Spike sat on the floor, leaning against the bed as he cautiously read through Celestia's book. He took periodic glances towards the door, sometimes even closing the book as he got ready to toss it somewhere out of sight. Earlier today, he had borrowed a few of Celestia’s more personal books. Although what he was doing invaded Princess Celestia’s privacy, he found that he was unable to stop reading. There was something he wanted to know that Celestia couldn’t tell him. How did his egg come into her possession?
When he asked Celestia a question she could answer, she would take the next hour to answer it, giving him every detail. When he asked about Star Swirl the Bearded, for an assignment Twilight gave him, he didn’t just learn what spells he created, he also learned that he was addicted to coffee. But, when it came to questions she couldn’t answer, her responses were short. When he asked her about his egg, she’d say things like ‘I don’t remember who had your egg’, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t remember what they wanted. It might have been about some job opening I had’, or ‘I don’t know where they found you, they just had you when they came by’.
While never receiving who, a why, or a where, Celestia had always told him the date she received his egg and how happy she was when she received him. Spike hoped that if there was an entry that gushed as much as she did when talking about the noises that came from his egg, it would have every little detail listed, including a description of who had his egg.
Spike stopped and let out a small gasp when he finally came to the fabled date. He felt his heart start to race, showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon. He gripped the diary's cover, leaving just a small scratch behind in his excitement, as his eyes grew wide as if he had just seen a plump ruby just sitting in a field. This one entry could open up endless possibilities for him. Maybe it would help him find his parents, or his flock, or whatever a large dragon group or family was called. He was ready to drink every word, preparing himself for an awesome reveal that he knew would answer every question he'd ever had. Who found his egg? Answered. Where did they find it? Answered! Who was his mother? Could not be any more answered. His Father? Solved, and he would probably beat up Garble if the two ever met. Would he have wings when he grew up? He hoped yes because his parents probably have super giant wings that they use to soar through the sky. However, everything rested on him first finding a description of the pony that found his egg.
He began to read with as much enthusiasm as Twilight had, only to lose it a moment later. The entry had nothing in it save for a list of spells that were all marked off with a slash. He turned back to the entry previous entries and quickly read them again, believing that he must have passed over something or that Celestia got the date wrong, but there was nothing.
There was nothing. The weight of those words seemed to wrap around him as they slowly strangled what little excitement he had left. It was pointless. There were only notes she had taken, nothing that would lead him to his family, or even who gave him to Celestia. With nothing left to do, Spike carelessly tossed the book underneath his bed, thinking that he would return it the next day when Celestia was busy. Shutting off his lamp, he slipped into bed and fell asleep.
Spike’s slumber did not last as long as he would have liked, which was the entire day. If it wasn’t enough that the powerful rays of light assaulted him, Celestia herself entered his room and gently coaxed him out of his dreamland. Although he never liked waking up, he did like the delicate touch Celestia used. Overall, it was more pleasant than what Twilight would do; rip-off his covers and throw him on her back. With Celestia, she would gently rock him as she used a very soft voice to draw him out of his sleep. Today was no exception.
“Spike, it’s time to get up,” She said in almost a whisper.
He rubbed his eyes until they were fully open, moaning as he forced himself to sit up. The first sight to greet him was Celestia, giving him a warm smile. It took him a few moments, but he soon remembered why she was being so cruel as to wake him up. Since his time in Canterlot was growing to a close, Celestia wanted him to help her with her work for the day. Well, it was more along the lines of forced to help Celestia, as he did not have a choice in the matter.
“Can I have some time to get ready?” Spike lazily murmured as he leaned his head on his bedpost.
“Of course.”
While Spike slowly made his way out of his bed, Celestia left the room and waited near his door. She wanted to wait. Today felt very lazy and any excuse to put off work was a good one. She waited patiently, humming small tunes to herself as she thought about how Spike would soon have to return to Twilight and Ponyville. She would need to make sure to have a nice evening with him today and plan something fun for the two of them to do tomorrow; maybe she would even get him a small gift.
She spent her idle time thinking about fun activities they could do the next day until she felt a growing nervousness in her the back of her head. She turned towards Spike’s door and began to wonder just where he was. By her estimate, at least thirty minutes had gone by, and although she was feeling particularly lazy, she was not about to let Spike out of his job for today. Just as Celestia was about to march into the room and coax Spike outside, the drake came out dragging his feet and nearly tripping every fourth step.
