//------------------------------// // Canterlot 1: A fine, fair and Luxurious misery // Story: Celestia Does Stuff in Ponyville While Other Things Happen Elsewhere // by Billblok //------------------------------// Poor Chrysalis. Poor sad, miserable, misunderstood, pathetic Chrysalis. Just what had she done to deserve this? Well, she knew exactly what she had done to deserve it, but it made her feel better to ask that. And ask it she did; to herself, to the guards posted outside, to the infuriating crown latched on her head, and into the pillow which she could have sworn that she screamed into for the first part of the night. The answer was always the same though: “Because you were”, or ”Because you acted like an idiot, Chrysalis.” Then Princess Luna put her to sleep like some newborn. How freaking humiliating. But yeah, that was just about right. Her grave error from the very beginning had set her back several paces. Perhaps even back to imprisonment. Oh, who was she kidding? Of course this was imprisonment. But that was okay, a setback is a setback no matter how you slice it; and if she knew anything about setbacks, it was that they were only temporary. Chrysalis was not utterly defeated, and by whatever being changeling peasants were deluded into worshiping as a god or goddess, she had vengeance to carry out against Celestia, and that vengeance would instill her with strength to rise up-- Chrysalis had attempted to boldly stand up, only to find her legs stuck. No matter, let’s try that again… She attempted her mental monologue again. Chrysalis would have vengeance, which would instill her with strength to rise up-- ... Ahem. Again, her legs refused to obey her dramatic flair. She tested each of her four limbs to see if they actually were responding. Each one in tandem wiggled, proving that it wasn’t that they didn’t move, but rather that they were obstructed. Chrysalis had decided that her monologue could wait until she got untangled. So with all the understanding required for the situation, she took to action with the only method she used when subtlety didn’t work: violence. Chrysalis thrashed in an attempt to loosen the blankets firmly wrapped around her. This was a plenty effective enough strategy when she ruled as queen of her hive back home. She did tear them up thoroughly, but it wasn’t her job to replace them, so she never felt any guilt about it. She knew that the same thing applied here as well, so she still wasn’t worried. At least, she wasn’t worried until she figured out that with her smaller size she couldn’t actually provide enough force to effectively escape. Instead of the blankets loosening up for her to wriggle her way out, they clung even tighter to her small, weakened frame. Chrysalis thrashed even harder. She was not going to be defeated by these soft fabrics and cushions. Mother as her witness, she was going to escape; and by the time she escaped this soft and warm prison, she was going to burn the blanket, and there would be nothing left for the servants to replace! Apparently the blanket had known what she was plotting, because it untucked itself from the corners of the bed to try and smother her. Chrysalis panicked as the sheets quickly and efficiently crawled past her head and cut off sight from the visible world. No, no not like this... the thrashing does nothing-- the thrashing does nothing!! In all her years, Chrysalis had never been bested by her bedding… But there was one thing she still had up her proverbial sleeve… “Help--!” Chrysalis yelped, reaching out a hoof to grasp desperately at her pillow. Her voice went unheard after the first five seconds when the blankets more thoroughly wrapped themselves around her face, so she tried again, a little louder this time. “Help me please!!” That didn’t seem to work either, and the blankets were making it harder to breathe. She was pretty sure the oxygen that was trapped in there with her was wearing thin. That was it. She was going to die. That didn’t seem very productive with vengeance against Celestia. One last clawing hoof to barely pull her nose out from inside the death cocoon, and Chrysalis gave it one last try. “HELP ME YOU STUPID PEASANTS; I’M DROWNING!! DROWNING IN BLANKETS!! I SWEAR IF I DIE LIKE THIS, THE LOT OF YOU ARE GOING TO BE HUNG BY YOUR BIG PONY EARS!!” “Yes yes, good morning,” a voice replied with an odd level of ease for her predicament. “No need to shout Your Highness; I heard you the first time.” “What, who--” In a fraction of a