Canterlot?” Celestia shook her head softly. “There’s guards here, yes, but not many civilians. My guards will be loyal to whomever I seem to trust. The civilians?” She glances aside and I feel her slightest sorrow, the strength of a storm at sea, drowning innocents and taking lives as it is nature’s nature to do. I bow my head lightly in respect to her, cursing internally at the gesture. She sighs, smiling softly, resigned. “The civilians are their own people. Many see me as a doddering old fool.”
“Nopony would say that, Princess,” Twilight finally speaks up beside her, and I finally feel her emotions spark into play. Admiration, nearly as strong as Celestia’s earlier. Love, an intense love, though one I can’t quite place - it tastes nearly the same as her admiration. “You’re a fantastic ruler!”
She chuckles, smiling softly. “Nopony would say it, you’re correct. But it does not mean they don’t think it.”
“Nonsense, my dear sister. You are no more a fool than I.”
Celestia laughs, like little wind chimes to me. I shake my head, horribly confused. Were all meetings with foreign dignitaries so… casual? This feels so easygoing, too simple, too warm to truly be a meeting between me and pony kind. Celestia glances back at me. “I apologize. We’ve gotten off of topic. The matter at hoof is that, yes, you will be staying in Ponyville. It will facilitate public view of changelings as we all work to integrate your kind into our kingdom as you see fit. Will that suffice?”
I think for a moment about what she suggests. Staying in Ponyville certainly has its benefits. I could observe other ponies, in a small town rather than a big city with numerous threats… I nod. “Your idea has merit. Will I be living on my own?”
“Oh! No, that’s where I come in!” Twilight smiles brightly, but it does not fool me for a moment. I can feel the sudden spike of anxiety in her. “You’ll be staying in my house - er, library - with me and my assistant, Spike. If that arrangement doesn’t work, we’ve also set up a temporary home for you nearby with the help of the Mayor.”
I nod. That all sounded good and well. Her anxiety was telling, however. She was nervous, to say the least. Staying in her library would probably have her pulling her mane out sooner rather than later. Besides - I was a rather private changeling. I did have to seem diplomatic, however… “I will review your living arrangements, then. If they do not meet my satisfaction, then I can stay in the other home.”
Twilight nods. Luna’s nose scrunches up ever so slightly, and I can feel her distaste for me. She thinks I am being a prissy queen, I am certain, one who would never stoop low enough to living in a cramped library. If only she knew the squalor my people lived in daily. One glance at Celestia, however, makes it obvious she can see through my words. She’s smiling softly, smirking almost. “Very well. It seems we’re almost settled. Just one last thing.”
One more thing? I try to think of what could be left and fail. “What remains to be seen?”
“A private guard.” Celestia shuts her eyes. “As I said, my citizens are free ponies. They may - and I use may because I hope dearly that they are beyond this - try to harm you.” I had, of course, considered that possibility. Though, if we were to die in the Outer Lands either way, then how different would it be to die in Ponyville? “As such, I have seen fit to post one of my best guards to your service.”
As though on cue, the door opens, and a guard walks in. I glance over him and raise a brow, recognizing that same well hidden lack of emotion to be the guard from moments earlier. That flippant stallion is to be my guard? He walks casually up to the throne, bowing deeply. “Yes, Princesses?”
Celestia smiles brightly. “Ah, Masquerade. You’re right on time, per usual.” How on earth can she tell him apart from the rest of those guards of hers? They all look alike. “Queen Chrysalis, I believe you have met before?”
“For but a moment outside.” I watch him carefully. That same pang of familiarity comes, and though I attempt to shake it away, it refuses. “You are to be my private guard?”
“Indeed I am.” He straightens up and glances at me, a warm, friendly smile on his face. “It is an honor to serve you, My Queen.”
I hear a stray emotion in his voice. A mischievousness in his tone that unlocks more memories than I knew I had. All with those two simple words, ‘my queen’. I raise my brows in surprise. Only Changelings…
Masquerade.
Oh my goodness.
What a clever disguise.
I smile and nod. “A pleasure to have you, Masquerade.” He grins.
Celestia watches us both, a knowing smile on her face. I’m not positive just how she knows our connections, but I am positive she does. Luna seems none the wiser, and Twilight is simply enamoured with my existance. Celestia, however… She has noticed and responds in turn. “I am sure you have much to discuss. If there is nothing more to cover, I say we should let you and Twilight head to Ponyville.”
“Indeed. That sounds… delightful.”
The next hour is a flurry of action and movement. I sign numerous documents, essentially saying that I won’t kill anyone while I am here. It would be foolish to attempt to either way; Masquerade - well, Maskra, I remind myself with a warm smile - watches my every action like a hawk. It is easy to see that his loyalties lie now with the Princess.
Part of me should feel offended or betrayed by that fact. Instead, I am merely happy to see him.
But even that happiness fades. By the end of the said hour, I am left dozing on the empty train to Ponyville, thankfully undisguised. Twilight is fast asleep nearby. Maskra watches me closely, as always, protecting me even now. Me and him have already discussed why he is here. He abandoned the hive at the battle for Canterlot, abandoned me because of my foolishness. I could not blame him. Neither, it seemed, did he blame himself for his actions. He has a good life here in Equestria.
Equestria. I glance outside, watching the trees roll past and the bright moon. I see lakes and flowers and small animals. I see so much out there. It is so… peaceful.
And yet…
In this peace, I finally feel it. The pang of loss. The regret. Everything I have been working towards has ceased. Now all I can do is wait…
I feel something odd inside.
A vast… nothingness.
I wake from a short nap and feel as though I never slept at all. Maskra keeps casting me worried glances from time to time. I simply ignore them. Twilight leads me to the library and I kindly decline the option of living with her, instead going with her to the nearby house. It is spacious and will fit my needs well.
And there I stay.
This is the start of a new life, I remind myself. I must simply wait for it to begin.
Bargaining worked. Now came the hard part.
Living.