“This is gonna be great Uncle Train Wreck!” Diane danced around with excitement as if the street carnival was about to start, and not still days away. “My whole class is gonna be there, and you and mom are gonna have a cupcake booth and… what’s wrong? It’s Carrot isn’t it.”
Diane hadn’t really warmed up to Carrot Plate as much as the rest of the family. But she HAD saved her uncle Train Wreck. And having her around did make Z happy. “She’s coming back, you know that don’t you?”
“Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Luna assured me that Fancy Pants wouldn’t keep her locked up against her will, and that if he says she’s safe then she is.” The giant stallion sighed and smiled. “That’s all I was trying to do. And I did it. If she wants to come back and be a part of our family, I hope she knows she’s always welcome. If not, then we wish her well and we hope for the best for her.”
“Seriously, Train Wreck,” Diane answered in her most grown up, serious voice, “she kidnapped you and nursed you to health in her basement while hiding you from her abusive parents. She’s totally coming back.”
The little changeling queen snuggled into her guardians side on the floor of the suite. “I bet if you still had fur back there you’d have a cutie mark. I mean you came back from THAT! If that didn’t get you a cutie mark then what the heck have you gotta do?”
“I’m sure it’s back there up under the scar tissue somewhere.” Train Wreck gave a little laugh. “Probably a wrecking ball. But anyway, kiddo, you gotta quit being so mean to Princess Luna. She’s a really nice mare, and she’s one of the co-rulers of the country we live in.”
“When did you jump into the moon-butt fan club?” The little changeling wrinkled her nose in distaste.
“That’s ‘Princess Luna’, gods in hell don’t call her moon-butt to her face.” Train Wreck face hoofed profoundly. “Again, ruling Diarch. But to answer your question, she’s been helping me alot with my nightmares since the circus. She wants to help you too, but you keep calling her nasty names until she leaves. That really hurts her feelings, Dee. Why do you hate her so much?”
“Because it’s her fault,” Diane said sulkily, “Charlie became the Nopony because of what happened when she put him in that dream world. And that means everything he did to… to everypony he hurt… it’s all her fault.”
“Diane, this isn’t really about Luna, or what Nopony did to everyone else.” Train Wreck coiled his snakes around the little filly and squeezed her gently, “It’s about what he did to you, and that was his fault. It wasn’t Luna’s fault, and it certainly wasn’t yours.”
“You don’t know that!” Diane struggled free of her uncle’s embrace and glared accusingly, “Maybe if I hadn’t stolen that damned card and projected myself into the dream, it would have worked! Maybe if he had a real nurse managing his pod he would have gotten better!”
“And then what? Dee?” The Train Wreck sighed patiently. “Z would still be dead. I wouldn’t even exist. And you’d still be living alone in Canterlot, doing things you hate to survive until one day you got old enough to lay a clutch of eggs and instead of a time traveling crazy horse, we’d have a bitter, spite filled evil queen. I like my evil queen tiny and pink and adorable, thank you very much.”
“Train Wreck!” The little changeling swatted his muzzle and blushed fiercely. “My carapace has been getting lighter lately though.” Diane pranced in a playful circle. “I was wondering when somepony besides Steady was gonna notice.”
“So you DO got a thing for Rock Steady?” Train Wreck chuckled deviously. “So I was wise to put Z on pancake watch, I see.”
“Train Wreck!” The joke earned the laughing stallion another swat. “That was SO embarrassing! I swear if you do that again, I’m gonna take Steady to the kitchen, and you know what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna actually make pancakes! Real, light, fluffy, and delicious pancakes. And then you can try to explain what’s going on to my sister!”
“No fair!” The stallion laughed out loud. “Z would have a melt down on the spot! You now how litteral she can take things! We might actually have to explain to her that actual pancakes don’t cause omelettes! And gods in hell if there’s actually an actual omelette involved! You could ruin this family's breakfast for untold ages!”
“Not my fault,” Diane giggled cheerfully, “I’m not the one who made baked goods and pastries our families code-language.”
“Yeah, I think that was your mom,” Train Wreck laughed.
“You think what was me?” Surprise strolled into the suite grinning.
“There is no time for this playful talking with words!” Z-978 burst into the room quickly. “There is a letter! You must open the letter and read it to Z! It is a letter from Carrot Plate!”
The rest of the family quickly learned that no one was going to be able to speak a complete sentence until somepony read the letter.
Dear Pastel Family,
Dear Train WreckDearest Train Wreck, Surprise, Z-978, and Diane,
I’m sorry
I’m terribly sorry to have put you through so much worry. I writing this from the station in Manehattan. The train ride here was so terrible. I knew Fancy Pants said I was safe, but I didn’t feel safe. I didn’t know if Z was safe. The diplomats' family were all very nice to me, though they had some harsh words to say to Mr. Fancy. They were under the impression the Train Wreck had been the one who had foal-napped me. They said I had to stay with them until they got everything sorted out, because they wanted to make sure they were sending me back to a safe place. I guess I understand that, but I was pretty angry at the time.
When Fancy Pants got there later to try and “explain” things, well, I can tell you that somepony had some things explained to him! First off I set him straight that Trainwreck never foal-napped anypony. If anything, I abducted Train Wreck, and the nobles had definitely foal napped me, but Train Wreck never abducted anypony.
-
“Told ya so!” Diane stuck her tongue out at Train Wreck.
“Be quiet little pest queen!” Z scowled at her sister in irritation. “Train Wreck must continue reading the letter until he has reached the end!”
-
Then his wife has to jump in and explain to me all the horrible things she’s heard I was going through gossipping with all the nobles wives about “that poor unfortunate little abused filly being forced into that monster’s harem”! I’m not joking. Those may not have been the exact words, but basically that was what she said.
And Fancy Pats tried to write it off as one big misunderstanding, but I was having none of it. This whole thing started because a bunch of gossipy, perverted, old mares made up a bunch of rumors and suddenly demanded their husbands do something about it! For years, my father pimps me out to every royal and dignitary on Equus who looks halfway interested, and not a peep! I spend a few days with an actual loving family, and...ew…
You don’t even want to know what they thought was going on. Just ew. I’m not even gonna write it down because I know you’re reading this to Z. And I know she won’t let you skip ahead. But seriously ew. The Nobles wives are weird. They were spreading rumors amongst themselve that would make Diane blush.
-
“Hey!” Diane huffed in irritation.
“Diane must be quiet! Train Wreck must continue reading!” Z glared daggers at her sister, who sheepishly withdrew.
-
But we can deal with that tomorrow I guess. I saved this part for last, you’ve probably guessed, I’m coming back… or home… I’m coming back home. Fancy Pants has bought us tickets on an express train back to Canterlot, so by the time you get this letter…
-
“H-hi, everypony, I’m really sorry I caused so much trouble. Is Z okay?”
“Carrot Plate must be quiet or Z will never know what will happen by the time Train Wreck finishes reading her this letter!” Z-978 rolled her eyes impatiently at the continued interruptions.