Discord yawned, the air coming in as cold as it could and striking his lungs with a pressure that made him cough a little. The scarf wasn’t helping much, nor was the jacket he wore.
“Won’t Fluttershy notice her scarf is missing?” Twilight stated, walking beside him. They had woken up early the next morning and were now on there way to Fluttershy’s. Fluttershy. It had been a long night of thinking for Discord after the events that had transpired the day before.
Weeks before.
Discord had mentally slapped himself for not sealing the portal that rested in Fluttershy’s house, after conversing with his alicorn friend. He had remembered that it was for her protection that he put it there, but since his world had crashed in on itself, he was hoping she was alright. Spike not coming home to the castle was worrying him to his limit. Making the draconequus fret all night. On top of that, his lack of rest, and very talkative counterpart didn’t help much either. Luckily, Spike had sent word that he and Fluttershy were fine early that morning, but not much else.
Twilight said it was best to get the situation under hoof as soon as possible, worsening the draconequus’s anxiety even more so. What would she think of him then? She probably wouldn’t want to look at him after all he had done.
She probably wouldn’t want a monster like me anyway…
“Discord?”
“Hm? Oh, forgive me...I was in thought...to answer your earlier inquiry-”
“Oh of course our little Flutter-butter wouldn’t mind in the least!” Cordwood beamed looking excitedly and blushing innocently. “She’s so cute and sweet, she always lets us borrow her stuff, right cordy?”
Groan.
“Hehe.” Twilight had learned from observation that Cordwood seemed to be the right brain of the familiar chimera. Discord was more logical when split in two, ironically. The alicorn missed her old friend, but she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed this side of Discord more, she wondered why he didn’t show his innocent charisma as much as he did his annoying fun poking. His logic was often outshined too, he was quite intelligent , more so than his reputation let on.
“Yes, yes, we...do tend to borrow her things from time to time.” Discord blushed realizing how ridiculous he must look, but when he stepped out in the cold air of the morning before the sun had heated the day, his magic reacted on habit and a scarf materialized for him. He wouldn't admit it, but it was his favorite thing of Fluttershy’s to borrow, mostly because it had her name on it and smelled like her.
“Oh, don’t be embarrassed, Cordy, I think pink is suiting for you!” Twilight held back her laughs. But she couldn’t deny it, Discord did look good in the color.
“Oh yes, old friend! We tell him we should wear pink more often! Maybe then Fluttershy will give us lots of attention and kisses!” Cordwood smirked, Twilight looked at the draconequus the same way. Discord looked back and forth between the two and blushed trying to keep his memories at bay. Fluttershy wouldn’t like him. She just wouldn’t.
After everything I’ve done...she’ll hate me. She won’t even be my friend! I can’t love her, and she can’t love me! I’m-I’m a monster, and a liar. I don’t deserve somepony like her in the least. Curse my curiosity and anxiety!
Both the alicorn and the floating entity kept their smug faces, putting all focus on their bashful friend.
“W-What?! Just-Just be quiet! Both of you!” Discord snapped blushing crimson, and walking faster as if he was leaving his problems behind. Twilight frowned a little. She realized yesterday her friend’s feelings for the pegasus, while it was exciting and joyous that he had finally found love. He wouldn’t accept it, which was disheartening. The alicorn had gathered that Discord thought himself unworthy, and honestly thought Fluttershy would grow tired of him. He wouldn’t accept that he loved her until he had accepted himself.
“Discord...what are you going to tell her?” Twilight trotted to his side as he stopped in the road. He looked so sad, like his heart was breaking. The pink fabric around his neck loosened and the ends fell. Discord stood on all fours, like a normal pony. He liked it better when he wasn’t standing, looming so intimidatingly. He would do anything to look like his normal self again, or even just a stallion.
I wish I didn’t exist.
“My, that’s an outlandish thought, my friend. If we didn’t exist, we wouldn’t have met Fluttershy...or anypony for that matter.” Cordwood flew beside his host and awaited a response. Twilight’s eyes widened at this, she couldn’t know what he was thinking, but that statement from his counterpart made it real to her. She looked at his face as it stared at the dirt in the road, it was full of loneliness.