second, Chrysalis’ prison became weightless, then unraveled from around her, allowing her to land on the mattress proper. Chrysalis glared at her assailant. A unicorn stallion with balding grey hair, bushy eyebrows and a long mustache smiled back over his spectacles. He casually pulled out a pocket watch. “If you were my mistress, I would have told you that you were an hour behind schedule; but as it were, Princess Luna told me to let you get up on your own accord.” Chrysalis continued to scowl. “...Kibbitz, I presume?” Kibbitz beamed. “And it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance without the skin of another princess on you. I trust that your sleep was restful until that last unfortunate moment?” “I almost died, and you ask me how well I slept. I slept rather terribly, peasant!” “Nonsense Princess, all the fabrics on this bed are designed to be breathable; it’d be just embarrassing if one of the visiting dignitaries ‘drowned in their blankets’ as you said.” Chrysalis snorted, promptly getting up. “You know, I just realized I don’t care anymore. I’m hungry.” “Of course; just a quick trip to the royal kitchens, and we’ll be ready to meet up with Princess Luna for your training.” Kibitz pulled out a pen and clipboard, walking out of the bedroom. When he noticed that Chrysalis wasn’t following he looked back expectantly. “Well? Are you coming? We’re on a schedule, you see.” Chrysalis pushed on ahead of Kibitz, uncaring of the fact that she tripped him up. “Oh, I just don’t think that the royal kitchens can supply what I need.” Kibitz picked himself up, wiping his spectacles with a handkerchief before placing them squarely on his nose once more. “I assure you Princess, that the shelves are always supplied with all sorts of ingredients across Equestria, and beyond. You’ld be hard pressed to not find something you’d like.” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “I know the castle; they’ve got their kitchens supplied with food for ponies, griffons and dragons. Do I look like any of those to you?” Kibitz examined his clipboard. “Hmm, yes that’s quite the oversight, I do apologize.” “Good. Now perhaps you can be useful and find me the biggest source around here of--” “I’ll petition the throne to see if we can supply the meat lockers with children’s hearts.” Chrysalis was entirely taken aback, and she cut him off once more, stopping him with a hoof. “You what?! Were you even here when I invaded this pathetic little slum you call a capital?!” Kibitz cast a knowing smirk, proving that he was there in fact, Chrysalis’ felt her cheeks flush violet with embarrassment. He just played her. Such little jokes were not to be tolerated. She scowled threateningly. “Don’t toy with me, welp.” If Kibitz had understood the threat behind the command, he didn’t make note of it, simply brushing it off as morning grouchiness. “I dare say Princess, you remind me a lot of the Mistress in the morning. Perhaps I’ll get you a cup of coffee so you’re more alert. You did say you slept rather awfully, did you not?” Chrysalis blew a strand of her mane from her face. “Fine whatever, stretching the legs would do some good. Gotta get used to my shorter height.” “Very good Your highness, if you would just follow me.” --- Chrysalis stared at the strange brownish-blackish liquid in the cup before her. Steam wafted up to tickle her nose with a strange alien scent. It warmed up her hooves slowly through her chitin. “I take it you’ve never had coffee before?” Kibitz was idly standing by her side, presumably to attend to any of her other needs that may pop up. Chrysalis shook her head. “With all the plotting I’ve done, I did not have any sort of time to do anything frivolous like sample strange and questionably useful liquids like this… coffee.” “Well you have it right in front of you. No time like the present, is there?” “I suppose...” Chrysalis rolled her eyes in half hearted agreement before lifting the fine porcelain container in her two front legs. She carried it up to her muzzle before tentatively reaching her tongue out and ever so lightly lapping at mixture. Her tongue was assaulted with a sharp bitter taste. Her whole muzzle puckered up and she snapped her tongue back into her mouth, nearly retching. “That has got to be the most foul, disgusting thing I have ever tasted.” Kibitz chuckled. “Oops. Dear me, I seem to have forgotten to get the cream and sugar.” Frantically, she tried to clean her tongue of the taste, casting a mean look at