Still wishing he could return to his bed, Spike felt Celestia’s aura pick him up and place him on the alicorn’s back. As Celestia trotted through the hallways, Spike noticed something strange; they weren’t heading towards the throne room.
“Princess, where are we going?” Spike asked his voice only slightly above being an incoherent moan.
“To my study. I need some time away from the throne room; it gets too stuffy when you’re trapped in a room with fourteen guards for days on end.”
Coming to the study, which was a room in the south section of the castle, Celestia opened the door led them into a small, but still very comfortable study. All around there were books that rested on countless shelves that decorated the walls. Across from the entrance was a second door that led to a balcony that overlooked the gardens. In the center of the room, a silver platter stacked with muffins lay waiting between two pillows. Besides the larger pillow, which was obviously meant for Celestia, there were several large stacks of papers, a set of fifteen quills, one of which rested in an inkwell, and a stamp. Letting out a long-winded sigh, Spike fell face-first into Celestia’s coat and lazily rolled off her back, falling to the floor with a loud thud.
“You could have just asked for me to bend down.”
“I know. Can I have a Chocolate Chip Muffin?”
Celestia levitated a muffin, setting it down right in front of Spike as she took her seat. “Spike, I’m going to need you to copy a few things for me, can you be ready for that?”
“Do I need to copy down anything now?”
“No, I just need you to be ready when I say.”
Slowly eating the muffin, Spike let out a soft sound of approval before dragging himself across the marble floor to his small, but still very comfortable seat across from Celestia.
“So, besides the letter you sent me, did anything interesting happen the other night? I noticed you wouldn’t stop rubbing your cheek.” Celestia said as she multitasked. Three quills moved about, signing and editing papers, as she stamped a document and placed it to the side of her, specifically her left side. For Spike, that pile could be ignored.
Spike thought back to the other night. While most of the night had been normal, something did happen near the end of it. A filly that he knew from Ponyville had quickly kissed him on the cheek. He didn’t know exactly why it caused him to rub his cheek, all he knew was that it did. However, that was something he was not about to share as it would only end in him being teased. “No, nothing that hasn’t happened to me before.”
While not strictly a lie, Celestia could tell that the comment meant to be misleading. “In what way?” She asked, a grin spreading across her muzzle. “Did you dance with a certain filly? Did you save yet another empire from falling to the forces of darkness? You didn’t lose control of your greed did you?”
Spike shrugged as he took another muffin. “I danced with my friends and then I got some ice cream.”
“Ice-cream? Well, that sounds like a fairly standard night then.” Celestia desperately wanted to know what happened to him that would make him rub his cheek. She could already guess why, but she wanted Spike to say it. However, after listening to a small voice in the back of her head that was telling her to let it go, she decided to give him the privacy he so desired.
Celestia seemed to alternate between stamping and signing documents, before placing them to her left. However, after skimming a document written by her nephew, she shuddered and picked up a muffin. Taking a very generous bite, she swallowed bitterly as each sentence took more and more energy out of her. Turning to the young drake, who she prayed was only resting his eyes, she asked, “Spike, can you search for one of my reference books? I need one that’s marked ‘Outlands’.”
Stammering as he rushed to stand up, Spike asked. “I’m up! I’m up!” He breathed heavily as he looked around the room. “Sorry, what did you need?”
“A book, it has Outlands written on the spine, with a symbol of a white tiger at the bottom.”
Rushing to get a ladder, Spike began to look for the book. He went row by row until he found what Celestia had asked for. It was an aged hardcover, with still intact golden letters on the spine, considerably larger than most of her other books. Spike quickly slid down the ladder and placed the book next to Celestia before returning to his seat and taking another muffin.
Celestia began to quickly skim over the first few sections of the book, letting out uncertain murmurs before finally putting it to the side, and writing something on a blank piece of paper. “Spike, after I finish this I’ll have something else for you to do,” She said, more focused on her work than she was in him. Before Spike could even formulate a response, Celestia said. "I promise, it will be very soon."