“Why do you hate yourself, all you ever do is roll over in your self pity. Discord, you're by no means a monster...you’ve made mistakes, yeah, but who hasn’t?” Discord looked at her when she said that last bit. He was holding back the build up of his feelings, she could tell. Discord shook his head and raised his neck higher, breathing deeply and then continued to walk on.
“Let’s just go.”
Knock. Knock.
Spike jumped up from the couch and placed his tea down beside him as soon as he heard the door.
“No, it’s alright, I got it…” Fluttershy assured him, patting her dragon friend’s shoulder before proceeding to her cottage door. The creaking sounds of her floor to the door were like a countdown to her, the seconds ticking before she would see his face. And it would be his face. No disguise. No lies. The face she wanted to see. To hold. To kiss. Oh, yes she wanted to shower him with her affections and tell him to stop this lying.
She didn’t understand why he had toyed with her heart in such a way, he wasn’t one to play sick games of that nature. But then, why else would he go through all the trouble to make her feel awful about her decisions? She had picked Discord either way, but the guilt of her picking the wrong him made her unsatisfied, and actually...angry.
Discord, meanwhile, was having similar thoughts, those of wrong decisions made. Why couldn’t he have just let it play out instead of screwing things up again? Again. He exhaled, and his ears twitched at the sound of hooves coming to the door. Twilight, meanwhile, watched her draconequus friend with a worried brow. It still felt weird to see Discord act so out of place like this. He looked...broken, worried, and sick...It wasn’t like him at all. It made her upset with him for not telling his friends about something like this...what he was really going through. That’s why they were friends...right?
“We’re here to help you...remember that, Discord.” She whispered to him. As the door began to unlock, Discord took a another deep breath before replying.
“I know.” He breathed out, a little shaky this time, feeling a little short of air. Twilight noticed all his breath went away from him when the door opened a crack, and she could see the shy pegasus peek out at her friends. Discord stared at her with his muzzle slightly open, syllables trying to form in his head, but nothing coming to his aid.
Fluttershy opened the door wider, staring at the draconequus with all the sadness of a broken heart. Her eyes were glossed over and her bottom lip trembled slightly, almost unnoticeable, but he noticed.
Twilight peered back at Discord and then back again at her friend waiting for one to speak for the other, but they were in their own worlds of worry.
The yellow pegasus walked out a little and looked up at the chimera standing before her. She was so angry with him, but she also was so happy to see he was okay. She had been worried all night for his safety, not knowing if he was hurt from his home collapsing. She had only hoped they got her letter Spike delivered to them, though, they didn’t know it was from her.
She moved her eyes from the ground up viewing him. He was exhausted, and...was wearing her pink scarf...and...Cordwood’s jacket, or his jacket. The morning mist wasn’t enough to cover him from her. Every time she saw him she felt safe, and could do anything that was not set by limits.
Her eyes leaked slightly, the tears rolling down her cheek. Discord’s eyes widened and he quickly reached out with his claw, but-
“I’m so glad you're safe, I was so worried, and-and-oh, Discord…!” Fluttershy flew to him and hugged his neck as tight as she could without choking him. The Lord of Chaos was stunned by her affections once again.
After everything I’ve done...you won’t hold me the same way.
Discord leaned his snout into her hair and breathed in the roses and...smoke? She smelled oddly, like him. But he wouldn’t notice that being his smell, he only felt more at home when he gathered her scent.
“I’m sorry I worried you, my dear...I’m alright now...sort of.” Discord gripped his pegasus’ back in a strong hold and Fluttershy let out a squeak and then cried for a moment into his shoulder.
“Why-sniff- did you lie to me? You could have been hurt! Are you hurt?!” Fluttershy sat up and saw Discord’s face, he was speechless.