Kibitz. “Oh, so you knew it needed something else. And what made you have that lapse of understanding?!” Kibitz waved his hoof. “Don’t be that way; you’re only saying that because I told you I forgot. Not to worry, I’ll go fetch some.” Before she could properly rebuke him for daring to order her around, Kibitz was already up and rifling in the kitchen cupboards. So instead, she chose to lean on her hoof, elbow on the table, and gaze at the brownish poison which was surely cooling. All the while, she listened to him searching. “Let’s see, I’m sure they left the sugar in here… Salt? Good heavens, no. Ah! There’s my green pen; I was wondering where that had went. Strange place for it really…” Chrysalis was getting bored. “Right, is that the sugar? No, evidently not… Well, I’m sure it’s somewhere… Ah ha! There it is!” Kibitz walked back to the table, cream and sugar in his aura. “And with a few minutes to spare! Just long enough to hopefully find a combination that you actually--” “Oops,” Chrysalis casually tipped over her mug, smugly grinning at the brown stuff spilling all over the table. “Clumsy me.” Kibitz just glared at her. “You couldn’t wait half a second longer, could you? You know this’ll bring us behind considerably.” “Don’t care. The servants will clean it up.” Chrysalis continued grinning smugly, daring the pony to say something else. Kibitz snorted, getting necessary supplies to clean up the mess and get another cup. The process of setting up those materials was made easier only by the prior process of setting them up. Wasted effort of the peasants that Chrysalis reveled in. “Well Your Majesty, let us hope that you don’t keep making messes like this so frequently, or they’ll just up and quit.” “What’re you talking about? Servants can’t quit.” “I beg to differ,” Kibitz replied curtly. “Every single pony who lives and works here is on the payroll.” Just as if the previous mess wasn’t even there, there was now a new cup with a cream pitcher and a sugar bowl close by. “I’m sure that Princess Luna will work with you on that at some point.” “Uh-huh,” Chrysalis replied dully. So they didn’t do things the way she did back home. Okay fine, that wasn’t too much trouble; she could just change the laws with what power she would have over court. In the meantime there was the strange liquid in front of her once more. “So… Do I put this stuff in it?” “To taste; but do hurry, we’re half a minute behind schedule.” “I’ll take my time if I wish, peasant.” Chrysalis stared long and hard at the three materials before her. If she were honest with herself, she had no idea just how much was supposed to be put in the coffee; because frankly, Chrysalis had never done “to taste” before. She always preferred “get-as-much-as-you-can-and-scarf”. It was what she did with love, so why was coffee any different? Nevertheless, she did follow Kibitz’ unwanted advice, despite how much she wanted to dump the whole thing and leave. So she added just enough sugar to compensate for the bitter taste, lifting up the whole bowl, and dumping the entire thing in the small cup. “Oh dear… You’re really not considering drinking that, are you?” Chrysalis lifted the whole cup into her mouth, chewing the coffee sugar mixture thoughtfully. “My my, that was just about right, if I say so myself.”         Kibitz felt the need to hide his face in shame, heaving a pained sigh. “I can only hope I will get a pay raise soon for all the grief you’ve caused since this morning...”         Chrysalis ignored him, licking her chops. “Mmm… I think I’ll grow to like coffee.” ---         Chrysalis decided that she hated coffee.         It was delayed reaction, as she came to be aware of. Nothing had happened at first, the coffee being very pleasant when it was completely drowned out by the flavor of sugar, and at the time she thought that maybe the next time she had coffee, she would drown it in cream and see how that tasted.         Then the effects of said coffee kicked in. It started out somewhat subtly. When she had gotten up, her eyes could barely stay open. Now it was a struggle to blink. Another strange thing was that her heart was beating quicker than normal, despite not having exercised at all since she got up, save for the little walk from her bed to the kitchen. That was something she probably could put up with, at least until the next effects came in.         