Very soon never came. A good two or three hours passed and Celestia was still writing, taking the time to reference her Outlands book every ten minutes, before murmuring to herself and tossing out the paper she had been writing on. She had already trashed thirty-seven drafts and had chewed three of her quills into nothing. However, she assured Spike that his time to transcribe a few notes for her was coming.
So, Spike waited. As boredom began to overtake him, he began to pace around the room, climb up and down the bookcase’s ladders and even counted to numbers that didn’t exist. He managed to reach brumaty-two before getting bored and moving on to something else.
He soon found himself outside the room, sitting on the edge of the balcony, watching the animals in the gardens below through the safety bars. As he did, he felt a small twinge of sadness. The animals in the garden all seemed happy, almost annoyingly so. Baby birds chirped for a short time before their parents tended to them. A young newborn skunk nursed with its tired, but loving mother as its father stood guard for non-existent threats. Even a newly hatched platypus, what he assumed to be Discord’s prank on Mother Nature, found love with its parents, even though it looked like a half-developed fetus at best.
As sad and depressing as it was, Spike knew why he was growing irritated, but he hated admitting it. It only made him feel that much worse about himself and the situation. He was jealous. Ever since he could remember, there was always an emptiness in him. Most days the emptiness was ignorable, something that he barely lingered on for more than a moment before moving on to his daily chores. On other days, Spike would linger on the emptiness for hours before forcing himself to move on to something of value. However, on a few rare occasions such as today, Spike could do nothing but think about it.
Normally, Spike would leave the room causing him this problem, but that wasn’t possible thanks to Celestia. This was all her fault. If she had just mentioned something, anything about his egg in the diary he had borrowed, he would have something to think about, something that he could talk to Celestia about, something he could plan with Twilight when he returned home. Instead, he had nothing. Feeling overwhelmed, Spike fell on his back and let out a frustrated groan. Although he never really asked himself this question, today it wanted to be heard, “Why does suck so much!?”
“Spike, you covered for one of your friend’s wrong doings, and so you’re being punished for it. Take my word for it; getting Discord to assist with anything does not come without its costs. I expect you to live with the decisions you’ve made and consequences you’ve earned,” Celestia stated as she crumpled another piece of paper and tossed towards a wastebasket that was overflowing with crumpled letters.
Spike smacked his forehead when he realized he’d spoken aloud. He could just apologize, leave it at that, but maybe it was better to talk. If there was one thing Celestia was, it was a good listener.
“It’s not the punishment that stinks,” Spike admitted as he reentered the room. “It’s just every time I want something, any answers on being a dragon, or natural dragon instincts, or a way to polish my scales in a way that won’t turn me into a walking mirror, I don’t get them!” Spike’s voice began to rise steadily, earning him a skeptical look from Celestia. “And when I do, it’s after I terrorize a town, mistakenly sabotage some diplomatic event, or learn a lesson I should have inherently known. I want to know more about my own kind? I join a bunch of teens wanting to kill a baby phoenix. I want to hoard everything I come across because it feels right? It turns out that’s bad and it will make me turn into a monster! And this just keeps on happening! I try to find out who gave you my egg, there’s nothing about who found me or where!”
Celestia’s breath became funny for a moment as her quill hung in the air. “Your egg?” Celestia drifted off into thought before continuing. “Spike, I’m so sorry, but they didn’t mention where they found you, if you were alone, or anything. The day they came to me, they just wanted a job opening I had and they offered you for it. I don’t remember much, but I do remember putting my ear up to the egg, hearing you move, and hearing the little rhythm of your little heartbeat. After that, everything went dark. The next thing I knew, the job was theirs and I was hugging you close to my chest in my bedroom. I spent every night for the next month trying to hatch you, going through every spell I knew, but nothing worked.”
Spike sighed. “Yeah, the spell list you wrote was pretty long.”
“Spell list? Where would I have written a spell list down? The only place I’ve written egg hatching spells was….” There was a loud clatter as the quill that she had suspended in the air fell to the ground. Spike felt a sharp pang of regret as he felt the gears in Celestia’s head turn. “You read my journals?” Celestia asked, inadvertently correcting Spike.
“Oh, I did not know you called them journals. I thought they were diaries. You know, it’s funny how gender can affect how a young, impressionable dragon views certain things like books.” Spike stated, praying that the look she was giving him was one of intense disappointment, and hopefully not a blinding rage.