She knows? But how-
“Why aren’t you answering me? Are you hurt anywhere? I saw you-your universe...it was destroyed-and-sniff-I was so worried…and I realized...something. Oh, Discord-you didn’t have to lie to me like that! Why would you toy with me like that? Sniff, am I that easy to manipulate-”
“Stop...please, I didn’t- it’s- no, I wasn’t trying to…sigh...I’m-as well as I can be, but, we need to talk...now.” Discord moved his claws in her pink locks and looked at her, his heart was aching. He leaned in a bit, unsure if he could hold himself back. The sun was hitting her hair and fur just right, but, he couldn’t do it. He shook his head and looked at Twilight.
“Twilight and I need to talk to-”
“No, Discord, you tell her.” The draconequus froze up when the alicorn spoke. She was ditching him.
“Oh, calm down, we’re making ourselves look bad...it should be really easy to tell our marefriend we love her!”
“Groan, you're getting on my nerves...” Discord growled, his face turning to his other side as if talking to somepony else. Fluttershy looked at him in confusion as Twilight walked into the cottage giggling.
“I have to do something Discord, me and Spike will stay in the kitchen and discuss our next move on this. You two talk about, whatever it is, that needs to be discussed- Come on Spike!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Spike beamed, thrilled to be leaving the tension- thick room. The alicorn and tall dragon walked on into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind them.
Discord gulped, then blushed crimson. He had just noticed how close he was to Fluttershy, close enough to just peck her lips and get away with it. He stepped away and to the left before he walked into her house and sat in the center of the living room. The floorboards let out a lonely creak as he arched his back and looked at the different designs in the carpet. Fluttershy sighed, she knew what was coming.
“Discord?” Fluttershy came to him and sat across from him, she wanted desperately to kiss him, to tell him she loved him. To seek out why he lied to her. What was wrong with him.
“Fluttershy, I’m sorry I lied to you. It was so-so stupid of me to think that I could be anything more than a comical relief in our friendship. I just wanted...to understand why-I just-agh! I don’t even know anymore! All I know is that I lied to you, I’m torn into two separate pieces, and I’m constantly reminded that I’m just-just…”
“Discord, calm down!” Discord hadn’t realized that he was ranting and covering his face, he was on the brink of tearing at his eyes out of frustration. He peeked out from his claws and looked at the beauty before him. She was so lovely, and possibly the most gentle creature to walk the face of Gia. She was looking at him with so much heartbreak, and slight frustration as well.
“Tell me why, Discord.” She took on a more serious tone, but she was still cute when she did such.
Discord looked at her for a moment. Did he know why?
Of course you do, my friend! Because...we didn’t want to lose her! Say it!
I can’t...I can’t do it, I’m a monster, and she’ll grow tired of me...she’ll wind up hating me.
She won’t...she’ll understand…
“Well? What is it Discord? Why did you lie to me?” She huffed the last part, growing a bit impatient. He smiled slightly, but it was a sad smile that eventually formed into a frown.
“Well?” She looked at him, she wanted to hear him to say it.
“There really is no excuse to lie to you...but...”
Say it…
“But?”
Say it...say...the truth is I didn’t want to lose you…
“The truth...is...I-I really….I really…um…” He felt it lagging on in the back of his throat desperate to come out, how could he put it? “I…um”
This sounded so much better in my head…
We’ve got that right.
“Discord…” Fluttershy looked at him with her signature death glare, which was both scary and adorable, but Discord knew better than to make her angrier at him. “You lied to me, you lied to me and now...you're hurt, aren’t you? You lied to me and you made me make- you just- you played me, Discord. I didn’t want- you make me so- so…” She huffed and turned away, trying to keep her emotions under control. The pegasus was trying desperately to hold back tears and the building (quiet) scream within her. She turned back around, she was still mad at him, but one question had to be answered. The one thing that she wanted to know more than anything. Why, so he could play her for his own gain, or did he truly wanted something more than a friend? They kissed for ponies sake! She needed to know. She looked at him with a worried look shining in her irises, and a determined brow. She took a deep breath.