Chrysalis, being a changeling, could read ponies pretty easily. Their emotions could be read by the careful perception of their eyes dilating, the way they carried themselves, and they even carried their own smells with them to tell their mood.         Her perception suddenly, and very sharply expanded. The light that was normally reasonable at this time of day was blinding to her! And the sounds that sounded soft beforehand were on the forefront of her mind now! Couple that with the now pungent smells of the ponies around her-- and her own odor-- And that could all be pretty well chalked down to a very negative effect--         “Your majesty, are you alright?”         Chrysalis yelped, snapping her ears flat against her skull. Her ears rang painfully, and she fell flat on the floor. “You stupid excuse for a servant; what gave you the idea to yell?!”         “Yell? I’m afraid I don’t follow.”         “Don’t play dumb with me, you Idiot,” Chrysalis snarled, swatting Kibitz’ hoof away when he reached to help her up. “You were yelling, and I have half a mind to tear your throat out so you stop!!”         “I’m afraid there’s not enough time in the schedule to have my throat torn out, your highness.”         Chrysalis was getting fed up. She leapt up, smashing the stallion into the nearest wall, bearing her teeth In a sort of fashion that would have made that pathetic excuse for a guard captain Shining Armor soil his pants. “You have a death wish, Kibitz?! Should I eat you, because it’s all you’re good for?! “There are so many ways I could make you die slowly and painfully, all the while making you useful as a good meal. I could crack open your head like an egg and eat your brains while you’re still alive. Or I could pull off your limbs one at a time and chew them down to the bone. Or perhaps I should use my favorite technique, and just rip open your abdomen, and nibble on your intestines like so many fat noodles! Provided you don’t keep going down your foolish path, I may just not do that if you are lucky.”         Kibitz sighed, wiping off dribble from his face. When he didn’t make any more smart alec comments, Chrysalis smiled devilishly. “So you’re finally getting it? Good, you’re smarter than you look. Maybe you’ll spare me the idiotic comebacks next time, and do as I say.” She snickered, grinning even wider. “Oh yes, I can feel it… such wonderful fear guarantees compliance...”         “Actually, I’m more worried about what’ll happen now that Princess Luna saw you.”         Chrysalis turned around, finding that Princess Luna was indeed behind her. She stared. “H-how did you sneak up on--”         “I’ve been told that apathy makes a pony rather unreadable,” she replied dully. “I have seen just about every awful thing happen over the course of the week, and let me just say that you somehow still managed to disappoint me. Your first morning as a princess in training, and you’re already threatening to eat the royal timekeeper’s entrails? I would have hoped you were a little bit more patient than that.”         Almost immediately, Chrysalis released Kibitz from the wall and backed away to give him space like the good little changeling she was expected to be. “HolycrapI’msosorryI’llneverdothatagaininamillionyears.”         Luna raised one eyebrow in mild indignation. “Good to know that the crown on your head is giving you a good impression of who’s actually in charge. See to it that you don’t do that again.”         Chrysalis nodded furiously. “Yes! Yes, you’re in charge; please don’t punish me Princess Luna, I’ll be good!”         “Besides the point, it took me a good three weeks before I threatened his life. I’m not sure what my sister sees in him.”         “Wait, what?”         Kibitz chuckled, wiping off his suit. “I’m mostly there to make sure she keeps to schedule when she actually chooses to go by it. If you want to give credit where it’s due, Raven has been a faithful aide for far longer than I have.”         Chrysalis’ ears pinned themselves against her head once more. “Still too loud...”         “Yes, so I’ve heard,” Luna replied. “Her youthfulness is astounding. No matter, we’re already behind schedule, no reason to even try to keep it any longer.” She gestured Chrysalis over. “I have already had my breakfast, but the delivery for your food came in last night.”         “...‘The delivery for my food’? What exactly are you talking about…?”         “We got something from the crystal empire after I had penned one of our princesses. It was explained as refined, condensed affection packed into something physically consumable. It’s good that she seemed really happy to provide.”         