//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 - Greasing The Wheels // Story: Of Gods And Mortals // by DeepThought //------------------------------// "The mind is everything... What you think you become." Buddha “Now, where the buck was it…” she mused as she threw open yet another cabinet to no avail. Eh, at least today was going to end well. The morning had started out boring enough, just had to help clear the skies, practice some stunts, but after that she had nothing left to do.... All her friends were busy with work, or other boring crap like that. She’d have bugged them, but they didn’t really appreciate her idea of ‘fun’ too much during work hours… Well, unless she wanted to help out with their tasks, but there was no way was she going to waste her free time like that. Not unless they really needed it at least. No, she chose to use her time efficiently as always… Ugh, did she just think that? Buck, that's probably something her favorite lil’ egghead would say… “Just great… good job, Dash,” she muttered to herself, browsing yet another cabinet in search of her prey. At least she had gotten a thirty minute power nap. Heh, choosing odd locations to nap in often provided ways to cure her boredom. It was rather amazing, the kind of bizarre or hilarious things which would come her way. Which is what led her to this current point. Yet, she was still faced with one issue... “Where the buck did I leave the peanut butter at?” This was the twelfth cabinet she’d searched through for Celestia’s sake! And, well… she knew she might be a bit of a slob but the lair of the mighty Dash wasn’t this disorganized… Okay, that was obviously a lie, but buck… was she really out of peanut butter? That was anything but acceptable! Still, she had at least found an onion… heh, that line was gold. She’d have to leave her Fortress of All Things Awesome and go to the market… “Nah… maybe I could,” she grinned… “Heh, that’ll work!” she exclaimed, before she sped out of her house and off towards the town leaving the door wide open.... In no time at all, she was outside of Sugarcube Corner, floating near the front door. Glancing through the open window she noted Mr. Cake was at the counter. Feeling generous, she chose to casually open the door and stroll inside rather than her usual fare. “Good morning!” Mr. Cake greeted cheerfully upon hearing the bell ring when she entered. “Not coming through the window today, Rainbow?” he lightly chuckled. “Hey, Mr. Cakes! Not this time but...” She greeted back before she darted over to the counter, “Sorry, I’m kinda in a rush. Is Pinkie here?” she asked excitedly. “Yup, she's just taking a break upstairs,” Mr. Cake replied with a nod towards the stairs. “Thanks Mr. Cake!” she said happily before blasting out the front door and back into the sky. “...stairs next time!” Mr. Cake yelled out at her. “Heh, guess I could use the stairs but it's not nearly half as fun as the window,” Dash thought as she sped around the shop house or was it a house shop? Eh, either way she stopped before impacting her friend’s bedroom window…. Ugh, she wouldn’t make that mistake again. Might be fun to do at the library. Well, generally more fun when the window was open but she couldn’t always count on that… Eh, either way, the last time she barreled through here she had ended up…. Nope, she already told herself she wouldn’t think on it again… but by Celestia’s Teats it had taken ages to get all that cotton candy out of her wings… “Stop that… focus Rainbow!” she reprimanded herself. She was here to get some peanut butter from Pinkie and see if she was up for some pranking! As she raised her hoof to knock on the window she was met with a very odd sight.… “Today… is weird,” Dash thought. Pinkie was controlling a ridiculously small pair of tongs as she deep fried equally tiny donuts from a stove that would seem small even for a foal. Was this really all that weird? Nah, this was bucking par for the course with Pinks… Huh, now she was she also brewing a tiny pot of coffee? Maybe now would not be a good time to knock… Hot beverage and all, plus Pinks did look rather intense, at least in how seriously she seemed to be taking her... umm, duties? Why was she even doing this? Then again, why did Pinkie do half the things she did? Nopony really knew, and these were thoughts probably best left behind, so with that in mind... What!? Now where did she get that tiny ice cream machine from?! Eh... maybe, she could bug Pinkie later... Yeah, she looked rather busy after all. “I wouldn’t be a good friend if I disturbed her now…” Dash decided, before she flew away from… whatever that was.  Best to let cooking pink ponies do their thing or however that saying goes. Something about sleeping dogs… Meh, either way she could… yeah, the Treebrary was the next logical place to go! Maybe that nutty unicorn would have some peanut butter she could borrow. “I mean it's fine to bug my friends during my time of need, right?” she muttered, now flying towards Ponyville’s one true house of all things nerdy. She was confident that she had a legit excuse for once. Now that we were finally in front of the Town Hall. I noted that Carrot Top my trusty escort and unwitting accomplice was looking rather nervous. Nuzzling her, “You okay, Carrot?” “Pfft,” Carrot snorted, while glancing down at me. “I’m good, let’s head in and get cleaned up,” she cheerfully said as she returned my gesture. That was certainly something I was looking forward to. While I was no stranger to foul and disgusting things, I had no wish to continue basking in them. I couldn’t help but grin when Carrot threw all manners aside and loudly cracked open the doors to the town hall as she trotted ahead while I brought up the rear. I definitely did not envy the pony that would undoubtedly have to clean up this trail of filth we were leaving in our passage.  “Heh, speak of the devil…” I mused upon hearing a mare shriek in despair. Obviously, she had chosen the wrong profession if filth could perturb her so. It seemed today was going to be a good day, for everything had pretty much unfolded in the way I had hoped it would. Well, besides the foul taste currently occupying my mouth. Still, some sacrifices would have to be made...  While my role would only suffer a minimal amount of scrutiny, I needed to remain cautious. Carrot and Lils were hardly the only ponies I had to prove myself to. “Seriously!?” Carrot shrieked in mild annoyance, which in turn yanked me from thoughts and back to the…. I snorted, “Did she really faint?” noting the prone form of some random cleaning mare. The ponies of this time were a far cry from what their predecessors had once been, even as timid as they were in those days. In any event, progress comes in many forms... “Yeah… Ugh, guess we’ll…” she began to grumble... “Just what do you think you’re doing to Bubble Gum, Carrot?” came a mare’s rather stern and commanding voice from our right, though I could swear she sounded slightly amused. “Uh… Hey, Mayor Mare, sorry?” Carrot called back, grinning sheepishly. It was then that I noticed the mayor Mayor Mare in question. Stepping out of nearby office, she held a more dignified or regal presence than most. Her hair was grey with streaks of white, her coat was well-kept and tan, but I could not make out her mark from this distance. Either way, she kept her stern gaze on us while waiting for answer that Carrot seemed to be unable to return. I suppose I’ll have to take over then, being ever the natural diplomat. “Is she the Mayor Mare of mares everywhere?” I chuckled. “Ugh, Sunny…” Carrot face hoofed with a sigh, though she couldn’t help giving a small chuckle. The Mayor Mare of Mares that is a mare just tapped her right hoof irately as she appeared to be getting rather sick of this shit. Her childhood must have been evil, I mean sure it fit now but back then…? Hell, if her growing agitation was anything to go by she must have treasured her journey into adulthood... Snickering, “I’m just teasing Mayor, I imagine Carrot here was trying to take me to someone that handles abused hatchl… err foals,” I said plainly before the ever befuddled Carrot could get a word in edgewise. Ugh, my stomach just growled again without my permission…. The mayor just looked at Carrot with interest while she kept me in eyesight out of concern. Suppose time will tell if my labors bear fruit. She coughed, “Yeah, still, we’re sorry about all this,” she motioned around us and to the prone maid, “Think you can lead us there?” Carrot asked nervously. Heh, I’m sorry as well, am I?  The mayor just nodded and beckoned for us to follow as she trotted ahead and rounded a corner. A few twists and turns, and some dirty hoofmarks later we all came across a much desired wooden bench next to a door bearing the title of ‘Lemon Harvest of Foal Services & Accounting’ further down the hallway. It always amazed me to see some of the bizarre and inefficient setups that the ponies would come up with. Then again, by their logic, I suppose it was not all that surprising that a town this small would rarely run into a case like ‘mine’.  