“Discord...do you love me?” She looked at him with gentle eyes once again, an additional, silent plea. Discord couldn’t take it, the tears were going to come, and only the aching would be left. But, he couldn’t say he did, he was a monster and she would tire of him eventually. Discord wanted to tell her everything, why he lied, why he did all this, how much her kiss meant to him, her affections, how she made him burn and yearn for newer things. She was everything to him, he couldn’t risk losing her now…wait-
Say it Discord…
All this time...I never wanted to lose her. All I wanted was for her to stay and never grow tired of me...I may be a monster...but I wanted the innocent friend to be there for me. I went through Tartarus to keep her....is this it? Is this what it feels like?
Say it, my friend.
It-it can’t be...but, it feels right to have her here with me...I-
Tell the truth.
I-
“Fluttershy...I lo-”
“Guys! I figured it out! The way to put Discord and Discord’s counterpart back together again! All we need is this spell and-Did I interrupt something important?” Spike who was standing behind Twilight face palmed. The two interlopers heard the sighs come from both the pegasus and draconequus, while both were blushing a tremendous amount of red.
“No, nothing at all…just our love confession, but we’re sure whatever you have to say is more important than Discord’s happiness…” Cordwood stated nonchalantly while floating around Twilight’s head.
“Oh, Cordwood...Discord, I’m sorry...I can go back and-” Twilight pointed back to the kitchen, but stopped when Cordwood chuckled.
“What?”
“My friend, we shouldn’t call our friends that…” Cordwood looked over at his host and smiled mischievously, the “inside” joke being hilarious to only one side of the pair.
“What?! What did you call me?!” Twilight looked up at Cordwood, demanding an answer.
Fluttershy looked at them for a moment, the claim Twilight had made not to long ago had froze her when she thought about it.
“Wait-” Fluttershy looked up at Discord who was blushing awfully bad, but then he turned to see his pegasus who had a white face of fear. He now looked worried. “...Discord...what does Twilight mean by...counterpart?” Fluttershy’s tears were more visible, the draconequus looked down at her and his eyes softened, realizing what he was about to tell her.
“Fluttershy, it’s true I was...Cordwood...the stallion, but, I hadn’t used a lot of my chaos magic to conjure that form...no, my magic had it’s limits...I used only a fraction of it for a spell and my…ahem...unicorn magic...in order to cast it on myself-”
“Unicorn?” Twilight and Fluttershy interrupted in unison. Cordwood chuckled quietly.
“But I thought-” Twilight began her flood of questions in her head, but Discord didn’t want to explain his full history.
“Yes, more on that later, I assure you, but at the moment, the spell I had used to change my appearance had it’s effect on my magic regardless how much I had used. Because of this, it’s tearing me into two pieces of myself. This had happened once before, but now it’s worse. My magic will continue to consume and lose energy and I will...I’ll die if I can’t be put back together again. Before I didn’t have this problem, but with the magic fading away because of my lack of energy, it will begin to kill me altogether...”
Discord paused and looked at Fluttershy who was across from him. Twilight only gave a grim look, from the knowledge of what would happen if she couldn’t find a way to help.
Fluttershy breathed in deeply, but the tears came and she ran up to Discord’s chest and hit it out of frustration. She was a little weak muscled, so it didn’t hurt, but it was depressing to watch. She sobbed and banged on his chest, while he tried to get his mismatched paws around her.
“Flutter-stop-hey!” Discord grabbed her and pulled her in, squeezing her tightly to make her stop squirming. She shivered in his arms and cried in his chest fluff.
“W-Why d-did you d-do this! Why d-din’t you t-tell mhe, -sniff-, I w-was here...f-for you and you d-didn’t tell mhe! A-and now...y-you're -dying?! Discord! No! I c-can’t...I c-can’t lose you...Don’t leave me…please...I’ll do anything...” Fluttershy shivered once again in his arms, his warmth was so alluring, and comforting. Discord was so imbalanced at the moment, all he wanted to do was hold her tighter and tell her everything would be alright. What he would do to kiss her right now and stop her tears.
“Fluttershy I-I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay, I have a solution...well, I mean, it’s the best chance we got right?” Twilight said, coming up to the two emotional creatures.