“Don’t try to change the subject, Spike.”
Spike let out a sigh and decided to come clean, praying he’d only be grounded for a short time. “Yes, I borrowed some of your journals…. I didn’t get far on the last one, I promise!”
“And by last one, I assume you mean the blue one?”
Spike nodded.
“And how far did you get?” Celestia asked, levitating Spike up by his tail and placing him in front of her.
Spike had his head downcast, trying to avoid her glare. “I got to the part where you got my egg and tried to hatch me.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed before closing.
Spike held his breath, waiting for Celestia to make a move. Would he receive lecture? Maybe. A harsher punishment than helping her work? He prayed to whatever higher power he could that she wouldn’t resort to such means of torture. Spike grew calmer when he heard Celestia let out a disappointed, if not exhausted sigh.
“What am I going to do with you?” She asked herself as she removed her shoes. She began to massage her temples. “Why were you reading those books?”
Seeing her look so hurt by just reading a few books did something to Spike. He’d never seen Celestia look so betrayed. Her eyes just wanted to know why. Avoiding eye contact, Spike mumbled something, earning him a raised brow from the princess.
“Spike.” she said sternly.
“I just got a little curious. It turns out Scootaloo has a family, and that got me to think of mine,” he answered, thinking back on that short-lived conversation he had with Scootaloo in the castle gardens. “I mean, look at me! I’m almost eleven and the closest pony I have to a parent is Twilight, and it took Zecora to tell us about that one little fact that if I get too many things, I go on a greed fueled rampage! I thought that maybe your diaries… journals… whatever you call them, might tell me something, or at least give me one measly clue, but I got nothing! I get it, you were more focused on me, and I’m about that. But still, was it too much just to get their name or remember what the job you gave them!?” Spike cried. Realizing that he was speaking to the ruler of the nation, he calmed himself down before continuing. “I know I shouldn’t be looking around in your journals. I’m just… I feel lost.”
Celestia began to tremble just a little bit, though Spike didn’t notice it in the slightest. “Spike, how long have you been feeling like this?”
“I’ve always felt like this,” Spike answered, huddling into a ball.
“Spike? About this filly, Scootaloo-”
“Don’t get me wrong I’m happy she has a family that loves her,” Spike interjected. “I just thought that maybe if I ever needed to talk to somepony about everything, I had her. I know that’s a little selfish, and I know that some foals have it worse off than I do. I live with a Princess and know the most powerful pony in Equestria. I know I have no right to complain, but it sucks! It sucks that I don’t have a family! It sucks that I can’t talk about a stallion like Shining Armor does about Night Light, or Apple Bloom talks about Big Mac. It sucks that I can’t plan something stupid for my parents when it’s Father’s Day, or Mother’s Day, or their anniversary like Sweetie Belle does or Twilight and Shining Armor did! It sucks that when it comes to a family tree, the most I get is Twilight! I just… I just want to know who my family is.”
“Spike,” Celestia cooed, using her wing to bring him closer to her side.
Spike sniffled before pushing himself away from Celestia and wiping his eyes. “I know I have a family,” he hiccupped, struggling to control himself. “I know that Twilight loves me and that I have her, her family, Cadance, and everypony in Ponyville. I know that they’re my family. I know that they’ll always be there for me. It’s just hard.”
“Is that everpony that’s there for you?” Celestia asked crossing her forelegs.
Spike had to think for a moment. Was that everpony that he was close with? It took a short time, but soon Spike remembered a name. He clenched his fists and cursed at himself for forgetting it. “You,” he murmured as Celestia brought a tissue over and wiped a few of his tears away. “You’re always there for me…. I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just promise me you’ll never forget that last part, ok?” she asked, wrapping Spike in a hug. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
Reluctantly, Spike asked a question that has always been on his mind. It was a small question, but it possibly put the most burden on Spike. “Do you think they-” Spike paused before asking a more direct question. “Was there something wrong with me?”
Celestia shook her head, shocked that the question was even on his mind. “Spike, no. No, of course not. Why would you ever think that?”
“Why did they abandon me then?” Spike asked.