Why else would the one in charge of mistreated foals double as accountant? Shared offices, maybe? Is it because the suffering of an accountant, could in some way make them understand the pains of an abused child? Fun as this train of thought may be, time will tell the truth. “I’ll be right back Carrot, please wait here and try not to make any more of a mess than you have to,” she said with a smile while slipping into the office. For a time, an uncomfortable silence was all that passed between Carrot and me. Leaving me with little to do but listen to the conversation happening in the adjacent room. It seemed the mayor wanted a report on what was going on when possible, before the two began to review the procedures laid down by the bureau... “So you knew where I was taking you?” Carrot questioned softly now glancing down at me with concern. I was still listening to the others but multitasking was hardly anything new to me. “Yup! I mean, C’mon Carrot, you gotta admit this would be a weird place to clean up and eat at,” I said with a chuckle. Hanging her head in shame, “Still, I’m sorry for not saying it directly.” “Eh, no prob, you’ve treated me better than anyone else has in the last four months.” I said with a rather forced chuckle and shake of my head. Heh, left a few more crumbs for you, my sweet. Carrot sniffled slightly before composing herself, “Thanks, Sunny,” she said while hugging me and ruffling my filthy mane, yet her sniffling had returned... I snorted, “Hey knock that off, it's hard enough to woo a mare as old as you are let alone one in tears,” I squeaked while playfully nuzzling my head against her neck. Ugh.. we really, really needed to get cleaned up soon…. Carrot just laughed half-heartedly, “Yeah, yeah... laugh it up, imp,” she said happily while we leaned against one another. I suppose this would be a trying day for most… Eh either way, I was enjoying the chance for my muscles to get some much deserved rest. Yet, all good things must come to an end, for I heard the click of a door opening…. And out came Mayor Mare followed by… hmm another pony I did not recognize, she was a unicorn that had a rather dark grey coat, a mane and tail that was tinged with a bright yellow but also had shades of a light grey blended in, and lastly her tramp stamp which was a lemon... Really? She wasn’t very fit, somewhat plump, but she wasn’t unpleasant to look at. She was also carrying a small briefcase in her yellow magic. “Is there anything else you two needed help with?” Mayor Mare asked. Carrot had just began to shake her head for ‘no’ before I poked her side, “Think of something white and rather whiney,” I joked. Heh, that was certainly a fun moment… I sometimes wondered if... the Everfree had tainted the areas around the forest in some way even I could not perceive. So many bizarre and entertaining incidents not of my doing seemed to congregate in this town, yet so few in the other areas near those cancerous spots... Maybe the Elements themselves could be related to this odd circumstance? Or of course it could just be that, circumstance that is. Then again, it could be a butterfly effect from my own actions… She face hoofed, “Ugh… I nearly forgot, can you send somepony to help wake up Rarity? She had one of her episodes at the corner of Scarlett's shop,” she declared in both shame and bemusement. Mayor Mare just raised an eyebrow before nodding, “Very well, I’ll leave you in the caring hooves of Lemon Harvest,” she said with a smile before she trotted away. With her exit, the pair of us glanced over towards the mare in question who was looking rather worried but cleared her throat before she trotted towards us. She nodded at us in greeting when she came to a halt, “Hello, what can I help you with today?” she asked in a pleasant tone, but she was obviously nervous. Carrot just hopped off the bench and in turn I lost my warm recliner, “Sorry, Lemon Harvest, hold that thought for a sec.” she said before glancing back at me, “Hey, Sunny, mind waiting here for awhile while I chat with her?” she requested. Heh, still scared I might escape, eh? Nah, but she's probably just being cautious, can’t really blame her... can I? “Umm, that's fine, my legs are kinda sore anyways,” I replied while I stretched out fully laying down on the bench. This action was met with several pops and a pleasant groan from me. “I’ll be ok, just don’t take too long,” I requested in a worried but tired tone. “I’ll be as quick as I can.” Carrot said cheerfully while she hugged me before she gestured with a shake of the head for Lemon Harvest to follow her to the end of the hallway. As they drew away I made sure to appear concerned as I kept my eyes on Carrot, hopefully appearing like I didn't want her to go away. Once there, the pair came to a halt while both sat down with only their rear ends touching the once clean carpet. Though unlike Carrot, the other mare made sure the area she sat in was clean. Carrot was looking rather nervous and was stumbling over her words. Probably because she was looking for a polite way to break the news to Lemon. Suppose she left me here to shelter me from having to chat about anything painful. We can’t have that, can we? I could try and read their body and facial language but it was never all that accurate... No, it would be far more easy to just adjust the inside of my ears. Within moments my hearing picked up, and I could make out sounds coming from all around the area I resided in. The typing of someone's typewriter, Carrot talking with Lemon Harvest, the scribbling of a quill, the push of a mop, some rather delightful curse words, and so much more. Yet, none of this was truly comprehensible as it stood, as such I began to lower my range and tune them out one by one. I would only focus on the pair that interested me… “... tell me what's wrong Carrot, beating around the bush won’t help,” stated Lemon Harvest in a cordial tone. “I know that!” Carrot said in frustration. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to...” she stated with a growing depression. “It's fine, take your time, and just tell me what you can, I promise I won't interrupt.” Lemon said. Ugh... this might take some time… About six minutes later I found that I was growing somewhat bored. Listening to a general summary of what happened today alongside a short revisit of my adventures were hardly as fun as experiencing them. Though, Carrot did at least recall the breadcrumbs I had left for her. She seemed to be rather concerned by my rapidly changing moods, my nationality, my antics, how mature yet childish I was, and my shame towards my thin sides. Yet, were they really that bad? I figured if anything I’d qualify for an early or middle stage of malnutrition going towards starvation at best. Throughout the lecture both of their moods had fluctuated, sometimes it would plummet, and occasionally their moods would uplift at the mention of a few of my antics though some left them worse than before, particularly Lemon Harvest.  Carrot had held up better than I had expected, she was certainly made of sterner stuff. Few were the times she needed comfort from Lemon. Yet, the same could be said of the social worker, albeit I would expect that in her line of work so I wasn’t as impressed with her. Now… “Just how long will it take for Lils to show up with food!?” I muttered, in anger as my stomach growled on its own - yet again. These insufferable urges once forgotten were beginning to wear on my patience. Only a small number of my earlier rumblings had been from me throwing and altering my voice...  “Please Lemon, lets just focus on helping him and leave most of the questioning for another day. I really think a day without all this drama would do him some good.” “Don’t worry Carrot, I value his mental health as well. I’ll limit the scope of my investigation to the few questions I can’t avoid.” Lemon Harvest said with what sounded like resolve. “What exactly do you mean by that?” Carrot asked nervously. “I just need his full name, a few general health questions, and I'll also need to take a picture of him for record purposes.” Lemon Harvest said calmly. That shouldn’t be so bad, the only one that would probably perturb Carrot was ‘my’ last name due to my fun reaction to the mention of ‘parents’ and maybe the picture. “I don’t think Sunny will mind about any of those, aside from…” Carrot began to speak out with concern before she was interrupted. “His full name, I know Carrot, I’m very concerned about his reactions to the mention of his parents as well,” Lemon Harvest said calmly, “but we need his full name to search through records.” “We can’t hold off on only that one?” “I’m sorry but no.” “Then can I at least be the one to ask it?” she inquired while glancing nervously in my direction, only to notice my own troubled gaze. “Oh, why is that?” “I just don’t want to let him fall into a funk again.” she declared as she tore her gaze from me, her face contorted in determination. “Then please let me do my job, Carrot, I’ll try to be as gentle as possible,” Lemon Harvest declared in a comforting tone. “But…” “You yourself said you made some mistakes in asking him questions neither of you were ready for.” “Yeah...” Carrot agreed softly. “So will you rely on me to do my job that I’ve been trained for?” “Yes...” Carrot said rather pitifully only to hug the mare in turn, “I know I’m probably coming off as rude but I just want him to be happy.” Huh, kinda surprised, I figured I was growing on her, but... Lemon sighed happily while patting Carrot’s back, “It didn’t come across as rude in the slightest to me, my dear.” “Really?” Carrot sniffled in confusion as she glanced back at the mare. “The fact that you show so much care for a foal that you’ve only known for a few hours is truly inspiring, now let's get you two cleaned up.” she said proudly, “You ready?” “Yeah, just gimme a sec.” Carrot said while she took a few deep breaths. Lemon Harvest just waited patiently for Carrot until she was ready and the pair began to trot back towards me. It seemed I would no longer need my ‘enhanced’ hearing, as such I returned my ears to normal. “You alright Carrot?” I asked in a concerned tone when they finally came to a halt in front of me. “Heh, yeah just got some dirt in my eyes.” she replied almost instantly, wiping at her eyes with a hoof. “So you must be Sunny,” Lemon said, interrupting my train of thought. I snorted in bemusement, “And you must be Lemon Harvest,” I teased back. I imagined she just wanted to change the subject that Carrot and I had delved down… “I suppose that was a silly question to ask but are you ready to get cleaned up?” she questioned. “YES!” I loudly squeaked, “You have no idea how bucking long I’ve waited to hear that!” I enthusiastically declared with a chuckle while I hopped up from the now filthy bench. Yet, my antics were only rewarded with an eye twitch from Lemon Harvest, and some snickering from Carrot who was obviously holding back, now in a better mood, hopefully. “Umm… right this way then please,” she replied in a reprimanding tone that held some leniency. Heh, and so my shield continued to protect me from boredom with the added bonus of purpose. A short trot later with me staying close to Carrot led us through some more twisting hallways and down the stairs when at last we entered a rather spacious room guided by our escort. “Huh, not bad” I said honestly. The colors were rather bland, just some white walls with some brown trim around the edge where it met the white ceiling and marble floor. There was a table with floor cushions that could seat at least twelve or more ponies, two comfy-looking green sofas, four matching end tables, a few bookshelves stocked with… foal books, a fridge, some boring board games, and two doors on opposite sides that led to what I imagined were a bathroom and bedroom... “So where's the bath at?” Carrot asked eagerly. Lemon Harvest quietly shut the door we entered through, “Ah, just over here,” she calmly stated while she trotted over to the door on the left side of the room. Once there, she opened it and neither of us needed much of a prompt to rush inside. Carrot was first, I was second, and Lemon brought up the rear. Ha, Carrot was already at the sink gargling and spitting out water. Well, I could hardly blame her, thankfully there was more than enough room for me as well. Grabbing a nearby glass, I quickly filled it with water, and began the oh so magical process of swishing it around and spitting out the refuse until that foul taste had finally disappeared. Carrot sighed in contentment, “Oh Celestia, that is so much better.” Hmm, now that I no longer had to contend with that foul taste in my mouth, I could tell that this room was certainly nice. It was still the same drab colors as before but the tub was large enough for a group with a large shower head system, and the toilet seemed to have its own separate room further back. Rather luxurious by pony standards, though not obscenely so. Still, I’d love to hear the ‘reasoning’ behind how the crown agreed to fund such a project… “Umm, if you’ll just wait over there for a moment I’ll get everything set up,” Lemon Harvest said with some mirth before she she shut the door and turned on the shower with a flick of her magic. Her attention was now stolen by a selection of  shampoo bottles. “Hey, Carrot?” I chuckled, halting my ever eager companion before she could climb inside the tub. “Yeah, Sunny?” She said while somewhat bemused as neither of us wanted to wait any longer to get this filth off, waiting be damned. “Think fast!” I squeaked while tossing my towel over her, “Last one in’s a rotten egg!” I giggled while easily pulling myself over and into the tub while carrot gagged on my foul towel causing her to retreat a few steps. Some things were just as fun the second time around it seemed... I could hear some muffled snickering coming from Lemon Harvest, seemed I wasn’t the only one that was amused. Damn… this warm shower felt great after today's collective bullshit. “Sunny…” Carrot chuckled while still under the towel, “You do realize this means war, right?” she said in bemusement when she yanked it off and hopped in the tub. Now that both of us were in the tub, we began to slowly circle one another waiting to pounce… Now I have always been a firm believer in the best defence is a good offense, as such I quickly used my magic to angle one of the shower heads to spray directly towards my rivals face. Now with her vision removed... “Ahem...” Lemon Harvest coughed. The pair of us stopped our circling and looked over in a mixture of embarrassment and reluctance at the one who sought to end our activities.  “Aww c’mon Lemon we were just horsing around,” I said with a chuckle. “Sorry?” Carrot stated awkwardly with a blush… “Oh I’m not against rough housing so long as you two keep it safe and civil. However,” she lectured with a pause, “Let’s save that for after you two are clean and won't coat the room in… all of that,” she said with a slightly disgusted yet amused tone while gesturing to our coats. Heh, we must have made quite a picture with the rivers of filth that were cascading off the both of us, before it became trapped in the drain’s filter. Truly, being a fur covered race could have its downsides, I am sure many plumbers would attest to that. “Fine…” we said in unison, accepting our defeat. Choosing to focus on my face and mane first, “Hey, Carrot,” I called out, while I ran my magic through my mane. “Yeah?” Carrot replied while she struggled with the task of getting her mane untangled. “Can you toss me that bucket next to you?” I asked. “Yeah, one sec,” Carrot declared with a grumble as her face contorted in disgust at the moldy olive she just pulled out of her mane. Lemon Harvest just looked at the scene with a smirk while biting her lip, before she floated a shampoo bottle into the bucket and then hovered both over to me with her magic. “Thanks, Lemon!” I said happily as my magic casually fought for control over the object, yet she didn’t release her grip immediately, rather that came a few seconds later. Hmm, I wondered, was she testing my strength, or rather seeing how my magic has held up after the trials my disguise had faced. Using what ability I still had, I imagine she was content with her findings.         Heh, she wasn’t so bad, kind of a subtle touch, I wonder if I could expect this kind of treatment to continue? Directly indirect? Either way, I could just be overthinking this. It was only now that I had noticed that Lemon had hopped into the tub with another bottle of shampoo floating beside her during my thoughts. “Here, let me help you with that,” the supposedly eldest of our trio calmy added as she sat next to Carrot and helped untangle the ends of her mane with magic. “Ugh… Thanks, Lemon, though you didn’t have to hop in here and get messy.” Carrot said thoughtfully, yet with slight guilt. Heh, I wonder if Carrot will ever realize just how entertaining her pouting really is? Still, this mane wasn’t going to clean itself. As such, I applied a very generous amount of shampoo to my coat, mane, and tail. “It isn’t really a bother, plus I always find showers refreshing. Paperwork can get rather boring at times…” “Ugh, I hear that,” Carrot grumbled in agreement. “Yeah, paperwork is truly the greatest evil...” I said with honest disgust while tipping a half full bucket of water over myself. Carrot snorted, “What would you know about paperwork?” she questioned with a chuckle while our social worker looked on with interest. “What is homework if not but a precursor for a greater evil?” I teased back. Lemon just hummed in contemplation... “When did you get so wise?” my vegetable-themed protector teased with a smirk and a chuckle while glancing my way. “Actually it was thanks to you!” I happily chirped. Carrot bit her lip nervously probably seeing where this was going. “Oh, and how did she do that?” Lemon asked in honest curiosity.  “When I came across her working on her books earlier, it looked as if her very soul had moved onto another plane of existence!” I teased. “Don’t tell other ponies that!” squeaked Carrot who was once again burning red in embarrassment. “That doesn't sound that bad” the social worker said, looking and sounding somewhat perplexed.  “That’s because you didn’t see her drool trailing inches above her paperwork” I chuckled. “Stalker!” Carrot teased back. “Zompony” I squeaked back. “Dweeb!” She teased back, seeming amused. “Brute!” I said while blowing a raspberry at the end. “I’m dealing with two foals, aren’t I?” Lemon declared with loud laugh and shake of her head as she continued to clean and shampoo Carrot who had went stock still at that jab. “Buuuutt Lemon surely I’m more mature than Carrot! She went to name calling first!” I whined playfully. “Wait! No he was the one that started..!” “Huh, I think you might be right, Sunny, now Carrot what do you have to say for yourself?” Lemon Harvest calmly said. “But… I.. hrmphf” Carrot sputtered while she was probably debating how to turn this situation around. Now that wouldn’t do. “Aww, it’s ok Carrot, I’ll go first, I’m sorry calling you names…” I apologized, looking to her for reciprocation while biting my lip. Carrot squeaked in despair, “Lemon, you don’t really mean I have to?” Carrot sputtered eloquently as she looked to the other pony for help. Lemon Harvest kept a straight face, “Now, now, Carrot, He apologized and so should you.” she replied, but I could sense her mirth. “Fine…” Carrot pouted and turned towards me, “I’m sorry for calling you a dweeb,” she said half-heartedly. “Lemon, it sounded like she didn’t really mean that!” I taddled. “True, but your apology was anything but sincere,” Lemon Harvest stated while my role just looked on bemused. Now onto other matters... I snorted in mock offense before glancing towards my escort, “Yo, Carrot.” “Hmm,” she hummed in curiosity while glancing at me. “When do you think Lils will catch up with us?” I asked in the hopes my hunger would soon be sated... “Huh, it has been awhile, hasn’t it? I think it's been over an hour now.” “Eh, that sounds about right,” I replied. I imagine Lils spent some time cleaning up, but had to have ordered the food by now, so...  “Still, I don’t think she’ll be gone for much longer,” Carrot declared. While that's probably true, I could ask about the fridge. No... I could wait, I wouldn’t let this urge rule me. “Heh, glad to hear that, haven’t had a strawberry milkshake in ages.” I replied, licking my lips. “Thanks again Carrot,” I declared while I glomped her now clean form. Carrot just snorted while rubbing my mane and returning the hug. “In that case, let's all finish cleaning up, and get out of here,” Lemon Harvest declared, “Got a few smalls things to do before we sit back and relax.” she said while quickly shampooing her mane. “Oh, what's that?” I asked curiously, rinsing the last of the shampoo off my coat and tail. “Got some paperwork to fill out myself and a short form for you.” she replied, this statement seemed to make Carrot nervous. “Oh joyous rapture…” I mumbled with obviously false enthusiasm… “C’mon, Sunny, it won't be that bad, and being the ever generous mare that I am, I will even help you with it!” Carrot said proudly. Now, this simply wasn’t acceptable, I couldn’t let her comment pass without some retaliation.... “Lemon Harvest, she's going to make me fail,” I playfully whined, while relaxing under the warm shower, now completely clean - in body at least. Got a few pitying looks from the pair throughout the shower but they never lasted that long. Guess they didn’t want to bring it up, for now anyways. “Hey, I’m not that bad!” Carrot declared with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Lemon snorted, “You’re both lucky I don't use a grading scale,” she added, before she turned off the shower, “Here, let's get dried off and get the boring stuff out of the way.” she levitated some towels to us from a nearby rack. “You don’t believe in the almighty powers of procrastination?” I questioned in an awestruck manner while drying off. Lemon Harvest just shook her head in dismay and looked to Carrot for support who was drying off as well. “Hey, I’m with Sunny on this one, why do today what you can put off again another day!” Carrot chuckled. “Ugh…” Lemon face hoofed while wrapping her mane with a towel, “Just join me in the other room when you two goofs are ready,” she stated, before exiting the room. A minute later found us just about finished…. Carrot snorted, “Sunny… your mane…” she snickered while trying to hold her laughter back but failed. “Whats wrong with my mane?” I asked while glancing towards a mirror and realized that I may have been too liberal in my drying technique… My blonde, medium length, and scraggly mane was clearing losing a battle against static electricity as it followed the towel until I moved it out of range, yet it still wouldn’t fall… “I always figured you were a bit of an airhead,” she teased. “Takes one to know one,” I chuckled, while quickly wrapping her mane with the towel and rubbing it vigorously. “Turnabout's fair play!” I squeaked before I made my escape and vanished into the next room. “Get back here, imp!” She squealed in frustration, probably from trying to unwrap my towel. I decided to take refuge on a couch near Lemon Harvest who was looking up at me from her paperwork with a raised eyebrow while I smiled innocently at her. Hmm, I really didn’t look all that bad now, my once matted coat was far more fluffy than before. Though, it didn't hide what few ribs were showing anywhere near as well as the mud did. My tail was a medium length and equally messy as my mane. A few months without a trim and bathing properly would do that to a pony… “Sunny,” Carrot declared with strangely calm voice, this drew me out of my thoughts to find her standing…. “Pfft…” I snorted, “Nice look you got there, Medusa,” I teased while glancing at her once noble mane now standing on ends at points. It looked as if it were poised to attack… something that its owner was beginning to reflect as well. I gulped, “Lemon she's going to pick on me!” I squeaked adorably as possible. “You have my seal of approval, Carrot,” Lemon Harvest smiled, glancing at the pair of us, only to return to her paperwork.” “Why!” I squeaked when I was lightly tackled and given the noogie of a lifetime on the couch… Heh, worth it… “There are just some things you should never do to a mare,” Lemon declared. “Yup!” Carrot agreed sagely while continuing her onslaught. “But there are some things you shouldn’t do to a stallion either!” I squeaked knowing she would take the bait. “It's a good thing you’re a colt then!” Carrot said with a laugh while tickling my sides. “Stop... stop... I yield!” I squealed. Try as I might I couldn’t withhold the laughter as tears begin to form in my eyes. “What do you think, Lemon,” asked Carrot who was loving every moment of this. The bureaucrat just remained focused on her paperwork while I squealed, yet a moment later she slowly held out a ruler but eventually turned it up, giving a nod which made Carrot stop… “Fear not young imp for I have redeemed you,” Carrot declared cheesily when she released her hold on me. Panting, “You know... I’ll get you... for this later,” “Huh, didn’t think you’d be ready for round two so fast,” my oppressor smirked, now glancing down at my nervous yet giggling prone form.  