This never should have happened.
I never wanted this.
I shouldn't have brought it up.
I shouldn't have talked.
I shouldn't be alone.
I shouldn't have let something petty take over my emotions.
I should have let her kiss her best friend on the cheek.
I should have recognized it as a sign of friendship.
I shouldn't have gotten so mad at Lyra.
I shouldn't have started the break up.
I shouldn't have gotten so mad at her.
I shouldn't have hit her when she didn't want to leave.
I shouldn't have been such a jerk. I should have let her speak, I should have let her explain it to me. I should have listened, I should have heard her side of the story. I should have understood when she said that it was just a joke between her and her friend; a sign of affection.
But I didn't.
I never listened.
I never let her talk.
I never stopped to think what my yelling would do to her.
Come to think of it, I never stopped yelling.
I never remembered the commitment I made to her.
I never remembered it: Our upcoming secret marriage.
I never wanted to get at upset. I never wanted the situation to escalate. I never wanted to lose control, I never tried to stop it once it started. And I never tried to make amends. I never noticed that she was crying. I never noticed the black eye from where I hit her. I never tried to stop her when she ran.
But I didn't think.
I didn't think about how she felt.
I didn't think about what I was saying.
I didn't think about her.
I didnt think about Lyra, the love of my life.
I didn't think about the the possibility of her leaving.
I didn't think about trying to stop her. I didn't think about what my words did to her. I didn't think of the pain I was causing her. I didn't think about our relationship. I didn't think it could end.
But it did.
And it's all my fault.
Everything that happened...
I caused it.