A couple hours later
“So you’re what your species call a ‘human,’ correct?” Discord had been questioning ‘Ashlynn’ for a while.
So far, he’s learned that she’s from a completely different universe, where Celestia, the real one, is likely hiding.
“Yes.”
“How long have you been here? How long have you been Celestia?”
“Since a few days after Luna’s return. Celestia has likely been in my place, where I belong, since that time as well. Although I’m sure she probably messed something up.” Ashlynn said, gritting her teeth. “Her kind nature? That’s just not me. I tried. Really, and it seemed to work for all of Equestria. But I’m sure I could never pass for Celestia to Luna… Not on my own,” she stated, wondering just what Celestia might be doing.
She rubbed her forehead. “She probably confused the hell out of my family. They were probably thinking ‘What happened to her?’ and ‘Isn’t she usually grumpier than this?’ I swear, if I get home, and they expect a happy camper, I’ll throttle her.”
“Wait, you said you wouldn’t be able to pass her off to Luna. Then how come she never realized? Or does she suspect…?” Discord trailed off, a germ of an idea forming.
Ashlynn sighed. “I said not on my own.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning a certain bastard ‘helped’ me with that,” Ashlynn snapped.
“This ‘bastard’ wouldn’t happen to be Celestia, would it?”
“Possibly, maybe.”
Discord chuckled. “Okay, if it wasn’t her, then who else could possibly help you ‘play Celestia,’ then?”
“You sly son of a b-” She began to insult Discord only to hold her tongue as he waved his finger back and forth.
Discord smiled as his mouth began to open, “Ah ah ah~ What have we said about calling me that?”
Ashlynn did not look impressed. “Fuck you.”
Discord chuckled through his teeth as he seemed to coil himself around her, “Insult me all you like, you need me to help you find your way home.” He was like a devious serpent tempting things for as long as he could.
“God dammit, do you ever shut up about yourself?” She groaned as her fists clenched while trying to hold back her anger.
“Not really, no. I like to talk about myself. You should, too. We could get to know each other better, you know. I’m sure you know me, since you were Celestia, but I don’t really know you now, do I?” He chuckled as he caressed her cheek as though she was his lover.
Though his antics angered Ashlynn to no end, it did however cause her to shut up.
“Aww, does little Ashlynn not remember? Poor b-”
Ashlynn slapped him. “Don’t you dare call me ‘baby.’ And no, I just don’t want to talk about it. Not a hundred times, like I’m sure I’ll need to. I’d rather tell as many people at one time as possible.”
“Shame. Hey, can I call you Ash?”
She grimaced. “Please, no. Where I’m from, my friends always called me that to tease me.”
“Aaaww, poor Ash, teased with her own nickname. If only she told them to stop, maybe they would’ve listened,” Discord said playfully.
“OKAY I GET IT. I NEED TO LEARN TO TELL PEOPLE TO FUCKING STOP WHEN I CAN’T TAKE IT,” Ashlynn said loudly, her voice echoing throughout the courtyard.
“Yeesh, you didn’t need to yell,” Discord said, uncovering his ears.
She stared daggers at him before turning her back towards Discord, “Shut the fuck up. I know I yelled. That was the point. Problem?”
“Yeah, actually. Why is it the point?” Snapping his fingers summoning both a chair and couch.
Ashlynn laying on her back looked over to see Discord looking like a psychiatrist. From the outfit and glasses, to the balding head and beard with a note pad and quill. He even added an accent to help fit the awkward moment.
Ashlynn smirked. “So ponies would come and see why shouting came from out here.”
“Now, why would you want them to know you’re here?” Discord inquired, suspicious.
“You’ll see.” She played coy knowing full well how it bothered him in a good way.
His hoof tapped on the stone path as he groaned, “What if I want to know now?” He whimpered as his impatience started getting the better of him.
“You’ll have to wait, I’m afraid,” Ashlynn responded, sticking out her tongue.
“Well, I have ways of making you talk.” Discord responded, smirking.
“No you don’t. You have ways of making Celestia talk,” She corrected, getting up and trying to walk away, but Discord stopped her.
“But if you were Celestia for the past year…” He whispered into her ear, taunting her with the obvious fact.
“Oh no, don’t you dare!” It was too late, because Discord had already started tickling her.
She was trying not to laugh, but eventually, she started laughing. She laughed so hard, there were tears in her eyes.
“Okay! Okay, I’ll tell! Just make it stop!” Ashlynn said, giving in.
As the ticking stopped she stood there holding her sides, panting.
“My reason for wanting them to know I’m here, is because one of them might alert Luna. Or that Luna herself heard my shout, and she’s on her way here right now,” she said after catching her breath.
“Why didn’t you just go tell her yourself? It wouldn’t have been hard.”
“Uh-huh. And what do I tell her? ‘Hey, I’ve been Celestia the past year, and she’s probably been me. Wanna help me find her?’ Yeah, no. She’d probably lock me up,” she said, gritting her teeth.
“What if you just asked for help looking for Celestia, leaving out the fact that you were her?” Discord suggested, eerily calm.
“Because that’s much better. She’d wonder how I knew she was missing. She’d ask, and I’m not the best liar in the world.”
Tapping his chin Discord pondered the options before them, “She might unde-”
Discord was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass. They both looked up and saw that somepony had crashed through a window in an attempt to reach them faster.
“I believe that Luna has either noticed or been told by now. Which means she’s pr-”
Ashlynn put her hand over Discord’s mouth before he could continue. Then she said in a quiet voice “Shut up, or so help me you will die tonight.”
“And just who will be killing me? You? I doubt you could even pinch me before I noticed you were there.”
“Wanna bet?” She said testily.
“With you? No. Celestia only made bets she knew she could win. And I have a feeling you do too,” Discord said bitterly.
“You’d be r-”
“THERE YOU ARE!”
Luna had heard them bickering from the window. She flew down and pushed Ashlynn against the wall of the courtyard. “Now tell me. Where is Celestia?”