Lemon Harvest chuckled, “I suppose I’ll let you decide, Sunny, paperwork or face justice?” she teased while floating a form in the air alongside a quill and some ink. “Paperwork!” I swiftly squeaked before the invasive hooves could reach me. Fun as that may have been for my role and me, it had simply been enough for today. “Aww…” Carrot pouted in a rather adorable manner. I just stuck my tongue out at her, taking the form, inkwell, and quill with my magic. Now lets see what she had planned… Oho... so that's how she planned to get my full name. The subconscious is truly a wonderful thing at times, horrible at others. Though it appears she just made this form from scratch, still this won’t take long to fill out. “Let me fill this out first and then you can have a peak, Carrot,” I chirped while separating myself from my companion. Carrot snorted, “Alright, then.” she said with a mixture of amusement and concern while giving me some room. What? She thinks I would do something wrong? Well who am I to deny her expectations then? Now how to stay in line with both that and what I want to represent…. Name: Sunny Delight Race: Unicorn Sex: Male Age: 12 Weight: 50 lbs Height: 2’ 4” Please list any immunizations if known: Booster Shots Please list any allergies if known:  N/A Please list any health problems if known:  N/A Please list any magic if known:  Levitation, lightning, and shielding spells. Please list what, how much, and how often you’ve been eating/drinking: Just some grass each day, water when available, and some jerky I had saved. On rare occasions, I’d get some fruits. Not really sure how much any of it was, as grass was the only constant food source I could find. Water I generally could get each day except when I was on the boat. Please list any hobbies you have: Reading - Fiction preferably Cooking Hunting Fishing Swimming Pearl Diving Please list your favorite foods: Cheese - Any but headcheese Chef Salad Pasta Herring - Pickled or Creamed Fish - Any so long as Battered Fruit - Pears, Mangos, Cucumber Watermelon Vegetables - Carrots, Potatoes Pudding - Any but Banana Cake/Pie - Carrot / Pecan Ice Cream - Vanilla Bacon - Crispy but not burnt Nuts - Cashews, Pistachios Oysters - Fresh Please list anything you think would help us assist you: Honestly, I’d just like to get to know Carrot and Lils better. Both seem to genuinely care about me. Not really sure how this system works but I’d like to st either way I feel safe around them. My only other request is please keep what I say and did private, or as private as you can. I’m not really proud of the situation I’m in, nor do I really want to go over much else today. Just looking forward to some food, company, and rest. Thanks. I certify that the information above is correct and accurate to the best of my knowledge. Please sign here: Sunny Delight Left a few subtle things for Carrot, now to see what she would think, “Umm..” I mumbled nervously as I levitated the form near Carrot. “Ah, you’re ready for my help now?” Carrot chuckled before gently taking my form with her hoof. “Hmm,” Carrot hummed as she casually read it, but pulled me into a hug as she drew closer to the middle. Heh, guess she wasn’t sure how to react to the food, still it seemed a positive one. Once finished she had a perplexed but content look on her face, “Kinda surprised, figured you’d have a prank hidden in there somewhere.” she chuckled while still holding me close. “Eh, you’d probably have made me redo that form if I had,” I pouted. Huh, guess she missed a few of my more risque mentions. Still it looked like my last answer uplifted her spirits. “True!” she chirped happily, “Though I’m rather impressed,  your spelling is rather good, your hoofwork on the other hoof…. Well, it was kinda messy,” she said while ruffling my mane. I snorted, “Everyone's a critic, here you go, Lemon,” I said while floating it away from me and towards our social worker who was still trapped within her paperwork. “Thanks, you two,” she declared taking the form with little flourish and placing it beside her. “Now, let’s see what you’ve filled out,” she said, turning her gaze to my paper. “Hey Sunny,” Carrot called out. “Hmm?” I replied. “So what do you think of Ponyville so far?” she inquired. “It's not half bad, kinda calm and peaceful really,” I said with mock honesty, causing the Carrot to snort. Lemon Harvest on the other hand, was preoccupied at the time, so with some delay, she bit her lips as she tried to fight the smirk forming once she fully absorbed what I had said. “Though that gingerbread house is bucking creepy,” I said with a shiver. Lemon Harvest raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remained silent and kept reading. “Huh, that's odd, most foals love the Cakes, plenty of sugary treats there,” Carrot said obviously confused. “Eh, probably doesn’t help that there was an old tale my father told me about. It was centered around an old and kind Gryphoness who lived in such a house. She’d lure hatchlings inside with the offer of dinner only to bake them into treats to eat.” I said with a bittersweet tone. “What!?” Carrot and Lemon Harvest questioned in unison, both were rather appalled and shocked. “What!?” I asked in mock confusion. “That’s horrible! Why would he tell you that?” Carrot asked in shock while Harvest remained on edge as she watched the events unfold, probably waiting for a chance to head this off. Heh, which was far too late now... “The moral of the story as he put it was, that looks can be deceiving, especially in something that looks too good to be true. Afterall, why fear the wolf when its intentions are obvious and direct. No, what you should fear are those that are above reproach, or rather the monsters that have been hiding beside you all along. Or something like that, I really miss those stories…” I sighed in sadness, my face reflecting a mixture of melancholy and longing. Heh, a rather fitting tale for my situation I think. “Umm, maybe we…” Lemon Harvest started to say. “You’re not scared of us, are you Sunny,” Carrot asked with what looked like despair. Ugh, that wasn’t my intention there but I can see how she came to that conclusion… I snorted in bemusement, “Carrot you openly bear your soul, you’re honest, flawed, and refreshingly blunt. That's why I like and trust you,” I declared happily while I hugged her yet it appeared my damnable stomach saw fit to gurgle its own message as well… Carrot smiled, “Guess that was kinda silly of me,” she said while sighing in contentment as we relaxed against one another. “Hmm,” Lemon Harvest said as she glanced from her sheet, “Since Lily is taking longer than expected, want an apple, Sunny?” she said as she got up from the table and walked towards the fridge, “I got some grape juice as well,” she added. “Sounds great, I’d love both,” I chirped in excitement. I believe that I had been patient enough. Plus, I imagine that she knew fast food probably wasn't the best thing to start eating after ‘fasting’ like my disguise appeared it had. “Alright,” she declared while she opened the fridge… and my stomach saw fit to make itself known once again. Hmm, fairly well stocked. Did this double as a break room? It certainly looked well-kept, no dust… Heh, once again we returned to the heart of the funding issue, I swear these little commies would make the Soviet Union proud. “You hungry at all, Carrot?” I asked in concern as I looked up at my fluffy yellow and orange protector. “Umm, I wouldn’t mind some grape juice if that's okay, Lemon?” Lemon Harvest smiled, “That won’t be a problem at all.” she said while she poured two glasses, levitated them over along with a few apples onto the nearby end tables. “What, you worried about your figure, Carrot?” I teased while I levitated over an apple. Oh, I was going to treasure this... “No!” She yelped far too nervously.... I took a bite of my apple, “Mmmm,” I moaned, “Whatever, your loss, Carrot!” I playfully mocked while sloppily gorging myself upon the apple. This was almost orgasmic, truly hunger is the best spice. “Hey, I have no reason to be concerned about my figure!” she said while turning a lovely shade of red. Biting into the apple again, “Well, yeah, I wasn’t really serious about that,” I said while finishing off the apple with only a few more bites, “Though now I’m not too sure,” I smirked. “Umm…” I snorted, “It’s alright, Carrot, we all have our vices!” I declared happily, while levitating over another apple towards myself. Now to sample some of that grape juice... The other mare looked rather perplexed, “I’m confused, how exactly is dieting a bad habit?” “Eh, too many obsess over it really. Dieting while important in some ways can actually do more harm than good,” I declared before taking a swig of the juice. Ah, that's better, guess I’ll have to worry about hydration again... “How’s that?” Carrot asked in confusion. “It can slow down your metabolism, deprive your body of important nutrients, and cause you to ignore other symptoms behind your current situation.” I quickly replied. “Where did you get those ideas from?” Lemon Harvest questioned. “My father,” I softly said, “Anyways moderation and physical activity are also required to really do anything substantial with it, oh and hydration too,” I finished with little flourish. “Hmm, while that’s true, not everypony will be able to work exercise into their busy schedules.” Lemon added. “Heh, and just how many can actually stick to the ever evolving diet plans?” I rebuttled. Lemon Harvest smirked, “Those with persistence, so it really comes down to what each pony can handle. What works for one doesn't always work for the other.” “Well yeah, but that's a boring way to put it…” I whined. “And the topic wasn’t?” Carrot chuckled. “I think that's open to debate but…” the social worker hummed before setting down the papers she was reading. “Before I forget, I need to make a quick stop at the Mayor's office, so I’ll be back shortly.” she said when she got up from the table and approached the door. “You two all set for now?” she inquired while glancing our way before the now open