Celestia sat silently as the question hit her at full force. She had to think about it for a few moments before finally answering, “I don’t know if they did, Spike. I like to think that they didn’t, at least, they didn’t mean to. Maybe they thought that they could leave you in their cave, a place where you should have been safe, but then somepony found you, thought you were alone, and just took you. Maybe they thought they were doing the right thing, maybe they thought you were worth something, or maybe they just didn’t know what they had. When your parents finally came back, wanting nothing more than to see you, you were gone.”
Spike began to shake. He didn’t know if it was anger or sadness, but he felt like yelling, crying, ripping a book to shreds, anything that would allow him to release his emotions. However, through sheer force of will alone, he managed to control himself and ask, “Then where are they? If somepony kidnapped me, shouldn’t my parents be searching? Couldn’t they have just picked my egg up and taken it with them? ”
“I don’t know if you were kidnapped or not. And maybe they could have brought you with them.” She paused for a moment, thinking back to the countless mistakes she made. With a shaky voice, Celestia corrected herself. “Spike, they should have kept you with them. Losing you was probably the biggest mistake they ever made. Just look at you, you’re almost eleven and you’ve done so much. You’ve grown so much. They missed so much. Honestly Spike, they probably still berate themselves for losing you.”
“How do you know? How do you know they didn’t just leave me in some dark cave?”
“Because I know you, and I know that any parent, whether they be a Dragon, Pony, Griffon, or even a Changeling, would love you more than anything.”
“How do you know?” Spike asked.
Smiling, letting out a small chuckle at the thought of having to answer such a silly question, Celestia answered, “Because I love you.”
How did he not know that? Today had to be an off day for him. Aside from Twilight, there was always one mare that always made sure that he was safe, fed, and cared for even when she wasn’t around. It was the same mare that if he needed any help, especially if it regarded Twilight, she would drop everything and go to him. Spike slowly walked to the front of Celestia and pressed his head against her chest.
Celestia wrapped her forelegs around Spike and pulled him close. “Spike, don’t ever think that there is something wrong with you.”
“I won’t.” With what little room he had, Spike quickly enacted the steps of a Pinkie Promise, forever solidifying the vow.
They two stood there for a short while before Celestia finally asked. “Feeling any better?” She felt Spike nod his head.
“I’m sorry for getting us so far off track,” Spike apologized as he gave Celestia a small hug before going back to his seat.
“Don’t be.” There was a short silence as Celestia looked at Spike with a growing smile. Maybe he could use a break, maybe even a walk around the castle. However, as well intentioned as his snooping was, she was not about to let Spike off the hook. “Spike, might I suggest something?”
Spike nodded.
“If I was a certain dragon right now, I would sneak away just for a few moments and put back any books that aren’t mine back where I found them. And maybe, if somepony knew about what I did, I would be very grateful if I were only to be grounded from any comic books for two weeks.”
Spike felt a chill run up his back. He’d forgotten about how he reached this point. It all started when he let it slip that he read Celestia’s journals. And two weeks? Two weeks of punishment was too much to bear. He had to think of something, fast. Then it hit him. Celestia had no idea where the journals were. All he needed to do was lie for now and put them back later while she was having one of her giant slices of cake with her dinner. “What if you were the dragon, and already put them back? If you did, then maybe you shouldn’t be grounded,” Spike suggested, giving Celestia an innocent smile that could only belong to a child with a pure heart.
Celestia cocked her head and pretended to think for a few moments. “Well, if I was a dragon, and I was honest enough to do so, you’d be right, I shouldn’t be grounded. I would then think that it would be okay for the pony he stole from to check and see if the books are in their proper place. If they were at least in the room they should be in, then I would not expect a punishment. However,” she began, her voice turning slightly more ominous, if not playfully so, “if it turns out that I told a little white lie, then I think it would only be fair that two weeks turns into two months and comic books into spending time with a mare named… Rarity.”
Spike’s ears folded while his pupils shrunk and mouth fell just a tiny bit open. “On second thought, if you were that dragon, you should probably check your room, because I-you might have left one there by accident.”
“If that’s the case, then I would hurry, because who knows when that mare will decide to check her room. And if even one of those books were missing,” Celestia leaned in so that their cheeks were almost touching, “no Rarity for two months.”
Spike jumped to his feet and ran out of the study back towards his bedroom. Celestia was very impressed with his speed and enthusiasm. Who knew Rarity had that type of effect on him?