Chrysalis smirked. “Well at least somepony has interest in taking care of me.”         “Which is really strange, considering just who it is. I was worried we would need a backup.”         Chrysalis paused in her tracks as they were walking down the hallway. “Okay hang on, just who is it you’re talking about?”         “Princess Cadance, of course.”         “...Who’s Princess Cadance?”         Luna rolled her eyes. “Oh so you really didn’t know her name, and wasn’t just being a selfish fool? You know, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, If you prefer? The pony you captured and hid in a cave for a week without any food or water?”         Chrysalis’ ears folded back. She did not want to hear that name. “Okay, w-why her?”         “Well as far as we know, Cadance is the only pony alive that can properly feed a changeling who has no access to their magic...” --- One day earlier…         “Your majesties? A letter just came in for you. It’s from Princess Luna of the Equestrian Capital.”         “Oh? I don’t usually get auntie Luna writing to me.” She took the letter from the courier’s hoof, floating it in front of her. “Thank you very much. You may go.”         When the courier bowed out, Cadance ripped open the seal, examining the letter proper.         “What is it, honey?” Shining asked.         “A letter from Princess Luna… she needs my help with something--” Cadance paused. Then she giggled.         “What? What is it?”         She giggled again. “Revenge, Shiny.”         Shining stared blankly. “I don’t follow,”         “Weeelll, do you remember the first time we tried to marry, and a particular changeling queen decided to try to destroy Equestria, and I almost died in a cave?”         Shining shuddered. “Vividly.”         “Of course you do sweetie, I still have nightmares about it! Anyway, it seems that after a third attempted invasion--”         “Wait, a third?? What happened in the second?”         “No idea! But the third attempted invasion went so horribly, Queen bugface is now stuck as a prisoner to Celestia and Luna! On a short leash!”         A small grin made itself known on Shining’s lips. “That’s… great!”         Cadance laughed again, hopping on alternating hooves. “Oh, and that’s not all, my dear! They gave her a rigged crown which means she can’t use her magic! And without her magic, she can’t extract love the way she usually does!”         “So now she’s going to die slowly and painfully?”         “Well honey, while I’m entirely for letting her starve in a cave like I did, it turns out there’s an even better result! I’m the only one who can properly feed a changeling who has no access to their magic!”         Shining’s grin grew wider. “So you’re telling me...” ---         “...that she’s the only one standing between me and starving to death?!” Chrysalis pulled at her face in agony of the news she had just heard.         “Don’t be so dramatic. There’s always an alternative.”         “No, no you don’t understand!” A indigo glow held her tail firm, dragging her across the floor. “She is the only thing keeping me alive! My enemy is keeping me alive for her amusement!”         “Yeah, and whose fault is that?”         “HER’S!” She screeched.         Luna clicked her tongue. “See, this is why you’re here learning to be responsible, rather than back out there taking care of kids you have no idea how to care for.” When Chrysalis started screaming, Luna took to clamping her magic around her muzzle as well. “I will not have you screaming bloody murder, Chrysalis.”         Chrysalis continued to thrash in violent rage and terror.         “Kibitz, when did my sister schedule court to begin?”         Kibitz flipped a page on his clipboard. “That would be at eleven o'clock, after a leisurely bubble bath.”         “I think I will skip the bubble bath, thank you very much,” Luna chuckled. “At any rate, I doubt I’ll get much more done before court, so I will be in my sister’s chambers… attempting to teach a changeling how to properly rule court. You’re dismissed.”         “Of course, I’ll have our new princess’ meal sent there.”         When Kibitz had walked away, Luna released her hold around Chrysalis’ muzzle. “So… Are you going to behave like a mature pony now or not?”         “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”         “I guess not,” Luna sighed. Should it continue like this, it seemed plenty clear that Luna and Chrysalis were not going to have a very good morning,