door. “Yup!” I declared happily while devouring another apple, further cementing my ‘excellent’ manners. Carrot snorted, “We’re good, thanks Lemon Harvest,” she replied while ruffling my mane. “Though, I’m not sure the same can be said about your table manners,” “But irsa comphlimehnt!” I proudly belched just when Lemon Harvest had closed the door. Heh, I swear her face twitched for a second upon hearing my response. “Ughh, I think you got some on me that time,” Carrot complained while brushing off a small chunk of apple from her foreleg. “Swor… erhm, sorry about that” I said with mock shame, my ears slightly wilting. “Eh, it's no biggie,” Carrot said before pouring herself another glass of grape juice. “Ok, but you sure you don’t want one?” I asked, now wondering if she was holding back so I would have more to eat, “Feels like I’m porking out on them.” Carrot snorted, “Sure, I’ll take one, kinda had a light breakfast anyways.” she said with little flourish yet she had a slight blush? Heh, suppose I don’t need to jab at all of them... I just smiled in response and floated one over to her. The next few minutes were rather peaceful. Only the now somewhat more refined sounds of eating were left to greet us, my role now concerned about such things. Oddly enough, her face always seemed to be in a battle, at times she’d appear to be enjoying the apple, yet at others she almost seemed annoyed by it. Carrot polished off the last of her juice, “Say, Sunny,” “Hmm?” I questioned, with a slight yawn. “Whats… herring taste like?” Carrot questioned nervously, yet there was definitely an underlying current of curiosity there. “Kinda tangy, like pickles in a way, both types are rather addictive though. It’s not too firm, somewhat chewy, and the onions that are in the sauce with it are awesome!” I stated with pride and adoration lining my role’s obsession with pickled herring. A staple food of a certain neighboring country here. Well, I may be somewhat fond of it as well... “Huh, that actually doesn't sound half bad,” Carrot said with mild surprise. “We’ll have to get some for you to try later, but what about you, what sorts of foods do you like?” I asked in honest curiosity while trying to sink deeper into the comfy sofa. “Well besides carrots, I’m rather fond of kiwi, rice, pasta, cashews, and salads,” Carrot replied. “Whats a kiwi?” I asked in mock ignorance. “What? You’ve never had one?” Carrot asked in mock offense. I just raised an eyebrow at her, awaiting my expected answer. “Heh, it's a fun little fruit about the size of an egg, it has a crisp yet chewy skin. The inside is rather sweet and tangy with some crunch. It’s imported though, so kinda pricey, it's more of a treat,” She said, ending her own beloved food rant. “Sounds awesome... Wait, where is it imported from?” I questioned. “Oh, it's from Haywaii,” Carrot responded casually. Ugh, why had my younger self ever found such drivel hilarious… I could only be thankful that my species would never catch wind of my… choices. I yawned, “Huh, I think I’ve heard of that place, it's somewhere to the southwest past the Great Ocean, right?” I said while stretching out my forelegs. “Yup, you bored Sunny?” Carrot questioned. “Nah,” I replied contently, popping my back legs. Carrot lightly snorted, a smirk gracing her face, “I see, want me to find us a book to read?” I just nodded in response without thinking, somewhat annoyed with myself as my fluffy pillow had gotten up in search of ‘literature’. A minute or two had passed as Carrot browsed the shelves, whereas I just looked fondly upon the last apple. I wasn’t really all that hungry anymore, yet I was tempted to eat it, or would be if I could find the willpower to get up. Meh... Yet, my musings were interrupted when I heard someone bump the door with a grumbly squeak. A moment later my familiar pink and blonde-maned acquaintance slowly pushed open the door with my once delectable treats, now sated by hunger....  “Hey Lils,” my greeting, a soft response and wave complemented by a yawn. It seemed as if all my activities took more out of me than I had imagined, fatigue surely was creeping up on me.... “Lils!” Carrot exclaimed in surprise, now turned away from a book just removed from the shelf. “Hri Spuhnny,” Lils response was rather unintelligible, courtesy of the bag of greasy treats in her mouth. Heh, always found that unhygienic myself, but when in Rome... With a slight snort of bemusement, “Let me take that for you,” I declared, before I floated the food over to my nearby end table, never once removing myself from my cozy throne. “Thanks for the food,” I declared. “Yeah, thanks Lils,” Carrot added. “It wasn’t any problem,“ Lily humbly replied, “Though, you certainly clean up well, Sunny,” Lily praised, “You have such a lovely blonde mane.” “Yup, just need a slight trim and you’ll be looking great,” Carrot agreed happily, now headed towards us, a book in tow. I blushed, diverting my eyes, “Still, I kinda feel guilty for having you get all that food, while I pigged out on juice and apples.” I said, as if to change the topic for Sunny, my ears slightly downturned, appearing mildly guilty. Carrot snorted, “Just means we can split some of it, right Lils?” Carrot said, taking her seat next to me back. “Sure,” Lily smiled, now relaxed on the other end of the couch, “Now lets see what goodies we got here,” Carrot said, before diving snout first into the bag. “So, did anything interesting happen while I was gone?” Lils questioned curiously. I’d let Carrot answer that one. For now I would just rest my eyes. “Just some…” Carrot paused, popping her head out of the bag with some hay fries in tow, “rough housing,” she snorked down a few, “Right, Sunny?” She finished, truly being the epitome of grace... “If you say so, Medusa,” I subconsciously mumbled in response. ... “Yo, Equestria to Sunny,” … “Huh.. what?” I questioned, “What were we talking about again?” “Lils wanted to know anything fun we’ve been up to, besides rough housing,” Carrot teased. Even with my eyes still closed I could almost feel her smirk from here. I opened them slightly, but that accursed light... “Oh... yeah, that was fun,” I nodded weakly in response. I was kind of cold, yet my mock pillowed had returned, thankfully. “Comfy?” Carrot questioned, still sounding smug. I merely grumbled in response, nestling further into the warmth. “Oh! Is that Daring Doo and Pandora’s Box?” Lils exclaimed, sounding rather fond of them. “Yup, Sunny wanted to hear one.” “Oh! Would you like me to read Daring’s adventure to you, Sunny?” Lils requested. “Sure…” I agreed, hoping the noise would go away. “Alright, can you pass that here, Carrot?” Lily asked, Yet I heard no response, only some rustling around for a moment. Quiet at last… … “... and so it was that Daring entered the temple…” “And she…” ... “Daring managed to escape the….” … ... “Hey Lils, look at this…” Celestia was resting on a plain white sunchair in the royal gardens. A clearing surrounded by high hedges, which shielded her from the curious eyes of the numerous gardeners and servants roaming the castle grounds. Next to the resting princess was a short table with a plate, which contained an assortment of pastries, cinnamon rolls, cannoli, cupcakes, and an even greater number of crumbs. Lazily, the princess had her limbs hanging from the chair, her belly noticeably distended from all the the sweets she’d ingested. A tired but content smile adorned her slightly pudgy face as she allowed her now corpulent mass to bask in the sun’s rays, her eyes struggling at half mast. It was a beautiful day outside, far away from the busy streets of Canterlot, and the even more stressful world of her court. The clearing was lined with blooming flowers in all colours of the rainbow, a couple of birds were singing slow melodic tunes, and a gentle breeze blew through branches, the grass and the leaves, a cacophony of whispering wind. Nature had always calmed the princess’ nerves - and whether she liked it or not, she felt deeply grateful for this creation. Nature didn’t demand. In nature she just was, like a bird in the air, a fish in the water, she felt whole with her surroundings. She didn’t need to be someone else, put up a strong front. That she did appreciate. And at times nature did a great deal to alleviate her mood, like now... Splat! And another bird had defecated on the statue in the middle of the garden. It was already littered by the remains of countless birds, who had used the offered opportunity to get nourishment from a nearby bird feeder. One might have wondered who was responsible for such an “inconvenient” placement? Oh, right, she was. Had it been any other statue being in such a poor state, in her own garden no less, the Princess of the Sun would have been appalled, but considering it was her mortal enemy... nah. She didn’t feel any symp.... Wow, my little sis has a pretty mean streak going on here doesn’t she? I mean, I am family, for Dad’s sake. For anyone who is too slow to catch up, Dissy here, resident lawn ornament of chaos and entropy.... Hmm, yes that’s it big D, now you got their attention! I gotta admit it's a pleasant surprise to run into another human, one who hopefully isn’t as boring as my favorite old fart of a father. Speaking of dad, I wonder if he’s enjoying his time out? Kind of a sour apple that one… Why am I staying here and accepting good ol’ Celly’s gentle ministrations you wonder? Well, previously I did try the flower approach and offering to be the mentor she always deserved but honestly, some people’s kids…. Eh, I suppose I could ignore it but really, it's not everyday that your sister proceeds to molest her food while porking out on it. Kosher of a sorts, but I’ll treasure it all the same. Not to mention, she actually spent the time to train birds to defecate all over her older bro. Truly that kind of kinky dedication is something special…. Damn, I think she’s given me a bit of a feeding fetish at this point, I mean.. What kind of good brother wouldn’t want to keep a collection of pictures showing how much his sister’s flanks have grown throughout the years!? I can only hope she appreciates my card come their ghetto Christmas. I know Luna, Cadence, Twilight, and that conspiracy nut will. But back to the matter at hand, I’ve only heard from you through my Daddy’s stories, but really, I am awed... I wonder how I can talk to one of you… Didn’t your species kick the proverbial bucket? Eh, why am I of all beings trying to make sense of this situation? Moving on… Your kind was so wonderfully chaotic, in a sort of beautiful yet tragic way. Where once you establish order your methods and rulers would only prepare a cancerous system where it becomes so bloated that the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing… Wow… thats really hot actually, I mean that's not even like you’ll know you have to send your hand a valentine card in reciprocation. You don’t even have to sit on it… Suddenly my stay here got so much… Erhm.. Moving on again, we can get into more of my kinks later.  It just seemed that wherever you established your so called order you only prepared the way for greater chaos to follow, or rather your fellow man did. Yet, that was not the end of it, no the best part was to come, through these challenges you would grow and advance, it was your species drive, to never accept things as they were, rather what they could become. You all with your differing opinions and views and abilities... The status quo never went unchallenged. In that way you are really different from these tree hugging hippies that get high off their own shit. Well, sure you guys had some of them, but I swear… Eons could come and go and only the faces would change....  Though on a plus side, these ponies would still sound like they have stripper names at least. As such, how could I not be a fan of humans? Truly my father made a mistake by not rebirthing your great race here. Huh, maybe…. Still, I figured it was time to finally introduce myself, the valiant hero of this story! ... What!? You think I’m the villain? I swear… Some people's kids… *bemused mumbling* What? You’re still here!? Shoo you dirty ingrate! “Empress, is the great blue evil gone now?” came a faint yet terrified whisper from under her bed. Subtly glancing at the window in question, it appeared the coast was clear, “Well, yeah, but c’mon lil' B, Dashie is a good pony!” Pinkie replied, happy that her friend was finally peaking out from his hiding place. Now fully out from under the bed, the absolutely miniscule, yet winged pony, Deli Belly, the head priest shook his head, “But oh gloriously pink one, she has interrupted our most holy of rites yet once again!” “Aww, you know she didn't mean to!” “And that makes it better?” “Well, yeah! Plus she didn't even crash through the window, door, or wall this time!” “I notice you placed particular importance on ‘this’ time,” “What other time would I be referring to?” “.....” The headpriest merely gave her a very flat yet harsh stare, which hardly gave its intended effect. Huh, his beard was particularly fluffy today! Still, this got Pinkie thinking. What truly truly amazing things could she do if she had her own pair of mutton chops, not sure if she could handle the responsibility of a beard. And thus began an epic stalemate, with both her minions and herself trapped in a game of giving the other a look more condescending than the last… She was winning, though it was kinda hard not to, as cute as her competition was. Still, she made sure to thoroughly enjoy this battle of the brows, but figured it was finally time to move on. “But nothing got spilled this time so we can still enjoy the spread!” she declared happily. Though upon closer inspection, the headpriest had some frothy looking cream on his beard. Heh, seemed he snuck a snack under there… But they weren’t supposed to eat until he called the start of the feast. Eh, hardly an offense in her opinion, hopefully he would pick up on her hints to hide his so called misdeeds. Porking out before a meal, how anypony could find that wrong, she would never know, still back to the argument at hoof... Snorting, “Okay, she can be just aaaalitttle reckless at times but if you’d just let me tell her about you guys, I’m sure you’d all become good friends!” she pouted, while winking at the priest, and pointing to his face, and rubbing her chin. Huh, guess she missed a little too, eh doesn't seem like he noticed... Looking at her with confusion, followed by embarrassment, the head priest quickly but subtly removed the offending substance from his beard. “I will take that into consideration, Empress Pinkie.” he said, with a slight bow. Good, but honestly what was their obsession around rules and eating? What fun was that? This was like the third new high priest they’ve had this month alone due to snackrilege. “Pinkie…” came her sister's voice, “What's up, Maud?” “I want a crumpet, but Gummy doesn’t see fit to share” She declared while shaking her hoof nonchalantly, trying but failing to free herself from Gummy’s gentle strong gumming. “Gummy! Why are you doing that to Maudie Waudie?” She questioned, looking rather bemused by his shenanigans. Spitting out her sister’s hoof and dropping back onto the table, “Oh heavens no, my dearest Lady Pinkamena, I was merely preventing her from committing the most heinous of social blunders.” Gummy added in his rather posh accent, before returning his trusty ol’ pipe to his mouth. Truly, he was a symbol of nobility, though just how much of that was thanks to his top hat and monocle was open to debate... Snorting, “Plebeians…” Gummy mumbled. “You say something, Gummy?” Pinkie asked. “Erhm, Perhaps, I say, we should dine, what say you ol’ err new chap?” Gummy responded, now glancing towards the head priest. Coughing, but speaking in a raised voice, “It is safe to come out now my children, the...” he stopped, now noticing the the stern glare she was giving him, “the Dashie is now gone, let the feast begin!” he ended, looking nervously at her for comfort. For his actions he was met with a ruffling of his wittle bitty mane, alongside the cheers of his fellow breezies, truly this would be a feast of the ages. “Yup, let's party!” she cheered, before quickly pulling out her almost complete masterpiece. “Perchance, you would like an escort to the punch bowl, milady?” Gummy asked Maud. “Ok,” She replied before presenting her hoof. Climbing onto her hoof, and eventually onto her back, the pair drifted away towards the nearby punch bowl, while Pinkie remained focused on the task at hoof. This once plain cake had come so far from its humble beginnings. Her finest creation was placed in the center of the room and surely was a sight to behold. Delicate white chocolate covered its entirety, it featured several layers, separated by little sugar-coated columns. Black chocolate formed intricate patterns on the sides of the cake depicting various important events in the history of Breeziekind, all painted with the finest brush so that this wouldn’t have been out of place in the halls of Canterlot. Several figurines rested on its various layers, all topped off with with a large figurine of Pinkie Pie herself on its “roof”. “Almost done aaaaannnndd…..” Pinkie paused, “At last it's finished,” She said, wiping the sweat from her brow, and taking a moment to reflect in the glory of her magnum opus. Taking a nearby seat, “I say, good on you Pinkie, this may be your finest work yet.” Gummy declared in awe, before taking a sip from his punch. Maud nodded in agreement, before returning to her own task. She seemed intent on getting her pet rock, Boulder to show some interest in her recently acquired crumpet, yet it appeared her efforts were for naught. Smiling, “Aww, thanks you two...” she replied, “Now, who wants a slice?” Pinkie questioned. “I’d be delighted to have one, though I must say, it is truly a travesty that such a detailed work must come undone so quickly after reaching fruition.” Gummy said morosely, while she had made the first cut. “I disagree, its brief life only further cemented its value.” Maud refuted, before pausing, “But I’d like one as well…” Carefully, oh so carefully did she at last decide to attack the cake, before slowly removing a few smaller slices and one rather large yet equally noble slice. “Here you go!” Pinkie declared cheerfully, passing the slices to Maud and Gummy, leaving one behind on a plate, before hopping on her sofa, almost ready to finally partake of her decadent creation, she took a moment to reflect in the company she had. Looking around the room, she could see her sibling and most trusted Gummy Gum Gums eating their dessert in peace, the breezies themselves were falling upon the slice left behind like a pack of hungry hungry hippos. Some were taking advantage of the coffee, donuts, and ice cream. Others were even having a blast diving into her jello pool, although that one in the back looked like he was having a bit too much fun with his cake...         “Huh, guess my mom was wrong, you can eat your cake and have it too…” Pinkie thought to herself before shaking her head. Enough distractions, she had her own cake-related demons to slay. Glancing at this most delectable piece of chocolate cake- she came to the conclusion that there was simply no right way to eat a slice so majestic as this. As such, she did what came natural. She faceplanted into it. Oh, how the taste exploded in her mouth in a myriad of subtle flavours, in its artfulness almost like a concert of tastes.   “This is sooo gooood” Pinkie drolled, with a glazed over look. “Quite…” Maud, and Sir Gummy said in unison, thankful that they had managed to avoid the… slaying of that particular cake demon, still they wisely kept their distance. “All praise the God Empress of Breeziekind!” came a rather squeaky chorus of voices. And with the demon slain, the pink one was able to return to feasting in merriment with her fellow partiers. Some time later, they all began to relax, each individual, now far past a comfortable capacity, well save one… “That really hit the spot” Pinkie said, before hopping off the couch and beginning to pace around the room. “Ooo, it looks like my break time is nearly up,” Pinkie said half excitedly. “So which on my little B’s want to join me on an adventure today?” she questioned, before poking Deli’s big deli belly.  “I would my Queen, but alas I have other duties I must attend to.” the high priest murmured, whose duty apparently looked to be a pastry fueled nap if the constant dipping of his head and eyes were anything to go by. “Umm, I wouldn’t mind going,” came the reply of the ever bashful Buttercup. “Aww thanks, here, hop in!” Pinkie replied, fluffing her mane. “Just glad to assist my Queen,” she replied before diving into the sea of pink.   “What about you two, what are you going to do?” Pinkie asked, while adjusting her mane. “I think I could go for a bit of sunbathing,” Gummy said, “Maud, would you like to join me?” “Sure, sounds gneiss…” Maud swiftly replied, before placing Gummy on her back, “Boulder could use some sun anyways, he's been taking his complexion for granite lately.” She finished, earning a small snort from Gummy. “Heh, you two have fun with that, gotta get back into the grind!” Pinkie declared cheerfully, “Oh, and little B’s, have fun with the cake but try not to get into too much mischief today.” she added, before exiting the room. “So…” Truffle Shuffle stated, now that their pink goddess had left the room. “So…?” The high priest, Deli Belly questioned. “Think we can get away with replacing the blue menace’s cinnamon or coffee with cayenne pepper?” “I like the way you think,” replied the high priest, who began to cackle evilly until it was overtaken by a loud belch. “Though, I think a cat nap is in order first.” “Well, yeah, that goes without saying,” said Truffle Shuffle. “Wait, what about the Crusaders, we going to mess around with them at all today?” came a third voice, one belonging to Muffin Chops. “Meh, probably, but plan later, nap now.” Deli commanded, his two cohorts simply nodded before the three of them joined the rest of their comatose brethren, and began to nod off. “YES SLEEP, AND SOON ALL WILL BE ONE, WE WILL BE LEGION.” came a terrifyingly loud and scratchy voice. From the remains of the cake, a hideous monster emerged. Squealing in terror, many of the breezies began to wake and flee in terror, their voices overlapping one another. “MY QUEEN THE CAKE HAS BEEN POSSESSED!” “THE END IS NEIGH, AND SO IT WAS WRITTEN, OUR GREATEST OF SINS WOULD ONE DAY DEVOUR US ALL!!” “SIR GUMMY SAVE US” “I’M TOO SKINNY TO DIE!” Yet, each one was being quickly silenced by the blob as it threw them one after another into its gullet… Celestia suddenly woke up gasping for air and covered in cold sweat, quickly lit up her horn, and glanced around the room. There was nothing there…? Was it all just a dream? There was nothing to greet her other than the noise of some crickets, the sounds of a sleeping city, save for a gentle breeze that came from her window. She had left that open before she fell asleep, but why had she felt like she was being watched? Ugh and the dream she had, what in Tartarus was that about…? Dwelling on this would not help, tomorrow would come soon enough, no matter how she might wish otherwise. Feeling like a filly for letting a dream get the best of her,  she took comfort in knowing it was just her nerves. Back under the covers she stretched in comfort, popping a few joints as she began to drift off again before she was suddenly yanked off the bed. Screaming in terror, “GUARDS!” she yelled, before she came face to face with…. What in… how did that get here!?? Why wasn’t her magic working? “WE ALL MUST PAY THE TOLL FOR THE CHOICES WE MAKE, WE WILL BECOME ONE, YOU WILL ASCEND. COME NOW, AND FEED THE HARBINGER OF YOUR SPECIES’ DOOM!” came a terrifyingly deep and scratchy voice. From the dim moonlight, she could make out a hideous brown blob with many slime covered tentacles, an untold number that quickly began to constrict around her with each passing second. Try as she might, nothing was working, she couldn’t fight back…         Terrified, Celestia tried to kick away from that creature but it managed to  swallow her leg, and was pulling her in. She tried to scream, but nothing came out as a tentacle wrapped around her snout and locking it in place.          “MRRRMMHHPP” she squealed now that it had now fully engulfed her mid section. Is this how her life would end? There was so much she wanted to do, but all she could focus on was the sensation of being swallowed. Would it be painful…. Would she be lucky enough to quickly slip into oblivion… Damn it all, why!?…. Wait… Why did the slime coating her snout taste like chocolate!?…. Suddenly she awoke, once again she was left gasping for breath. She was… in her room? Steadying herself, she cast a protective shield around herself. Now safe, she looked around the room and got her bearings. What in Tartarus had... “Luna!” she growled, now fully awake. She had asked her sister to help her with her diet, but this prank was well beyond what they had discussed. Apparently her sister wanted a war, well who was she to disappoint? “I think its due time Sir Reginald learned how to fly.” She spoke in a low but mirth filled voice. Her eyes now sparkling with twisted glee, she dropped the protective shield bubble, before she yanked down, and broke the dreamweaver Luna had oh so recently made for her.         “Wait…” She mumbled in concern. Was this real, was she really here, was this reality? Luna’s pranks always had layers... Like cake... mhmmm...          “Aww, you two look so cute together!” Lily squeaked in what was obvious joy at both her discomfort and current situation. “Sunny…” Carrot grumbled in embarrassment, “C’mon lemme go,” she said while trying to free her hoof from the sleeping colt who was threatening her mareculinity further by drooling on said foreleg. Grumbling, Sunny began to constrict around the warm object trying to escape his grasp. Snickering lightly, Lemon Harvest got up and fetched a blanket, “Here, Carrot,” she said, floating it over and onto the pair. Sighing half-heartedly, “Thanks, Lemon,” before glancing back at her foreleg now turned pillow, “Guess you can borrow that for awhile.” she said accepting defeat, and adjusting the blanket for the two of them.         Giggling, “Huh, what do you think he's dreaming about?” Lily questioned as Sunny smiled before he scrunched his nose and wiggled underneath Carrots foreleg. “Quod scripsi, scripsi...” Sunny mumbled         Snorting, “Probably whatever that is...” before she furrowed her brows, “Wait, that kinda reminds me of the gibberish those weirdos at the park speak….”